Safety

I Miss You, My Marshmallow

February 20, 2019

For those who don’t know, I have two cats. While I don’t usually write about my pets on this blog, I want to share this personal story. This information needs to be out there. People need to understand the risk of rabies shots. This is not to scare people, but certain cats should not have these vaccines. If your cat is older, has a compromised immune system or is a ragdoll, you should know about this. After this journey, I will never look at veterinary medicine again without a layer of skepticism. I know there are good vets out there. Some things can not be predicted and most vets care a great deal about their patients. I have come across several who have cared for Diamond and Mellow as their own over the years. That being said, I will always be much more careful now.

Disclaimer: This story is about death and may be a trigger for some people.

The Cats

I have two ragdoll cats. Diamond is 12. she’s nothing short of a princess. She’s a little snobby, but is loyal and sweet to those she cares about. She comes when you call her name. She loves things that crinkle, chasing string and naps in the sun. Mellow is 10. He loves to be patted, has a motor boat purr and also enjoys naps in the sun. He loves chasing feathers and will even play fetch if you have the right ball.

Mellow’s End Of Life Story

I can’t believe I’m writing this. Even though I’ve had to say it several times today, I’m still in shock. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. My Marshmallow is gone. Last Thursday morning, he was a happy and relatively healthy cat and by Thursday afternoon after a routine trip to the vet’s office, that all changed. He had his routine vaccinations. Rabies and Distemper. Everything always went fine before. There were never any issues or reactions. I had always assumed that they were no big deal. Just something that animals had to get to stay safe and healthy. So like any good pet owner, I agreed to get his shots done, but there’s one thing that I missed.

Diagnosis Unknown

Last year, Mellow was diagnosed with an unknown auto immune disorder. There are several options, but none of the doctors could narrow it down. Stomatitis was one possibility, but according to a couple different vets, he didn’t have the right kind of markings inside his mouth. Feline herpes was another likely option as Diamond has this. Her symptoms are all in her eyes, but they can also manifest in the mouth. Mellow never responded to the normal treatments that help feline herpes symptoms. There were other rarer diseases, but nothing was ever established. What I do know is the disorder had something to do with the proteins in his body and he was put on a low protein diet. What ever the case was, he had a compromised immune system.

Questioning the Rabies Vaccine

During my research over the weekend, I found sources that said in many cases, cats shouldn’t be given the rabies vaccine if they are over ten years of age or have compromised immune systems. I also discovered that in the case of ragdolls, they recommend only giving one shot at a time and some breeders advise against the three-year rabies shot. Mellow fits all this criteria, so why was there no red flag on his records? Why are these vets not digging into the files? Why do they not know of the risks or at least share these risks with pet owners? I understand that Google is not necessarily a reliable medical reference, but I read so many stories about people’s cats dying after getting the rabies shot. People need to hear about this! One source has a list of possible side effects, but the most disturbing thing is the comments. There are so many people who have had experiences like mine.

The Prognosis

On the way home Tuesday, he started vomiting. At first, I thought it was motion sickness, but when he continued to do it at home, I knew it was something worse. Friday came and went and he was still not better by Saturday morning, so I took him back to the vet. They gave him some fluids and Antinausea medication. They said his blood work was normal and that he’d probably be fine in a couple of days. They gave me some free cans of food and said they’d be surprised if he didn’t eat that. I brought him home and the day dragged on. On Sunday, things appeared to be worse. He had stopped using the litter box and seemed weaker, so I started giving him water through a syringe almost every hour. That evening, he seemed to perk up. He started moving around more, drinking on his own and was purring again. He was no longer hiding and kept sniffing at his food, but wasn’t ready to eat yet which was still very concerning because not eating for days can be dangerous for cats. When he wanted to go up or downstairs, he’d meow and I would help him. He was still having difficulty climbing or walking longer distances. On Monday, I felt hopeful that he would pull through. The vet wasn’t open over the holiday, so I had talked with another vet over the phone. I described everything that was going on and she said that it sounded like he had turned the corner. Throughout the day, he still was quiet, but would purr when we talked to or pat him. He continued to drink on his own and didn’t mind laying out in the open. He seemed more comfortable than before. He still hadn’t eaten which worried me, but I figured he’d start eating that evening. He seemed well enough to pull through and I’d be taking him back to the vet on Tuesday to be checked. I planned on taking him first thing in the morning.

