Awareness

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Preschool, Toddlers, Work

Do’s and Don’ts of Working with Children Who May be Different from You

December 4, 2018

I've been thinking about this post for a while. This topic is close to my heart as I can not only relate to it from my own childhood, but it comes up on some level in my work every day. I know that working with children is stressful. Add to that, behaviors, issues or cultural differences that you may be uncomfortable or unfamiliar with, it can bring the stress to a whole new level. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human after all and that is the most important thing to keep in mind. For this post, I'll focus on children with disabilities and children who are learning English as a second language, but a lot of this can even be applied with other groups of children or even adults. I'm writing this from the education perspective, but these suggestions can be applied in many situations. Being around people who are different from us not only teaches us about others, but we also learn plenty about ourselves in the process. If you are working with a diverse group of children, here are some do's and don'ts that will make the experience better for all involved.

Respect a person’s body and space

This should be obvious, but so many situations come up where a child is just picked up and moved without a word. I can understand if it is a safety issue or an extreme emergency. There are times when we can’t always stop and explain fully. No one is perfect and these things happen, but I’m talking about the situations where it is possible to ask the child’s permission or to explain what you are doing. For example, if I am picking up a child to change her diaper, I’ll tell her that. If I need to move a child who is having a tantrum and is endangering the other children, I will say something like, I’m going to move you to a place where you can be safe until you calm down.”

I witnessed a situation where two toddlers were arguing over being in the same space playing with a dollhouse. The area was getting very crowded and I was starting to talk to the children about it. All of the sudden, the person I was working with grabs the dollhouse and brings it to a bigger table without a word. This put one child in complete melt down mode. He had no idea why the toy was taken away and what just happened. He proceeded to push a bucket of toys off the table. Meanwhile, I’m trying to gather the toys and am explaining to him that if we move to the table, he can play with the toy. In his mind, that toy was just taken away for no reason. After a couple minutes, he calmed down and I was able to help him understand the situation. That totally could’ve been avoided with just a few simple words. I try to think of it this way. Would I like to be suddenly picked up and plopped down somewhere else without a word? Would I like it if someone grabbed something I was using and brought it to another part of the room? Of course not. It’s something we really need to stay mindful of.

Assume capability

Do think children are capable until proven otherwise. Don’t assume that if a child can’t hear that they won’t understand anything. Use a gesture or two and it might make all the difference. Don’t assume that an autistic child never feels empathy. I worked with an autistic boy who would be the first to show concern if one of his classmates was sad. Don’t assume that a child can never learn. We all have different learning styles. Some of us learn best visually where others learn best through listening. Picture schedules labeling items and having a wide variety of activities that teach the same skill are all great ways to accommodate for different learning styles.

I worked with a co-teacher who told me that this particular child never used words so I started with the basics. I’d wait for quiet moments to practice words with him. We’d look at books when he woke up from his nap. I remember him saying, baby when I’d point out pictures of babies in books. During diaper changes, I’d mention how his wipes were cold and he’d repeat the word cold. We weren’t having conversations yet, but it was a start. There were in fact words there, but my co-teacher was so focused on his inability to speak, that she never took the time to see what he was capable of.

Make a connection

Do find enjoyment and common interests. Continuing the story about the child I previously mentioned, my co-teacher said that he never enjoyed a single activity. I made it my personal mission to prove her wrong every day. I started writing observations about him each day as we were trying to get services for him. Some of the areas I focused on, included social interactions, speech, the day’s challenges and the things he enjoyed. Each day I would list at least one activity that he did that he enjoyed. It could be something as simple as sitting and relaxing in the rocking chair or the more typical childhood activities like play-dough or reading a book. It made me happy to find the things he loved which allowed me to build a connection with him.

Remember Confidentiality

Do treat their sensitive information with care. I’ve heard teachers on the playground say things like, he can’t hear a word you’re saying.” First, if a child has a hearing impairment, no one needs to yell it across the playground. If someone needs to know, tell them in a more discrete way. You never know who is listening or if the information is even completely accurate. In this particular case, one of the older children that was hearing these exchanges started bullying the younger child, telling him he couldn’t come in the play house because he’s deaf. In reality, this child is not deaf. He was having issues with his hearing which seem to have been corrected, but even if he was deaf, he deserves to be treated with respect. Talking to him and trying to understand him would still not be a waste of time.

Be open minded

Do observe and ask questions. Do not make harmful assumptions. I worked with a girl who was learning English as a second language. A coworker would get so frustrated when she wouldn’t respond to her or appeared not to understand what she was saying. She’d often complain and ask, “why aren’t they teaching English at home?” Well, they aren’t speaking English at home because she knows more English than her parents. Also, they may want to keep their culture and traditions which of course includes their native language. What’s wrong with a child knowing two or more languages? Why should her parents have to parent in a language that is not their own? Just to accommodate a childcare provider, I don’t think so. Her parents were trying to teach her English using games and apps which appeared to be working. when she started with our program, she could even read some words in English. It quickly became obvious that she is very smart. I wasn’t put off because I’ve worked with English language learners before. Some things that helped me were using visuals to go along with the words, learning a few key phrases in the child’s home language and having parents share things from their family’s culture.

