21 Day Challenge

Do the Right Thing: A Reminder for Halloween or Any Time

Hallloween is approaching and many of us will be interacting with our neighbors, so I’m updating this story from last year to remind us to be compassionate and kind. We can’t assume everyting about everyone, nor can we know what goes on in everyone’s lives. However, we can all do our best to make Halloween night a positive experience for our children and if you don’t celebrate Halloween, that’s okay too. I know this seems like common sense, but apparently last year, one of my neighbors still needed that reminder.

Do the Right Thing pin

On Halloween night, my brother and I took Rosebud trick-or-treating. My mom and my other brother stayed behind and handed out the candy. We have a ton of trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood, so I usually run out of candy quickly. The first year I lived here, I ran out of candy within minutes of turning on the light. The kids kept coming, so I went to the store to get another bag. Then last year, Halloween celebrations were rescheduled due to a large storm and power outages, but we barely got any trick-or-treaters on that day. Rosebud wasn’t a fan of last year’s costume and basically it was a bust.

This year, Rosebud loved her costume and understood the whole idea of trick-or-treating. Although she was shy, she had a great time.

Group of trick-or-treaters

By the time we got home, there was barely any candy left and my mom wanted to save me a few pieces. She kept going to turn out the light, but the kids kept coming. Rosebud got plenty of candy and my mom was going to start handing that out, but my brother and I agreed that it was hers and that it wasn’t right to be handing it out. I turned out the lights, but I still had some ghost lights hanging in the window. Meanwhile, my brothers went out the back way into the garage to put some things in there. A group of people walked by including this extremely rude woman.

My brothers could hear her from the garage saying something to the effect of, if they’re gonna shut the lights off, they need to not have decorations. She went on about how we needed to hand out candy. Her husband was trying to offer up some explanation as to why our light might be off. He said that maybe we had small children and it was their bed time. He said that maybe we were still out trick-or-treating and not home yet. She continued to voice her opinion very loudly as she continued down the street. The last thing my brother heard her say was that we need to do the right thing.

Notebook with the text, do the right thing

The ironic thing was that I felt good about how our night went until this happened. I had good interactions with my neighborhoods. Everyone was polite. The kids in the street were well behaved. People were laughing and having a good time. Of course, there always has to be one one rotten apple ruining it for the rest of us. Maybe I should have shut off my decorations along with the porch light, but I was taking photos of Rosebud. Plus, I was still celebrating Halloween. It was getting late and I thought the amount of trick-or-treaters would be slowing down anyway. Maybe I should’ve gotten three bags of candy instead of two. I could’ve spent $40 on candy instead of $20. There’s always a million things I could’ve done differently.

Bucket filled with candy

The question is, why? Do we wish we could’ve done things differently because we honestly regret them or is it because of the opinions of others? Would we even care about these insignificant choices that mean nothing in the long run if it weren’t for the judgement from those around us? I wouldn’t have cared, but then I had visions of this woman going on the neighborhood message board and complaining about how there were Halloween decorations, but no candy at my address. It’s a scary thought, but people go on there and complain about specific individuals.

Jack-o’-lantern

I didn’t feel guilty. I had done the right thing. I had taken my daughter out trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. In turn, I gave candy to the neighborhood kids who came to my door. By the time I shut off my light, Rosebud was tired and the woman’s husband was right, I have a small child who needed to be put to bed. A couple days later, I talked to another neighbor who said she ran out of candy at around the same time. She said that most of the neighbors around her were running out of candy as well. Obviously, I wasn’t alone. If candy wasn’t outrageously expensive, I think most of us would’ve bought more, but that’s a topic for another post.

Girl offering marshmallowsThe next time you are in a situation where you are wondering why on earth someone would do something, give it a second thought before jumping to conclusions. Of course we all are going to make judgements and see things through our own lenses, but there might be a completely reasonable explanation for someone’s actions. My response to that woman would be that instead of telling me to do the right thing, you should take your own advice. Let’s get back to the basics. A little kindness and compassion goes a long way because what you didn’t know is that I already had done the right thing for our neighborhood and at that very moment when you were being rude and judgmental, I was doing the right thing for my daughter.

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Some Dreams Come True

I’m participating in the 21 Day Blogging Challenge. Although I might not do all the posts in 21 days, I would like to eventually use all the prompts for entries, so here is my first entry for the 21 day challenge.

