Self acceptance,

How To Achieve Your Dreams

January 20, 2020

Around the time I was brainstorming for the perfect word for 2020, this wonderful thing popped up in my inbox. Since the beginning of the year, I have been participating in the Best Decade Ever challenge with Mel Robins. For those who don’t know, it’s a totally free 30 day challenge that teaches you to dream bigger. In her live videos, Mel talks about the science behind dreams, why you should dream bigger and how to break those huge dreams down into achievable steps. If you are not participating, I recommend that you do. The program is simple, doesn’t take up much time and it has given me clarity on several areas of my life. It has given me that push to work on my goals plus be more intentional about self-care and bringing love into my life.

Dream Bigger

The main part of the challenge asks you to dream bigger. Instead of just focusing on 2020, Mel is asking you to think about the next decade and how you can make it the best decade ever. What are your big dreams? What can you accomplish in this decade? You find out by asking yourself, what are my dreams? Then you write down the first five things that come to mind. You can do this any time of day, but I prefer to do this in the morning. If you do this each day, you start to train yourself to think bigger. It also helps with creating positive energy, seeing reoccurring dreams and can help you gain clarity. I’ve seen so many amazing dreams posted, but here are my big five.

Build a life coaching business,
Get in the best shape of my life,
Make a steady income from this blog,
Find a loving and supportive relationship,
Have a second child.

Some of my other dreams are to find my tribe, travel, build my dream house and move out of state. Most of these dreams are broad and not specific and that’s okay. There are no rules when writing down your dreams. Whatever comes to mind is perfectly fine. Don’t over think it. If you have the same dreams every day, write those down. If your dreams are different, that’s fine as well. If you never accomplish these dreams or if they change over time, that’s okay. The point is to learn the skill of thinking about your dreams and realizing that they are possible.

Self Limiting Beliefs

Most of the time, we don’t even get started achieving our dreams because we tell ourselves that our dreams are stupid. We tell ourselves that we are too young, too old, not smart enough, not good enough or that we don’t deserve it. The self limiting beliefs can be endless. We are our own worst critics. We tell ourselves things that we would never tell anyone else. Mell offers a free tool that helps you get clear on your self limiting beliefs and how to get rid of them. This is hard work, but we have to train our brains to think the opposite of what we’ve all been thinking about ourselves for years. Old habits die hard.

Check out this video on self limiting beliefs.

Brick By Brick

Last year, I wrote a post about my take aways from the book, Take Control of Your Life. Also, by Mel Robins. In that book, there was a concept where you build a foundation brick by brick. Well, this is how you achieve your dreams. You break each dream down into small achievable steps. In week two of the course, one of the assignments is to simply pick one dream out of your five and explore it further for 15 minutes per day. What does that mean? Well, there are many ways to explore a dream. One of my big dreams is to become a life coach and build a business, so that’s the one I chose to explore further. I bought the book Becoming A Professional Life Coach and started reading it. I watched a video of a sample life coaching session. Another day, I read everything on the World Coach Institute’s website. I’ve read blog posts written by life coaches on how to get started, listened to The Life Coach School’s podcast and I’ve done what I call a life coaching brain dump. This is where I’ve generated business ideas as well as a todo list for steps I need to take to get started.
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Here’s another example. What if your dream is to start a parenting blog? Your first step would be to do a brain dump. Write down anything that comes to mind regarding your blog.

Blogging Brain Dump

One area may be exploring topic ideas. What do you want your blog to focus on? Here is a list of possible topics.

Developmental milestones,
Toy/product reviews,
Self-care for moms,
Breast-feeding,
Sleep routines,
Kid friendly recipes,
Educational activities.

You get the idea. List as many possible topic ideas as you can think of. Then do another list of action steps that you’d need to do to get started. Some possible items on your list might include

Coming up with a domain name,
Researching and finding a web host,
Explore WordPress themes,
Design website, (Banners, logos, layout etc)
Do research on writing a blog post (SEO, proper format, Pinterest etc)
Create written content,
Find images,
Create social media accounts for your blog,
Learn how to promote and drive traffic to your blog,
Learn about ways to earn an income from your blog.

The point of these lists is to have a place to get started. This way you can see what small steps you can take, what skills you need to learn etc. You can also do a list of steps you’ve taken if you’ve been working on your dream already. That way, you can see your wins and it will keep you moving. Staying with the blog example, one big step would be to choose a domain name. This will be the website address where your blog is located. To achieve this step, you may want to write a list of several blog name ideas. Then choose the one you like best and see if it’s available. If it is, your next step would be to buy the domain. Then your next step would be to find a hosting provider. If you know which one you want to go with, you’d simply go to that website and sign up for a plan. If you are an absolute beginner, your first step may be to do research and compare various hosting companies. There isn’t a right or wrong order to exploring your dream. Just do one small part or actionable step each day and that is how you get started. Brick by brick!

