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35 Fall Journal Prompts for Self Reflection

September 9, 2020

Technically, autumn is not here yet, but the leaves are changing color and the weather is getting a bit cooler. At least it is here in the northeast where I am. When the seasons change, it is a good time to stop and reflect. You can figure out what you want to do with the remainder of the year, explore personal growth topics or simply have fun writing about new and old fall memories. Here are 35 fall journal prompts to help you fill those blank pages.

Goal Setting

The last quarter of the year is a perfect time for goal setting. Prioritize and outline a plan to achieve your goals by the end of the year with these journal prompts.

What are your goals for the next three months?

How important are these goals? Put them in order.

If you were to achieve these goals, how will your life change?

What might block you from achieving these goals?

How can you remove these blocks?

What steps can you take to achieve your goals? (List out steps for each goal)

What is one step you can take today to achieve at least one of your goals?

How will you feel when you accomplish these goals?

How will you feel if you don’t achieve them?

What has helped you accomplish goals in the past?

Seasonal Prompts

Enjoy these fun seasonal prompts.

What feels different about the fall?

What are your fall traditions?

What fall traditions would you like to create?

What is your favorite Halloween memory?

If you could cast one magical spell, what would it be?

What is your favorite Thanks Giving memory?

What are you grateful for?

What are your favorite fall foods?

Describe your perfect fall day.

Take some fall photos and make a photo collage. Write any thoughts you may have.

Self Discovery

Use these journal prompts to explore your thoughts and feelings.

How does your self-care routine change in the fall?

What do you need to let go of?

What is the biggest change you’ve ever made in your life?

What is the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

What are you afraid of?

Name 50 things you are grateful for.

What season of life are you in and why?

What would you like to achieve by next fall?

What are you excited to do each day?

How do you define beauty?

What are you open to receiving?

If you have kids in school, how do you feel about them returning to school this year?

What is your biggest struggle right now?

What is your biggest source of joy right now?

What do you need to do to prepare for winter?

Let me know if you find these fall journal prompts useful. Do your journaling habits change with the seasons or are you just getting started with journaling? Let’s talk about it in the comments.

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Personal Development

Are You Valuing You?

August 26, 2020

Are you valuing your value?

Let that sink in. Do you really see your value and are you allowing others to see it?

To figure this out, reflect on how you respond to people and the boundaries you set. In friendships or relationships

Are people respectful of your time and how do you respond?

Do you drop plans for people or do you expect to be contacted in a reasonable amount of time?

If people flake out on you, do you bother to get back with them?

Once in a while is fine and understandable, but if this is a patern for you, you may have some work to do.

Valuing Your Time

If you value your own time, others will as well. Of course, being flexible is a wonderful trait to have. There may be times when people contact you last minute to get together or people may make you wait. If this is a constant for you, you may want to look at your schedule and how valuable your time is. This is one way to create boundaries and know that your time is valuable. You don’t have to say yes to everything especially if it interferes with your schedule.

Ask yourself these questions to know if the request is that important.

Do I really want to do this or do I feel obligated?

Is this person/activity a priority?

Will it fit in with my current schedule?

Will doing this make me feel good or will I feel tired or drained?

Surrounding Yourself with Positivity

Do those closest to you respect where you are in life?

This is important. Are your family and friends interested, excited or positive about what you do? Of course, not everyone is going to be interested in everything, but if your friends can’t show some positivity or encouragement, maybe it’s time to rethink the relationship. If you feel dragged down, devalued or drained after a meeting with this person, perhaps they don’t see your value.

This goes for relationships as well. Does your partner value your characteristics? If you are driven, successful, inteligent etc, is your partner turned off by that. If he or she is the right person for you, they wouldn’t be. I’m speaking from experience here, but if your partner doesn’t value your goals, who you are and the path that you are on in life, it’s definitely time to move on.

Make Yourself a Priority

Finally, do you value you?

I mean do you really? Do you give your goals and dreams the time and attention they deserve? Do you make time for these things in your schedule or do you put them on the back burner because you are too busy taking care of kids, being a wife/girlfriend, cooking and cleaning or doing a meaningless job that you are constantly on the verge of quitting? If you are, it’s time to look at your values.

Grab a notebook and start brainstorming with these four questions.

What are your top five goals?

What are your values?

How do your goals reflect those values?

What is one step you can take today to move you towards accomplishing at least one goal?

The step can be very small. For example, if your goal is to start a blog, one step would be to brainstorm name ideas. Step number two could be to purchase a domain. If you don’t know what a domain is, then your step number two would be to research on domains. If one of your goals is to read four books per month, then your first step could be to choose a book. Next step, read five pages. You get the idea. It doesn’t matter which goal you choose to work on, but make it something valuable to you. Once you start seeing the value in yourself, others will follow suit.

Are you an overwhelmed mom who doesn’t know where to start? Have you lost yourself and don’t even know what your goals or values are anymore? If so, I’d love to help you. Schedule a discovery call with me and we can discuss strategies that will help you feel like that valuable mama I know you are!

