Mindset

How To Make Decisions When You Feel Stuck

September 19, 2022

If you are preparing for a career transition or another big event in your life, you may feel stuck. You may feel like you can’t take the first step. Maybe you don’t feel courageous. Maybe you feel hopeless about your current situation. You could just be feeling too drained to make that first move. However, there is one thing that stops people time and time again from achieving their goals. This one thing makes us play small and stay in our comfort zones.

How to make decisions when you feel stuck

You probably think I’m going to say fear of change, but while that is a factor, it’s only part of it. The one thing that stops us in our tracks is the difficulty with or inability to make decisions.

Do you ever have this problem? You are thinking about something for weeks or months. You want to make a decision, but you just can’t. You haven’t picked an end date, you’re asking everyone you know what you should do, you’re going back and forth and this decision is hanging over you like a dark cloud. Moths or years will go by and you still haven’t taken action. Why not? Well, because you’re afraid of making the wrong decision. You want to please others and be well liked. You are placing too much emphasis on what others think. Then where does that leave you? It leaves you stuck and with unfulfilled dreams. In this post, I’ll give you several strategies to help you make decisions when you feel stuck.

I’m capable of making decisions that are best for me

Follow Your Intuition

The most important thing is to follow your intuition. Some of us don’t trust us and have fears of this because we don’t trust ourselves, but this is the only thing in the end that really matters.
If we can feel that a decision is good for us in our body, that is so important. That means it’s a healthy decision for us. If there is negative tension in our body around this decision, we may need to rethink it.

Set a Deadline

The second most important thing to do is set a dead line. Pick a date to make a decision by and stick to it. Market on your calendar if you have to. Meanwhile you can use the strategies listed below.

Do Research

Do your research. If it’s something you’re deciding such as which product to buy, how much to spend on certain items, which school your kids should attend, which classes you want to take etc. Google is your friend. Other times research may involve calling a company, driving to different locations, interviewing people, visiting a library etc. Write down the results of your research if necessary. If something doesn’t seem right, don’t be afraid to keep investigating. Your intuition will serve you well here. For example, if you are making a career decision, Talk to people who work for the company you are interested in. Visit their website, check out the company culture and values, look for salary information, look at reviews etc.

If you do the proper research, you can make your decision not only on your intuition and feelings, but the hard facts as well. Using both of these methods, you will make a decision you feel comfortable with.

I believe in my ability to make decisions

Meditation

Meditation can work as well. If you were questioning something major in your life, maybe you want to meditate over it for several days or weeks. Let your intuition guide you. After each meditation, you may want to write down your thoughts and or feelings about what came up for you. Then using what you wrote down, you can use this information to guide your decision.

Pros and Cons List

A simple way is to make a pros and cons list. Which ever list is longer is the one that is your deciding factor. This may be a good strategy for simple decisions, but if it’s something more complicated where you have to weigh all the factors, this might not work for you.

Deciding between healthy and unhealthy food

Ask for Advice

Finally, you may want to ask someone for advice. However, if you have a pattern of struggling to make decisions based on what other people think or fear that they will not like you depending on the decision you make, I would use this sparingly. It should be someone you trust, someone that can keep an open mind and someone who can keep things confidential. Especially if it’s a sensitive topic. Again, someone that is trustworthy is key. I would also suggest against asking too many people for advice. The more people you involve, the muddy or the waters. Unless the decision directly affects someone, you don’t have to involve them. unless you feel good about doing so.

Some questions you should ask yourself in the decision making process:

Am I calm and thinking clearly?
Do I need to step away from the situation before making my final decision?
What are the consequences of either side of my decision?
Does my decision align with my values?
What would I tell a friend if she came to me asking for advice?

How to make confident and clear decisions

To summarize if you are having decision fatigue or you are struggling to make decisions because of fear or people pleasing,, there are several strategies that can help. Following your intuition, setting a deadline, meditation, using a pros and cons list, doing your research and or asking others for advice. What strategies do you use to make decisions? Tell me in the comments.

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Personal Development

5 Lessons I Learned From Starting a Meditation Practice

August 22, 2022

You may have noticed that I haven’t been very active on the blog this year. I have had a difficult year and perhaps I will explain more in a future post. I’m still pretty guarded with the details, but I will say that I am now using this time to improve myself. Personal growth can be a life saver in the difficult times, but one lesson I’ve learned is that we should never drop the ball on this.

We should always be growing and learning. Not that there’s anything wrong with where you are at, but in my experience the times where I’ve been stuck are the times when I’ve stopped caring for myself. Some of the things that I use to keep me grounded are gratitude journaling and having my crystalsaround me. One thing I’ve never been good at, but have recently added to my routine is meditation.

I was inspired by a course I was taking. The first module involved creating a morning routine that set the tone for the day. I found that the tone for my morning was frantic, irritated and generally grumpy. I’m a bear in the morning. I’ll admit it! It’s not pleasant, so I wanted to change this. First, I decided to get up earlier and do some journaling about what I’m grateful for. This allows me to focus on what’s good in my life as soon as I open my eyes. Then I added meditation to the practice.

5 lessons I’ve learned from starting a meditation practice

What does it mean to be good at meditation?

I decided that even though I’m not good at it, that’d I’d make it a habit, but when I thought about it, what does it mean to be good at meditation anyway? I’m picturing these people at retreats spending hours in stillness and silence. Other times I picture that people who are good at meditating have all these awesome visualizations and or revelations. I’m lucky if I can stop my mind from wandering. I picture people being able to meditate without any guidance. They can just go into this state of total relaxation and feel so refreshed afterward.