As I write this, I’m wrapping up week two of the course and am looking forward to making more progress on my dreams during weeks three and four. I will keep you posted. What are your big dreams for this decade? What is one step you can take today to get startedd? Let me know in the comments.

6 Comments

Motherhood, Parenting, Self acceptance,

5 Ways Motherhood has Changed Me

May 12, 2019

I want to wish all the mothers out there a happy Mothers Day. For this year’s Mothers Day post, I’m sharing five of the ways that motherhood has changed me.

Before I became a mother, I had all these ideas of what parenting would be like. I care for and teach children every day, so I thought it had prepared me and in some ways, it did. I was comfortable with bottle feeding, changing diapers and soothing crying babies. I had learned about the value of giving children choices and setting appropriate limits. I had discovered cool toys and activities that I wanted my children to have. I saw wonderful children’s books that I wanted to read to them.

The thing with childcare is that the children leave at the end of the day. I didn’t have to deal with the sleepless nights, the endless work and the joys and challenges of parenting. I hadn’t grasped the overwhelming idea of having another human being truly depending on you for everything. The instant I found out I was pregnant, my life had completely changed. Here are just a few of the ways motherhood has changed me.

More Empathetic

Becoming a mother has given me a different perspective and makes me a better childcare provider. I am much more empathetic towards other parents. I used to be really judgmental. I thought I’d be one of those parents who wouldn’t let their kids watch much tv. I was going to bottle feed and who cares. My baby wasn’t going to have a pacifier. My baby would sleep in her own crib. You get the picture. My reality after Rosebud was born was completely different. During my pregnancy, I had done some research and decided to breast-feed. My baby eventually got a pacifier because I was tired of being one. She slept with me because she refused to sleep by herself in her crib. My choices were sleep or insanity. I chose sleep. Unfortunately, she gets more screen time than I’d like. I need to get things done around the house and sometimes I just need a breather and it keeps her occupied.

Now when other parents come in with these struggles, I understand. When moms come in with really small bottles of milk because it’s all they’ve pumped, I can empathize. When they want their babies pace fed, I get it. When a single mom lets her kid watch tv every night because she needs to get stuff done or just relax, I’m right there with her. When a parent doesn’t want to hear that something is wrong with her child, I completely understand. While the educator part of me wants to help that child as soon as possible, the parent part empathizes with the denial and wishing it wasn’t true.

More Cautious

Before Rosebud, I was more likely to step out of my comfort zone and take risks, but I’ve noticed that I’m a lot more anxious now. I worry about everything, especially the future. I remember my high school days where I was excited to be going off to college. I went across the country to start over in a totally new place. I was more confident, more independent and full of hope.When things didn’t work out there, I was crushed, but I picked myself up and returned to a local college. After lots of volunteering, I eventually got a job and then my life basically stayed the same for several years until Rosebud was born. Back in high school I did some traveling as well and that stopped.

I don’t remember the last time I went anywhere alone. I’m less confident about applying for jobs, meeting new people or trying new things. I have Rosebud to think about now and I think about how everything I do might effect her. I admit, I can go overboard. I’ve tried to make a lot of changes, but I’m not as confident as I was before. My anxiety plays a big part in that. I am a work in progress. Pushing through the hard stuff is an important thing that we all need to model for our children.

More Aware of Time

After I became a mom, I suddenly realized, I didn’t have any time to myself anymore. I insisted that I’d be showering everyday and I never gave that up. I needed that to feel like myself, so when Rosebud was a baby, I put her in the bouncer in the bathroom while I showered. I heard other mothers say how they could barely get a shower in and I decided that wasn’t going to be me. My time slipped away in other ways. I barely could write in my journal anymore. I rarely watch tv now. My crafting hobbies have pretty much disappeared. There are a ton of cleaning projects I’d like to tackle, but when? My time is divided three ways. There’s Rosebud, my day job and the blog. Other than that, there’s a few hours of sleep in between. I will never take good sleep or free time for granted again. When I have time to write in my journal or take a ceramics class, I enjoy it so much more now.

I Will Not Settle

When I found out I was pregnant, I decided that I could never settle. This applies to all areas of my life. I couldn’t settle for a bad relationship because I didn’t want my daughter to have bad relationships as an adult. I want her to see a healthy relationship. Two people that treat each other with respect, looking out for each other and supporting each other. I didn’t want her to grow up seeing constant fighting or a relationship that was distant and unhappy. I want Rosebud’s childhood to be filled with happy memories, not painful ones.

I can’t settle in my career. I need to find something I truly enjoy. Childcare has taken it’s tole since Rosebud was born. While I have become a more empathetic childcare provider, I have become a far less patient one. My exhaustion of 24-7 childcare, office politics and my wish to be home with Rosebud have pushed me to the tipping point. That’s why I’ve been working so hard to find something else. I want Rosebud to know that she doesn’t have to settle either. It’s hard when you have to balance responsibility with what you know is right in your heart.