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Babies, Motherhood

10 Breast-Feeding Essentials for the Working Mom

August 12, 2020

To continue Breast-feeding awareness month, I am sharing the top 10 essential items for breast-feeding that are useful for the working mom. These are products that I’ve personally used and I’m recommending them to you because they either made my life easier or saved me some time. Here are the top 10 breast-feeding essentials for the working mom.

A Good Pump

If you are working and still want to breast-feed, you will definitely want a good pump. the great part is most insurance plans will cover a pump at no cost to you. In most cases, you will have several options to choose from. the Medela Pump and Style is popular and the nurses and lactation consultant recommended it to me. I had the opportunity to try it, but I had also bought a Spectra S2 because the reviews were great. I also liked the fact that it was a closed system, meaning that the milk wouldn’t get into the tubing. I did a lot of research before purchasing one because I was one of the unlucky ones and my insurance plan did not cover the cost. I found that the Spectra S2 was gentler, quieter and I got slightly more milk while using it.

Every woman’s body is unique. You may have better results with certain brands of pumps. Some women do better with hand pumps where others may need a hospital grade pump to get the job done. You may need to experiment. My body never responded that well to any pump which is why I needed to pump more often than a lot of the working moms I know. There are many options, so I recommend you do some research and compare features, but I highly recommend Spectra. Their customer service was great which was a bonus!

Pump Parts

Having extra pump parts is definitely a time saver. You don’t want to have to wash pump parts every time. Especially if you are busy at work. Someone suggested it in a Facebook group I was in at the time and I wish I had thought of it sooner. I used one set of parts at work and then I had another set for home. Then at the end of each day, I’d wash all the parts so they were ready for the next day.

Another helpful tip I came across was to put the pump parts in the fridge between sessions so that bacteria wouldn’t grow. This way, you don’t have to wash the parts each time.

Bottles

Having a good set of bottles is really important. You may have to experiment with this as well because this depends on what your baby will accept. Rosebud would accept any bottle, but some would make her gassy or the flow was too fast even with a slow flow nipple. I tried several different styles, but I settled on these amazing Comotomo bottles. Here’s what I loved about them.

The bottle shape was the closest thing to the breast-feeding experience,

The size one nipple flowed at the right speed,

The bottles were easy to clean,

they were made of a soft silicone,

I never had a problem with leaking or the nipple caving in,

I could easily tell how much milk was in the bottle. There are subtle tactile markings.

Cooler

You’ll need a place to store the milk. A cooler is useful. especially if you have long car rides or if you don’t have access to a fridge where you work. I was lucky enough to have a fridge in the classroom and only had a short car ride, so the milk was always kept cool, but if your situation is less than ideal, a bottle cooler with an ice pack will help keep the milk at the right temperature.

Breast Milk Storage

Speaking of where to keep the milk, if you are creating a large freezer stash, you will need a storage solution. I recommend these storage bags. They never leaked and I could store them flat to save space in my freezer. You may also want to get these storage containers depending on your needs. I would need the bottles for pumping, so I’d use these containers for storage until I had enough to freeze. You can freeze the milk in these containers as well if that works better for you. They are stackable, so that’s another useful feature.

Hands Free

I know you’re a busy multitasking mama. In order to make the most of your pumping sessions, you may want to have your hands free. There are these hands free pumping bras that can make your life a whole lot easier. This is the one I ordered, but there are others. I’d suggest trying to find one that you can wear comfortably all day. Especially if you work full-time and have to pump multiple times. Look around and see what would work best for you.

Water Bottle

I had this great water bottle from Target, but there are so many options out there. Just make sure it holds plenty of water because you’ll need to stay hydrated.

Snacks

If you are breast-feeding, chances are you’re always hungry. It’s a great excuse to eat some of your favorite snacks. There are some healthy options that also increase milk supply. There are smoothies as well. You can either buy prepackaged snacks or mixes or make your own.

Coconut Oil

You may need something to relieve soarness or discomfort during pumping. There are medicated creams you can get from your doctor, but I found that coconut oil worked just as well. I liked it because it was a natural option. However, if you are in real pain, don’t be afraid to ask your doctor for the medicated cream. Especially in the beginning when the discomfort is at its worst.

Your Choice

The last item on my list is something just for you, but it has to be something that makes your experience more enjoyable. Find a way to take care of yourself. Pumping and breast-feeding takes so much time and effort. You are giving your baby a huge gift, so reward yourself. Here are some ideas to make your pumping sessions a little more relaxing.

A favorite snack healthy or not,

Watching a favorite show on Netflix,

reading a book,

Looking at pictures of your baby,

Soothing music or sounds,

Listening to your favorite songs or an inspiring podcast.

Did I miss anything? Tell me in the comments. For more tips and inspiration, be sure to like us on Facebook!