Lessons Learned from Meditation

I am good enough!

I can’t say that I’ve ever been in a meditative state, but I can say it’s relaxing. I can’t always still my mind, but I go with the flow. I have the thought and then try focusing back on the meditation. I use guided meditations, so I have something to concentrate on. Even though I sometimes find it hard to visualize, the guided meditations help with this.

Get in touch with your body

I’m learning that it’s okay not to be in a certain position. Sometimes I sit or lay down. I pick which ever position feels best to me at the time. Usually, I’m laying since it’s right after I wake up, but if I try meditating later in the day, I sit. If you need to be moving to stay focused, they even have walking meditations. Meditation is also a great way to check in with all parts of your body, but more on that later.

Trust Your Intuition

I used to feel guilty or bad if my mind wandered. Now I go with it because maybe those thoughts are the start of a break through. You never know unless you follow your intuition. You can use some of your thoughts while you are meditating for journaling as well if you feel you need to explore something further. You can also use your intuition to find which meditation will work best for you.

What you can learn from starting a meditation practice

You can Meditate on Anything

Is there a specific issue you are working through? There are meditations for just about anything as I’ve recently discovered. Some of the themes I’ve chosen are the beach, letting go, forgiveness, crystal healing and being more confident. I’ve even used a couple meditations for kids with Rosebud to help her calm down after a bad day. I had no idea of the possibilities open to me.

The importance of trying something new

One of the promises that I’ve made to myself is that I will take as many new opportunities as I can. Meditation has never been something I put much effort into, but it was relatively easy for me to try. I didn’t think it would benefit me, but I figured why not try? Here is what I found so far. It helps me get and stay more relaxed while starting my morning. I have a space to either think or zone out. It’s my choice. I can explore specific themes or just listen to some nature sounds or restful music. I can get in touch with my body. Where is the tension? Where do I feel pain? How am I feeling today? Finally, I can feel good about taking ten minutes each day to care for my mind and body.

There are numerous benefits of meditation, but each person’s experience is unique. I have learned that you don’t have to be good at meditation to get started. You should always trust your intuition. You can meditate on any topic. Meditation is a fantastic way to be in touch with your body. Last but not least, you won’t find the good stuff if you never try something new.

Why you should start a meditation practice

Do you have a meditation practice? What have you learned along the way? Do you have any favorite meditations? I’d love to hear in the comments!

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Motherhood, Personal Development, Self Care

How To Accept Your Uniqueness

December 10, 2020

I had a plan for this week. I was going to talk a little about self-care and do a list of stocking stuffers to pamper the moms in your life. While gift guides are great and we all need to take care of ourselves, I wasn’t feeling compelled to put it together. Right now, there is something more important in my heart. It is still a form of self-care, but it’s not the tangible measurable kind. It’s the kind that you feel in your heart and soul. It’s the kind that helps you feel at peace and at ease with yourself.

Accepting Uniqueness

Today I want to share an amazing strategy for working on self acceptance. Some people say these things are flaws, imperfections or quirks. I prefer to see it as your uniqueness. It’s the stuff that makes you who you are. The stuff that makes you like no one else. The stuff that makes you interesting!

Embrace Yourself

Last weekend, Rosebud really wanted to paint, so I decided to let her paint while I worked on Instagram posts. By the time she was done, there was paint everywhere. It was all over her, her tray and dripping off the paper. It was the kind of painting I couldn’t keep. I lifted it to put it on the counter to dry and the paint poured off. It upset Rosebud, but it went straight to the trash. Honestly, I was bothered by the mess. It took me forever to clean it up and while I know messy play is important for kids, I hate dealing with it. I clean up after kids all day at work. I don’t want to do it here too. It’s not fair to Rosebud, but it’s a fact. I do set up messy play opportunities for her, but they are few and far between.

The No Paint Mama

My anxiety about clean up goes through the roof and I hate feeling that every time. At first, I started thinking about what a failure I am as a mom. How my child needs this and maybe I’m depriving her of something, but am I really or am I too focused on the shoulds and coulds. In that moment, I decided to embrace the fact that I’m not a messy play mom. I told one person on Instagram that I’d be the no paint mama.

When I thought about it, Rosebud enjoys many forms of sensory play like water, the rice bin, kinetic sand, play-dough,, water beads, shredded paper etc. She does drawing, water colors, gluing, cutting and decorating with stickers, so she gets plenty of exposure to arts and crafts. Even after all that, why was I hung up on the paint? She doesn’t need to do messy finger painting every day to be a well rounded child. Those voices popped up in my head. Those annoying shoulds.

What They Tell Us

Then today during a coaching call, I had this amazing break through. This is why I love coaching so much. We were talking about marketing strategies for my business and how to make the best use of my time. I told her how I felt I was making the most of my time by using Instagram, but there are the shoulds. The experts saying that you need to be on all forms of social media and be doing all things. You need to post videos, write blog entries, send out a newsletter, create podcasts, schedule multiple posts on every platform etc.

In real life, this is too much for one person. This involves hiring tasks out. While this is possible for a successful business owner, you can’t always do this when you are first starting out. I need to simplify, so for now I am focusing on one social media platform. While so many people recommend Facebook for this purpose, I had to choose the one I’m having the most fun and best interaction with. Even if it goes against the advice of the so called experts who don’t know me or my audience. I need to follow my own path.