I Trust Myself

I’ve heard a lot of parenting advice over the past three years and you know where I’ve found the solutions? From my own gut instincts. Since becoming a mother, I have learned to trust myself. People said I was creating bad habits by letting Rosebud sleep with me. At fifteen months, she transitioned into her own bed and has been a great sleeper. In my heart I knew she was ready. I followed my own instincts and it worked out. The same went for potty training. I got endless advice and pressure and I tried so many things. Eventually I gave up. Yes, I gave up. I said, we aren’t doing this right now. I told her that when she was ready to use the potty to let me know. A few weeks later, she came to me and said she wanted to use big girl panties. A week later, she told me she didn’t want the night time diaper any more. She’s been dry ever since. I always thought she’d do it when she was ready and she did. I felt guilty for not following my instincts and caving in from outside pressures, but I learned an important lesson.

I’ve applied this to other areas of my life. If I get a weird vibe about a situation, I trust myself instead of trying to make excuses or staying to be polite. I haven’t always been good at advocating for myself, but if something is wrong, I am starting to speak up about it. It’s amazing how we get conditioned to ignore our inner voice. We need that guidance, especially when we are parents.

Motherhood has changed me in so many ways. Everything from simple daily routines to being more emotional about certain things. Some changes are for good and others not so much, but I wouldn’t change a thing about Rosebud. I’m so glad she came into my life. How has being a parent changed you? Tell me in the comments.

5 Comments

Awareness, Parenting, Self acceptance,

The Same, But Different

March 12, 2019

There are a lot of misconceptions out there and sometimes I get questions about how I do things as a visually impaired parent. I don’t think my life is out of the ordinary, but sometimes I might have to take an extra step or think outside the box to get things done. When the idea to do this post popped into my head, I thought of a couple things immediately, but for others, I really had to think about. Here are five things I do differently as a visually impaired mom.

Reading

This is a big one because it not only involves reading stories to Rosebud, but I have to find alternative ways to read just about everything. Luckily, there have been so many amazing advances in technology since I was a kid and it has opened up the world to me, but generally, I just can’t pick up something and read it. There are several ways I read books to Rosebud. I have the regular books with Braille labels on them. The great thing about these books is that I can read them, but so can anyone else. They have the print as well as the pictures. I’ve found that this is the best way for me to read to her. That being said, the selection of books is somewhat limited and can get expensive. A great selection can be found here at BRL.

I find a lot of great books being read aloud on Youtube. I know it’s not the same as having the paper book, but it’s another way Rosebud can have access to books. There are a few books that we have the print copies of that she can follow along with them being read aloud. Here are a few of her favorites.

If You Give a Mouse a Brownie

The Very Busy Spider

Sneezy the Snowman

Big Pumpkin

Recently, I was told of a program in my area called Books on Wheels. Volunteers from the local library have started bringing children’s books to me twice per month. Although I can’t read these books to Rosebud, we can look at them and other family members can read them to her. I don’t want her to get bored with the books we have and this is another great way for her to get access to a huge variety of books. As she gets older, I plan on introducing her to audio books as well. She loves books and I want her to keep enjoying books throughout her life.

Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks

Safety Rules

Since I can’t always see exactly what Rosebud is doing, I take safety very seriously. This is especially the case if we are in public, outside in a play area or walking down the street. If we are walking down the street or walking through a public place, she has to hold my hand with very few exceptions. As she gets older, I’ll give her a little more space, but for now, she has to hold my hand. That way I always know where she is. Sometimes she fights me on this, but it’s for her safety and my peace of mind. If we are out at the playground, she cannot run out of the play space. If she does, I give her one warning and if she doesn’t listen, we immediately go back home. I’ve had to do this a couple of times. It may sound mean, but I don’t want to have to chase her down in places I’m unfamiliar with and what if something happened before I got to her? I’d rather be safe than sorry. As she gets older, she will understand why I have that rule in place, but for now, she probably just thinks I’m a mean mom for five minutes. As she understands more and is able to explain where she wants to go, I’ll probably relax somewhat, but I think I’ll always worry a little extra.

Nursing

You’re probably wondering, what’s so different about that? Well, nothing really. I’ve heard a lot of people say that breast-feeding is such a visual thing and it probably is, but it didn’t work that way for me. Some of the hospital staff were concerned about my ability to breast-feed and at first, I had trouble getting her to latch. Partly because we were both new at it and because I was convinced that it was a visual thing so I wouldn’t be able to do it by feel. Of course, the visual aspect wasn’t working for me, so naturally I had to feel to help her latch. When I let go of the idea that I was doing it wrong, it worked much better. We found a way to make it work for us. As I thought about it more, I wondered how do moms get babies latched by sight in the middle of the night anyway? Do they turn a light on? I doubted it. Who wants to do that when you can role over and get back to sleep.