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Babies, Motherhood

5 Truths Working Breast-feeding Moms Must Know

August 4, 2020

In honor of World Breast-feeding Week, I’m sharing the truths that working breast-feeding moms must know. It’s crazy how something that is supposedly so natural can be so difficult even when you’re with your baby all the time, but being a working mom throws even more complications into the mix. Continuing to breast-feed while going back to work can be challenging which is why I’m writing this post. Part of my mission at NMC Coaching is to provide moms with the information they need to be successful. Here are five truths that you should know if you are a working breast-feeding mom.

Combination Feeding is Possible

Generally, I wouldn’t start off a post about breast-feeding talking about formula, but I think this is important. Many moms feel guilty if breast-feeding doesn’t work out for them. They may feel as if their bodies let them down, they aren’t strong enough, there’s something wrong with them etc. First off, I’m telling you that you’re amazing regardless of how you feed your baby. This debate can get controversial and you may get mixed messages, but it is possible to combination feed. Maybe your body doesn’t respond well to a pump making it difficult to get enough milk for your baby while you’re at work. Maybe your workplace isn’t conducive to breast-feeding moms. They all legally should give you place to pump, but unfortunately we live in the real world and not every employer follows guidelines or cares about families. Maybe you just don’t want this hassle. Whatever your reason is for wanting to combination feed, it can be done.

If your baby gets formula while you are working, your body will eventually adjust and produce at the times when you are normally with your baby. For example, if you want to only feed at night, your body will decrease milk production during the day. Some breast milk is more beneficial than none which is why some moms may choose this option. If you are trying to build your supply, this is not recommended because it can tank and you may end up giving more formula than intended.

Combination feeding can be a stepping stone to exclusively breast-feeding as well. This is what I did with Rosebud because my milk supply was very low in the beginning. I had to go back to work and my supply was not fully established, so Rosebud would get some formula during the day. After several weeks of a regular feeding/pumping schedule, I was able to take her off the formula completely. I was able to reach the feeding goals I had set for us, but it wasn’t without tears and lots of time attached to a machine. My final thoughts on combination feeding are that there’s nothing wrong with formula. We are fortunate to have options for our babies and there should be no guilt or shame for choosing what is best for our babies.

Make pumping a self-care ritual

I know, it sounds strange, but if you are returning to work, chances are you will be pumping multiple times throughout the day. Some moms may need to add additional pumping sessions to make enough milk for their babies. With all that time being attached to a machine, you want to make it as bearable as possible, so why not use pumping time for self-care? Self-care is hard to come by for new moms, but if you have the right set up, you can make this time enjoyable. Depending on what pump you have, you can definitely multitask. There are pumping bras that you can buy to make pumping hands free and some pumps are battery operated so you can bring them on the go. I will do a separate post with a list of essential items, but for now I’m giving you food for thought. Here is what I did to turn pumping into me time. The more relaxed you are, the easier it will be to make milk.

Listen to an Audible book,
Watch videos or tv shows,
Look at photos of your baby,
Eat your favorite snack,
Watch your baby play,
Listen to your favorite music,
Meditate,
Listen to soothing sounds,
Text with friends.

Useful Pumping Tips

Make one of your sessions a power pump,

Eat foods that boost your supply,

Make sure you have the right sized flanges,
Buy extra bottles and pump parts so that you will only have to wash and sanitize once per day,
Check with your insurance. Most will pay for a breast pump.

Paced Feeding

If your baby is with a caregiver while you’re at work, they may find it difficult transitioning from the breast to a bottle. To ensure that this is smooth transition, the caregiver should ensure that the bottle feeds are as similar to breast-feeding as possible. You can do this with paced feeding. The milk comes out of the bottle much faster which may make the baby frustrated during breast-feeding. There are several ways to help with this. The caregiver should slow the feeding down. Give smaller amounts and then remove the bottle, stop to burp, have the baby sitting up a bit and have a slow flow nipple. I always kept Rosebud at a level 1 for this purpose. You’ll also want to look at the bottle shape.

These are the best bottles I found. I’ve tried many.

Here is a demo video on paced feeding so you get the idea.

Support System

Some people don’t understand why you would choose to breast-feed when you could just use a bottle. I chose to because of the benefits for a babies immune system plus it’s a low cost option. However, I didn’t realize what I’d need for supplies and those cost money. I still think it was cheeper in the long run. Whatever you’re reasons are, you’ll want to find supportive people to reach out to if you need to vent, share a milestone or ask questions. If you have a supportive partner who helps you out, that is the best! Some things your partner can do to help are washing bottles and pump parts, watching the baby while you pump, giving you time to take a bath and relax or just being with you during feeds so you have someone to talk to. Of course, you may not want any of those things. Communicate with your partner and tell them what would be the most helpful.