Living in the Present

My next battle with the shoulds was about creating a marketing plan. The experts say to create a 60 or 90 day marketing plan. While this works great for sales, tracking income etc, it wasn’t working for me with social media marketing. I have a 90 day plan laid out in a spread sheet and you know what? I used none of it. You might be wondering why. It’s because I need to create content around what I’m feeling in that moment. What am I struggling with? What can my audience relate to? How can I be the most authentic?

If I’m focusing on something from three months ago, I may not be feeling that way today. Everything surrounding children and motherhood change so fast, that I have to scrap my plan. This is a metaphor for motherhood, right? Nothing goes as planned. As soon as you have something figured out, it changes.

The Strategy

Speaking of metaphors, that is the strategy. My coach asked me what I took away from our sessions, but she asked me if there was one image that I could hold in my mind that embodied everything I’ve learned. It didn’t make sense at first, but the first image that came to mind was a fluffy white cloud floating along in the sky. The more I thought about it, a girl floated on top of the cloud. As I explained the cloud metaphor to my coach, it started to take shape.

I am embracing my uniqueness and every cloud has its own shape. Clouds are floating. The wind is carrying them, but they have an energy of their own. They are not listening to the other clouds, they are on their own path, reaching their own destination. Their shapes may change over time. They may rise or fall. They may come together to touch other clouds or break away on their own, but in the end, they have their uniqueness. Isn’t that why we look at them? Isn’t that where we find the beauty?

Chipping Away

This strategy isn’t an easy fix. Accepting yourself is life long work. It changes from day to day. I see it like creating a sculpture. Each day, you chip away and get one step closer to where you want to be. The beautiful sculpture starts to take its shape and then is revealed over time.

What is Your Metaphor?

What do you need to embrace? What is your image or metaphor that can help you accept your beauty? Your uniqueness. The things that make you interesting, authentic and wonderful. If you need help with this process, let’s jump on a

discovery call. I’d love to help you celebrate your uniqueness.

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Gratitude, Personal Development

What To Do When You Want to Feel Grateful, but Don’t

November 30, 2020

I was going to end my gratitude series with a post on the 20 things I’m thankful for in 2020, but whenever I sit down to write this post, I’m not feeling grateful. I’m thinking about all the things that are not working for me right now and I’m thinking about everything wrong in the world. That doesn’t leave much head space for gratitude. Rather than try to force myself to write a post that’s not coming, I thought why not share strategies to help you when you are having difficulty feeling grateful. Here are three strategies that can help you when you want to feel gratitude, but don’t.

Accept Your Feelings

Everyone knows that it’s better to have positive thoughts. I don’t think anyone consciously wants to stay in a negative thought pattern, but it’s easy to get stuck there. I think of it as a spiral. Something negative can happen to me in the morning and it can effect me for the rest of the day. On the other hand if something really positive happens, your thoughts start to go upward and you notice the positive things that are happening. This is why well meaning people say things like, “think positive” or “be grateful for what you have.” Well, there are times when life feels pretty shitty and you can’t see the beauty because you are living your nightmare day after day. The nightmare is different for everyone. It could be an abusive relationship, a horrible job, a bad break up, losing a loved one etc. There is usually something to be grateful for in the end no matter the situation, but sometimes it can be microscopic.

If you’re the person who needs the magnifying glass right now to see beauty in your life or to find that shred of gratitude, it’s okay. I’ll say that again, it’s okay not to feel grateful every moment. It makes those moments when you feel real gratitude even more powerful. Just notice how you are feeling and let it pass. You are not a horrible person if you weren’t spilling over with gratitude over the Thanksgiving holiday. I know I wasn’t and I felt guilty about it, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is healthier to accept my feelings.

Make a Happy List

While there are so many benefits of gratitude, that doesn’t matter if you are not feeling it. Your mindset doesn’t change over night. Sometimes, we have to take baby steps. Rather than thinking about things you are grateful for, start by thinking about or making a list of what makes you happy. What makes you smile? What makes you laugh? You may be thinking, but isn’t that a gratitude list? Well, in a way it is since gratitude and happiness are closely linked. I want to take gratitude out of the equation for now because if you are not feeling grateful, you may feel pressured to come up with things you are grateful for. On the other hand, it’s not usually hard to come up with a list of things that make you happy.

This list can be as short or long as you want. It can be things from both past and present. Here’s a sample list I came up with.
Rosebud, mocha coffee, cupcakes, making people laugh, the beach, reading a good book, when someone says something I wrote helped them, wearing a pretty dress, snuggling with Diamond, hot chocolate, cheese cake, days off, chats with friends, when I’ve helped a coaching client, baby laughter, etc. I could go on and on, but you get the point. After you’ve made your list, how do you feel? Do you feel happier? Are you feeling more grateful than when you started?

Reverse Bucket List

When you think of a bucket list, you usually think of all the things you want to do in the future. Well, a reverse bucket list is all the amazing things you’ve already done.

What have you accomplished that you are proud of?
What events have made your life meaningful?
What have you really enjoyed about your life?

The purpose of doing this list is to remind yourself of the great things you’ve done in your past. Some examples may be having your children, meeting your partner, your wedding day, an amazing vacation, getting an advanced degree, a career switch, buying a home, learning an important lesson etc. You may in fact be grateful for these things, but haven’t stopped to appreciate them. This way, if you aren’t feeling grateful in the moment, you can recall things that will bring you back to feeling gratitude.