Measuring

One question I’ve heard before and even wondered myself before I became a parent was, how would I give my child medicine? I have different techniques for measuring medicine. Whether it is for a syringe or cup, I have either the pharmacist or someone else mark the dosage with a black line. I have to keep an eye on this as the line fades after several washings. One way I’ve found that keeps the mark there is to put clear tape over the black line. The little medicine cups work the same way. For those who can’t see at all, they use a tactile marker. I’ve heard of people using puff paints or making an indentation with a knife. Also, here is the thermometer I use.

Since Rosebud was having such trouble with getting enough milk before leaving the hospital, I had to start supplementing with formula. This was not a road I wanted to go down because I did not want to have to worry about measuring the exact amounts of liquid and powder. I didn’t want to be downstairs in the middle of the night making bottles, but for the first couple months of Rosebud’s life, that’s where I was. When I left the hospital, they sent me home with the pre-made 2oz containers of ready made formula. Those were expensive to buy so I bought a larger container of the powder. I’d measure out the water using a 2oz container and then add the scoops of powder. I was lucky I didn’t have to stick with measuring out formula, but I had figured it out and it was definitely an option when I needed it.

Identifying Colors

I have difficulty seeing color so sometimes I use an app called Seeing AI to identify colors. I use it a lot when I’m trying to match Rosebud’s socks. I try to get socks that are all white or that have distinctive patterns that I can easily match. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way so the color identifier comes to my rescue. For the rest of her clothes, I usually memorize or can see the colors, but occasionally if it’s a new outfit, I’ll use the app to tell me the colors. I worried about how I would teach her colors, but she already knows most of them. I’d point out colors of the items I knew, some of the tv shows she watches teach colors and other people would point out colors as well, so I really didn’t need to worry.

I also use apps on my phone to identify items. This was especially helpful with reading baby food jars since the labels are relatively small. I wished I would’ve had these apps when working in the infant room. I’ve also tried to use the app when reading books to Rosebud, but it’s too hard to try to read and repeat anything other than simple board books. Anyway, the app also comes in handy for reading mail, the directions on food packaging and for reading the error notices on my tv or computer screen.

As a parent with a visual impairment, I do the same parenting tasks that other parents do, but sometimes I have to do them in a different way. I think that some people equate doing something differently with inability, but that’s not the case. If we all did everything the same, no one would ever come up with anything new and then how boring would the world be? Where would our world be without any outside the box thinking? Maybe my parenting journey looks a little different than yours, but my end goal is the same. We all want to raise healthy, happy well adjusted children.

2 Comments

Awareness, Safety, Self acceptance,

When Helping is not Helpful

January 22, 2019

I have a master list of post topics. Usually, I don’t need to fall back on it because I get the best inspiration in the moment. Something will pop into my head and a couple days later, it’s out here on the blog. However, this is different. This situation happened years ago, but I was reminded of it recently because of some posts I’ve been seeing. People are making assumptions and are forcing help when it is not needed or wanted which is why I’m writing about it now.

If this is the first time you’ve come across my blog, you might not know that I have a visual impairment. I mostly focus on parenting, teaching and personal development, but occasionally, I write about some of life’s challenges like the most recent time I was discriminated against and my negative experience in the hospital when Rosebud was born. My visual impairment has shaped my life in a lot of ways and while I don’t focus on it, other people do and that’s where these experiences come from. Unfortunately, many of them are negative, but I write about them so that people will understand where I’m coming from and not just assume that I’m an angry and ungrateful person.

The crossing

Back in 2001, I worked in a childcare center in a smaller city. On most days, I’d walk to and from the childcare center without incident, but one afternoon, I was walking and minding my own business. Everything was going fine until I reached a busy intersection. This rout crossed several streets, but this particular intersection was the busiest. For those who don’t know, most blind and visually impaired people rely on the sound of traffic to signal when it is a safe time to cross. Many intersections have audible signals now, but they don’t always work and in many cases, they didn’t exist until recent years. I am able to watch the traffic to a certain extent, but I rely a lot on the sound as well. I can’t see when the lights change color. Especially in the day time so, when I’m waiting to cross, I really need to stay focused on the traffic cycles.

I was watching and listening. When the light changed. The parallel traffic started moving and that was my signal to cross. Suddenly, a guy jumped out of nowhere and started yelling at me and grabbed my arm. He was telling me he better help me because I was going to get hit by a car. I told him to let me go and that I was fine, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t like the way he was grabbing my arm and I didn’t like his insistence. Meanwhile, the traffic was moving along and I was totally distracted. At this point, I thought it was still safe to go, but I was so distracted by this guy and my instinct to run that I wasn’t sure. My only thought in the moment was to get away from this guy so I started running across the street. There was a car that had started going across as well and luckily it had stopped in time to let me run across. I felt bad for the driver and he or she probably thought I was an idiot, but I didn’t know what else to do.

I didn’t want to run in another direction because then I probably would’ve gotten lost. I didn’t know the area that well, but I did know it wasn’t a nice neighborhood. Of course that was on my mind when this guy grabbed me. When I finally made it across without being hit, I ran for the next block or two until I knew for sure no one was following me.