If you have friends in a similar position, that’s wonderful. If you don’t, look for baby groups in your area or join some Facebook groups. These groups are amazing. Not only can you get support, but there is a wealth of information. If you have a family member who has been on this journey before and they are willing and able to help, that’s awesome as well! Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone. Breast-feeding can be rewarding, but it can also be frustrating and complicated. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

The Truth About Bonding

We always hear about breast-feeding being this magical bonding experience. Well, I’m here to tell you that that’s a bunch of bull. While it may be this way for some women, it’s not the case for all and you don’t have to feel guilty for not feeling it. It can definitely make you and your baby closer. You are its food source after all. I saw it as a way to feed my baby and I don’t think I’d have bonded with her any less if I had bottle fed. My journey started out rough. Rosebud had a tongue tie, I had complications from my C-section making my supply low and Rosebud was frustrated and push me away. This only made me feel sad, angry, frustrated and guilty because my body wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do. We overcame this by concentrating on feeding at night when she was more receptive and eventually, she decided this would be a good thing during the day too. By that point, it was all about the mechanics and whether she had enough milk. There was no bonding to be done, but as time went on, we reached these milestones together and I felt much better about the journey.

I was also seeing the benefits first hand. I’d get sick with colds and whatever the kids were passing around, but she seemed completely immune. I was sold on that alone, so I kept going and our breast-feeding journey came to an end when she was 18 months old. That was farther than I ever thought we’d get or than I ever wanted to go, honestly. Whatever your feelings are, embrace them. They are uniquely yours and you shouldn’t feel any guilt.

To summarize, it’s possible to combination feed, pumping can be bearable, your caregivers should pace feed, you need a support system and you may or may not bond with your baby through breast-feeding. No matter where you are at on this journey, I hope you’ve found this post helpful. What do you wish you had known about breast-feeding before you started? Tell me in the comments. If you are having trouble getting your baby to sleep through the night, be sure to subscribe to my mailing list to get your free baby sleep guide!

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Personal Development, Self Care

40 Summer Journal Prompts to Keep You Inspired

July 28, 2020

Since summer is the half way point in the year, some people find it helpful to reflect on the previous months or to think about what they want to accomplish for the rest of the year. One way to do this is through journaling, so I have gathered a list of some of my favorite prompts for the summer. They include prompts for goal setting, creativity or reflection. There is a journal prompt here for everyone. Enjoy this list of summer journal prompts to keep you inspired.

Summer Prompts

Does summer feel different than other seasons to you? Why or why not?

Does your family have any summer traditions? What makes them special?

What part of summer do you look forward to the most every year? Why?

Take your journal outside and describe your surroundings. How are you feeling? What are you noticing?

What is your favorite summer memory from your childhood?

Create a summer bucket list.

Write a love letter to your body.

What is your favorite summer treat? How would you describe it?

What is your favorite outdoor activity? How can it translate into other areas of your life?

What are your favorite summer self-care ideas? Which ones can you do this week?

What does your dream summer day look like?

Journal Prompts for Reflection and Growth

What do you need to forgive yourself for?

Who do you need to forgive? Write an unsent letter to them.

If you could travel into the past, what would you do?

If you could travel into the future, what would you do?

Write about your biggest life changing moments.

What is the most valuable lesson life has taught you?

Describe the happiest version of yourself.

What do you do when people are unsupportive?

How do you know when to let go?

Make a list of the treasures in your life.

Prompts for Goal Setting

What quotes remind you of your goals and dreams?

What goals have you accomplished in the past six months?

Have your goals changed from the beginning of the year?

Have you accomplished what you wanted to so far this year? Why or why not?

What are your goals for the rest of the year?

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

If you could attract anything into your life, what would it be?

What does success mean to you?

What holds you back from achieving your goals?

What are your goals for the month?

Journal Prompts for Creativity

What do you like to create?

What kinds of things did you create as a child?

What creative hobbies would you like to try?

How has creativity helped you?

How are you unique?

Make a list of things you enjoy doing.

Take a photo of something beautiful.

Make a hand written card or write a letter to someone you love.

Do you have any favorite journal prompts that you like to use for the summer? Tell me in the comments. Happy writing!

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Productivity

Delegate or Delete

July 15, 2020

Whether you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, there are never enough hours in the day to complete that never ending todo list. It’s filled with work, cooking, cleaning, running Aaron’s and the endless tasks that come with having children. Is your todo list as long at the end of the day as it is in the beginning? Are you overwhelmed by clutter and kids toys? Are you tired of feeling like you do it all? If so, it’s time to delegate or delete! Keep reading to learn why you should delegate, the benefits of deligation and how to get some much needed free time.

Why Delegate?

If you’re anything like me, you feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment from achieving your goals. My number one goal is to ensure that my daughter is well loved and has everything she needs. Part of that goal includes maintaining a clean home, cooking relatively healthy meals and running errands. Then there’s my regular day job, blogging, the coaching business etc. Not to mention the time that we spend playing because a life without play is not worth living. While playing is wonderful, it can come with the guilt of not getting to all those annoying tasks on the todo list. Giving up some of that control may feel uncomfortable, but discomfort is what helps us grow. If you’re not filling your day with time wasting tasks, you can spend your time doing things you actually enjoy.

Sometimes, there is no one else around to help, but even if there is, it’s difficult to hand over that control. The task may not be done to perfection and that can be hard to accept. My mantra has always been if you want it done right, do it yourself. Needless to say, that hasn’t served me well in the mom game. I am a single mom, so I don’t have a partner to delegate to, but there are other options. If you are a single mother as well, we may have to think outside the box, but there are ways to delegate those mundane tasks and free up some of our time. We may not have partners, but our kids can help us do many of the household chores.

