Awareness

Five Signs of a Quality Childcare Program

October 8, 2018

With the way our world is today, for most families, two incomes are a necessity. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of children spend 40 hours or more per week in childcare. With your child spending that much time in one place, you want to ensure that they are receiving quality care. You want to know that they feel welcome and safe. You want to be able to trust your childcare provider with your most precious gifts, your children. Whether the program you are looking at is home based or a larger childcare facility, here are some things to look for to determine whether it is a quality program. You may or may not know, I am a childcare provider so I have an insider’s perspective. I’ve been in many childcare facilities, observed things throughout the years and have heard from families about why or why they did not choose certain childcare programs. You’ll want to take a look at are cleanliness, the classroom environment, staff interactions, policies and procedures and your first impressions of the facility and its management.

1. Cleanliness

This is really important. It is not only important for children and staff to wash their hands regularly and to wash toys for hygienic purposes, but everything else needs to be cleaned regularly as well. Everything from the lunch tables, floors, walls and especially doorknob handles. You can tell if a place is clean by looking at the following.

Are the floors dirty? This isn’t always an indicator. For example if the children have just come inside and the playground was muddy or if they have just eaten a meal and teachers haven’t had a chance to sweep. If the floor is dirty, but the rest of the place appears clean, it’s probably okay. Does the place smell? There’s nothing worse than going into a stinky place. Can you smell that they’ve used some sort of cleaning products? Are there delicious aromas coming from the kitchen? When I smell the cook making a yummy lunch, it’s always more inviting. If the place smells like one huge diaper pale, you’ll probably want to run out the door. If you’re wondering, I have been in a couple of places like that and I didn’t stay long. This might be harder to pick up on, but are there cob webs or a lot of dust in certain areas? If you see cob webs some where, that could be a sign that cleaning is neglected. Do tables look dirty? This one is similar to the floor. If the children just got done with a meal or doing a messy art activity, the tables may be still dirty. Do toys look dirty or broken? The condition of the toys can be a good indication of cleanliness plus the amount of respect the children have for things in their classroom. Last year, we had a rough group in one of our classes and toys were broken often. What about the children’s bathrooms? Usually the children’s bathrooms are right in the classroom so you can see if they are reasonably cleaned.

2. Management

In most places, your first point of contact is the program director or manager. If you are looking at home based childcare, your point of contact is probably the owner. What are your first impressions of them? How are they treating you and do you feel comfortable? Do they allow you to tour the facility? If they do not let you tour or bring your child for a visit before hand, that raises red flags. You always want to tour first, seeing the whole facility if possible, but especially spending some time in your child’s classroom. The program director should explain policies and procedures, the rooms in the facility, the daily schedules and allow you to ask whatever questions you may have. They should be asking questions too and showing interest in your child.

3. Classroom Environment

There should be a place for children to keep their personal belongings. Many places refer to these as cubbies. Are their plenty of toys? There should be a variety of toys and different areas in the classroom. Science or sensory is where children can play with water or sand. They need areas for exploration. Small blocks, stringing beads and puzzles are called Manipulatives. Every class should be using those things to enhance fine motor skills. They may have a kitchen center or a housekeeping corner. Children can use their imaginations doing some dramatic play. There should be a reading corner with plenty of books as well as a place to do art with a variety of materials. There is usually another area for kids to use bigger blocks, cars and trucks or other toys to use more of the larger motor skills. Does the program have any extras? they may have things like a tumble bus, dance classes, cooking for kids, swim lessons etc. Find out what’s unique about your program. I’d also suggest looking at different philosophies and compare it against your parenting style and family preferences. Some places focus on academics, where others use a Montessori or play based approach.

4. Staff Interactions

First, pay close attention to whether you feel comfortable with the staff. Do they look happy, frazzled, tired, frustrated etc. Are they warm and welcoming? Do they answer your questions? What are staff interactions like? Do they work well together as a team or is there plenty of tension in the room? The moods and interactions between staff members is a good indicator of quality. If there is lots of tension and chaos, that may just be the surface of a larger problem. Are they experienced? Some people have a natural gift for working with children and some don’t. Experience may not always be a good indicator, but it helps for teachers to have a background in early childhood education. At least some of the people in the program should be educated in the early childhood field. How long do staff stay with the program? This is a good indicator of a program’s quality. If you have many staff members who work there for long periods of time, it speaks volumes about a well run program. It also is a good indicator of how long your child will have consistency. Finally, observe staff and child interactions if you can to get a feel of how the teachers interact with the children.

5. Policies and Procedures

The manager will probably give you a handbook with tons of information. Please read it. You might come across valuable information that may have been forgotten during the first visit. Some policies you should pay attention to are the sick policy. Most good programs use the Academy of pediatrics as their guide. Find out about their pick up and drop off policies. Can children only be dropped off at certain times? Are there late fees if the child is picked up late? What is their policy on potty training? For example, do children have to be potty trained before entering the preschool class?