The End

Before I went to bed, I brought him upstairs with me. He settled near my bed and I fell asleep. A couple hours later, I heard him cry out in pain, but I wasn’t sure where he went so I checked the bathroom. He followed me there and basically fell over on the floor. Then I noticed that his breathing was rapid and loud. My heart dropped and I just knew everything had gone too far. I sat in there with him for about an hour while I waited for my mom. I didn’t want to do this alone and she was my only way of getting to the emergency clinic. I was prepared to take him there.

I was screwed though. She has bad eyesight for driving at night. The emergency clinic is not close and it had just snowed, so the back roads we’d have to take to get there wouldn’t be cleared. We’d have to take Rosebud there with us as well. I also wasn’t sure how well Mellow would’ve handled the long drive. Would he have made it? We’ll never know now, but if I could do it over, I would have brought him there. Even if all they could do is end his suffering because what I saw over the next few hours was gut wrenching.

It was wrong from start to finish. I brought him downstairs and kept him close to his water bowl and litter box. He’d try drinking from time to time, but other than that, I could not keep him comfortable. Every time he’d move, he’d cry out in pain. Eventually things got so bad that we brought him to the kitchen. He was losing fluids and didn’t realize it so at least in there, it was easier to clean up after him. There are little soft rugs in there that he could lay on, but he preferred to lay on the floor. I stayed with him for a while, but watching him was getting to be too much. All I kept saying was I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was all that was running through my head because this was all so unnecessary. I told him he was a good boy and tried to pat him, but it made him more uncomfortable. All I could do was watch as he screamed and paced the kitchen in unbearable pain. Eventually it became as if he was stocking me around the kitchen. He looked liked he was going crazy and I wasn’t sure if he was going to become aggressive. In reality, he probably wouldn’t have, but it was scaring me. I didn’t want things to end like that, so I left the kitchen for a couple minutes while I sobbed. Diamond went and sat by the door, but soon heard screams that sent her hiding behind the couch.

I was disgusted with myself for leaving him alone. I was a chicken shit who could’ve even handle witnessing my cat’s death. My mom went back into the kitchen to check on him so he wouldn’t be alone. I heard a few more loud meows and then a meow with a gasping breath and then he was gone. I sat with him. Patting him and telling him how sorry I was and what a good boy he had always been. She said he was dead, but I could swear I felt him moving ever so slightly. I hope he heard me and understood how much I loved him. Eventually the movement stopped and after a while we wrapped him up and put him into his carrier. I regret that his end was not peaceful. He wasn’t warm snug in his comfy cat bed. I wasn’t able to hold and comfort him like I wanted to.

The What Ifs

It was over. While I was relieved he was no longer suffering, I felt like a failure. I went over and over everything I should or shouldn’t have done. If I had changed his checkup date or have taken him separately from Diamond. Maybe we would’ve had a different doctor. Maybe someone else would have taken a better look at his records. Maybe that person would’ve been more knowledgable. I should’ve taken him to the clinic. I should’ve gone sooner. Maybe someone could’ve saved him. The fact is that if he hadn’t gotten that rabies shot, he’d still be alive today. If I wasn’t such a horrible cat parent, I would’ve done something sooner or differently. I would’ve or should’ve known. Is knowing all this medical information my responsibility or the doctors? I’ll never know if just changing one action could’ve saved him. I’ll probably torture myself with this forever and his screams will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Memories