What you should do

When I refused the guy’s help, he seemed to get irritated that I didn’t want him helping me, but the fact was he made me feel unsafe. First, because he’s a strange man grabbing me on the street and second because he distracted me during a crossing. For people who are primarily relying on sound, this can be extremely dangerous. While the man may have thought he was being helpful, it was the complete opposite. If you see someone and you get the urge to help, please ask them if they need help first. If they say no, respect that and understand it has nothing to do with you. Maybe they really don’t need help or maybe they aren’t comfortable accepting help. Also, don’t touch someone before you’ve even spoken to them. It’s really for your own safety plus it’s common courtesy. Do you want to be grabbed by a random stranger? If you do have to touch them to get their attention, tap them on the shoulder.

I’ve always had an independent streak and never wanted to ask for help. When I was a kid, people always told me to ask for help, but I saw that as a weakness. I couldn’t ask for help because people would see me as less intelligent and inferior. Even though the message was always, you can ask for and receive help, the message I got was that I have to ask for help because I couldn’t do things on my own. I know part of that was my own thought process, but I felt like if I asked for help, I would be looked down upon even more, but if fully sighted people needed help with something, they wouldn’t necessarily be treated differently. It was just a part of life.

I have learned that everyone needs help at some point. It is a strength to know when you need help and to ask for it. It can take a lot of courage depending on the situation. There have been so many instances in my life when people have offered help. I really appreciated it when it was offered in a kind and respectful way. Other times, I have refused and resented it because I felt it was not necessary, but that time, I actually felt like I was in danger.

Should we be grateful?

Several years ago, I happened to see a post online where someone complained that a disabled man in a wheelchair refused help. I can’t remember the specifics, but one comment stuck with me. “Handicap people should be grateful for any help they can get.” Really? Do people have to accept help when doing so causes them to lose their dignity or puts them in danger? Should disabled people really be grateful for that? I’m sure this commenter would’ve had a problem with me refusing this guy’s help. In his eyes, that person was a kind soul who offered his help and should’ve graciously accepted it even if he took me the wrong way or assaulted me. In my case, the stranger on the street got the hint after I ran away from him, but that’s not always the case.

Another comment I remember from the thread was saying how angry that man in the wheelchair was. Well, maybe he had a good reason to be angry. Maybe he was having a bad day and got tired of people assuming he needed help. The fact is we don’t know. The total strangers on the thread didn’t know and neither did the person trying to help him. We never will truly know what’s in someone else’s head, but what we do know is that he is a human being with a range of emotions. He had every rite to be angry, annoyed or frustrated.

Not everyone accomplishes tasks in the exact same way. That’s the beauty of living in a world where there is a lot of diversity. Underneath, we are all still people who think and feel. This is so basic that I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to understand, but I hope that one day they will. It all goes back to what they taught in elementary school. How would you want to be treated? If more people asked themselves that before interacting with other, the world would be a much nicer place to live.

8 Comments

About me, Self acceptance,

The Weird and the Wonderful

September 3, 2018

I’ve seen a few posts like this on other blogs recently and I thought I’d write a post with random facts about myself. It’s a way for you to get to know the person behind the posts. Here are some of the things that make me unique.

1. Rosebud and I share the same birthday. No. that wasn’t planned, but it was her original due date.

2. I’m a lefty and we all know about the Genius of lefties.

3. I’m a collector. I’ve had many collections over the years. For a while it was keychains when I used to travel more. I had a small collection of unique candles, but I stopped that when I kept getting endless store bought typical jar candles on every occasion. My childhood collections were rocks, shells, porcelain dolls and snow globes, later on. Most of those have broken over the years, but my unicorn collection has stuck with me.

4. Speaking of collecting, whenever I go clothes shopping, I can’t help but buy more shirts. Even if I’m only going for pants.

5. Raggedy Anne dolls creep me out. I hate the faces that are painted on and their stringy hair. A three dimensional face was always a must. I’ve been creeped out by them since I was a kid. In fact, if I hear a story about a haunted doll, I always picture one of those. I refused to let my mom buy one for Rosebud.

6. My first job was collating books. It was boring as hell and I had this horrible boss who insisted that we couldn’t talk to each other. We were working on collating Harry Potter books back when they first came out. I’ve never read anything from the Harry Potter series.

7. I lived in the same house until I was 18, but moved seven times between my 20’s and early 30’s. Only one of those times was out of state.

8. I can’t stand coffee. I don’t care for the smell. The closest thing I’ll have is a cappuccino.

9. I pierced my own ears when I was twelve using just an earring. Yes, I have a high tolerance for pain.

10. I named all my dolls when I was a kid and I probably had 40 to 50 of them.

11. I actually prefer cloudy days because I can see better when I’m outside.

12. One of my favorite hobbies is making pottery. The amount of things you can do with clay is endless.

How about you? What makes you unique? Let me know in the comments.