If you have an infant, what are their food prep procedures? Do they expect you to have premade bottles? Do you provide baby food or do they? Some programs serve snacks and lunch and others ask you to provide your own food. For the breast-feeding moms, does the facility have a place for a mother to breast-feed? This is important if you want to drop in during the day to feed your baby. The manager should go over the daily schedule and you should be able to get a feel for what kinds of activities are planned for the children. Do they have an open door policy for parents? Most programs use some sort of assessment tool to track your child’s progress and you may want to ask about that. You’ll want to ask about enrollment paper work and fees.

Choosing a childcare provider can be overwhelming and I know this is a lot of information. I hope this list helps you narrow it down and find a wonderful childcare provider or program. Just remember to listen to your gut instinct. If the list is too extensive, just remember a few basic things. Is it clean? Does it seem safe? Do you feel comfortable talking to the teachers and program director? Finally, do you and your child feel at home? If you answered no to any of these questions, continue your search until you find a good fit. It’ll be worth it. I know it is difficult to leave your children in someone else’s hands. As an early childhood educator, I am thankful for the children I’ve met and am grateful that families have trusted me to care for them.

6 Comments

Awareness, Blogging, Parenting, Work

Some Dreams Come True

October 3, 2018

I’m participating in the 21 Day Blogging Challenge. Although I might not do all the posts in 21 days, I would like to eventually use all the prompts for entries, so here is my first entry for the 21 day challenge.

Most people don’t know what they want to do with their life when they are six or seven years old. It changes from day to day or week to week for most kids. One day, they might want to be a fire fighter and a few days later, they proudly tell you that they want to be a scientist. Kids have such imaginations and I admire their ability to dream and think big. I wish I had more of that. Even when I was a little girl, I kept it practical. I thought small or at least that’s how I look at it now. I remember a relatively short phase where I’d tell people I was going to be a secretary and pretend to talk on the phone and write in my appointment book. I think I got this idea from my mom because she worked in an office at the time. More often, I would tell people I wanted to take care of babies when I grew up. Until a few years ago, my aspirations rarely changed.

I always thought it’d be so fun. I dreamed of playing every day. I’d get to do all the cool things I remember from my childhood. I would get to help make childhood experiences memorable for the children I work with. We’d play with play-dough, build with blocks, play in the water, take field trips to fun places and discover the wonders of nature. We’d make gingerbread houses for Christmas and carve pumpkins on Halloween. We’d make snacks that look like animals or have funny faces on them. I could plan cool lessons. I would help the kids create awesome art projects. I pictured that every day. I didn’t think too much about diaper changes, paper work and behavior management. Not to mention difficult parents.

My dream was to provide a safe and fun place for children. When I was young, I never had that safe place. I was safe in my family home. I was safe at my relatives houses. That is more than some people have and I am grateful for that. However, the childcare facilities and homes I went to were unsafe and abusive in some cases. No one knew how bad things were for me at the time. As I got older and put things into perspective, I wanted to ensure that I was providing a safe space for children.

As I have been exploring what my passions really are, I’ve been wondering if that was my real dream at all. From a young age, I remember wanting to be a mom. I knew I’d have babies. I’d think about possible baby names, fun things I would do with them and what I wanted my family to be like. The thing is, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. I had internalized the idea that there was a question of whether I could raise kids. Everything from diaper changes to teaching them life’s lessons. I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it, but somewhere along the way, the messages from society and those around me started to seep in. My confidence slipped and in the back of my mind, I understood that working in childcare could be kind of a preparation. I figured that if I could work caring for children, then people couldn’t question my abilities as a parent. Sometimes I wonder how it would’ve been for me as a parent if I did not have all this early childhood knowledge before hand. I think it would’ve been twice as overwhelming.

I knew that the babies were my favorite, but when it came time to apply for my first childcare job, I was working with a program coordinator. He was in charge of summer job placements. When they asked which age group I wanted to work with, I really wanted the babies, but I said the preschoolers. I was thinking practical and as always, questioning my own abilities. I was afraid of getting it wrong. What if I didn’t know what the babies needed or wanted because they couldn’t talk to me? How would I communicate with them? I was worried about the feedings and diaper changes. Of course everyone agreed that I should work with the older kids. If I would’ve spoken up, maybe my path would’ve been different.

With the way things have turned out, I often think of my choice to work in early childhood as one of my biggest regrets. These thoughts creep in on days where I don’t feel like I’m making a difference. When I feel over worked and under appreciated. Then there are the days that I’m grateful. I wouldn’t have met the kids who have touched my heart. I would’ve never met Sophie, a shy and extremely bright girl I met during my internship. We were both new to the program. She needed some extra attention and I became her favorite person at school. We developed a strong bond over those few months until she moved away. She’d be a teenager now, but working with someone like her was exactly what I pictured all those years ago. Since then, there have been several other children who I have built strong attachments with. Some of them have taught me some very valuable lessons.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve been exploring different career options and would love to start my own business. Working from home with a flexible schedule so that I can spend more time with Rosebud is still a dream of mine, but for years, I have been wondering what my purpose was. Why have I been stuck in this situation? What lessons haven’t I learned yet? I’ve been so down in recent months that I’ve found it difficult connecting with the kids and have felt like I’m part of a machine. A machine that runs on autopilot. One that doesn’t think and doesn’t feel. That is until recently. A new boy joined one of our classrooms and although I won’t get into specifics of his situation, I feel that he needs an advocate. Someone who understands his situation. Someone who really cares and will look out for him.

