Hallloween is approaching and many of us will be interacting with our neighbors, so I’m updating this story from last year to remind us to be compassionate and kind. We can’t assume everyting about everyone, nor can we know what goes on in everyone’s lives. However, we can all do our best to make Halloween night a positive experience for our children and if you don’t celebrate Halloween, that’s okay too. I know this seems like common sense, but apparently last year, one of my neighbors still needed that reminder.
On Halloween night, my brother and I took Rosebud trick-or-treating. My mom and my other brother stayed behind and handed out the candy. We have a ton of trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood, so I usually run out of candy quickly. The first year I lived here, I ran out of candy within minutes of turning on the light. The kids kept coming, so I went to the store to get another bag. Then last year, Halloween celebrations were rescheduled due to a large storm and power outages, but we barely got any trick-or-treaters on that day. Rosebud wasn’t a fan of last year’s costume and basically it was a bust.
This year, Rosebud loved her costume and understood the whole idea of trick-or-treating. Although she was shy, she had a great time.
By the time we got home, there was barely any candy left and my mom wanted to save me a few pieces. She kept going to turn out the light, but the kids kept coming. Rosebud got plenty of candy and my mom was going to start handing that out, but my brother and I agreed that it was hers and that it wasn’t right to be handing it out. I turned out the lights, but I still had some ghost lights hanging in the window. Meanwhile, my brothers went out the back way into the garage to put some things in there. A group of people walked by including this extremely rude woman.
My brothers could hear her from the garage saying something to the effect of, if they’re gonna shut the lights off, they need to not have decorations. She went on about how we needed to hand out candy. Her husband was trying to offer up some explanation as to why our light might be off. He said that maybe we had small children and it was their bed time. He said that maybe we were still out trick-or-treating and not home yet. She continued to voice her opinion very loudly as she continued down the street. The last thing my brother heard her say was that we need to do the right thing.
The ironic thing was that I felt good about how our night went until this happened. I had good interactions with my neighborhoods. Everyone was polite. The kids in the street were well behaved. People were laughing and having a good time. Of course, there always has to be one one rotten apple ruining it for the rest of us. Maybe I should have shut off my decorations along with the porch light, but I was taking photos of Rosebud. Plus, I was still celebrating Halloween. It was getting late and I thought the amount of trick-or-treaters would be slowing down anyway. Maybe I should’ve gotten three bags of candy instead of two. I could’ve spent $40 on candy instead of $20. There’s always a million things I could’ve done differently.
The question is, why? Do we wish we could’ve done things differently because we honestly regret them or is it because of the opinions of others? Would we even care about these insignificant choices that mean nothing in the long run if it weren’t for the judgement from those around us? I wouldn’t have cared, but then I had visions of this woman going on the neighborhood message board and complaining about how there were Halloween decorations, but no candy at my address. It’s a scary thought, but people go on there and complain about specific individuals.
I didn’t feel guilty. I had done the right thing. I had taken my daughter out trick-or-treating in our neighborhood. In turn, I gave candy to the neighborhood kids who came to my door. By the time I shut off my light, Rosebud was tired and the woman’s husband was right, I have a small child who needed to be put to bed. A couple days later, I talked to another neighbor who said she ran out of candy at around the same time. She said that most of the neighbors around her were running out of candy as well. Obviously, I wasn’t alone. If candy wasn’t outrageously expensive, I think most of us would’ve bought more, but that’s a topic for another post.
The next time you are in a situation where you are wondering why on earth someone would do something, give it a second thought before jumping to conclusions. Of course we all are going to make judgements and see things through our own lenses, but there might be a completely reasonable explanation for someone’s actions. My response to that woman would be that instead of telling me to do the right thing, you should take your own advice. Let’s get back to the basics. A little kindness and compassion goes a long way because what you didn’t know is that I already had done the right thing for our neighborhood and at that very moment when you were being rude and judgmental, I was doing the right thing for my daughter.
Recently, a new little boy joined our program. He connected with me instantly. On his first day, he started bringing blocks to me so I could help him build towers and ever since then, I’ve been his buddy. The classroom he’s in has been having a lot of ups and downs. It has been a while since they had two regular teachers in there, so I’ve been trying to help out in there as much as I can. He has special needs and requires some extra attention that he wouldn’t be getting if I didn’t take the time. I’m in and out of his room throughout the morning and he often cries and tries to leave with me.
I was sitting with a coworker at nap time as I usually do and she was reading an enrollment form for a child who will be joining us soon. After almost every item, she made a snarky comment. Although my coworker’s children are grown now, she must remember being a parent to young children. We learned that the child’s father recently left the family. The mother works and is now single. She is young and the little boy is her first and only child. We learned that he sleeps in the same room with her. It wasn’t clear if they bed share. His bed time is between 8:30 and 9 and he watches about three hours of tv each night.