I have wonderful memories. Mellow and I playing fetch with his favorite ball. Mellow and Diamond chasing each other around. Mellow meowing at me as if we are having a conversation. I will never again be able to touch his soft fluffy fur. I will never again hear his funny meows. At least not live and in person. I have some things recorded, but that will never be enough. I will never be able to hug him again. He used to annoy me by waking me up at night with his nonstop meowing. If only he could wake me up one more time. I didn’t get to see Mellow’s kittenhood. He spent it with his breeder who was going out of business. By the time I found him, he was being sold at a lower price because he as a year old. We’d often joke that we found him on sale. He was a bargain. He might have been half price, but he would’ve been worth every penny anyway. He was always there for me. He sat on my lap during one of the most life changing and heartbreaking conversations I’ve ever had. Thank you Mellow for never leaving my side.

I haven’t been able to spend as much time with the cats since Rosebud was born, but I have Diamond still with me and I’ll never take it for granted again. The people and animals you love can be gone in the blink of an eye. Rosebud loves Mellow and often tells me that he’s her cat and Diamond is mine. I have pictures and videos of them playing together that I will treasure forever. She might not remember Mellow, but I always will. We named him marshmallow because he’s so fluffy and white. He’s sensitive so we called him squishy like a marshmallow. At the same time he’s extremely calm and mellow, so it became Mellow for short. Diamond and Rosebud and I all love and miss you. You were our special sweet boy. Our Mellow the Marshmallow. Rest in peace. October 22, 2008 to February 19, 2019.

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Awareness, Safety, Self acceptance,

When Helping is not Helpful

January 22, 2019

I have a master list of post topics. Usually, I don’t need to fall back on it because I get the best inspiration in the moment. Something will pop into my head and a couple days later, it’s out here on the blog. However, this is different. This situation happened years ago, but I was reminded of it recently because of some posts I’ve been seeing. People are making assumptions and are forcing help when it is not needed or wanted which is why I’m writing about it now.

If this is the first time you’ve come across my blog, you might not know that I have a visual impairment. I mostly focus on parenting, teaching and personal development, but occasionally, I write about some of life’s challenges like the most recent time I was discriminated against and my negative experience in the hospital when Rosebud was born. My visual impairment has shaped my life in a lot of ways and while I don’t focus on it, other people do and that’s where these experiences come from. Unfortunately, many of them are negative, but I write about them so that people will understand where I’m coming from and not just assume that I’m an angry and ungrateful person.

The crossing

Back in 2001, I worked in a childcare center in a smaller city. On most days, I’d walk to and from the childcare center without incident, but one afternoon, I was walking and minding my own business. Everything was going fine until I reached a busy intersection. This rout crossed several streets, but this particular intersection was the busiest. For those who don’t know, most blind and visually impaired people rely on the sound of traffic to signal when it is a safe time to cross. Many intersections have audible signals now, but they don’t always work and in many cases, they didn’t exist until recent years. I am able to watch the traffic to a certain extent, but I rely a lot on the sound as well. I can’t see when the lights change color. Especially in the day time so, when I’m waiting to cross, I really need to stay focused on the traffic cycles.

I was watching and listening. When the light changed. The parallel traffic started moving and that was my signal to cross. Suddenly, a guy jumped out of nowhere and started yelling at me and grabbed my arm. He was telling me he better help me because I was going to get hit by a car. I told him to let me go and that I was fine, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t like the way he was grabbing my arm and I didn’t like his insistence. Meanwhile, the traffic was moving along and I was totally distracted. At this point, I thought it was still safe to go, but I was so distracted by this guy and my instinct to run that I wasn’t sure. My only thought in the moment was to get away from this guy so I started running across the street. There was a car that had started going across as well and luckily it had stopped in time to let me run across. I felt bad for the driver and he or she probably thought I was an idiot, but I didn’t know what else to do.

I didn’t want to run in another direction because then I probably would’ve gotten lost. I didn’t know the area that well, but I did know it wasn’t a nice neighborhood. Of course that was on my mind when this guy grabbed me. When I finally made it across without being hit, I ran for the next block or two until I knew for sure no one was following me.