Maybe this was my purpose and it has just been shown to me. Maybe I can make a difference in his life, even if it is just being his favorite person at school. If I can make him feel safe, welcomed and confident in his abilities, then I have fulfilled one of my life’s purposes.

Sometimes, those little dreams and practical thoughts can lead to something much bigger. We just have to be open to going down our own path, remembering that when we’ve made a wrong turn, we can still discover something amazing. Almost three years ago, I got the unexpected gift of being a mom, proving that some dreams come true, but not always in the times or ways you planned.

3 Comments

Awareness, Blogging

Why I don’t use Pinterest

September 14, 2018

One question I’ve gotten is, why don’t you use Pinterest? My coworkers rave about it. They spend hours finding cool ideas for their classrooms. I’d like to be able to do that too. I’d love to be able to use Pinterest to find an easy dinner recipe or to see some cool and thrifty decorating ideas. I’ll admit it. I wouldn’t mind seeing a cat picture or two. Not to mention the articles and tips that people share.

More importantly, I’d like to be apart of the huge blogging community on there to bring traffic to my blog. Many bloggers get so much engagement from Pinterest and it often gets suggested as a great source for getting traffic to your blog. The problem is the app and the website are inaccessible to me. First of all, the whole point of Pinterest is visual which I can appreciate, but often the pins include text which normally I’d be able to read. I use a screen reader called Voiceover which comes built into Apple products which basically reads everything on the screen out loud. I won’t get technical, but that’s it in a nut shell. Anyway, when I’m trying to browse Pinterest using Safari, all it reads are the tags on the pins. If I’m using the iPhone app, it will read the titles of the pins which I was excited about, but then when I clicked on them, I could not read the text even though it would load. This was extremely disappointing and frustrating.

If Pinterest would fix their code to be compatible with Voiceover, I could read the text and it would make a world of difference. I could read and share pins as well as interact with other Pinterest users. One idea I had was to link to a few cool pins right here in this post, but that won’t happen until I can read them.

The other accessibility issue I have with Pinterest is creating the pins themselves. I know you have to fix your images to work as a pin and I’m not sure how to do that. Trying to edit photos is obviously not my strong suit. It’s hard enough for me to find images let alone editing them.

You might be thinking, why doesn’t she just use other social media channels and why aren’t they enough? Well, I do use Twitter and Facebook and while those are helpful for growing my blog, it seems that both Pinterest and Instagram are where bloggers are at these days. I’m finding this especially in the parenting niche. I’m left wondering how much I’m missing out. How much would my blog grow if I could use it? I’ve had similar challenges with Instagram since it is also so visually based.

I don’t like to complain about these things or draw attention to myself. I’m also a believer in working with the resources I have. I’m grateful for technology and the things that are accessible now, that never were in the past. When it comes to these issues, my gut instinct is not to speak up. Not to ruffle any feathers. The nagging voice in my head tells me to be grateful for what I can use or to wait and maybe somehow it will work better in the future. On the other hand, I think I should be able to participate and use a website as big as Pinterest to find ideas for my classrooms, to grow my blog and eventually to promote my business. Now it’s your turn. What social media platforms have you had the best luck with? Let me know in the comments.

4 Comments

Awareness, Personal Development, Work

Permission to Let Go

August 26, 2018

I have felt very distracted this week. Every time I sit down to write, something gets in the way. Even now, the words are not flowing even though I am at peace with the decision I’ve made. I’m choosing to start over and follow a different path, yet again and I want to share this process with you. Especially, if there is something in your life that it’s time to let go of.

I am choosing to let go of the transcription business idea. There have been so many obstacles beyond what is normal. First, there was the discrimination which I would get no matter the field, but this was so blatant that it was even a surprise to me. Then I decided that my time, energy and effort was worth way more than 17 cents. The pitiful amount that some of these transcription companies pay their independent contractors is absolutely appalling. As one transcription group member said, “it’s highway robbery.” Finally, I took the time to apply to a third company and was so happy when I passed their test. Then when I received the daily E-mail with the work assignments, everything is in Google Sheets. While I can read the spread sheet, I can’t tell which assignments are completed and which need to be worked on. Their ways of assigning and completing work are very confusing to me. It was at that moment when I decided I was done!