When we learned that he watches three hours of tv each night, her comment was, “that’s way too much tv. That’s a lot. I don’t even watch that much tv.” I mentioned that maybe that’s why his bed time was late because I’ve read research that shows that it takes children longer to settle if they watch tv right before bed. I said that the mom is young and newly single, that maybe she has a lot to do at night and that’s why he is watching so much tv. I really can empathize with this mom. Rosebud watches more tv than I would like, but there are times when I need to clean, cook, make phone calls etc. It’s hard to do that when you have a toddler who wants all your attention. While the teacher in me whole heartedly agrees that it’s too much tv, the parent in me understands.
Back then, I was not a parent yet and knew nothing about breast-feeding. One co-teacher was in the same boat as I was and the other co-teacher was a parent, but she formula fed. We had no idea and the fact is this mother was doing everything right in her situation and we had no business judging. We’d say things like, why doesn’t she bring more milk? Doesn’t she realize he’s hungry? She really needs to start bringing formula.
I’ve been having trouble with my cell service for months. I’m not sure why, but voicemails cut out or I don’t receive them until hours or days later. The majority of my calls are dropped and I usually have poor reception wherever I go. I’m not sure if it’s my location or my phone itself, but it is so annoying. My mom asked me why I don’t call the phone company to try to get to the bottom of this. Well, that’s a good question. Why am I putting up with this? Instead of getting annoyed, why not try to change my situation? I called the phone company and they updated some settings. However, the issues are not fixed completely and this time, I will be calling back. I pay for cell service each month and have insurance on my phone. As a paying customer, I deserve quality service. Why do we settle for crappy service, bad treatment or keep things that no longer are useful to us? I can’t be the only one who does this.
The only thing I loved about this device was that I actually was able to read an actual paper book for the first time. It was a book I ordered online. I didn’t have to change the format or alter it in any way. I just picked it up, pushed a button on the glasses and started reading. Now days, I can get most books on Kindle or Audible, but this particular one I couldn’t get in electronic format. That was in the first month of having the device. After that, I rarely used it. I purchased it in January and now we are in August. It has barely been useful to me and I kept telling myself, maybe I’ll use it later. Maybe my circumstances will change and it will become more useful.
Too often, we get stuck in this negative mindset where we feel we can’t change things. Sometimes, I feel like it’s not worth the bother, but usually it is. If you can eliminate something that makes you angry, depresses you, places a burden on you or hurts you, it is worth the effort. Even if you have to disrupt your busy schedule or make a huge change in your life. What are the things in your life that are no longer serving you? What steps can you take right now to reduce or eliminate them?
I am choosing to let go of the transcription business idea. There have been so many obstacles beyond what is normal. First, there was the 
Now, here’s the good part. On that horrible day when I decided that enough was enough, I was scheduled to talk to a life coach. I had come across her in a parenting group on Facebook a few weeks ago. She is currently getting certified, so I asked her about the process and didn’t think much about it. I had almost forgotten about the call and when I realized it was scheduled for that night, I was dreading it. I was in such a horrible mood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to curl up with the blankets over my head. Not to mention that I hate calling anyone I’ve never talked to before, but I made the call anyway. I knew as soon as I heard her voice that I’d like her. She shared lots of information about the program and answered my endless questions. During our call, she did a mini coaching session and when she asked what my dream career would be, my first thought was coaching. I told her that I have really struggled finding a meaningful career and that I’d like to help others to get passed their road blocks and find what excites them. It became glaringly obvious to me that transcription didn’t even pop into my mind.
As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?
There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake 
I’m in the beginning stages of starting a business. If I had to compare the process to anything. It would be a plant. It’s a seed right now, but every day, it gets closer to sprouting. Each day, I take one more step closer to this goal. Also, I am being inspired by different things in relation to my writing. I am thinking a lot about my past and how my experiences have shaped who I am, so I will occasionally share that with my readers. I feel that with our political climate the way it is, it is important to share experiences so we can be more connected. These days, it’s easy to lose touch with humanity. We can hide behind a screen. We can stay in our own little bubble with liked-minded people. We all need need like-minded people in our lives, but seeing other perspectives helps us grow. It seems easier than ever to exclude those who aren’t like us. They are removed from us, so it’s easy to forget that many of our experiences are the same at the roots. In order for things to improve for all of us, especially our children who are growing up in this world we don’t understand, this needs to change. What would happen if anyone could reach out and find a mutual point of understanding or a shared experience? I have to write about what inspires me even if it makes others uncomfortable. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
This weekend, I listened to the 
Several years ago, I applied to a mental health counseling graduate program at one of the local universities. It was quite a process. I did a lot of research on the program to see if it would be a good fit. Everything seemed okay except I had to take the MAT. I didn’t do great on the SATs so I dreaded this and of course it was horrible. Since I didn’t have much time and all the study guides were inaccessible to me, my mom and I poured over so many words we had never heard of and or couldn’t pronounce. If you don’t know what a word means, how can you compare it to another word? Most of the MAT is analogies. The only similarity to me was that these were groups of words that no one uses, ever! I got a score on the MAT that was good enough to get into the program, but it was only by a tiny margin.