What you should do

When I refused the guy’s help, he seemed to get irritated that I didn’t want him helping me, but the fact was he made me feel unsafe. First, because he’s a strange man grabbing me on the street and second because he distracted me during a crossing. For people who are primarily relying on sound, this can be extremely dangerous. While the man may have thought he was being helpful, it was the complete opposite. If you see someone and you get the urge to help, please ask them if they need help first. If they say no, respect that and understand it has nothing to do with you. Maybe they really don’t need help or maybe they aren’t comfortable accepting help. Also, don’t touch someone before you’ve even spoken to them. It’s really for your own safety plus it’s common courtesy. Do you want to be grabbed by a random stranger? If you do have to touch them to get their attention, tap them on the shoulder.

I’ve always had an independent streak and never wanted to ask for help. When I was a kid, people always told me to ask for help, but I saw that as a weakness. I couldn’t ask for help because people would see me as less intelligent and inferior. Even though the message was always, you can ask for and receive help, the message I got was that I have to ask for help because I couldn’t do things on my own. I know part of that was my own thought process, but I felt like if I asked for help, I would be looked down upon even more, but if fully sighted people needed help with something, they wouldn’t necessarily be treated differently. It was just a part of life.

I have learned that everyone needs help at some point. It is a strength to know when you need help and to ask for it. It can take a lot of courage depending on the situation. There have been so many instances in my life when people have offered help. I really appreciated it when it was offered in a kind and respectful way. Other times, I have refused and resented it because I felt it was not necessary, but that time, I actually felt like I was in danger.

Should we be grateful?

Several years ago, I happened to see a post online where someone complained that a disabled man in a wheelchair refused help. I can’t remember the specifics, but one comment stuck with me. “Handicap people should be grateful for any help they can get.” Really? Do people have to accept help when doing so causes them to lose their dignity or puts them in danger? Should disabled people really be grateful for that? I’m sure this commenter would’ve had a problem with me refusing this guy’s help. In his eyes, that person was a kind soul who offered his help and should’ve graciously accepted it even if he took me the wrong way or assaulted me. In my case, the stranger on the street got the hint after I ran away from him, but that’s not always the case.

Another comment I remember from the thread was saying how angry that man in the wheelchair was. Well, maybe he had a good reason to be angry. Maybe he was having a bad day and got tired of people assuming he needed help. The fact is we don’t know. The total strangers on the thread didn’t know and neither did the person trying to help him. We never will truly know what’s in someone else’s head, but what we do know is that he is a human being with a range of emotions. He had every rite to be angry, annoyed or frustrated.

Not everyone accomplishes tasks in the exact same way. That’s the beauty of living in a world where there is a lot of diversity. Underneath, we are all still people who think and feel. This is so basic that I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to understand, but I hope that one day they will. It all goes back to what they taught in elementary school. How would you want to be treated? If more people asked themselves that before interacting with other, the world would be a much nicer place to live.

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Awareness, Parenting, Safety

A Forgotten Safety Check

December 11, 2018

I was busy at work last week when my phone rang. I almost always let it go to voicemail, but it was my mom calling. If she calls me at work, there’s usually something wrong so I answered. I could hear this loud beeping in the background. It sounded like the smoke detecter. She asks me if I know what the noise is. When I tell her it sounds like the smoke detector, she says that she’s already checked the two smoke detectors and taken the batteries out so it can’t be them.

Then I ask the next logical question I can think of. Did you cook anything? Is anything burning? She tells me no. That she’s looked everywhere, doesn’t smell a burning smell and hasn’t cooked anything. Next, I mention the carbon monoxide detector since it’s the only thing I can think of that makes a similar sound. She tells me she’s unplugged it too and it’s not that.