As I’ve thought about this more and more, I’ve realized that this isn’t something I’m truly passionate about. If you aren’t passionate about your business, you will not succeed. I have no desire to push through all the accessibility barriers with each company I contact. I thought my grammar skills were okay until I tried brushing up on grammar and punctuation rules. I realized I want to be creating content. I don’t want to be duplicating and editing someone else’s. I don’t want to have to nitpick about commas, dashes and colons. I don’t want to transcribe phone calls where people sound like they’re under water or crappy audio with a constant buzz in the background. Most transcriptionists have multiple transcribing and sound editing software programs so that they can make the files understandable. Also, each company has a different style guide you have to memorize. For example, some companies want you to take out filler words and others prefer you leave most of them in. One company insists you type the curse words and another company requires that you use * symbols instead. Those are the simple rules, but these style guides go on for pages. The appeal of my own business is to follow my own guidelines, not everyone else’s.

The thing that drew me to transcription was the idea that I could make content accessible to people who needed it. The thing is, the people who genuinely need something transcribed shouldn’t have to pay extra for it. For example, if someone can’t hear, should they really have to pay for equal access? I don’t believe so. It’s a double edge sword. You want to provide a service and get adequately compensated for it, but then you don’t want to charge for something that should be available to them anyway. I also understand that providing access is only one part of the transcription field. Of course, I liked that I could transcribe from anywhere and have a flexible schedule.

Now, here’s the good part. On that horrible day when I decided that enough was enough, I was scheduled to talk to a life coach. I had come across her in a parenting group on Facebook a few weeks ago. She is currently getting certified, so I asked her about the process and didn’t think much about it. I had almost forgotten about the call and when I realized it was scheduled for that night, I was dreading it. I was in such a horrible mood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to curl up with the blankets over my head. Not to mention that I hate calling anyone I’ve never talked to before, but I made the call anyway. I knew as soon as I heard her voice that I’d like her. She shared lots of information about the program and answered my endless questions. During our call, she did a mini coaching session and when she asked what my dream career would be, my first thought was coaching. I told her that I have really struggled finding a meaningful career and that I’d like to help others to get passed their road blocks and find what excites them. It became glaringly obvious to me that transcription didn’t even pop into my mind.

The next morning, I started researching coaching schools and coming up with great ideas for a business plan. This is something I’m actually excited about and so many of the barriers that are there with transcription won’t exist in the coaching business. When I look back, the signs were all there. Physically, I was exhausted, stressed and felt low energy. I rarely had time to transcribe actual files or to practice at night. I wanted to be the best that I could be and I wasn’t able to do that. The money wasn’t there. The business counselor I was supposed to work with has been impossible to set up a meeting with. At first, my instinct was to push through, but then I started focusing on my mind and body. How was I feeling? Was I still passionate about my idea? When I really tuned into my thoughts and feelings, I knew it was time to let this go. After I did, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had my evenings back. I could work on my blog. I could exercise. I could relax. Once I gave myself permission to let go, I felt so much better.

What do you need to let go of? What are you no longer passionate about? What are you passionate about and how could you be doing that instead? Those are some questions to ponder if you are in a similar situation. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something? Let me know in the comments.

3 Comments

Awareness, Infants, Parenting, Safety, Toddlers

Five Safety Essentials for Infants and Toddlers

August 16, 2018

Honestly, it took me a while to baby proof. I didn’t think too much of it until Rosebud was crawling around getting into things. I started by simply shutting doors to rooms I didn’t want her exploring or putting her in the exersaucer when I couldn’t keep a close eye on her. I of course had the essentials like a gate for the stairs and outlet covers. When she started reaching the doorknobs and opening drawers, I knew I was in trouble. I went on a mission to find safety products that were functional, easy to install and fit well into our home.

Gates

Let’s talk about gates because they are extremely important. They are especially important if you have stairs. First, I bought one of those cheep gates from Walmart and discovered that it didn’t even fit properly in my doorways. It also seemed like she could knock it right over. Next, I ordered a gate from amazon. This gate was sturdy and did the job, but the latch system was difficult to unlock with one hand. Back then, I had to carry Rosebud so using two hands was near impossible. I’d have to put her down, go back and latch the gate. The gate’s opening was in the middle instead of the side, so the door stuck out if you left the gate open. I hated it so I went back to Amazon and the third time was a charm. I found this great gate from Munchkin and now have two of them. One is at the bottom of my stairs and the other is in my hallway, separating her bedroom from the stairs and the other rooms. This gate locks securely, the latch is a simple push button and the gate opens wide so there is plenty of room. My particular model does not automatically close when you walk through it, but they have a more expensive model that does. I highly recommend this line of gates.

Doorknob Covers

Are there entire rooms that you want to keep off limits? If they are rooms that you can keep closed, a child proof cover on the doorknob will do the trick. I found this four pack on Amazon and they work great. Each cover comes in two pieces that you just snap together over the doorknob. I keep one on the door leading outside, the bathroom, the laundry room and I keep one on my bedroom door. Rosebud’s bedroom is next to mine and I don’t put the gate between them because if she wakes up at night, I want her to be able to come find me. The way I have it set up, she can’t go anywhere at night except for her bedroom or mine. This works fine when I’m right there, but when I’m not, Rosebud likes to go through my drawers and hide in my hamper. Now, if she wakes up while I’m in the shower or downstairs, I can shut my door and not have to worry about her safety.