Did you have trouble feeling gratitude this season? What do you do when you are feeling ungrateful? Tell me in the comments.

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Gratitude, Personal Development, Self Care

50 Journal Prompts to Express Gratitude

November 12, 2020

This is the second post in my gratitude series for November. If you missed it, check out these Five Benefits of Starting a Gratitude Practice. Now that we know why we should practice gratitude regularly, let’s dive into some gratitude exercises. There are different things you can do depending on your preferences, but this week, I will be focusing on journaling.

Why Journaling?

My favorite way to practice gratitude is through journaling for several reasons.

It can be done in five minutes if you are short on time.
The writing possibilities are endless.
You can journal on a small notebook or your phone making it convenient.
You can use photos to capture your thoughts instead of writing.
Writing can be therapeutic regardless of the topic.

You may be thinking, what do I write about? Well, as I said above, the possibilities are endless, but I’m giving you 50 journal prompts to get you started. They are in no particular order. Just use the ones that resonate with you. Feel the joy and gratitude this can bring and don’t forget to have fun with this.

Gratitude for Today

List five things you are grateful for.
Look around the room and list as many things that you see that you are grateful for.
What made you smile today?
What things do you take for granted?
What’s one thing you learned today or this week?
What is your most recent purchase that has added value to your life?
How can you share your gratitude with others?
How can you pamper yourself today?
How is your life more positive today than it was a year ago?
What’s one win you’ve experienced in the past 24 hours?
Take a photo of something you are grateful for and caption it.

Gratitude for Memories

What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen or heard?
List some acts of kindness that people have shown you.
Describe your favorite childhood memory.
Whats the best book you’ve read and why?
Write about a difficult experience you learned from.
What family tradition are you most grateful for?
What gifts have you enjoyed the most?

Gratitude for Yourself

Make a list of the things you are good at.
Make a list of the things you enjoy.
What are your favorite foods?
What helps you relax?
Make a list of your favorite songs. Better yet, make a playlist on your favorite music service.
Make a list of your successes.
Make a list of your favorite quotes.
What makes you unique?
What skills do you have that others may not?
What do other people like about you?
What can you learn from your negative qualities?
Describe the last time you truly felt at peace.
List 10 things you can’t live without.
What is something you’ve recently fixed?

Gratitude for Others

Who supports you?
Write about someone who’s made a positive difference in your life.
What is your favorite memory of your family members? Do this for each one.
Describe your pets and why you are grateful for them.
What do you love about your current relationship status?
What small things do you enjoy with a special person in your life?

Gratitude for your Surroundings

Where is your favorite place to visit and why?
What do you love about your neighborhood/community?
What is your favorite part of nature?
Who inspires you?
What are your favorite things about the season you are currently in?
What do you love about your home?
Write about a great experience with customer service.
Where are your favorite places to shop, eat etc?

Gratitude for Your Past and Future

What are you looking forward to in the upcoming year?
Describe your perfect day.
List 10 things you have today that you didn’t have five years ago.
What are you looking forward to this week?

Do you do gratitude journaling? If so, what are your favorite prompts? What are you grateful for? Tell me in the comments. Be sure to come back next week to learn how to get your kids involved in practicing gratitude! I am grateful for you!

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Gratitude, Personal Development

5 Benefits of a Daily Gratitude Practice

November 5, 2020

For the month of November, I will be doing a series of posts on gratitude. Since Thanksgiving is coming up here in the U.S, it’s a great time to start focusing on things to be thankful for. However, if you live outside of the U.S or don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, you can still practice gratitude. In fact, you should be practicing gratitude all year long because studies have shown that their are numerous benefits of a regular gratitude practice. Here are just five of the benefits of gratitude that I’ve noticed since starting my own gratitude practice.

Before this year, I’d make lists os of the things I’m grateful for from time to time, but I didn’t do this regularly. It wasn’t until I started focusing on the wonderful things in my daily life that I noticed a shift in my mindset. I’ll admit that it’s not perfect and I’m still pessimistic by nature, but it has definitely improved my outlook.

Gratitude is a mood booster

Studies suggest that people who regularly express gratitude are happier. This seems pretty obvious when you think about it. When you pay more attention to the good things in life, it boosts your mood. For example, if I’ve had a rough day and I start making a list of the things I’m grateful for, I’ll start smiling because Rosebud is always at the top of my list. When I think about her, it’s usually about something funny she did or said that day. Right away, there’s a subtle shift in my mood.

To try this out for yourself, grab a piece of paper and make a happy list. It can be anything you are grateful for or anything that makes you feel good. When you are done with your list, read it over. How did you feel before writing your list? How do you feel after?

Gratitude helps you relax

Practicing gratitude regularly has so many benefits to your mental health. Along with improving your mood, gratitude can reduce stress. Let’s go back to the rough day I mentioned above. If I go to bed thinking about all the negative stuff that happened that day, my stress levels are still high as I fall asleep. I’m not fully relaxed, but if I simply take a few minutes to write down some things I’m grateful for, it helps me focus on the good things before sleep. This way, I’m more relaxed and do less ruminating about my day. I’m not thinking about everything I didn’t get done from the todo list or something I could’ve done or said differently. Basically, it refocuses your thoughts.