Benefits of Delegation

Less stress,

More free time,

Family working as a cohesive team,

Teaches children responsibility,

Gives family members a sense of pride,

Teaches children life skills,

Responsibilities are shared making for better relationships.

How to Delegate

1. Grab a notebook and for 5-7 days write down each task you complete.

2. Put stars next to anything that can be done by someone else.

3. This is where the delete comes in. Look at your list and then put an X next to any tasks that aren’t either absolutely necessary. Especially the unnecessary tasks that you don’t enjoy. There, doesn’t that feel better?

4. Assign tasks to family members. Make a schedule or chart to help everyone remember.

5. Make a weekly schedule for things like errands, meal prepping etc. If you know you will have a busy evening coming up, plan your menu ahead of time so that you save time knowing what’s for dinner or have freezer meals prepared ahead of time. If you have errands to run, have the person go who will be closer to the store, bank etc to save on driving time.

6. If it is in your budget, you may want to hire out some of your work tasks if you run your own business.

7. Depending on your budget, you may want to invest in a cleaning service or meal delivery service.

Tasks to Delegate

Cleaning children’s rooms,

Cleaning common areas,

Organizing toys,

Shopping,

Work/office related tasks,

Children as young as 18 months old can be taught to pick up their toys. It is especially helpful for children if bins or shelves are labeled with a photo of the toys. That shows them exactly where the toys should go. Bins are great because they can be covered and stacked to save space. Depending on their age, children should be able to make their own beds, put their belongings away, put dishes in the sink or dish washer, throw trash away, take care of their personal hygiene, pack their school bag etc.

Delegating will be hard at first, but the hard road is usually the right road. Not only will you be a more productive mom, but you will be a less stressed and happier mom. Meanwhile, your children will be learning to take pride and responsibility for their belongings and home. The best part is your family will be working together as a team! What could be better than that? Do you delegate chores at your house? What chores were you able to delete from your list? Tell us in the comments.

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Activities For Kids, Motherhood

How to Pack Your Baby’s Beach Bag

July 7, 2020

If you love the beach, it’s exciting to take your baby to the beach for the first time. Your baby may love the beach, but may be scared of it at first. You will experience the sand, the waves and the general beach atmosphere together. Some babies don’t like these new textures and may find the ocean scary, but it really depends on your child’s personality. Rosebud had no fear and was eager to explore. Our first trip to the beach was fun, but the packing was daunting because when you’re bringing kids to the beach, it may feel like you are packing for a week long vacation. That’s why I’ve created this guide to simplify packing for you. Here is a list of the essential items for your baby’s beach bag.

Beach Bag

A good beach bag is a must. I use a clear jelly beach bag that is quite large and can hold most of what we need. I couldn’t find the exact one, but here are some similar bags.

Sunscreen

You definitely will need sun screen if your baby is over six months of age. I chose to use Blue Lizard because it is natural and not too sticky or oily when you put it on. The options for sun screen are endless, so it’s worth doing some research. Here is EWG’s list of best scoring sunscreens for kids to get you started.

Don’t forget sunscreen for yourself as well.

If your baby is under six months, it is recommended that you do not use sunscreen. You’ll want to use a seat or stroller with a canopy.

Check out this list of 6 best strollers for rocky or sandy beaches.

Life Jacket

If your baby goes in the water with you, you’ll definitely want to keep them safe. Rosebud used one of these. She was around 18 months and was walking when I took her for the first time. I put her life jacket on her and we held hands the whole time we were in the water. I just wanted her to experience the waves and getting her feet wet. We did not go out very far. Although, she kept trying to walk out further where some bigger kids where playing. She had no fear.

If your baby is not walking yet or you feel more comfortable baby wearing, you’ll definitely want to check out this list of the best baby carriers to use in water.

Sunglasses

I always have sunglasses with me, so Rosebud brings hers with her most of the time as well, whether she needs them or not, but they are helpful on bright sunny days.

Hat

A hat is essential to keep your baby’s head safe from the sun.

Food and Drink

Water Bottle

Hydration is so important. Especially in extremely hot weather. Be sure to bring water bottles for everyone. It’s recommended that baby’s not be given water until they are at least six months of age.

Bottle Holder

If you are breast-feeding, you won’t need this, but if you are using formula or pumped milk, you’ll want something to keep those bottles cold. I like this bottle holder because it’s big enough for two bottles and comes with an ice pack.

Lunch and or Snacks

Depending on how long you are at the beach, you’ll want something to eat.

You could bring a cooler for drinks, a picnic basket with sandwhiches or a variety of snacks that are easy to eat on the go.

What to Wear

Bathing Suitt

Diapers or Little Swimmers

Water Shoes

Be sure not to forget changes of clothes.

Beach Towels

Blanket

Totally optional, but a blanket is a good choice if you don’t want the extra bother of bringing chairs.