Baby Monitor

Even though Rosebud is two and a half, I still use her baby monitor. My cousin got it for me when I was pregnant. It has always worked great. I like how I can simply push a button, talk into it and let her know that I’ll be right there. Now days, I’m pushing that button and telling her to go to sleep, but it’s still very useful. Another feature is that the light level on the monitor changes when it detects sound. If the baby cries, the lights will start flashing. This way, you have an idea what is going on in your baby’s room by both, sight and sound. While looking up this product, I discovered that it has a vibrating alert option. It also has a night light on the little loop at the top on the baby unit.

Locks

If you don’t want pots and pans all over the floor or to discover that the groceries you bought yesterday have suddenly disappeared from the fridge, you’ll need locks. I use two different kinds. The ones I use for the fridge and dressers have an adhesive back and they are flat pieces that slide into place. The set that I’ve found works really well. I’ve had them for almost a year now and have not had any trouble with the adhesive or Rosebud getting into the fridge. In fact, if I forget to lock it, she locks it for me. She can’t unlock it though which is the important thing. I keep locks on her dresser drawers because she likes to completely empty her dresser, unfold the clothes and scatter them all around the room.

For the cupboards and bathroom sinks, I use a rope style lock. It goes around the handles and then you pull the strings tight so that the doors cannot be opened. This is so simple that you wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. Rosebud has never been able to get into these cupboards as long as the ropes were securely tightened. A bonus if you have white cupboards, these would blend right in.

Pool and Outdoor Safety

The final safety item I will share is for fun outside the home. If you have anything bigger than one of those tiny plastic kiddy pools, then you might find this useful. This is an inflatable seat that a baby can sit in while floating around the pool. The legs simply go through the holes and the rest looks like an inner tube. Rosebud had two different styles, one with a sun roof and one with out. The one without had larger holes for the legs so she fit in it better, but the one with the sun roof obviously protected her from the sun. Rosebud loved her time in the pool. She was able to float in the pool at my mom’s house because it was deeper, but in her pool here at home, she was able to walk around the pool using the float to push herself around. Of course, children should always have close supervision in the pool, but I found that this was a way to ensure safety while giving a tiny bit of freedom to explore the water. Now that Rosebud is bigger, she has been wearing a life jacket. I found this especially useful last year when she wasn’t as steady on her feet. Now, she is able to go in her pool without one as she feels more comfortable in the water. When she goes in anything bigger than her little pool, she wears the life jacket. I know there are different schools of thought on this, but I think it’s important that she knows when a life jacket is necessary and when she can go in the water without one.

Other Items

There are so many things to consider when it comes to safety. Some things you never even think about until you become a parent. Plus, the amount of products out there is almost endless. I was lucky enough to have experience in childcare so I was familiar with some of the safety products, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed. what safety items are must haves for you? Let me know in the comments.

7 Comments

Awareness, Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Coloring Outside the Lines

July 30, 2018

It was a rainy afternoon here, so Rosebud and I were stuck inside. She had just finished her snack and it was time for play time. I usually turn on music for background noise when we play in the living room. Rosebud likes to build with blocks, care for her babies and pretend she's Dr. Rosebud and gives me a checkup on a daily basis. Today when I turned on the music she said, "let's dance, Mommy." Normally this means just holding her hands and we spin around like we're doing Ring Around the Rosie, but today she wanted to actually dance. She kept saying, "you dance, Mommy." Then she was off doing dance moves that she made up on the spot. For a minute I froze and wondered what exactly to do. I'm a horrible dancer. I'm so self conscious even if it's just her and I. I told her that I wasn't a good dancer, but I'd try anyway and I started copying what she was doing. At least copying as much as I could see. Rosebud didn't mind my awkwardness. She was just glad to spend time together. After a few minutes, I was enjoying being active and I was grateful that she was so happy in that moment.


As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?
There will be challenges in the future for us that most people take for granted with their children. It'll be difficult to teach her to read and write because she'll be reading and writing in a different way than I do. I hesitate to take her to places where there is a large group of kids because it's harder for me to find someone in a crowd. I'm not the best at socializing, so I worry about getting her the right amounts of social interaction. Sometimes when she's looking at something and asks what it is, I totally miss it. I miss the learning opportunity she could have had or just simply sharing the interaction of two people looking at the same thing in their environment. The challenges can seem endless at times, but what about all the things I can teach her and the gifts I can give? I let her enjoy the things I can't fully participate in or find ways to make activities work for both of us. We read a lot of touch and feel books, do lots of 3d art collages and play with play-dough.

I can teach her how to be a problem solver. When one thing is inaccessible to me, I might have to try something more than one way before I figure out what works. This is especially true with technology. I can teach her to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. I can teach the value of spending time together making memories. I can teach her how to listen. This skill is highly underrated. I can teach her about kindness and compassion towards both people and animals.
There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake cookies that make our house smell like a home and make time for snuggles and story time each night. I can make a perfect batch of play-dough and find the best bargains on toys. Most of all, Rosebud is sheltered, clean, safe and loved. When I see her happiness, the embarrassing and sometimes meaningless things that shake my confidence disappear. In those moments, I can see the big picture. The picture with color spilling over the lines that didn't need to be there in the first place. I'm teaching her to start with a blank piece of paper and make her own creation. She doesn't have to fit into anyone else's lines or boxes to be worthy and neither do I.