0 comments

Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Why Do We Settle?

August 27, 2018

These past couple of weeks have been overwhelming, so I’ve been wondering how I can simplify my life. When I really thought about it, there were so many things that weren’t serving me. Everything from small daily annoyances to things that are life changing. This is not a vent post. This is about changing your mindset.

I’ve been having trouble with my cell service for months. I’m not sure why, but voicemails cut out or I don’t receive them until hours or days later. The majority of my calls are dropped and I usually have poor reception wherever I go. I’m not sure if it’s my location or my phone itself, but it is so annoying. My mom asked me why I don’t call the phone company to try to get to the bottom of this. Well, that’s a good question. Why am I putting up with this? Instead of getting annoyed, why not try to change my situation? I called the phone company and they updated some settings. However, the issues are not fixed completely and this time, I will be calling back. I pay for cell service each month and have insurance on my phone. As a paying customer, I deserve quality service. Why do we settle for crappy service, bad treatment or keep things that no longer are useful to us? I can’t be the only one who does this.

In January, I signed up for a payment plan for a pair of expensive glasses that scans text and reads it aloud. It’s a portable device that you can take with you to read menus, signs, price tags etc. You can also curl up on the couch with a book and it will read it to you. Apparently, these are the Goldie Locks of glasses because the lighting has to be just right. These glasses are also supposed to recognize products using a database, recognize colors of objects and even people’s faces. Unfortunately, none of these features work very well. Although the device is portable, it is still attached to a wire which is inconvenient, so I only took it to the store with me a couple of times. It was also advertised as being extremely quiet so those around you couldn’t hear it, but that wasn’t true either.

The only thing I loved about this device was that I actually was able to read an actual paper book for the first time. It was a book I ordered online. I didn’t have to change the format or alter it in any way. I just picked it up, pushed a button on the glasses and started reading. Now days, I can get most books on Kindle or Audible, but this particular one I couldn’t get in electronic format. That was in the first month of having the device. After that, I rarely used it. I purchased it in January and now we are in August. It has barely been useful to me and I kept telling myself, maybe I’ll use it later. Maybe my circumstances will change and it will become more useful.

I finally decided that this was no longer serving me. Why am I spending money on something I don’t use? Why am I keeping things that don’t work well for me? I posted it for sale on Facebook and the next day the company contacted me asking me to return it. I’m not going to get my money back, but I will no longer be throwing money away. That money could be spent on things that do make a difference in my life. I figured that there was nothing I could do until I paid it off, but the fact is, I didn’t know until I did something about it.

Too often, we get stuck in this negative mindset where we feel we can’t change things. Sometimes, I feel like it’s not worth the bother, but usually it is. If you can eliminate something that makes you angry, depresses you, places a burden on you or hurts you, it is worth the effort. Even if you have to disrupt your busy schedule or make a huge change in your life. What are the things in your life that are no longer serving you? What steps can you take right now to reduce or eliminate them?

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Awareness, Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Coloring Outside the Lines

July 30, 2018

It was a rainy afternoon here, so Rosebud and I were stuck inside. She had just finished her snack and it was time for play time. I usually turn on music for background noise when we play in the living room. Rosebud likes to build with blocks, care for her babies and pretend she's Dr. Rosebud and gives me a checkup on a daily basis. Today when I turned on the music she said, "let's dance, Mommy." Normally this means just holding her hands and we spin around like we're doing Ring Around the Rosie, but today she wanted to actually dance. She kept saying, "you dance, Mommy." Then she was off doing dance moves that she made up on the spot. For a minute I froze and wondered what exactly to do. I'm a horrible dancer. I'm so self conscious even if it's just her and I. I told her that I wasn't a good dancer, but I'd try anyway and I started copying what she was doing. At least copying as much as I could see. Rosebud didn't mind my awkwardness. She was just glad to spend time together. After a few minutes, I was enjoying being active and I was grateful that she was so happy in that moment.


As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?
There will be challenges in the future for us that most people take for granted with their children. It'll be difficult to teach her to read and write because she'll be reading and writing in a different way than I do. I hesitate to take her to places where there is a large group of kids because it's harder for me to find someone in a crowd. I'm not the best at socializing, so I worry about getting her the right amounts of social interaction. Sometimes when she's looking at something and asks what it is, I totally miss it. I miss the learning opportunity she could have had or just simply sharing the interaction of two people looking at the same thing in their environment. The challenges can seem endless at times, but what about all the things I can teach her and the gifts I can give? I let her enjoy the things I can't fully participate in or find ways to make activities work for both of us. We read a lot of touch and feel books, do lots of 3d art collages and play with play-dough.