This works in the morning as well. If you feel stressed in the morning or have a million reasons that you don’t want to get out of bed, try doing some gratitude. It doesn’t matter if you write it, speak it or just take five minutes to think about what you are grateful for, it will start your day off on the right foot.

Gratitude improves physical health

We’ve already discussed a couple of the mental health benefits, but gratitude has many physical health benefits as well. When you are feeling happier or relaxed, you will notice a difference in your body. Some of the health benefits include lower blood pressure, improved sleep, more exercise etc. This article goes into more details about the various health benefits of practicing gratitude.

Notice the small things

We spend too much time focusing on the wrong things. It’s easy to get caught up in negative thoughts and or drama. We may get sucked into negative conversations. We worry about stuff that won’t matter to anyone but ourselves. Too often, we care way too. Much about what other people think. This is where gratitude can help.

Gratitude journaling has helped me focus on all the wonderful things in my life. Big things, small things and everything in between. All the stuff I’d normally take for granted such as running water, electricity, TV, internet, the computer I’m using, my iPhone, nature, my home, the clothes on my back, a comfortable bed, the washer and dryer, friends, family and my freedom. I could go on and on. You could be thankful for your favorite food, your car, drinking water, your body etc. There are so many things we take for granted every day. Practicing gratitude helps you slow down and enjoy each and every one of these things. When we realize how much we have, we learn how truly fortunate we are.

Gratitude helps you manifest what you want

Here’s a benefit of gratitude that is on the spiritual side. No matter what religious beliefs you have, practicing gratitude can fit in with any of them because it’s focusing on the blessings in your life. It can help your spiritual mindset regardless. However, if you believe in the law of attraction which basically states that you attract what you put out into the universe. It focuses on energy, so if you release positive energy, you will get positive energy in return. Gratitude is one of the best ways to “raise your vibration.” If you are interested in the law of attraction, I highly recommend this book. It’s the simplest explanation of the law of attraction hat I’ve ever read and there are so many exercises that you can build into your daily life. Many of them are around gratitude.
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Gratitude is one of the fastest ways to start manifesting what you want. The more you focus on what you have, the more things will come to you. The key is to visualize and focus not he things you want as if you already have them. One exercise you can try is to make a list of 15 things you are grateful for. Five from your past, five from your present and five from your future, but write them all down in the past or present tense. Here’s a sample list.

I’m grateful that I have found the love of my life.
I’m grateful that I made $10,000 last month.
I’m so thankful that I have a best friend who I can tell anything to.
I’m so grateful that I was able to travel last year.
I’m so grateful that I have a sweet, fun and intelligent daughter.

Okay, some of those things have happened and some of them haven’t, but it doesn’t matter. The point to be just as grateful for your past, present and future because the feelings are the same even if it has not happened yet and the physical and mental benefits are the same as well.

What do you think? Do you have a gratitude practice? What benefits have you noticed? Tell me in the comments! If you have not started a gratitude practice yet, be sure to check back next week as I will be sharing gratitude journaling prompts and exercises for you to try!

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Personal Development, Self Care

4 Lessons I’ve Learned on my Fitness Journey

October 15, 2020

In January of 2020, one of my new years resolutions was to get in the best shape of my life in the next decade. It’s not very specific, but I decided I was going to exercise every day. I didn’t have a set amount of weight I wanted to lose, but I wanted to get healthier, have more energy and of course, look good. It has been 10 months since I started this journey and here are four unexpected lessons I’ve learned from working out.

Celebrate your success

When I started out, I was out of shape and I could definitely feel the burn. Sometimes for several days after trying a new workout. I’d get discouraged if I couldn’t do as many reps as suggested or I didn’t feel like I could stretch very far, but I kept going and it paid off! I started noticing my progress. I could reach further during my stretch routines, I felt less tired on the elliptical and I’ve increased the weight during my strength workouts. I’ve also noticed that my clothes fit better or no longer fit in some cases because they are too big.

When I’d notice these things I was proud of my self. When your clothes fit better, celebrate! Reward yourself. It’s an excuse for a new wardrobe. Well, a new pair of jeans or a cute sweater at least. Be sure to share your good news with someone who supports your fitness goals.

Success comes from capability, not appearances

This is a big one. We get way too caught up in what our bodies look like. We spend so much time focused on our appearance that we forget to focus on what our bodies are capable of. Success comes from within. It’s all about your mindset and not your outward appearance.

To track this, measure your progress. Where were you when you started? How many reps could you do? How many minutes could you run? What is the distance? How are you feeling afterwards? Are you feeling strong or tired?

Over time, you will notice that some workouts will get easier because you will get stronger and your body will get used to moving in certain ways. Maybe some workouts won’t get easier, but you will notice that you are able to do more and feel less tired. Maybe you can lift more or exercise longer. It’s amazing to measure your progress from where you started. You will be saying, wow, I can’t believe I can do that now.

Full disclosure, this is me with jumping jacks, holding squats, stretching gets easier etc. You will end up celebrating your body. It’s fantastic. Your body is amazing and it should be celebrated regardless of the number on the scale!

It’s not about losing weight

Well, in a way it is, but it’s so much more than that. Exercise is a mood booster that also helps your body physically function better. The discipline you need to stick to your workout schedule helps build character. After a while, you will feel healthier and view exercise as a form of self-care. It started out as a goal to get in the best shape of my life. I know, it’s not specific enough, but I promised myself to exercise each day. At first, it was all about losing weight and looking good, but now it’s about feeling better and I have made my fitness a priority.