Comfortable chairs

Toys for Sand Play

Phone or Camera to Take Picturess

You’ll want to document your baby’s first trip to the beach or pool. This works best if there are extra sets of hands to capture all the fun. The whole point of these trips for me are to unplug and get away from the phone, but I had to take some pictures.
If you can get a break from supervision duties, bring a book and relax. If you need some book suggestions, check out this list of top beach bag reads for moms by the Confused Housewife.

I know trips to the pool or to the beach may be limited this summer depending on your loacation and restrictions due to covid, but if you are going to the beach this summer, I hope you find this list helpful. Most of all, enjoy this time with your baby or toddler. Are there any essential beach items I missed? Tell me in the comments.

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Personal Development

5 Books That Will Change Your Life

June 30, 2020

Reading as one of the most valuable tools you can use while working on your personal development. While your own mindset is important, if you are stuck, it is helpful to read other people’s ideas and collect questions that can help guide your thought process. Personal development books can be very useful tools for reflection. It took me a while to discover this world, but I will save you time and give you a great place to start with this list of five books that will change your life.

When I was growing up, I hated reading. I could never imagine why anyone would want to read for pleasure. I’d wonder why these people weren’t doing something fun instead. I couldn’t imagine wanting to read to improve your life. I. Had no idea about the personal development genre. I also couldn’t picture why anyone would want to read to simply learn something new unless it was a school assignment. Part of it was my attitude about reading, but the other part was that because of my visual impairment, there weren’t many books available to me. The ones that were available were mostly outdated and didn’t interest me. Then I got introduced to Audible and Kindle books. Once I had access to books that were interesting and relevant to me, I grew to love reading.

It opened me up to new worlds and ideas including personal development. I discovered what a powerful tool reading can be. I had read books to mostly gather information, but had never saw reading as a way to improve my life, but throughout this journey, I have found five books that have changed my life and they can change yours too.

The Five Second Rule

The Five Second Rule is an amazing book by Mel Robbins. If you listen to the Audible version, it’s as if she’s sitting right there with you having a friendly, but extremely honest chat. The major idea behind this book is that it takes us five seconds to make decisions. We can either take or lose an opportunity in five seconds. It’s amazing when you think about it. Mel explains it better than I can because it starts with her experience, but basically if we count backwards from five, it refocuses our brain and allows us to make quicker decisions that put us into action.

For example, let’s say you want to get out of bed earlier in the morning, but your habit is to hit the snooze several times. You can’t seem to get it together in the morning and it is having a negative impact on the rest of your day. When you hear that first alarm, start counting backwards from five and then launch yourself out of bed. Mell explains it as a space shuttle launching. It gives you momentum. It sounds so simple, but most of us don’t think of doing this. The 5 second method has helped me push through anxiety about making decisions. Too many of us stay in a space of being stuck. The 5 second rule pushes us to take action.

Take Control of Your Life

This is another book by Mel Robbins. I love her simple, but effective way of explaining things. Some people may be offended by some of the language she uses, but she doesn’t sugar coat things. It may make people feel uncomfortable, but if we don’t feel discomfort, we don’t grow. This book consists of Mel doing several coaching sessions, but the first one resonated most with me. Her client was a man named Dan who was a fraud he’d never find his life’s purpose. He felt stuck and had no idea what his next steps should be. This is where I was last year.

Reading Take Control of My Life helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I tend to be an over thinker and want to do everything at once, but this book helped me break my goals down into small achievable steps. It also helped me realize that what I needed to do was follow. My interests. I didn’t need to come up with a complete plan right away. Each interest you follow will give you more information which can help you decide what your next step will be. If you are interested in learning more, I’ve done a post on how I used the Brick by Brick method.

The Five Love Languages

The next book on my list is The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I recommend this book whether you are in a relationship or not. There is a version for singles, married couples and even love languages for children. This book is based off the idea that everyone gives and receives love differently and when we can tap into our partner’s love language, we can create a mutually fulfilling relationship. I will say that there are a lot of Christian references in this book, but I don’t feel it took anything away from the overall message. You can still certainly benefit from this book whether you are a Christian or not. According to Gary Chapman, the love languages are acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch and quality time. I learned that my love language is gifts. It’s how I know I’m appreciated and how I show appreciation to others. However, I now know that the recipient of my gifts may be wishing I’d show my love in other ways. This would be a great book for couples to read together or separately, but to compare notes. If you find out what your partner’s love language is, you will make them feel more love. In turn, you will feel more love as well. It’s a win win! I wish I would’ve found this book sooner.

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love

If psychology interests you, you’ll find this book interesting, but more importantly, if you’ve had troubled relationships, this book is a must read! Since I had a relatively normal childhood and had a decent relationship with my mother and other family members when I was young, I always figured I had a secure attachment style. However, when I read this book and completed the attachment questions, I learned that I have an anxious attachment style. Who wants to admit that? Certainly not me.