Hold off on the labels

Do look at the person in front of you. Everything does not need a label. I understand labels are useful. Especially in a world where you need a diagnosis for services like occupational or speech therapy, but there is no need to start labeling someone on the first day. Get to know them a bit before raising the red flags. Be open to the fact that an issue might have more than one explanation. I recently observed a boy walk back and forth over and over again through a pile of leaves. Some suspect that this boy may be autistic, but it may be something totally different. He might just like the sound of the leaves or wanted a more soothing activity. Obviously you wouldn’t diagnose on this one observation, but you’d need to look at the whole picture. Another explanation is that one disability could look similar to another in how it manifests itself. For example, the child who has regained his hearing may be repeatedly walking through the leaves because he’s never heard that sound clearly before. If he’s hearing a sound for the first time, the experience would be suddenly different. It takes time to process these things. If he is having difficulty interacting with his peers, maybe he’s trying to process language that he’s never heard clearly before.

This is why taking the time to get to know the person behind whatever the difference may be is so important. They are not little boxes to check off. They are people. People who think, feel, love and dream. If you are looking for some great ideas on how to easily teach children about diversity check out this post written by Mommy Gone Tropical. Is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Childcare, Education, Personal Development, Work

What to Do When You Feel Hopeless

October 25, 2018

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve felt hopeless, but you keep going because there’s this one thing that is keeping you afloat? It’s this one thing you look forward to regardless of everything else that is horrible about your particular situation. Everyone goes through these dark periods in their life. Unfortunately, I’m in the tunnel right now. A tunnel with no light, but here’s what I’m doing about it. These are some of the things that help me get through disappointment and heartbreak and maybe they can help you too.

I’ve mentioned my work in several posts and how I’ve been trying to take my career in another direction. Well, I’ve been seriously thinking about life/career coaching. I’ve been researching schools, learning everything I can and making a plan. However, it’ll take about a year to become certified as a coach through the program I have picked. In the mean time, I have to keep working because bills need to be paid and food needs to be put on the table. I’ve been using the past few months to do research and have been putting a lot of effort into my blog and hadn’t given much thought to my day job other than, that I’m stuck there for now.

Recently, a new little boy joined our program. He connected with me instantly. On his first day, he started bringing blocks to me so I could help him build towers and ever since then, I’ve been his buddy. The classroom he’s in has been having a lot of ups and downs. It has been a while since they had two regular teachers in there, so I’ve been trying to help out in there as much as I can. He has special needs and requires some extra attention that he wouldn’t be getting if I didn’t take the time. I’m in and out of his room throughout the morning and he often cries and tries to leave with me.

Most of his classmates were previously in another classroom I work in, so I knew them already, but their attachment to me is stronger than ever now. I’m one of the few people who have been a constant for them. Since there was an opening in their classroom, I have been pushing to be a teacher in there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it which was extremely disappointing. I can’t get into all the details, but there was a lot of sneaky planning and plotting going on. Finally, when a decision was made, there was literally no communication with some of us who were being effected by these changes.

I wanted this job so I could really make a difference for him and the other kids. I was planning which books I would read to them, projects we could do and fixing up the classroom routine. Talking with parents is something I struggle with, so I was planning strategies on getting to know the parents and hopefully building trust. I had it all mapped out in my head. I would take this job, make it as fun as possible for the next year and then when I’d be done with my certification, I could slowly start to build my business. With the news that they had given the job to another coworker, that came crashing down.

I didn’t know if I’d even stay for another day. In fact, I still don’t know how long I will stay, but here’s what I do know. I can still accomplish my goal. I didn’t get this job, but it wasn’t my end goal anyway. It just would’ve been a bonus. Maybe there’s a reason I didn’t get it. Maybe something bigger and better is waiting for me. If you’ve just experienced heartbreak or a major set back, here are some things to try.

Journaling

Journaling is great for getting out feelings and thoughts. You can write whatever comes to mind and sometimes you even learn something new about yourself. After you get all your crummy feelings on paper, it’s easier to let them go. If someone has hurt you, write them an unsent letter. Get those emotions out and then destroy the letter. You can also use your journal to make gratitude lists and remap your goals. If you are focusing on your future and what you are grateful for, you won’t be thinking about that thing that is making you feel like crap right this minute.

Reaching Out

Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone. Whether it be friends, family or even a therapist. Sometimes, you need someone to bounce ideas off of. Maybe you want someone to empathize or just listen.Just knowing that you have someone’s undivided attention helps and of course you can return the favor when your friends or family are struggling. Let someone be there to help. You’ll feel better knowing that someone is on your side. At first, I thought no one would be on my side in this situation, but after reaching out and talking to some people, I’ve learned that others are seeing the same things I am. At first, I felt very much alone and started to wonder if I was over reacting, but others have validated my experience. If I hadn’t reached out, I would have continued feeling alone.

Get Active

Take a walk, try yoga, do a workout routine, go swimming, anything active. It will help blow off steam and is good for your overall physical and mental health. Taking a walk this weekend helped me. It was nice to just be outdoors, getting fresh air and being in nature.