Sample Fitness Goals

I will run 1 mile each day.
I will do a 30 minute strength based workout 3 times per week.
I will lose 10lbs in the next 60 days.
I will drink 8 glasses of water each day.
I will do one yoga class per week.

Pay attention to your body

This is the most important lesson I have learned from my fitness journey.

When you are exercising, you’ll notice all the sensations. Mostly when you start to get tired or maybe you feel like you can’t take one more step. It’s important to step out of your comfort zone when exercising because the burn means it’s working, but you have to know the difference between building strength or endurance and pushing yourself too hard. You will feel it if you pay close attention. If your body needs water, rest or needs a harder workout, it’s all okay. It’s your fitness journey and your body knows what it needs.

If you have to stop, it’s okay, but get back into it when you are ready. Too often we push ourselves too far and that’s when we can get injured.

Last week, I was sick and wasn’t feeling up to working out. I felt guilty about this and wanted to get back to exercise as soon as possible, so this week, I hopped back on the elliptical. Suddenly, the bolt popped off and my machine was broken. I will have to buy a replacement part, but in the mean time, I’ve had to switch up my workout routine. I tried a workout that was totally new to me. Cardio mixed with strength based exercises. Towards the end of the workout, I had drank my entire bottle of water and was feeling so exhausted. I kept pushing myself, but finally in the last couple minutes of the workout, I just had to stop. I had to listen to my body at that point. While I was disappointed and felt out of shape, I had to remind myself that it was a new workout and I did the best I could.

Some days your energy level is higher and your body may react differently. That is also okay. Our bodies are unique to each of us and we should be celebrating what they are capable of regardless of our body shape. Even though I started this journey to lose weight because I didn’t like the way my body looked, I have come to appreciate my body a lot more.

Are you on a fitness journey? If so, what have you learned? Let’s talk about it in the comments!

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Personal Development, Self acceptance,

How To Achieve Your Dreams

January 20, 2020

Around the time I was brainstorming for the perfect word for 2020, this wonderful thing popped up in my inbox. Since the beginning of the year, I have been participating in the Best Decade Ever challenge with Mel Robins. For those who don’t know, it’s a totally free 30 day challenge that teaches you to dream bigger. In her live videos, Mel talks about the science behind dreams, why you should dream bigger and how to break those huge dreams down into achievable steps. If you are not participating, I recommend that you do. The program is simple, doesn’t take up much time and it has given me clarity on several areas of my life. It has given me that push to work on my goals plus be more intentional about self-care and bringing love into my life.

Dream Bigger

The main part of the challenge asks you to dream bigger. Instead of just focusing on 2020, Mel is asking you to think about the next decade and how you can make it the best decade ever. What are your big dreams? What can you accomplish in this decade? You find out by asking yourself, what are my dreams? Then you write down the first five things that come to mind. You can do this any time of day, but I prefer to do this in the morning. If you do this each day, you start to train yourself to think bigger. It also helps with creating positive energy, seeing reoccurring dreams and can help you gain clarity. I’ve seen so many amazing dreams posted, but here are my big five.

Build a life coaching business,
Get in the best shape of my life,
Make a steady income from this blog,
Find a loving and supportive relationship,
Have a second child.

Some of my other dreams are to find my tribe, travel, build my dream house and move out of state. Most of these dreams are broad and not specific and that’s okay. There are no rules when writing down your dreams. Whatever comes to mind is perfectly fine. Don’t over think it. If you have the same dreams every day, write those down. If your dreams are different, that’s fine as well. If you never accomplish these dreams or if they change over time, that’s okay. The point is to learn the skill of thinking about your dreams and realizing that they are possible.

Self Limiting Beliefs

Most of the time, we don’t even get started achieving our dreams because we tell ourselves that our dreams are stupid. We tell ourselves that we are too young, too old, not smart enough, not good enough or that we don’t deserve it. The self limiting beliefs can be endless. We are our own worst critics. We tell ourselves things that we would never tell anyone else. Mell offers a free tool that helps you get clear on your self limiting beliefs and how to get rid of them. This is hard work, but we have to train our brains to think the opposite of what we’ve all been thinking about ourselves for years. Old habits die hard.

Check out this video on self limiting beliefs.

Brick By Brick

Last year, I wrote a post about my take aways from the book, Take Control of Your Life. Also, by Mel Robins. In that book, there was a concept where you build a foundation brick by brick. Well, this is how you achieve your dreams. You break each dream down into small achievable steps. In week two of the course, one of the assignments is to simply pick one dream out of your five and explore it further for 15 minutes per day. What does that mean? Well, there are many ways to explore a dream. One of my big dreams is to become a life coach and build a business, so that’s the one I chose to explore further. I bought the book Becoming A Professional Life Coach and started reading it. I watched a video of a sample life coaching session. Another day, I read everything on the World Coach Institute’s website. I’ve read blog posts written by life coaches on how to get started, listened to The Life Coach School’s podcast and I’ve done what I call a life coaching brain dump. This is where I’ve generated business ideas as well as a todo list for steps I need to take to get started.
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Here’s another example. What if your dream is to start a parenting blog? Your first step would be to do a brain dump. Write down anything that comes to mind regarding your blog.

Blogging Brain Dump

One area may be exploring topic ideas. What do you want your blog to focus on? Here is a list of possible topics.

Developmental milestones,
Toy/product reviews,
Self-care for moms,
Breast-feeding,
Sleep routines,
Kid friendly recipes,
Educational activities.