Then she starts to wonder if there’s something wrong with the heater and turns the thermostat up to see if it makes any unusual noise when it turns on. Of course, it doesn’t. At this point, I’m worried and am getting annoyed because I can’t help and there’s literally nothing I can do.

I tell her I can’t help her and insist that she call the fire department. Honestly, she should’ve done that first. Now that we’ve hung up, I’m trying to put kids to sleep while worrying about what’s happening at my house. I live in a duplex so I’m wondering if there’s smoke or fire on the other side. Is there carbon monoxide after all? Since you can’t smell it, you won’t know until you start feeling the effects. If it’s not any of the detectors, then what the hell is it?

After waiting and worrying for about ten or fifteen minutes, she calls me back with the news that she called the fire department and waited outside for them to show up. They put on their gear and came in the house to find that it was in fact the carbon monoxide detector. She said that she unplugged it, but that she didn’t realize it had batteries in it. When she unplugged it and still heard the noise, she assumed that the noise was coming from something else. The firefighters checked all the levels and determined that everything was safe.

The carbon monoxide detector was going crazy because it had stopped working. I had no idea when it was originally bought since it was here when I moved in. If my mom had figured that out and had just removed the batteries, we wouldn’t have realized it was no longer effective. We would have just plugged it back in and figured the batteries were dead, but by calling the fire department, we avoided something that could’ve been tragic. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

The firefighters gave us recommendations and I thought of some reminders that I’d like to pass on.

1. Change smoke and carbon monoxide detector batteries every six months,

2. Replace carbon monoxide detectors every five years,

3. When in doubt, if you think something’s wrong, don’t be afraid to call them. That’s what they’re there for. They not only put out fires, but they inspect homes for safety and educate people too.

4. I’d like to add that if you are unsure when your carbon monoxide detector was installed, it’s better to replace it than to guess. this is something I should’ve done.

5. The life expectancy of smoke detectors is ten years so they should be replaced as well.

6. Read the manual when you get a new detector. It will tell you what the different lights and sounds mean. This way you will know if it is no longer effective.
7. This is another thing I’d like to add. Make sure your heating system is cleaned regularly. I usually have my furnace cleaned every one to two years. This is just to ensure that it’s clean and running safely and smoothly.

The two particular firefighters who came to my house were kind to Rosebud. She was fascinated by the truck and the gear. They said she could drop by the fire station any time if she wanted to check things out. Rosebud thought that meant right then and there and started to walk towards their truck. It was more of an adventure to her than a scare, so thank you for being kind and taking the time to talk to her. Thank you for keeping us safe. I could never do your job. It takes a certain amount of bravery to enter a burning building and to put your lives on the line. Thank you.

To show the firefighters in your life that you appreciate them, take a look at this list of 17 useful Christmas gift ideas for firefighters.

Are there any safety checks you do in your home that may get overlooked? Let me know in the comments.

4 Comments

Awareness, Infants, Parenting, Safety, Toddlers

Five Safety Essentials for Infants and Toddlers

August 16, 2018

Honestly, it took me a while to baby proof. I didn’t think too much of it until Rosebud was crawling around getting into things. I started by simply shutting doors to rooms I didn’t want her exploring or putting her in the exersaucer when I couldn’t keep a close eye on her. I of course had the essentials like a gate for the stairs and outlet covers. When she started reaching the doorknobs and opening drawers, I knew I was in trouble. I went on a mission to find safety products that were functional, easy to install and fit well into our home.

Gates

Let’s talk about gates because they are extremely important. They are especially important if you have stairs. First, I bought one of those cheep gates from Walmart and discovered that it didn’t even fit properly in my doorways. It also seemed like she could knock it right over. Next, I ordered a gate from amazon. This gate was sturdy and did the job, but the latch system was difficult to unlock with one hand. Back then, I had to carry Rosebud so using two hands was near impossible. I’d have to put her down, go back and latch the gate. The gate’s opening was in the middle instead of the side, so the door stuck out if you left the gate open. I hated it so I went back to Amazon and the third time was a charm. I found this great gate from Munchkin and now have two of them. One is at the bottom of my stairs and the other is in my hallway, separating her bedroom from the stairs and the other rooms. This gate locks securely, the latch is a simple push button and the gate opens wide so there is plenty of room. My particular model does not automatically close when you walk through it, but they have a more expensive model that does. I highly recommend this line of gates.