Pamper Yourself

I treated myself this weekend. I made myself some yummy brownies that I shouldn’t have, but I was desperate for chocolate. I did lots of writing and spent time doing art projects with Rosebud. If you are doing things that you really enjoy, your mind is occupied and you won’t be thinking about those negative experiences. Other self care ideas include spa day, bubble bath, cooking a nice meal, shopping or whatever relaxes and re-energizes you.

I hope these tips help you pick yourself up off and dust yourself off after a huge disappointment. Try to remember that you are worthy of good things. How do you move past disappointments? Tell me in the comments. As always, thank you for reading.

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Awareness, Childcare, Education, Parenting, Personal Development, Work

Can We Stop Being so Judgmental Already?

October 20, 2018

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with a coworker this week. For those who may be stumbling across my blog for the first time, I work in an early childhood program. As is the case with most programs, we have parents fill out intake paper work before the child joins us. This way, the teachers can get to know some basic information about the child. This is meant as a starting point, but all too often, teachers already are making judgements and have formed an opinion of the child and or the parents before even meeting the child. As teachers, we really need to be mindful of this as it can damage a relationship with the child and family before it has even begun.

I was sitting with a coworker at nap time as I usually do and she was reading an enrollment form for a child who will be joining us soon. After almost every item, she made a snarky comment. Although my coworker’s children are grown now, she must remember being a parent to young children. We learned that the child’s father recently left the family. The mother works and is now single. She is young and the little boy is her first and only child. We learned that he sleeps in the same room with her. It wasn’t clear if they bed share. His bed time is between 8:30 and 9 and he watches about three hours of tv each night.

While these may not be some of the parenting choices I’d make, it’s not my place to judge. I have no idea what goes on in their household. When we read that the boy sleeps in the same room with his mom, her comment was, oh, god. My comment was, maybe they have a small apartment or maybe he’s having some anxiety since his dad left recently so for now he sleeps with her? Another explanation may be that she misses him since she works all day and likes being close to him. We have to choose the sleeping arrangement that works best for our family.

When we learned that he watches three hours of tv each night, her comment was, “that’s way too much tv. That’s a lot. I don’t even watch that much tv.” I mentioned that maybe that’s why his bed time was late because I’ve read research that shows that it takes children longer to settle if they watch tv right before bed. I said that the mom is young and newly single, that maybe she has a lot to do at night and that’s why he is watching so much tv. I really can empathize with this mom. Rosebud watches more tv than I would like, but there are times when I need to clean, cook, make phone calls etc. It’s hard to do that when you have a toddler who wants all your attention. While the teacher in me whole heartedly agrees that it’s too much tv, the parent in me understands.

These days, I am much more likely to view things from a parent perspective, but it hasn’t always been that way. About four years ago, we had a baby in our infant room who had a huge appetite. At least that’s what we thought. His mother would send him with a few small bottles of breast milk. Each of the bottles had two to three ounces which is completely normal and appropriate for breast-fed babies. However, we didn’t know that at the time. Between bottles, the child would scream and suck his hands. He seemed very hungry so we would tell the mother that he needed more bottles and one teacher kept suggesting that that they needed to supplement with formula.

While I don’t think we were completely wrong about him being hungry, here is what we weren’t understanding. Smaller more frequent feedings is the norm for breast-fed babies and paced feeding is an absolute must. We should’ve been questioning the flow of the nipple. Maybe it was too fast and he was drinking too quickly. Maybe if we slowed him down, he would’ve felt more satisfied. Also, it was insensitive to suggest supplementation before trying other options. There are a lot of intense feelings involved with breast-feeding and supplementation can be a sensitive issue. It can also mess with a mother’s milk supply.

Back then, I was not a parent yet and knew nothing about breast-feeding. One co-teacher was in the same boat as I was and the other co-teacher was a parent, but she formula fed. We had no idea and the fact is this mother was doing everything right in her situation and we had no business judging. We’d say things like, why doesn’t she bring more milk? Doesn’t she realize he’s hungry? She really needs to start bringing formula.

After I became a parent, I understood. I learned all I could about breast-feeding and was having my own experiences with supplementation, not producing enough milk, feeling like a failure as a parent and eventually being successful with it. I finally could walk in her shoes. When I look back, I feel bad. Now, when there doesn’t seem to be enough milk, I wonder what we can do to help. I wonder if the mother has the same supply struggles that I did. Now that I have a new understanding, I am in a better position to relate to and advocate for the children and families I work with. As for the baby, the mom never changed the size of his bottles, but after we started the transition from a bottle to sippy cup and solids were introduced, things settled down. She never caved and gave him formula. She stuck to what she knew in her heart was right and that’s what we all need to do.

The next time you are in a situation where you or someone else is judging, step back. Do some alternative thinking. If there is something that doesn’t make sense to you, come up with other possibilities. For example, the little boy watches three hours of tv each night. That is not a parenting choice I’d make, but in my head, I made a list of reasons why that might happen. Maybe mom is making dinner, cleaning or trying to study. Maybe she needs a break after a long day of work. Her job might be stressful and she needs some time to herself. Maybe that’s how her and her child bond over watching shows together. That felt much better than jumping on my coworker’s train of thought of negativity. When you reframe something and come up with a different interpretation, you may be able to understand that person or interaction better. The choice to judge or not judge starts with you. How do you avoid making judgements about others? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Education, Parenting, Work

Five Signs of a Quality Childcare Program

October 8, 2018

With the way our world is today, for most families, two incomes are a necessity. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of children spend 40 hours or more per week in childcare. With your child spending that much time in one place, you want to ensure that they are receiving quality care. You want to know that they feel welcome and safe. You want to be able to trust your childcare provider with your most precious gifts, your children. Whether the program you are looking at is home based or a larger childcare facility, here are some things to look for to determine whether it is a quality program. You may or may not know, I am a childcare provider so I have an insider’s perspective. I’ve been in many childcare facilities, observed things throughout the years and have heard from families about why or why they did not choose certain childcare programs. You’ll want to take a look at are cleanliness, the classroom environment, staff interactions, policies and procedures and your first impressions of the facility and its management.