You get the idea. List as many possible topic ideas as you can think of. Then do another list of action steps that you’d need to do to get started. Some possible items on your list might include

Coming up with a domain name,
Researching and finding a web host,
Explore WordPress themes,
Design website, (Banners, logos, layout etc)
Do research on writing a blog post (SEO, proper format, Pinterest etc)
Create written content,
Find images,
Create social media accounts for your blog,
Learn how to promote and drive traffic to your blog,
Learn about ways to earn an income from your blog.

The point of these lists is to have a place to get started. This way you can see what small steps you can take, what skills you need to learn etc. You can also do a list of steps you’ve taken if you’ve been working on your dream already. That way, you can see your wins and it will keep you moving. Staying with the blog example, one big step would be to choose a domain name. This will be the website address where your blog is located. To achieve this step, you may want to write a list of several blog name ideas. Then choose the one you like best and see if it’s available. If it is, your next step would be to buy the domain. Then your next step would be to find a hosting provider. If you know which one you want to go with, you’d simply go to that website and sign up for a plan. If you are an absolute beginner, your first step may be to do research and compare various hosting companies. There isn’t a right or wrong order to exploring your dream. Just do one small part or actionable step each day and that is how you get started. Brick by brick!

As I write this, I’m wrapping up week two of the course and am looking forward to making more progress on my dreams during weeks three and four. I will keep you posted. What are your big dreams for this decade? What is one step you can take today to get startedd? Let me know in the comments.

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About me, Personal Development

How To Choose Your Word for 2020

January 12, 2020

I know this post is long overdue, but before I get to that, I want to wish you all a happy new year. I hope 2020 has started on a positive note for everyone, but if not, this post can point you in the right direction.

December was a busy month for me and I needed to take a break from the blog and although I’m posting today, I don’t know how often the entries will be coming. I suppose whenever I get inspired. I’ve really needed this break so that I can focus on other things. While I love the blog, I was having to devote way too much time to it. With being a single parent, working in a highly stressful job and dealing with other obligations, it was getting harder to carve out time for anything else, so I’ve had to rethink my priorities. I want the blog to be successful and I know that blogging is hard work, but I need to coast for a while. One of the reasons I’ve made this decision is because of the new year. I wrote in my journal and thought hard about what I want 2020 to look like.

Why one word instead of a New Years resolution?

I have always hated New Years resolutions. I make tons of goals for the new year, get excited about them and there’s a big push in January, but by February, everything gets dropped. Then there’s the guilt and all the negative self talk about why I didn’t accomplish my goals yet again. This year, I’m doing things differently. I’ve decided to choose one word to live by this year. I did this last year as well, but wasn’t really following it with intention. In order for this to work, you have to be passionate about the word you choose.

My word for 2020 is love. I chose the word love because after soul searching, I found that love was the most meaningful thing that I needed to work on for this year. Both for myself and others. This also means that all the goals I’ve chosen to work on for 2020 are connected to love in some way. some of my goals for the year include

Getting in better shape,

Being more present and patient with Rosebud,

Taking more time for self-care,

Changing my mindset,

Being in a loving relationship.

These goals all relate to taking care of myself or others. Having a connection between the goals will help to make them achievable. My intention for 2020 is love, but yours may be different. Maybe your word is action, happiness, mindful or change. It can be any word. Here are some suggestions if you are still having trouble coming up with a word.

How to Choose Your Word

1. Write in your journal about what you want 2020 to look like. Are there any common themes?

2. Brainstorm a list of words and see which word or group of words resonate with you the most.

3. Make a vision board using images, words and or quotes. Are there any words or themes that pop out at you?

4. If you are torn between two or three words, take time to think and then come back the next day. Do you have any new thoughts?

5. Be sure your word and and any goals connected to your word energize you. Think about intentional things that you can do every day to bring your word to life.

Be Intentional

For my word, love, I have thought about what I can do everyday to bring love into my life. I can practice self-love by exercising and taking care of my body daily. I can send out loving energy by writing down a gratitude list of things that I’m thankful for each day. I can reach out to people to increase the chance of finding a meaningful relationship. There are so many things I can do to bring love into my life and that is what I intend to do in 2020. How about you? Do you have a word for the year? What are your plans, dreams or goals for 2020? Tell me in the comments.

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Books, Personal Development, Reviews

Brick By Brick

March 2, 2019

At the beginning of this year, I made a list of books I plan to read in 2019. Take Control of Your Life by Mel Robbins was one of them. It’s still early in the year, but I’m glad I’ve finished it already. There were a lot of helpful tips for managing fear, changing your mindset and paying attention to what’s really going on in our bodies.

When we respond to fear, it’s our bodies that get triggered first. Your stomach may tighten, your face may get hot, some people break out in hives etc. The response is different for everyone, but it’s that discomfort that makes us not want to face our fears and return to normal as soon as possible. This is great in a situation where your safety is at risk and your gut is telling you to get away, but it’s not so helpful when you need to make changes in your life. Even positive change is scary because it takes us out of our comfort zone. There were several coaching sessions in the book, but I will focus on the first coaching session because it resonated with me as it’s where I am in life right now. I will summarize the five takeaways from the session and explain how they work.