I was initially disgusted with myself and felt like I was doing everything all wrong. However, I am able to see where this style comes from and while I can’t totally shake the feelings of being anxious around attachment, I now have an understanding of how I can better manage my attachment related behaviors. I also learned that your attachment style can change over time and anxious people can become securely attached if they are able to create a secure environment with their partner. There’s hope for me yet! I’m making light of the matter, but I highly recommend this book whether you are currently in a relationship or not. It can also help you make sense of your past relationships.

Waking Up White and Finding Myself in the Story of Race

Who would’ve thought that as a white person, a book about race would make such an impact? Considering current events, it’s obvious that most of us needed to do this work a long time ago. While this book focuses on anti racism and has strategies on how to spot and discuss racism across cultures, the parts that impacted me most were the discussions about what it means to be white. The author really breaks down the beliefs we have in white culture. I had never thought of it this way. She is also a New Englander and I could see myself in so many things that she was talking about. Especially in terms of family culture, keeping strong emotions to yourself, avoiding conflict and sticking to basic small talk. I always assumed that my conflict avoidance was just because I wanted to be a nice person and please others. While that is true, when I really think about it, that is how most of the women are in my family. We are peace makers. We are not happy unless everyone is getting along.

When I look back on my childhood, if I cried or showed other strong emotions, I remember feeling embarrassed or ashamed to be displaying that level of emotion in front of people. Even if I was just with my family. I felt like I needed to stay strong and push through whatever was going on regardless of my feelings. Showing sadness or hurt feelings were signs of weakness. At least that’s how I internalized it. We are uncomfortable with that level of emotion.

If someone gets angry in front of me, I either want to fix it quickly by giving them whatever will calm them down. If that won’t work, I just want to get out of that situation. The same goes if someone is sad. I don’t want to sit with that. I want to make them feel better. My first instinct is to try to find a way to make them happy again. Sometimes, that can’t happen and I hate when I can’t fix it for them. Now I realize that it’s more than my individual personality at work. It’s my New England culture and apart of being white. I’m not quite done with this book yet, but it has been an eye opener. While I originally checked this book out to have a better understanding of racism and white privilege, I ended up with a better understanding of myself.

What books speak to you? What books have had an impact on your life? Tell me in the comments.

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Personal Development, Self Care

50 Affirmations and Quotes to Inspire Self Compassion and Kindness

June 15, 2020

How kind are you to yourself? If your friend was going through a rough time and you were comforting her, would you say the same things to yourself if you were in a similar situation? I’m guessing you’d be a whole lot harder on yourself. In most cases, we are our own worst critics.

I was on a conference call with two other coaches. One of them asked how we were going to be kind to ourselves this week. She wanted us to come up with a mantra or affirmation that we could tell ourselves to show some self compassion. She reminds us that we are human. We make mistakes, but we do the best we can. We need to look at ourselves with the same kindness and compassion that we give to others. When it was my turn to speak, I honestly couldn’t think of anything. I stumbled over my words and totally drew a blank. However, if you asked what was one kind thing I could say to a friend, a family member or even a stranger, I could come up with something in a second. Eventually, I said, “I’ll show myself some patience and forgiveness when I make a mistake.”

I felt very put on the spot, but I realized that I’m generally not kind to myself. I have no idea how many times a day I put myself down in my head. If I kept track, it would probably be shocking. I would never do that to someone else, so why would I do that to myself? I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this, so I was inspired to create this list of 50 self kindness and compassion quotes and affirmations to remind you to be. Kinder to yourself.

You can copy and paste these to print or put up on your wall. You can add them to a screen saver or image on your phone. You can create a vision board, write them in a notebook or create your own affirmations. Use these quotes to inspire self kindness in a way that resonates with you.

Affirmations

I am worthy of love.

I am worthy of infinite and unending compassion.

I deserve love, compassion, and empathy.

I am powerful, confident, and capable of reaching all my dreams.

I have a warm and caring heart.

I am exactly who I need to be in this moment.

All of my decisions are inspired from inner wisdom and compassion.

I am a beautiful person.

I love and treasure my body.

I honor and respect my limitations.

Happiness flows freely from me.

Love rises from my heart in the face of difficulty.

I have infinite capacity for love and affection.

I am successful.

I believe in the person I dream of becoming.

I carry strength and resilience with me.

I have the ability to overcome any challenge life gives me.

Changing is never simple but it’s easier if I stop being hard on myself.

My mistakes just show that I’m growing and learning.

It’s okay to make mistakes and forgive myself.

I am free to let go of others’ judgments.

My life is a celebration of my accomplishments.

My every step is one of courage.

Abundance and love flow from me.

I honor my own life path.

Quotes

“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” Christopher Germer

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.” Mary Dunbar

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Sharon Salzberg

“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” Brené Brown

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Malcolm S. Forbes

“There is a magnificent, beautiful, wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labor of devotion and love! The colors are like no other, they swim and leap, they trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing?” C. JoyBell C.