1. Cleanliness

This is really important. It is not only important for children and staff to wash their hands regularly and to wash toys for hygienic purposes, but everything else needs to be cleaned regularly as well. Everything from the lunch tables, floors, walls and especially doorknob handles. You can tell if a place is clean by looking at the following.

Are the floors dirty? This isn’t always an indicator. For example if the children have just come inside and the playground was muddy or if they have just eaten a meal and teachers haven’t had a chance to sweep. If the floor is dirty, but the rest of the place appears clean, it’s probably okay. Does the place smell? There’s nothing worse than going into a stinky place. Can you smell that they’ve used some sort of cleaning products? Are there delicious aromas coming from the kitchen? When I smell the cook making a yummy lunch, it’s always more inviting. If the place smells like one huge diaper pale, you’ll probably want to run out the door. If you’re wondering, I have been in a couple of places like that and I didn’t stay long. This might be harder to pick up on, but are there cob webs or a lot of dust in certain areas? If you see cob webs some where, that could be a sign that cleaning is neglected. Do tables look dirty? This one is similar to the floor. If the children just got done with a meal or doing a messy art activity, the tables may be still dirty. Do toys look dirty or broken? The condition of the toys can be a good indication of cleanliness plus the amount of respect the children have for things in their classroom. Last year, we had a rough group in one of our classes and toys were broken often. What about the children’s bathrooms? Usually the children’s bathrooms are right in the classroom so you can see if they are reasonably cleaned.

2. Management

In most places, your first point of contact is the program director or manager. If you are looking at home based childcare, your point of contact is probably the owner. What are your first impressions of them? How are they treating you and do you feel comfortable? Do they allow you to tour the facility? If they do not let you tour or bring your child for a visit before hand, that raises red flags. You always want to tour first, seeing the whole facility if possible, but especially spending some time in your child’s classroom. The program director should explain policies and procedures, the rooms in the facility, the daily schedules and allow you to ask whatever questions you may have. They should be asking questions too and showing interest in your child.

3. Classroom Environment

There should be a place for children to keep their personal belongings. Many places refer to these as cubbies. Are their plenty of toys? There should be a variety of toys and different areas in the classroom. Science or sensory is where children can play with water or sand. They need areas for exploration. Small blocks, stringing beads and puzzles are called Manipulatives. Every class should be using those things to enhance fine motor skills. They may have a kitchen center or a housekeeping corner. Children can use their imaginations doing some dramatic play. There should be a reading corner with plenty of books as well as a place to do art with a variety of materials. There is usually another area for kids to use bigger blocks, cars and trucks or other toys to use more of the larger motor skills. Does the program have any extras? they may have things like a tumble bus, dance classes, cooking for kids, swim lessons etc. Find out what’s unique about your program. I’d also suggest looking at different philosophies and compare it against your parenting style and family preferences. Some places focus on academics, where others use a Montessori or play based approach.

4. Staff Interactions

First, pay close attention to whether you feel comfortable with the staff. Do they look happy, frazzled, tired, frustrated etc. Are they warm and welcoming? Do they answer your questions? What are staff interactions like? Do they work well together as a team or is there plenty of tension in the room? The moods and interactions between staff members is a good indicator of quality. If there is lots of tension and chaos, that may just be the surface of a larger problem. Are they experienced? Some people have a natural gift for working with children and some don’t. Experience may not always be a good indicator, but it helps for teachers to have a background in early childhood education. At least some of the people in the program should be educated in the early childhood field. How long do staff stay with the program? This is a good indicator of a program’s quality. If you have many staff members who work there for long periods of time, it speaks volumes about a well run program. It also is a good indicator of how long your child will have consistency. Finally, observe staff and child interactions if you can to get a feel of how the teachers interact with the children.

5. Policies and Procedures

The manager will probably give you a handbook with tons of information. Please read it. You might come across valuable information that may have been forgotten during the first visit. Some policies you should pay attention to are the sick policy. Most good programs use the Academy of pediatrics as their guide. Find out about their pick up and drop off policies. Can children only be dropped off at certain times? Are there late fees if the child is picked up late? What is their policy on potty training? For example, do children have to be potty trained before entering the preschool class?

If you have an infant, what are their food prep procedures? Do they expect you to have premade bottles? Do you provide baby food or do they? Some programs serve snacks and lunch and others ask you to provide your own food. For the breast-feeding moms, does the facility have a place for a mother to breast-feed? This is important if you want to drop in during the day to feed your baby. The manager should go over the daily schedule and you should be able to get a feel for what kinds of activities are planned for the children. Do they have an open door policy for parents? Most programs use some sort of assessment tool to track your child’s progress and you may want to ask about that. You’ll want to ask about enrollment paper work and fees.

