Month: June 2018

Refilling the Cup

The past few weeks have seemed more stressful than normal. It could be the job, Rosebud’s terrible twos or the unexpected expenses that keep popping up. Then there’s the process of starting my business which is partially dependent on other people at the moment, but that’s another story. By the time night roles around and Rosebud is finally asleep, I’m exhausted. Lately all my self care routines have been nonexistent so last night, after another draining day I realized what was missing. I needed to do something to recharge and put some of those thoughts out of my mind or at least get them out on paper.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’m a big believer in self care. You need to take care of yourself before you can give to others which is especially important as a parent. I’ve talked about some of my Self Care routines before. Recently I heard someone say that they can’t start giving until their cup is over flowing. This made total sense to me. Unfortunately, my cup has been running on empty which isn’t good for me or anyone else.

To fill my cup, I spent the evening doing things that I either enjoy or that are good for me. I spent some time reading, ate a homemade chocolate brownie and exercised to work off that chocolate brownie! Then to relax, I took a bath and used a Bath bomb that had been sitting in my closet for months. It was a gift from one of the kids I work with. His mom gave one to each of his teachers. I’m sure it was meant to help us destress. It was a nice treat. Even the cat wanted to take part in the fun.

Finally before I went to sleep, I wrote in my journal. Amazingly enough, I didn’t end up writing about the stresses of the past several weeks, but I wrote about some memories and found some inspiration for future blog posts. When I woke up this morning, I felt much better. I had more energy and felt refreshed. I know that I need to set one night aside each week just to relax and take my mind off things. The chores and the business stuff can wait. It will be there tomorrow. Then when I feel guilty about not writing blog posts, I realize it’s because I have no inspiration. If my cup is empty, I’m not inspired. The ideas are not flowing. It’s a reminder that self care is essential for your mind and body even if you only have a few extra minutes. Spend them taking care of yourself. It’s worth it. You are worth it! Make yourself a priority.

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Light at the End of the Tunnel

Lately, I’ve been tossing around lots of ideas in my head about which direction my career should take. I’ve come to a few realizations. First, I need something with a flexible schedule so I can spend more time with Rosebud and work at times that best suit both of us. Second, I need to work from home. This would save money, time and get rid of the transportation issues. Third, I have come to the realization that it would be best to work for myself. I wouldn’t have to deal with office politics or trying to get hired at companies that make things unreachable in a lot of ways. I’ve always wanted to have my own business, but I never knew what I could offer other than childcare. When I was a teenager, I worked as a transcriptionist for one of my summer jobs. After only a few weeks, I was getting pretty fast and became used to the different styles of speech. My cubicle was among many and when people walk by, they’d stop and watch me type and seemed amazed at how fast I was typing. I didn’t think I was super fast, but the typing came easily to me.

The first few days were really rough. Typing, listening and working the controls all at once was overwhelming, but eventually I found a rhythm. Then a few months ago, I saw a post in a Facebook group in regards to a podcast. The poster said that she is deaf and asked if there was a way to get transcripts of the podcast. Cara, the owner of the group was great and found a transcriptionist right away. That got me thinking that this was something I could do and it would help people.

Recently, my feelings of sadness, anger and frustration at my current job have become overwhelming so I’ve had to find a way to move past these feelings as I’m stuck there for now. My first step is setting an end goal which is building my own transcription business. Since this won’t happen over night, I will have to chip away at this. Piece by piece until I reach my goal. Each day I do at least one thing that will get me closer to achieving my goal.

Even if I’m exhausted or am short on time, I try to do something small. Some of the things I’ve done so far include researching how to write a business plan, finding transcription companies, downloading and testing software, setting up appointments with people who could possibly help me get started, networking with other transcriptionists and researching courses I can take to get some experience.

Each morning when I wake up, I ask myself, what’s one thing I can do today to get closer to achieving my goal?

You can do this with any goal you are setting. It doesn’t have to be a big goal either. Do you want to lose weight? Maybe you want to start a journaling practice. One of your goals might be that you want to spend more quality time with your children. Maybe you want to get that higher paying job at work. Whatever it is, it can be broken down into smaller more achievable steps. If your goal is to lose weight, you could start taking a walk on your lunch break or substitute one junk food item with a fruit or vegetable. If your goal is to start journaling, set aside five minutes per day to write. In my experience working towards a goal and accomplishing each step can give you something else to focus on. I like to think of it as the light at the end of the tunnel. By breaking goals down into smaller manageable steps, your success will help you keep going. It’s a way to use your time wisely instead of just spinning your wheels. I don’t want to just get through the day. I want to accomplish things. I want to be challenged in a good way and not in a way that makes me want to pull my hair out. I need a purpose. What I do has to be meaningful. There is now a bright spot in my tunnel. It’s in the distance, but withdetermination I will reach it even if I have to take one step at a time.

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A Blast From the Past

If you read my blog, you know I work in an early childhood program, but I’ve never really talked about my crazy schedule. At different points throughout the week, I work in all five classrooms. Also, I start at a different time each day which means my morning routines at home are slightly different from day to day. The changing start times is a recent thing and it’s not something I’m happy with, but that’s just the icing on the cake in all this disorganization.