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      Awareness, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Uncategorized
            
        A Daffidil in a Field of Hyacinths
        
          July 10, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
I was going to write an entry explaining why I haven’t been posting as much and it probably would’ve started off with the words, I’m sorry. I was going to say that I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much and I was even going to apologize for the subject matter of my recent blog posts. When I started this blog, I mainly focused on parenting and kids activities with some self care tips thrown in. I will continue to do those blog posts, but my life is changing.
I’m in the beginning stages of starting a business. If I had to compare the process to anything. It would be a plant. It’s a seed right now, but every day, it gets closer to sprouting. Each day, I take one more step closer to this goal. Also, I am being inspired by different things in relation to my writing. I am thinking a lot about my past and how my experiences have shaped who I am, so I will occasionally share that with my readers. I feel that with our political climate the way it is, it is important to share experiences so we can be more connected. These days, it’s easy to lose touch with humanity. We can hide behind a screen. We can stay in our own little bubble with liked-minded people. We all need need like-minded people in our lives, but seeing other perspectives helps us grow. It seems easier than ever to exclude those who aren’t like us. They are removed from us, so it’s easy to forget that many of our experiences are the same at the roots. In order for things to improve for all of us, especially our children who are growing up in this world we don’t understand, this needs to change. What would happen if anyone could reach out and find a mutual point of understanding or a shared experience? I have to write about what inspires me even if it makes others uncomfortable. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
This weekend, I listened to the Style Your Mind Podcast: Episode 102: Taking out the Energetic TRASH: How to Become a Match for What You Want. In this episode, Cara talks about how you should stay true to yourself and what inspires you. She talks about how you don’t need to be apologetic all the time. If you skip a day, a week or month of blogging, it’s okay. If it takes you a while to get out that latest episode of your podcast, it’s no big deal. What is a big deal is doing what inspires you and being available for those things that light you up. Honestly, I haven’t felt inspired to blog lately. I haven’t had the time nor the energy to set up crafty activities for Rosebud and I. I have come to realize that I can share more than that. Parenting is multi-faceted and so is my life. My life can be difficult, exhausting and chaotic, but it also can be productive, happy and beautiful and my blog is a snapshot of that.

I will leave you with this thought. What if you framed being sorry in a positive way? I’m talking about when you are sorry for inconsequential things. Things that wouldn’t necessarily hurt anyone, but we are always apologizing for them anyway. For instance, what if you thanked someone for being patient when you are a couple minutes late? This way you aren’t feeling so negative and you are appreciating the other person for taking time to wait for you. I want to thank you, my readers for being patient with me as I find a direction for this blog. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I appreciate the comments, likes and shares. If my posts are spaced further apart, it’s because I want to write when I am inspired and not just because of an imaginary deadline I set for myself. I want to stay true to who I am and where I’m at in life. I have picked up many things from blogs I’ve read along the way. Whether it be advice, support, information, inspiration or even solidarity, I have taken those pieces and made them apart of my own journey. Thank you for sticking with me even when I am the Daffidil in the field of hyacinths.

      


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      Awareness, Self acceptance,
            
        When I Become Invisible
        
          July 7, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
Yesterday, I saw a post on a Facebook group that made me think about the times when I become invisible. This would be an amazing super power to have. Imagine the things you would see or hear. Unfortunately, I’m not talking about a hypothetical situation based in tales of fiction. I’m talking about an all too common occurrence.

There are times when I’m out in public when people speak right past me as if I’m not even there. They prefer to speak to whoever I’m with. They probably figure it would be too awkward or they are just assuming that I couldn’t possibly answer a question. These questions aren’t about advanced mathematical concepts or interpreting the latest scientific research. No. They are questions like, what does she want to eat? Does she like this or that? What’s her address, phone number etc? What’s wrong with her? Why does she wear glasses? I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point. Everything they are asking, I would of course know the answers to, so is it really necessary to ask a third person?

Many years ago, I went to Cancun for a vacation. While I was there, I had my hair braided. A girl I was with had it done and I thought it looked cool. Anyway, when I came back I got lots of comments and compliments on it. It’s definitely not something you see around here every day. A friend and I stopped at a convenient store and while we were checking out, the cashier asked my friend where I had gotten my hair braided. My friend obviously knew the answer, but she did something I didn’t expect. She said, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her.” The woman got quiet for a few seconds and then turned to ask me where I had my hair done. She seemed a little embarrassed and she should’ve been. I’ve never forgotten how my friend responded in that situation. She spoke up for me, but she didn’t speak for me. She let this person know that it’s not okay to speak past me and that I’m perfectly capable of answering questions that are directly about or involving me. I wish more people thought and acted like her.