Choosing a childcare provider can be overwhelming and I know this is a lot of information. I hope this list helps you narrow it down and find a wonderful childcare provider or program. Just remember to listen to your gut instinct. If the list is too extensive, just remember a few basic things. Is it clean? Does it seem safe? Do you feel comfortable talking to the teachers and program director? Finally, do you and your child feel at home? If you answered no to any of these questions, continue your search until you find a good fit. It’ll be worth it. I know it is difficult to leave your children in someone else’s hands. As an early childhood educator, I am thankful for the children I’ve met and am grateful that families have trusted me to care for them.

6 Comments

Awareness, Blogging, Parenting, Work

Some Dreams Come True

October 3, 2018

I’m participating in the 21 Day Blogging Challenge. Although I might not do all the posts in 21 days, I would like to eventually use all the prompts for entries, so here is my first entry for the 21 day challenge.

Most people don’t know what they want to do with their life when they are six or seven years old. It changes from day to day or week to week for most kids. One day, they might want to be a fire fighter and a few days later, they proudly tell you that they want to be a scientist. Kids have such imaginations and I admire their ability to dream and think big. I wish I had more of that. Even when I was a little girl, I kept it practical. I thought small or at least that’s how I look at it now. I remember a relatively short phase where I’d tell people I was going to be a secretary and pretend to talk on the phone and write in my appointment book. I think I got this idea from my mom because she worked in an office at the time. More often, I would tell people I wanted to take care of babies when I grew up. Until a few years ago, my aspirations rarely changed.

I always thought it’d be so fun. I dreamed of playing every day. I’d get to do all the cool things I remember from my childhood. I would get to help make childhood experiences memorable for the children I work with. We’d play with play-dough, build with blocks, play in the water, take field trips to fun places and discover the wonders of nature. We’d make gingerbread houses for Christmas and carve pumpkins on Halloween. We’d make snacks that look like animals or have funny faces on them. I could plan cool lessons. I would help the kids create awesome art projects. I pictured that every day. I didn’t think too much about diaper changes, paper work and behavior management. Not to mention difficult parents.

My dream was to provide a safe and fun place for children. When I was young, I never had that safe place. I was safe in my family home. I was safe at my relatives houses. That is more than some people have and I am grateful for that. However, the childcare facilities and homes I went to were unsafe and abusive in some cases. No one knew how bad things were for me at the time. As I got older and put things into perspective, I wanted to ensure that I was providing a safe space for children.

As I have been exploring what my passions really are, I’ve been wondering if that was my real dream at all. From a young age, I remember wanting to be a mom. I knew I’d have babies. I’d think about possible baby names, fun things I would do with them and what I wanted my family to be like. The thing is, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. I had internalized the idea that there was a question of whether I could raise kids. Everything from diaper changes to teaching them life’s lessons. I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it, but somewhere along the way, the messages from society and those around me started to seep in. My confidence slipped and in the back of my mind, I understood that working in childcare could be kind of a preparation. I figured that if I could work caring for children, then people couldn’t question my abilities as a parent. Sometimes I wonder how it would’ve been for me as a parent if I did not have all this early childhood knowledge before hand. I think it would’ve been twice as overwhelming.

I knew that the babies were my favorite, but when it came time to apply for my first childcare job, I was working with a program coordinator. He was in charge of summer job placements. When they asked which age group I wanted to work with, I really wanted the babies, but I said the preschoolers. I was thinking practical and as always, questioning my own abilities. I was afraid of getting it wrong. What if I didn’t know what the babies needed or wanted because they couldn’t talk to me? How would I communicate with them? I was worried about the feedings and diaper changes. Of course everyone agreed that I should work with the older kids. If I would’ve spoken up, maybe my path would’ve been different.

With the way things have turned out, I often think of my choice to work in early childhood as one of my biggest regrets. These thoughts creep in on days where I don’t feel like I’m making a difference. When I feel over worked and under appreciated. Then there are the days that I’m grateful. I wouldn’t have met the kids who have touched my heart. I would’ve never met Sophie, a shy and extremely bright girl I met during my internship. We were both new to the program. She needed some extra attention and I became her favorite person at school. We developed a strong bond over those few months until she moved away. She’d be a teenager now, but working with someone like her was exactly what I pictured all those years ago. Since then, there have been several other children who I have built strong attachments with. Some of them have taught me some very valuable lessons.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve been exploring different career options and would love to start my own business. Working from home with a flexible schedule so that I can spend more time with Rosebud is still a dream of mine, but for years, I have been wondering what my purpose was. Why have I been stuck in this situation? What lessons haven’t I learned yet? I’ve been so down in recent months that I’ve found it difficult connecting with the kids and have felt like I’m part of a machine. A machine that runs on autopilot. One that doesn’t think and doesn’t feel. That is until recently. A new boy joined one of our classrooms and although I won’t get into specifics of his situation, I feel that he needs an advocate. Someone who understands his situation. Someone who really cares and will look out for him.