“Did your mom ever tell you, ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything’? She was right–and talking nicely also applies when you’re talking to yourself, even inside your head.” Victoria Moran

“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” Diane Von Furstenberg

“I love myself for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now.” Louise Hay

“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.” Heath L. Buckmaster, Box of Hair: A Fairy Tale

“You can succeed if nobody else believes it, but you will never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself.” William J. H. Boetcker

“I was once afraid of people saying ‘Who does she think she is?’ Now I have the courage to stand and say ‘This is who I am.’” Oprah Winfrey

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.” Christopher K. Germer

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”―Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves–the self that regrets a past action and the self that took the action in the first place.”—Marshall Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”—Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”—Steve Furtick

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” —Paulo Cohelo

“Flowers don’t open and close according to whose walking by. They open and show their beauty regardless.” Rebecca Campbell – Light Is The New Black

“Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.” Confucius

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” – Jean Shinoda Bolen

Learning to love yourself is like learning to walk—essential, life-changing, and the only way to stand tall.” – Vironika Tugaleva

“There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” – Brian Andreas

Do you have a favorite affirmation or quote that you use to be kind to your self? Tell me in the comments.

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Motherhood

Why You Should Say Your Sorry to Your Children

June 9, 2020

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, the days where your kids won’t stop asking you for things. The days when you try to hide anywhere where you can lock the door to have a moment of peace. You may be in your bathroom just trying to do your business with someone knocking at the door. Maybe you’re trying to sneak a snack in your pantry closet with someone in hot pursuit wanting to know what you are doing. Yes, I’m speaking from experience.

What about the days when you are on edge and when your prescious little one asks you for something one too many times? When that happens, how do you handle it? Well, I’ll admit, there are definitely times when I lose my patience. Every mom knows that it’s unavoidable. At one point, you will snap at your children or make other cringe worthy mistake which brings me to the original question, why should we say sorry to our kids?

We are all human beings

This is common sense, but there are many parents out there who don’t make a point of apologizing to their children when they make a mistake. They feel that they are the parent, they are in charge and children should just comply. Everyone makes mistakes, so I’m not sure what is behind this thinking. Maybe it’s fear of losing some of that power/control but I believe that when you make a mistake and learn from it, you have more knowledge and power than when you started.

Also, as human beings, we all want to be treated with respect and even though our children are little, they are beings with needs, wants and feelings who are taking everything in and learning how our world works. Don’t we want that world to have as much kindness and fairness as possible?

It is good role modeling

Much of what our children learn is from what they see us doing. As their parents, we obviously have a huge influence in the way they think and feel about themselves and others. How can we expect them to be able to accept responsibility for their mistakes and actions if we don’t show them?

This past weekend has been extremely rough at my house. There has been lack of sleep, extreme clinginess and everything goes in one ear and out the other. I hate to say it, but my patience has gone completely out the window. After hours of hearing mommy, mommy, mommy, play with me now, make this for me now, turn on the tv now, I want this, I want that, I snapped. I was exhausted from trying to do small things like putting dishes away, make dinner, getting dressed etc and being constantly interrupted. This was in between hours of play time, so Rosebud was getting plenty of attention as I have been trying to limit the time I spend working. When she came in the kitchen while I was making dinner demanding chocolate milk, I lost it. I yelled at her to stop and leave me alone. I just wanted a moment of peace. I told her to just go watch tv and to stop bothering me.

About five minutes later, she came back and asked for a hug. Of course, I gave her a hug. In that five minutes, I felt horrible about yelling at her. Even though I didn’t say anything crazy, she only had a small request and I handled it poorly, so I apologized. I told her that I was sorry for yelling at her and that it wasn’t a nice thing to do. I explained that when she is constantly asking for something while I’m busy it is really frustrating. I told her that I love playing with her, but sometimes I need to do other things that are important as well. In turn, she said she was sorry and we agreed we were still friends. It’s a little ritual we have.

The Results

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first parenting mistake I’ve made and it won’t be the last. It’s also not the first time I’ve apologized to Rosebud. Even if I don’t do it right away, I may say something when we’re having snuggle time before bed. Now, she does the same thing. If she thinks about something and feels bad for something she’s done, she tells me.

For example, we have a strawberry plant and last year, she ate the strawberries as soon as they popped up. She didn’t even wait until they were red, so we kept telling her to wait and let them grow, so that they are edible. Rosebud has an amazing memory, so during our quiet time yesterday, she told me she was sorry for eating all the strawberries last year and that she would let them grow big this year. This is a funny story, but she does this with serious issues as well. She’ll apologize for hitting, breaking toys, not cleaning up etc. It leads to some really thoughtful and wonderful discussions.

This goes to show that even on crappy days when we feel like the worst moms ever, we are actually not. Yes, we make mistakes, but it’s how we handle them that really matters. When our children grow up, will they remember how we yelled at them about chocolate milk or will they remember that we snuggled with them before bed. Will they remember when you hid in the bathroom to get away from them or will they remember what you taught them about caring about the feelings of others? They will remember that we valued them as human beings. That we cared for them and loved them even when it was hard. Even when we are grumpy, make mistakes or feel like we haven’t done anything right, our kids forgive us and love us unconditionally. That’s what makes this mom thing all worth it.

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