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Figuring out your Pattern

The workbook opens up with some questions. What is your biggest fear and what is your response to it? One of my biggest fears is being stuck in the same place in life and never figuring out my purpose. I can’t imagine being stuck at my dead end job for another five or ten years. I don’t even want to imagine it for another six months. I have no passion left for it. It sucks the energy right out of me. Part of my fear is that I’ll never find something that I love doing. I’d settle for tolerable at this point. This is why the first coaching session in the book, Take Control of Your Life, really resonated with me. The coaching session was with Dan, a man whose biggest fear is never figuring out what he wants to do in life. He’s currently a teacher, but wants to retire from that and wonders what else is out there for him, but what stops him from exploring other options is his pattern of thinking and rethinking. I am also an over thinker.

When I was exploring the possibility of becoming a transcriptionist, I was thinking of everything and it became overwhelming. I had so many questions floating around and instead of working on one thing at a time, I’d either jump all over the place or never get anything done. I’d worry about which software I was going to use. How I’d track the money I was making, how much money I’d make, what I’d need for my business, how to do an invoice, what would I do for a style guide? I needed to write a business plan and didn’t know which part to work on first. Basically, I had jumped way ahead of myself. Most of this was before even trying to work for a transcription company and in the end, I figured out that I didn’t want to make it my life’s work. I hated the different style guides, the low pay, the inaccessibility of so many things and how it would take me a long time to get back up to a good speed. I’d need to be transcribing constantly to get fast again and the fact was I didn’t have the time or energy to devote to it. It’s been a similar process with my interest in coaching and the possibility of running a childcare business from my home. I’m still interested in these things, but I often try to think about the big picture and analyze every detail. For example, I was listening to a podcast about how to set up a life coaching website, but I haven’t even taken the certification course yet.

In the book, Mel Robbins talks about wanting to own a small town coffee shop for years. Eventually, she got a job working in a small coffee shop on weekends, but she quickly learned that she hated working there. What she loved about the coffee shop was the sense of community and her ability to afford a daily coffee if she wanted. She also enjoyed taking the time to sit down with a cup of coffee and chat with those around her. What I loved about transcription was the flexible schedule, the ability to work from home and the idea that I’d be making content accessible to people. I was more excited about my work environment and the prospect of helping people than actually transcribing documents. These are all things I can find in other jobs that would be a better fit. Sometimes, we end up hating the thing that we think is our passion, but every time we explore a new possibility, we learn something new about ourselves.

Slow Down

If we keep ourselves too busy, we don’t have to think about what scares us. If I’m busy, I don’t have to apply for jobs. I don’t have to think about what I want to do next. I don’t have to financially plan for how I’m going to get there. If I’m busy, I keep things the same. They are comfortable because they are familiar, but they are uncomfortable at the same time because I feel the tension in my body. If we slow down, we can figure out what we really want to do. You can slow down by taking a walk in nature, meditating, spending time with those who support you, write in your journal, take a hot bath etc. Whatever reenergizes you.

State It To Create It

In the coaching session, Dan says, “don’t laugh” before he states his dream out loud. His passion is wine and he’s interested in taking a class or opening a wine bar. I didn’t think it was laughable. It’s his dream. Mel discussed how we under state our dreams or never state them out loud at all for the fear of being judged. What if we never achieve our dreams, what then? We’ve already stated what we want and now others might hold us accountable. We also fear that people may think our dreams are stupid or crazy.

What if you don’t know what your dream is? Follow what you enjoy. What are you interested in? What have you always wanted to do? Well, I’m in that boat. I don’t know exactly what my dream is. I’m interested in coaching, so my first step would be to figure out one thing I can do to explore it. Maybe it’s taking a class. Maybe it’s talking to a coach. Maybe it’s watching youtube videos. Once you start, it leads to something else.

Brick By Brick

Don’t think too big. Break your goals down into achievable steps that you can work on each day. When you have a box of legos, you construct your building brick by brick. That is how to pursue your dreams. If your dream is starting a blog, sit down with a blank document and write. Then when you have a few entries written, then worry about the next steps of setting up the website, promoting on social media etc. My interest is coaching, so I signed up for a couple of free webinars. It’s not a huge step, but it’s exploration and it’s one action I can take so I’m not just spinning my wheels.

Passion is not a Person, Place or Thing.

I needed to hear this. It’s not the job, a big house or the new relationship that brings passion into your life. It’s what you have within. You grow in to your passion by following your Curiosity. If you are wondering about your passion, try answering these questions. What are you curious about? What would you do for free? Whose life are you envious of and why? Follow the energy inside of you. That’s where passion lives.

Summary

To summarize, there were five takeaways from the first coaching session in Take Control of Your Life.

1. What is your biggest fear and what is your response? The first piece is to figure out your patterns.

2. Some of us use being busy to cover up our fears. Slow down. Take the time to listen to your inner voice in order to figure out your next steps.

3. State your dreams out loud in order to create them.

4. Achieve your goals brick by brick. Instead of thinking big, think small. Break actions down into small achievable tasks. If the task seems to overwhelming, break it down further.

5. Remember that passion is inside of you. Follow the things you are curious about. Follow the things that energize you and that will lead you in the right direction.

If you have the opportunity, I encourage you to listen to Take Control of Your Life and download the companion workbook. The questions are thought provoking, the tips are super useful and Mel and her coaching clients explain and demonstrate these concepts in a way that I can’t. Each person has a way of sharing their own personal stories. It’s conversational and relatable, so definitely check it out if you are interested in working on your mindset and breaking through fears. Have you read the book yet? What did you think? Tell me in the comments.

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