Maybe this was my purpose and it has just been shown to me. Maybe I can make a difference in his life, even if it is just being his favorite person at school. If I can make him feel safe, welcomed and confident in his abilities, then I have fulfilled one of my life’s purposes.

Sometimes, those little dreams and practical thoughts can lead to something much bigger. We just have to be open to going down our own path, remembering that when we’ve made a wrong turn, we can still discover something amazing. Almost three years ago, I got the unexpected gift of being a mom, proving that some dreams come true, but not always in the times or ways you planned.

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Awareness, Blogging

Why I don’t use Pinterest

September 14, 2018

One question I’ve gotten is, why don’t you use Pinterest? My coworkers rave about it. They spend hours finding cool ideas for their classrooms. I’d like to be able to do that too. I’d love to be able to use Pinterest to find an easy dinner recipe or to see some cool and thrifty decorating ideas. I’ll admit it. I wouldn’t mind seeing a cat picture or two. Not to mention the articles and tips that people share.

More importantly, I’d like to be apart of the huge blogging community on there to bring traffic to my blog. Many bloggers get so much engagement from Pinterest and it often gets suggested as a great source for getting traffic to your blog. The problem is the app and the website are inaccessible to me. First of all, the whole point of Pinterest is visual which I can appreciate, but often the pins include text which normally I’d be able to read. I use a screen reader called Voiceover which comes built into Apple products which basically reads everything on the screen out loud. I won’t get technical, but that’s it in a nut shell. Anyway, when I’m trying to browse Pinterest using Safari, all it reads are the tags on the pins. If I’m using the iPhone app, it will read the titles of the pins which I was excited about, but then when I clicked on them, I could not read the text even though it would load. This was extremely disappointing and frustrating.

If Pinterest would fix their code to be compatible with Voiceover, I could read the text and it would make a world of difference. I could read and share pins as well as interact with other Pinterest users. One idea I had was to link to a few cool pins right here in this post, but that won’t happen until I can read them.

The other accessibility issue I have with Pinterest is creating the pins themselves. I know you have to fix your images to work as a pin and I’m not sure how to do that. Trying to edit photos is obviously not my strong suit. It’s hard enough for me to find images let alone editing them.

You might be thinking, why doesn’t she just use other social media channels and why aren’t they enough? Well, I do use Twitter and Facebook and while those are helpful for growing my blog, it seems that both Pinterest and Instagram are where bloggers are at these days. I’m finding this especially in the parenting niche. I’m left wondering how much I’m missing out. How much would my blog grow if I could use it? I’ve had similar challenges with Instagram since it is also so visually based.

I don’t like to complain about these things or draw attention to myself. I’m also a believer in working with the resources I have. I’m grateful for technology and the things that are accessible now, that never were in the past. When it comes to these issues, my gut instinct is not to speak up. Not to ruffle any feathers. The nagging voice in my head tells me to be grateful for what I can use or to wait and maybe somehow it will work better in the future. On the other hand, I think I should be able to participate and use a website as big as Pinterest to find ideas for my classrooms, to grow my blog and eventually to promote my business. Now it’s your turn. What social media platforms have you had the best luck with? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Personal Development, Work

Permission to Let Go

August 26, 2018

I have felt very distracted this week. Every time I sit down to write, something gets in the way. Even now, the words are not flowing even though I am at peace with the decision I’ve made. I’m choosing to start over and follow a different path, yet again and I want to share this process with you. Especially, if there is something in your life that it’s time to let go of.

I am choosing to let go of the transcription business idea. There have been so many obstacles beyond what is normal. First, there was the discrimination which I would get no matter the field, but this was so blatant that it was even a surprise to me. Then I decided that my time, energy and effort was worth way more than 17 cents. The pitiful amount that some of these transcription companies pay their independent contractors is absolutely appalling. As one transcription group member said, “it’s highway robbery.” Finally, I took the time to apply to a third company and was so happy when I passed their test. Then when I received the daily E-mail with the work assignments, everything is in Google Sheets. While I can read the spread sheet, I can’t tell which assignments are completed and which need to be worked on. Their ways of assigning and completing work are very confusing to me. It was at that moment when I decided I was done!

As I’ve thought about this more and more, I’ve realized that this isn’t something I’m truly passionate about. If you aren’t passionate about your business, you will not succeed. I have no desire to push through all the accessibility barriers with each company I contact. I thought my grammar skills were okay until I tried brushing up on grammar and punctuation rules. I realized I want to be creating content. I don’t want to be duplicating and editing someone else’s. I don’t want to have to nitpick about commas, dashes and colons. I don’t want to transcribe phone calls where people sound like they’re under water or crappy audio with a constant buzz in the background. Most transcriptionists have multiple transcribing and sound editing software programs so that they can make the files understandable. Also, each company has a different style guide you have to memorize. For example, some companies want you to take out filler words and others prefer you leave most of them in. One company insists you type the curse words and another company requires that you use * symbols instead. Those are the simple rules, but these style guides go on for pages. The appeal of my own business is to follow my own guidelines, not everyone else’s.