Little boy playing outside

Most people don’t know what they want to do with their life when they are six or seven years old. It changes from day to day or week to week for most kids. One day, they might want to be a fire fighter and a few days later, they proudly tell you that they want to be a scientist. Kids have such imaginations and I admire their ability to dream and think big. I wish I had more of that. Even when I was a little girl, I kept it practical. I thought small or at least that’s how I look at it now. I remember a relatively short phase where I’d tell people I was going to be a secretary and pretend to talk on the phone and write in my appointment book. I think I got this idea from my mom because she worked in an office at the time. More often, I would tell people I wanted to take care of babies when I grew up. Until a few years ago, my aspirations rarely changed.

Gingerbread house

I always thought it’d be so fun. I dreamed of playing every day. I’d get to do all the cool things I remember from my childhood. I would get to help make childhood experiences memorable for the children I work with. We’d play with play-dough, build with blocks, play in the water, take field trips to fun places and discover the wonders of nature. We’d make gingerbread houses for Christmas and carve pumpkins on Halloween. We’d make snacks that look like animals or have funny faces on them. I could plan cool lessons. I would help the kids create awesome art projects. I pictured that every day. I didn’t think too much about diaper changes, paper work and behavior management. Not to mention difficult parents.

My dream was to provide a safe and fun place for children. When I was young, I never had that safe place. I was safe in my family home. I was safe at my relatives houses. That is more than some people have and I am grateful for that. However, the childcare facilities and homes I went to were unsafe and abusive in some cases. No one knew how bad things were for me at the time. As I got older and put things into perspective, I wanted to ensure that I was providing a safe space for children.

Mother and babyAs I have been exploring what my passions really are, I’ve been wondering if that was my real dream at all. From a young age, I remember wanting to be a mom. I knew I’d have babies. I’d think about possible baby names, fun things I would do with them and what I wanted my family to be like. The thing is, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. I had internalized the idea that there was a question of whether I could raise kids. Everything from diaper changes to teaching them life’s lessons. I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it, but somewhere along the way, the messages from society and those around me started to seep in. My confidence slipped and in the back of my mind, I understood that working in childcare could be kind of a preparation. I figured that if I could work caring for children, then people couldn’t question my abilities as a parent. Sometimes I wonder how it would’ve been for me as a parent if I did not have all this early childhood knowledge before hand. I think it would’ve been twice as overwhelming.

Mother spoon feeding baby

I knew that the babies were my favorite, but when it came time to apply for my first childcare job, I was working with a program coordinator. He was in charge of summer job placements. When they asked which age group I wanted to work with, I really wanted the babies, but I said the preschoolers. I was thinking practical and as always, questioning my own abilities. I was afraid of getting it wrong. What if I didn’t know what the babies needed or wanted because they couldn’t talk to me? How would I communicate with them? I was worried about the feedings and diaper changes. Of course everyone agreed that I should work with the older kids. If I would’ve spoken up, maybe my path would’ve been different.

With the way things have turned out, I often think of my choice to work in early childhood as one of my biggest regrets. These thoughts creep in on days where I don’t feel like I’m making a difference. When I feel over worked and under appreciated. Then there are the days that I’m grateful. I wouldn’t have met the kids who have touched my heart. I would’ve never met Sophie, a shy and extremely bright girl I met during my internship. We were both new to the program. She needed some extra attention and I became her favorite person at school. We developed a strong bond over those few months until she moved away. She’d be a teenager now, but working with someone like her was exactly what I pictured all those years ago. Since then, there have been several other children who I have built strong attachments with. Some of them have taught me some very valuable lessons.

Mother and son playing with blocksIf you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve been exploring different career options and would love to start my own business. Working from home with a flexible schedule so that I can spend more time with Rosebud is still a dream of mine, but for years, I have been wondering what my purpose was. Why have I been stuck in this situation? What lessons haven’t I learned yet? I’ve been so down in recent months that I’ve found it difficult connecting with the kids and have felt like I’m part of a machine. A machine that runs on autopilot. One that doesn’t think and doesn’t feel. That is until recently. A new boy joined one of our classrooms and although I won’t get into specifics of his situation, I feel that he needs an advocate. Someone who understands his situation. Someone who really cares and will look out for him.

Maybe this was my purpose and it has just been shown to me. Maybe I can make a difference in his life, even if it is just being his favorite person at school. If I can make him feel safe, welcomed and confident in his abilities, then I have fulfilled one of my life’s purposes.

Castle in the sky

Sometimes, those little dreams and practical thoughts can lead to something much bigger. We just have to be open to going down our own path, remembering that when we’ve made a wrong turn, we can still discover something amazing. Almost three years ago, I got the unexpected gift of being a mom, proving that some dreams come true, but not always in the times or ways you planned.

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