Another time, my mom and I were eating lunch at a restaurant. The waitress stopped by and put the drinks on the table. She starts talking to my mom and mentions how she should open the straw for me. I was so shocked and pissed off that that’s all I remember from their conversation, but I snapped at the woman telling her that I can open my own straw. Here is what I don’t understand. How can someone who walks into the restaurant, picks up a menu, orders food and appears to have a normal range of movement not be capable of opening the flimsy wrapper on a damn straw? Do you need 20-20 vision to do that? I’m curious… I’m also curious how this waitress thought I was going to eat.
The waitress didn’t respond to me and quickly left the table. My mom told me how I shouldn’t have snapped at the waitress because she didn’t know. She’s an older woman and she probably doesn’t know any better. She was just trying to be helpful. She told me I should stop getting so irritated with people and just let it go. This is exactly how these situations usually play out. We are just expected to take the treatment given and be gracious even if the treatment is shitty. Oh, they were just trying to help. Oh, they don’t know how to talk to you. Oh, they are scared. Well, they weren’t talking to me. They were talking past me and assuming I can’t do the simplest of tasks. I won’t accept that kind of treatment. Would you? Would you accept that for yourself? Would you accept that for your partner, your friends, or your children?

      


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      Awareness, Education, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Work
            
        When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens
        
          July 2, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
I’ve been thinking a lot about my career path, my purpose in life and what I’m really passionate about. I’ve been taking an honest look at what I truly want and what would be a good fit for me. I’m reminded of the paths I could’ve chosen and the doors that were opened and closed for me.
Several years ago, I applied to a mental health counseling graduate program at one of the local universities. It was quite a process. I did a lot of research on the program to see if it would be a good fit. Everything seemed okay except I had to take the MAT. I didn’t do great on the SATs so I dreaded this and of course it was horrible. Since I didn’t have much time and all the study guides were inaccessible to me, my mom and I poured over so many words we had never heard of and or couldn’t pronounce. If you don’t know what a word means, how can you compare it to another word? Most of the MAT is analogies. The only similarity to me was that these were groups of words that no one uses, ever! I got a score on the MAT that was good enough to get into the program, but it was only by a tiny margin.
The next step was the interview. I remember sitting across from two women. I don’t remember most of the questions, but I’m sure they asked the usual things. Why do you want to do this program? I’m sure they asked about previous work and academic experience. I remember them asking if there were clients I wouldn’t want to work with. I wasn’t sure what to say. I might have mentioned something about having difficulty working with child abusers, but the main thing I remember from the interview was explaining that I get frustrated with a cookie cutter approach. I believe that since each person is an individual, their treatment shouldn’t be based on the experiences of others. It shouldn’t be based on what stereotypes of the groups the person belongs to. The assumption that everyone should be the same and respond to the same treatment is what bothers me. Maybe it’s unrealistic or idealistic, but there should always be wiggle room for someone’s individuality, autonomy and the ability to have a say in the treatment or services being provided. I answered the questions to the best of my ability so I felt optimistic when the interview was over.

A few weeks later, I open my mailbox to find an envelope from the school. I started opening it on my way back up to my apartment. I wasn’t concerned. I figured I’d get in. I had done everything they asked for so when I saw that I got rejected, it stung.
I always had some doubts about whether counseling was right for me. Did I really want to hear about other people’s problems day in and day out? I wasn’t sure. Did I really want to deal with all that paper work? Could I really do this for a living? These questions swirled around in my head, but friends and family thought I’d be a good counselor. They told me I’m a good listener, I’m compassionate and want to help people. They told me that since I’ve been through a lot so I should be able to help others. The question I kept asking myself was not whether I was able to, but whether I wanted to. Was I doing this for myself or to please others? They told me I’d be successful. I’d make money. They gave me all kinds of reasons so I gave it a try even though I wasn’t entirely comfortable. I told myself maybe I’d like it. Since I was having a horrible experience where I was working at the time, I figured it would be a good way out. A major step up.
Since then, I’ve wondered what went wrong. Was it the low vision? A professor once told the class that blind people couldn’t be counselors because they couldn’t see body language. Therefore, they had no way of knowing how people were feeling. Although I can see some body language, it’s limited and that’s not the primary way I know how someone is feeling. I usually don’t get this wrong. My classmates immediately told me to call in and say something to her. It was a class over ITV. I didn’t though. I was too embarrassed plus I had to have a few courses with this professor and I wanted to continue getting good grades. She had no idea about me anyway because we never met face to face. Most of us were just faceless names to her. Maybe these interviewers felt the same way? It also could’ve been an answer to a question or the other applicants had better test scores. It could’ve been any number of reasons.

I shed a tear or two over that letter. They said I could reapply the following year, but I knew in that moment I never would. I took it as a sign that counseling wasn’t the right fit. Now that I think back. I am glad things turned out the way they did. My tears were more about failing or being rejected. I was disappointed that I didn’t get in, but relieved because I was unsure about counseling in the first place. That door closed, but the doors stayed open to things that are more exciting are a better fit for me.  If I were to go down a counseling path, I would be interested in career counseling, but it took years of job searching and being dissatisfied with my job to figure that out. I wouldn’t have had that experience if I had went with my gut instinct and that’s really the lesson. A lesson that I’ve had to learn time and time again. Who am I really doing all this for? At the end of the day, the person I need to be happy with is myself. Sometimes failing is not really a failure, but an experience that redirects you, returning you to the path that was meant for you.