The thing that drew me to transcription was the idea that I could make content accessible to people who needed it. The thing is, the people who genuinely need something transcribed shouldn’t have to pay extra for it. For example, if someone can’t hear, should they really have to pay for equal access? I don’t believe so. It’s a double edge sword. You want to provide a service and get adequately compensated for it, but then you don’t want to charge for something that should be available to them anyway. I also understand that providing access is only one part of the transcription field. Of course, I liked that I could transcribe from anywhere and have a flexible schedule.

Now, here’s the good part. On that horrible day when I decided that enough was enough, I was scheduled to talk to a life coach. I had come across her in a parenting group on Facebook a few weeks ago. She is currently getting certified, so I asked her about the process and didn’t think much about it. I had almost forgotten about the call and when I realized it was scheduled for that night, I was dreading it. I was in such a horrible mood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to curl up with the blankets over my head. Not to mention that I hate calling anyone I’ve never talked to before, but I made the call anyway. I knew as soon as I heard her voice that I’d like her. She shared lots of information about the program and answered my endless questions. During our call, she did a mini coaching session and when she asked what my dream career would be, my first thought was coaching. I told her that I have really struggled finding a meaningful career and that I’d like to help others to get passed their road blocks and find what excites them. It became glaringly obvious to me that transcription didn’t even pop into my mind.

The next morning, I started researching coaching schools and coming up with great ideas for a business plan. This is something I’m actually excited about and so many of the barriers that are there with transcription won’t exist in the coaching business. When I look back, the signs were all there. Physically, I was exhausted, stressed and felt low energy. I rarely had time to transcribe actual files or to practice at night. I wanted to be the best that I could be and I wasn’t able to do that. The money wasn’t there. The business counselor I was supposed to work with has been impossible to set up a meeting with. At first, my instinct was to push through, but then I started focusing on my mind and body. How was I feeling? Was I still passionate about my idea? When I really tuned into my thoughts and feelings, I knew it was time to let this go. After I did, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had my evenings back. I could work on my blog. I could exercise. I could relax. Once I gave myself permission to let go, I felt so much better.

What do you need to let go of? What are you no longer passionate about? What are you passionate about and how could you be doing that instead? Those are some questions to ponder if you are in a similar situation. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Infants, Parenting, Safety, Toddlers

Five Safety Essentials for Infants and Toddlers

August 16, 2018

Honestly, it took me a while to baby proof. I didn’t think too much of it until Rosebud was crawling around getting into things. I started by simply shutting doors to rooms I didn’t want her exploring or putting her in the exersaucer when I couldn’t keep a close eye on her. I of course had the essentials like a gate for the stairs and outlet covers. When she started reaching the doorknobs and opening drawers, I knew I was in trouble. I went on a mission to find safety products that were functional, easy to install and fit well into our home.

Gates

Let’s talk about gates because they are extremely important. They are especially important if you have stairs. First, I bought one of those cheep gates from Walmart and discovered that it didn’t even fit properly in my doorways. It also seemed like she could knock it right over. Next, I ordered a gate from amazon. This gate was sturdy and did the job, but the latch system was difficult to unlock with one hand. Back then, I had to carry Rosebud so using two hands was near impossible. I’d have to put her down, go back and latch the gate. The gate’s opening was in the middle instead of the side, so the door stuck out if you left the gate open. I hated it so I went back to Amazon and the third time was a charm. I found this great gate from Munchkin and now have two of them. One is at the bottom of my stairs and the other is in my hallway, separating her bedroom from the stairs and the other rooms. This gate locks securely, the latch is a simple push button and the gate opens wide so there is plenty of room. My particular model does not automatically close when you walk through it, but they have a more expensive model that does. I highly recommend this line of gates.

Doorknob Covers

Are there entire rooms that you want to keep off limits? If they are rooms that you can keep closed, a child proof cover on the doorknob will do the trick. I found this four pack on Amazon and they work great. Each cover comes in two pieces that you just snap together over the doorknob. I keep one on the door leading outside, the bathroom, the laundry room and I keep one on my bedroom door. Rosebud’s bedroom is next to mine and I don’t put the gate between them because if she wakes up at night, I want her to be able to come find me. The way I have it set up, she can’t go anywhere at night except for her bedroom or mine. This works fine when I’m right there, but when I’m not, Rosebud likes to go through my drawers and hide in my hamper. Now, if she wakes up while I’m in the shower or downstairs, I can shut my door and not have to worry about her safety.

Baby Monitor

Even though Rosebud is two and a half, I still use her baby monitor. My cousin got it for me when I was pregnant. It has always worked great. I like how I can simply push a button, talk into it and let her know that I’ll be right there. Now days, I’m pushing that button and telling her to go to sleep, but it’s still very useful. Another feature is that the light level on the monitor changes when it detects sound. If the baby cries, the lights will start flashing. This way, you have an idea what is going on in your baby’s room by both, sight and sound. While looking up this product, I discovered that it has a vibrating alert option. It also has a night light on the little loop at the top on the baby unit.

Locks

If you don’t want pots and pans all over the floor or to discover that the groceries you bought yesterday have suddenly disappeared from the fridge, you’ll need locks. I use two different kinds. The ones I use for the fridge and dressers have an adhesive back and they are flat pieces that slide into place. The set that I’ve found works really well. I’ve had them for almost a year now and have not had any trouble with the adhesive or Rosebud getting into the fridge. In fact, if I forget to lock it, she locks it for me. She can’t unlock it though which is the important thing. I keep locks on her dresser drawers because she likes to completely empty her dresser, unfold the clothes and scatter them all around the room.