On Mondays, I get to spend one hour in the infant room. It has always been my favorite room, but it’s the room I work in the least. My time with them today was the most relaxing and fun time I’ve had at work in a long time. There is one baby who is very needy. He wants to be held constantly and screams and cries loudly most of the time. It is very difficult to soothe him which frustrates his regular teachers. So, on Mondays during that one hour, they hand him over to me.

Today when I walked in, he was starting to fuss and was ready for a nap. I swaddled him and tried snuggling with him so he could fall asleep. Of course he doesn’t allow this without a fight. He squirms, cries and stiffens his body working against me instead of snuggling into me like babies do when they are relaxed. After a couple minutes of talking quietly to him and trying to find a position that was comfortable for him, he became more agitated so I stood up and we rocked and bounced until his eyes started to close. Eventually he was relaxed enough for me to sit in the chair. The bouncing motion finally did the trick. Although getting this child to sleep was a victory, that wasn’t the fun part and it certainly wasn’t relaxing.

When the baby finally quieted down and drifted off to sleep, I caught a glimpse of why I chose to become an early childhood educator. When I started out, I worked in a preschool classroom, but as time passed, I realized that wasn’t where I wanted to be. I’ve always loved babies and knew that I wanted to take care of them. When things went downhill at the preschool program I was working in, I started volunteering for the organization where I work now. Seven years ago, I started volunteering in the infant room once a week. I loved it! I watched babies learn to sit, stand, crawl and walk. I heard some of their first words and saw their amazing personalities come to life. I formed close bonds with many of those babies because my volunteering once a week lead to a job that was more permanent.

As we rocked in the chair, I remembered two babies sitting together in their squishy seats handing toys back and forth. They were best friends for two years and were able to move up all the way through preschool together. I remembered a baby coming in from outside and throwing himself on the floor because he realized that all the chairs at the lunch table were full. the poor thing thought he wasn’t going to be able to eat. Of course we quickly remedied that situation, but it seriously hurt his feelings. I remembered hugging that same baby and telling him to enjoy his first birthday party and to eat lots of cake. I remembered a baby who was in such pain from an ear infection and no one else could keep him calm. I watched those babies grow up and was able to work with many of them from infancy to the time they left for kindergarten.

Now days, I’m not so lucky. I don’t get to build strong attachments with the babies anymore. they barely know me seeing me only once a week. I never bothered to put him down in his crib. I held him instead and when he woke up twenty minutes later, he was happy and ready to play. We sat him down next to a friend who is the same age and they quickly began to play together with the same car. For them each day and experience is new, but for me, it was like old times. I was watching two friends playing and learning together. I held and comforted a baby who needed it. That’s the best thing you can ask for that your baby is comfortable and safe with a person whom they trust. that is what I want for Rosebud and that is the reason behind my work. Although I will be going down a different path in the near future, it is memories like these that I will take with me.

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Flower Painting

Yesterday Rosebud and I did another simple painting activity. I set out several colors of paint in a bowl. A flower fell off one of my plants and recently we painted with flowers in my preschool class so I wanted to do the same with Rosebud.

I grabbed the paint, paper and the flower and headed outside. We sat at Rosebud’s picnic table and painted. That was after Rosebud smelled the flower and decided it smelled good. After a few minutes, the flower started to fall apart so we stamped with the petals instead of using the flower like a paintbrush.

I want to try this with different flowers and other natural items throughout the summer. This is how her picture came out. We are waiting for the next flower to fall so we can work on the next master piece.

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First Sleep Over

Rosebud slept over at my mom’s last night because I went to a coworker’s retirement dinner. She did well. She went to sleep last night with no fuss. She didn’t even want to be rocked at first, which was similar to the night before. Tuesday night was the first time ever that she didn’t want me to rock her. I was sad about that. My baby is growing up. I love having our snuggle time before bed. I don’t see her all night so I like that time to tell her I love her and just sit with her, holding her, talking to her and smelling the scent of her body wash. This time flies so fast. She’s already doing preschooler things when it seems that yesterday I brought her home from the hospital. She slept until 8:15 this morning which she rarely does here. She’s usually an early riser.

Baby looking in bag.I talked to her last night on Face Time to tell her good night, but honestly she wasn’t that interested. She was going through her bag and when she found her toothbrush she was off for the sink. She started running down the hallway leaving the phone behind. She said a quick good night as she was headed for the sink and that was that. I’m glad she feels secure when I’m not around, but I’m a little sad too. That’s what being a parent is all about. You are preparing them to be independent and to go out into the world. Whether it’s just the first sleep over or the huge step of going off to college. There’s always a delicate balance of holding on and letting go.

Girl with her teddy bear.

The funny thing is, I often want a break like this. A time with no kids to worry about, but I worry anyway. I wonder what she’s doing and what she is thinking about. I always think I’ll have a bunch of free time to write, reorganize closets, go through photos etc. You know, the stuff you never get around to doing. Then when the time comes, you do what you would’ve done anyway. Last night, I put her clothes away, exercised and wrote to a friend. Those are things I do most nights when Rosebud is here. The only different thing I did was put the brand new light pink sheets that I found on sale yesterday on my bed. It has been good for me though. Although I miss her, I got a good nights sleep and I was able to do some chores this morning. I haven’t had time to myself in ages. and it was good for me to reboot. Kid free time is wonderful, but I was so glad to finally see her this morning.

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