I can teach her how to be a problem solver. When one thing is inaccessible to me, I might have to try something more than one way before I figure out what works. This is especially true with technology. I can teach her to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. I can teach the value of spending time together making memories. I can teach her how to listen. This skill is highly underrated. I can teach her about kindness and compassion towards both people and animals.
There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake cookies that make our house smell like a home and make time for snuggles and story time each night. I can make a perfect batch of play-dough and find the best bargains on toys. Most of all, Rosebud is sheltered, clean, safe and loved. When I see her happiness, the embarrassing and sometimes meaningless things that shake my confidence disappear. In those moments, I can see the big picture. The picture with color spilling over the lines that didn't need to be there in the first place. I'm teaching her to start with a blank piece of paper and make her own creation. She doesn't have to fit into anyone else's lines or boxes to be worthy and neither do I.

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      Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Uncategorized
            
        Owning My Guilt
        
          July 13, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
I'm reading Cara Alwill Leyba's new book, "Like She Owns The place”.

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 For those who don't know, Cara is an author and master life coach who works to help women empower themselves and change their mindset. I found her online several years ago and discovered that a lot of her message resonates with me.
One passage she wrote about guilt in, "Like She Owns the Place" stood out to me. She discusses the idea that women often feel guilty due to external forces. Such as ones culture, religion or the society they live in. It may come from childhood experiences or friends and family making them feel guilty. This may be intentional or not, but never the less, the guilt shows up. She poses the question, if you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, why feel guilty? Cara describes one situation where she was taking a day off from work, spending the day at home. Her plan was to binge watch a show and have a glass of wine. Meanwhile, her husband decided to reorganize a closet full of Christmas decorations. Seeing this, she felt guilty and went over to help, but he encouraged her to take time for herself. That’s the sign of a good man, by the way. She said she went back to watch tv, but it didn’t come naturally to her. She felt guilty for taking time for herself and not working.
I often feel guilty over things like this. Today, my mom took Rosebud so that I could rest as I haven’t been feeling well. I can’t rest though because I start feeling guilty and thinking of everything I need to do. If I’m napping on the couch, the laundry isn’t getting done. The dishes are piled up in the sink. Rosebud's toys need to be rotated. Countertops need to be dusted. That’s just the house work. Then there’s the work you actually get paid for. I don’t feel guilty about taking time away from my job outside the home, but I feel guilt over not working on transcription stuff. I think to myself, I should be transcribing practice files or doing the business plan paper work. As with the blog posts, I set imaginary deadlines and the guilt sets in.

This week is supposed to be my vacation, but I’m having trouble just letting it be. I always have to fill my time and not necessarily with the things I enjoy. I need to feel productive even in times when I should be resting. The mom guilt is never ending. While Rosebud is not here, I’ve spent much of my time doing things for her instead of myself. I’ve washed toys, did laundry and prepared her dinner for later. It's one way to ease the guilt of taking time away from her. Then again, when I'm spending time with her just playing, I get that nagging feeling about the house work. Then when I'm cleaning or doing other things, I feel guilty about giving her screen time. While she's away, I’ve been pondering how to take away the pacifier. Should I try a gradual approach or go cold turkey? This was prompted by her visit to the dentist this morning. In between cleaning and thoughts of the annoying paci, I wonder how she’s doing. What is she doing right now? Has she napped? What did she eat for lunch? Then I think maybe I should watch some videos of her. Oh, wait... I better get back to work.

As Cara points out in her book, when we are old, what will we be worrying about? Will we be worried about all the times we should’ve cleaned closets, typed up that report or swept the kitchen floor? Definitely not! We will be remembering things we enjoyed. The times with our loved ones, the things we’ve created or times we did something crazy, fun and memorable. The fact is, we all need time to replenish ourselves. If we don't get that, we become unhappy and lose sight of our strengths, passions and our joy. We need to start erasing some of this guilt. If not, what are we teaching our children and what are we doing to our emotional well-being? I’m finally in my element. I’m taking the time to write which makes me feel lighter and taps into my creative side. I’m sitting outside enjoying the breeze on my face, the shade of a tree and listening to the birds over head.

Here are some of Cara's other books if you are interested.
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      Awareness, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Uncategorized
            