      


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      Awareness, Education, Parenting
            
        A Butterfly  In the Clouds
        
          May 19, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
This weekend, my heart is a little heavy because of the events and social media posts I saw yesterday. First, there was another school shooting as most people in the US already know. While I don’t live anywhere near where the shooting happened, I wonder what the future holds. What kind of world do we live in where our kids can’t even be safe going to school? When I was a kid, I  never thought of anyone bringing a gun to school. School shootings weren’t heard of. Now it seems as though there’s at least one every month. A friend of mine who grew up in northern Maine where hunting is quite common told me about how people would often have guns in the back of their trucks, but she never feared for her safety. Her peers didn’t play with guns and they certainly never brought them into school to shoot people. I think far too many people have access to guns that they shouldn’t have, but I don’t think that’s the entire issue. In my opinion, we don’t pay enough attention to mental health and more specifically why there are so many mental health issues in our children. We need to get to the root cause if we ever are going to stop this.
I’m not just talking about major mental illnesses. I’m not trying to further stigmatize an entire population of people because not everyone with a mental health diagnosis is violent. What I’m talking about is the disconnect between people and valuing themselves and others. It’s like there is no consideration of life. Other people’s lives don’t matter especially if those lives are different than your own. We need to find out why our children are so depressed. Why do most of us feel so alone when this is the era of connectedness? Of course most of those connections are superficial and I think many of the problems stem from that. Out of all our connections online, how many of them do we talk to on a regular basis? How many of them do we see in person? I’ve read some articles that say that parents spend more time with their children now than ever before, but I don’t see how that could be true. Maybe they spend more time in the same physical space, but it seems the disconnect is more apparent than ever.
I saw a post yesterday on Facebook about one of the local high schools. According to this person’s experience, many of the teens are getting bullied. They get called fat, smelly and unwanted. Some students scream white power in the hallways and from her account an autistic person was pushed down the stairs and that was just bits and pieces of her post. One commenter mentioned that this was happening in high schools everywhere. High school is no picnic for most people, but this is really sad and scary.
There is so much hate out there. I know it has probably always been there, but I’ve never noticed it as much. Maybe it’s because I’m from a relatively small place. Maybe it’s because people never had this many avenues to express it. I don’t know if this is the way people have always been behind closed doors, but I am noticing that people seem to be more comfortable expressing it in public. Social media can be a great thing and I see lots of positivity being spread every day. It’s a great way to find like minded people. Unfortunately, the people that have hate in their hearts can find like minded people as well and there is strength in numbers.
One of my Facebook friends posted An experience she had during her child’s field day activities. She is a blind woman who happened to be interacting with her child and and the group of children she was hanging out with. Some of the children were making negative comments so my friend intervened and encouraged them to say positive things to each other. There’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t like my daughter saying hurtful things to others. Anyway, a couple of the parents had an issue with this and were talking amongst themselves about how blind people should stay at home and stop getting in the middle of everything. One of the mothers said that she couldn’t believe the government gave them money every month and they should stop strutting around. I have paraphrased some of the post, but it was really hateful.  If you are interested, you should read it because she actually has a positive spin on it and isn’t letting it get her down.
Is it just me or are people more entitled than ever? Why do they feel the need to get involved in other people’s business when it doesn’t effect them? One example that comes to mind is when a friend of mine worked with people who have intellectual disabilities. Part of her job was to go grocery shopping with them. She asked one of her clients which brand of catsup he wanted. A customer next to them jumped in and asked why she’d bother to ask him because he won’t know the difference. “Why don’t you just get him whatever?” My friend explained that she always asks her clients about their preferences and yes in a lot of cases, they do know the difference.My first thought was, mind your own business! How is it really effecting his day? What does it matter to him what brand of catsup the disabled guy gets? Why does this hateful guy care whether he knows the difference or not? He doesn’t care nor does he want to be educated. He got the urge to be hateful and it made him feel better to treat others badly. He insulted the guy’s intelligence and continued to talk about him as if he wasn’t even there standing in front of him. I wonder how he would feel if he were the one who needed help shopping for groceries. Would he want to be given the choice or would he want everyone to assume he wouldn’t know the difference? This stuff makes me angry and just think, these are the people raising the next generation.
I often see people who are making positive changes in the world. In a lot of ways, things are better than they were in the past, but then you see these seeds of hatred. It moves us two steps backwards every time it springs to the surface. It’s like a stain you can’t get rid of. You wash it until it’s faint, but you always know it’s there. There’s always one tiny speck that won’t disappear. Today Rosebud said, “I’m a butterfly with wings. I jump like this. I jump right up into the clouds.” Doesn’t that sound like a better place to be? A butterfly flying through the clouds?


      


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