Doorknob Covers

Are there entire rooms that you want to keep off limits? If they are rooms that you can keep closed, a child proof cover on the doorknob will do the trick. I found this four pack on Amazon and they work great. Each cover comes in two pieces that you just snap together over the doorknob. I keep one on the door leading outside, the bathroom, the laundry room and I keep one on my bedroom door. Rosebud’s bedroom is next to mine and I don’t put the gate between them because if she wakes up at night, I want her to be able to come find me. The way I have it set up, she can’t go anywhere at night except for her bedroom or mine. This works fine when I’m right there, but when I’m not, Rosebud likes to go through my drawers and hide in my hamper. Now, if she wakes up while I’m in the shower or downstairs, I can shut my door and not have to worry about her safety.

Baby Monitor

Even though Rosebud is two and a half, I still use her baby monitor. My cousin got it for me when I was pregnant. It has always worked great. I like how I can simply push a button, talk into it and let her know that I’ll be right there. Now days, I’m pushing that button and telling her to go to sleep, but it’s still very useful. Another feature is that the light level on the monitor changes when it detects sound. If the baby cries, the lights will start flashing. This way, you have an idea what is going on in your baby’s room by both, sight and sound. While looking up this product, I discovered that it has a vibrating alert option. It also has a night light on the little loop at the top on the baby unit.

Locks

If you don’t want pots and pans all over the floor or to discover that the groceries you bought yesterday have suddenly disappeared from the fridge, you’ll need locks. I use two different kinds. The ones I use for the fridge and dressers have an adhesive back and they are flat pieces that slide into place. The set that I’ve found works really well. I’ve had them for almost a year now and have not had any trouble with the adhesive or Rosebud getting into the fridge. In fact, if I forget to lock it, she locks it for me. She can’t unlock it though which is the important thing. I keep locks on her dresser drawers because she likes to completely empty her dresser, unfold the clothes and scatter them all around the room.

For the cupboards and bathroom sinks, I use a rope style lock. It goes around the handles and then you pull the strings tight so that the doors cannot be opened. This is so simple that you wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. Rosebud has never been able to get into these cupboards as long as the ropes were securely tightened. A bonus if you have white cupboards, these would blend right in.

Pool and Outdoor Safety

The final safety item I will share is for fun outside the home. If you have anything bigger than one of those tiny plastic kiddy pools, then you might find this useful. This is an inflatable seat that a baby can sit in while floating around the pool. The legs simply go through the holes and the rest looks like an inner tube. Rosebud had two different styles, one with a sun roof and one with out. The one without had larger holes for the legs so she fit in it better, but the one with the sun roof obviously protected her from the sun. Rosebud loved her time in the pool. She was able to float in the pool at my mom’s house because it was deeper, but in her pool here at home, she was able to walk around the pool using the float to push herself around. Of course, children should always have close supervision in the pool, but I found that this was a way to ensure safety while giving a tiny bit of freedom to explore the water. Now that Rosebud is bigger, she has been wearing a life jacket. I found this especially useful last year when she wasn’t as steady on her feet. Now, she is able to go in her pool without one as she feels more comfortable in the water. When she goes in anything bigger than her little pool, she wears the life jacket. I know there are different schools of thought on this, but I think it’s important that she knows when a life jacket is necessary and when she can go in the water without one.

Other Items

There are so many things to consider when it comes to safety. Some things you never even think about until you become a parent. Plus, the amount of products out there is almost endless. I was lucky enough to have experience in childcare so I was familiar with some of the safety products, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed. what safety items are must haves for you? Let me know in the comments.

7 Comments