        A Daffidil in a Field of Hyacinths
        
          July 10, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
I was going to write an entry explaining why I haven’t been posting as much and it probably would’ve started off with the words, I’m sorry. I was going to say that I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much and I was even going to apologize for the subject matter of my recent blog posts. When I started this blog, I mainly focused on parenting and kids activities with some self care tips thrown in. I will continue to do those blog posts, but my life is changing.
I’m in the beginning stages of starting a business. If I had to compare the process to anything. It would be a plant. It’s a seed right now, but every day, it gets closer to sprouting. Each day, I take one more step closer to this goal. Also, I am being inspired by different things in relation to my writing. I am thinking a lot about my past and how my experiences have shaped who I am, so I will occasionally share that with my readers. I feel that with our political climate the way it is, it is important to share experiences so we can be more connected. These days, it’s easy to lose touch with humanity. We can hide behind a screen. We can stay in our own little bubble with liked-minded people. We all need need like-minded people in our lives, but seeing other perspectives helps us grow. It seems easier than ever to exclude those who aren’t like us. They are removed from us, so it’s easy to forget that many of our experiences are the same at the roots. In order for things to improve for all of us, especially our children who are growing up in this world we don’t understand, this needs to change. What would happen if anyone could reach out and find a mutual point of understanding or a shared experience? I have to write about what inspires me even if it makes others uncomfortable. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
This weekend, I listened to the Style Your Mind Podcast: Episode 102: Taking out the Energetic TRASH: How to Become a Match for What You Want. In this episode, Cara talks about how you should stay true to yourself and what inspires you. She talks about how you don’t need to be apologetic all the time. If you skip a day, a week or month of blogging, it’s okay. If it takes you a while to get out that latest episode of your podcast, it’s no big deal. What is a big deal is doing what inspires you and being available for those things that light you up. Honestly, I haven’t felt inspired to blog lately. I haven’t had the time nor the energy to set up crafty activities for Rosebud and I. I have come to realize that I can share more than that. Parenting is multi-faceted and so is my life. My life can be difficult, exhausting and chaotic, but it also can be productive, happy and beautiful and my blog is a snapshot of that.

I will leave you with this thought. What if you framed being sorry in a positive way? I’m talking about when you are sorry for inconsequential things. Things that wouldn’t necessarily hurt anyone, but we are always apologizing for them anyway. For instance, what if you thanked someone for being patient when you are a couple minutes late? This way you aren’t feeling so negative and you are appreciating the other person for taking time to wait for you. I want to thank you, my readers for being patient with me as I find a direction for this blog. Thank you for reading my thoughts. I appreciate the comments, likes and shares. If my posts are spaced further apart, it’s because I want to write when I am inspired and not just because of an imaginary deadline I set for myself. I want to stay true to who I am and where I’m at in life. I have picked up many things from blogs I’ve read along the way. Whether it be advice, support, information, inspiration or even solidarity, I have taken those pieces and made them apart of my own journey. Thank you for sticking with me even when I am the Daffidil in the field of hyacinths.

      


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      Awareness, Self acceptance,
            
        When I Become Invisible
        
          July 7, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
Yesterday, I saw a post on a Facebook group that made me think about the times when I become invisible. This would be an amazing super power to have. Imagine the things you would see or hear. Unfortunately, I’m not talking about a hypothetical situation based in tales of fiction. I’m talking about an all too common occurrence.

There are times when I’m out in public when people speak right past me as if I’m not even there. They prefer to speak to whoever I’m with. They probably figure it would be too awkward or they are just assuming that I couldn’t possibly answer a question. These questions aren’t about advanced mathematical concepts or interpreting the latest scientific research. No. They are questions like, what does she want to eat? Does she like this or that? What’s her address, phone number etc? What’s wrong with her? Why does she wear glasses? I could go on, but I’m sure you get the point. Everything they are asking, I would of course know the answers to, so is it really necessary to ask a third person?

Many years ago, I went to Cancun for a vacation. While I was there, I had my hair braided. A girl I was with had it done and I thought it looked cool. Anyway, when I came back I got lots of comments and compliments on it. It’s definitely not something you see around here every day. A friend and I stopped at a convenient store and while we were checking out, the cashier asked my friend where I had gotten my hair braided. My friend obviously knew the answer, but she did something I didn’t expect. She said, “I don’t know. Why don’t you ask her.” The woman got quiet for a few seconds and then turned to ask me where I had my hair done. She seemed a little embarrassed and she should’ve been. I’ve never forgotten how my friend responded in that situation. She spoke up for me, but she didn’t speak for me. She let this person know that it’s not okay to speak past me and that I’m perfectly capable of answering questions that are directly about or involving me. I wish more people thought and acted like her.

Another time, my mom and I were eating lunch at a restaurant. The waitress stopped by and put the drinks on the table. She starts talking to my mom and mentions how she should open the straw for me. I was so shocked and pissed off that that’s all I remember from their conversation, but I snapped at the woman telling her that I can open my own straw. Here is what I don’t understand. How can someone who walks into the restaurant, picks up a menu, orders food and appears to have a normal range of movement not be capable of opening the flimsy wrapper on a damn straw? Do you need 20-20 vision to do that? I’m curious… I’m also curious how this waitress thought I was going to eat.
The waitress didn’t respond to me and quickly left the table. My mom told me how I shouldn’t have snapped at the waitress because she didn’t know. She’s an older woman and she probably doesn’t know any better. She was just trying to be helpful. She told me I should stop getting so irritated with people and just let it go. This is exactly how these situations usually play out. We are just expected to take the treatment given and be gracious even if the treatment is shitty. Oh, they were just trying to help. Oh, they don’t know how to talk to you. Oh, they are scared. Well, they weren’t talking to me. They were talking past me and assuming I can’t do the simplest of tasks. I won’t accept that kind of treatment. Would you? Would you accept that for yourself? Would you accept that for your partner, your friends, or your children?

      


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