For the cupboards and bathroom sinks, I use a rope style lock. It goes around the handles and then you pull the strings tight so that the doors cannot be opened. This is so simple that you wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. Rosebud has never been able to get into these cupboards as long as the ropes were securely tightened. A bonus if you have white cupboards, these would blend right in.

Pool and Outdoor Safety

The final safety item I will share is for fun outside the home. If you have anything bigger than one of those tiny plastic kiddy pools, then you might find this useful. This is an inflatable seat that a baby can sit in while floating around the pool. The legs simply go through the holes and the rest looks like an inner tube. Rosebud had two different styles, one with a sun roof and one with out. The one without had larger holes for the legs so she fit in it better, but the one with the sun roof obviously protected her from the sun. Rosebud loved her time in the pool. She was able to float in the pool at my mom’s house because it was deeper, but in her pool here at home, she was able to walk around the pool using the float to push herself around. Of course, children should always have close supervision in the pool, but I found that this was a way to ensure safety while giving a tiny bit of freedom to explore the water. Now that Rosebud is bigger, she has been wearing a life jacket. I found this especially useful last year when she wasn’t as steady on her feet. Now, she is able to go in her pool without one as she feels more comfortable in the water. When she goes in anything bigger than her little pool, she wears the life jacket. I know there are different schools of thought on this, but I think it’s important that she knows when a life jacket is necessary and when she can go in the water without one.

Other Items

There are so many things to consider when it comes to safety. Some things you never even think about until you become a parent. Plus, the amount of products out there is almost endless. I was lucky enough to have experience in childcare so I was familiar with some of the safety products, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed. what safety items are must haves for you? Let me know in the comments.

7 Comments

Awareness, Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Coloring Outside the Lines

July 30, 2018

It was a rainy afternoon here, so Rosebud and I were stuck inside. She had just finished her snack and it was time for play time. I usually turn on music for background noise when we play in the living room. Rosebud likes to build with blocks, care for her babies and pretend she's Dr. Rosebud and gives me a checkup on a daily basis. Today when I turned on the music she said, "let's dance, Mommy." Normally this means just holding her hands and we spin around like we're doing Ring Around the Rosie, but today she wanted to actually dance. She kept saying, "you dance, Mommy." Then she was off doing dance moves that she made up on the spot. For a minute I froze and wondered what exactly to do. I'm a horrible dancer. I'm so self conscious even if it's just her and I. I told her that I wasn't a good dancer, but I'd try anyway and I started copying what she was doing. At least copying as much as I could see. Rosebud didn't mind my awkwardness. She was just glad to spend time together. After a few minutes, I was enjoying being active and I was grateful that she was so happy in that moment.


As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?
There will be challenges in the future for us that most people take for granted with their children. It'll be difficult to teach her to read and write because she'll be reading and writing in a different way than I do. I hesitate to take her to places where there is a large group of kids because it's harder for me to find someone in a crowd. I'm not the best at socializing, so I worry about getting her the right amounts of social interaction. Sometimes when she's looking at something and asks what it is, I totally miss it. I miss the learning opportunity she could have had or just simply sharing the interaction of two people looking at the same thing in their environment. The challenges can seem endless at times, but what about all the things I can teach her and the gifts I can give? I let her enjoy the things I can't fully participate in or find ways to make activities work for both of us. We read a lot of touch and feel books, do lots of 3d art collages and play with play-dough.

I can teach her how to be a problem solver. When one thing is inaccessible to me, I might have to try something more than one way before I figure out what works. This is especially true with technology. I can teach her to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. I can teach the value of spending time together making memories. I can teach her how to listen. This skill is highly underrated. I can teach her about kindness and compassion towards both people and animals.
There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake cookies that make our house smell like a home and make time for snuggles and story time each night. I can make a perfect batch of play-dough and find the best bargains on toys. Most of all, Rosebud is sheltered, clean, safe and loved. When I see her happiness, the embarrassing and sometimes meaningless things that shake my confidence disappear. In those moments, I can see the big picture. The picture with color spilling over the lines that didn't need to be there in the first place. I'm teaching her to start with a blank piece of paper and make her own creation. She doesn't have to fit into anyone else's lines or boxes to be worthy and neither do I.

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      Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Uncategorized
            
        Owning My Guilt
        
          July 13, 2018                  

      
      
      

        
        
I'm reading Cara Alwill Leyba's new book, "Like She Owns The place”.

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 For those who don't know, Cara is an author and master life coach who works to help women empower themselves and change their mindset. I found her online several years ago and discovered that a lot of her message resonates with me.
One passage she wrote about guilt in, "Like She Owns the Place" stood out to me. She discusses the idea that women often feel guilty due to external forces. Such as ones culture, religion or the society they live in. It may come from childhood experiences or friends and family making them feel guilty. This may be intentional or not, but never the less, the guilt shows up. She poses the question, if you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, why feel guilty? Cara describes one situation where she was taking a day off from work, spending the day at home. Her plan was to binge watch a show and have a glass of wine. Meanwhile, her husband decided to reorganize a closet full of Christmas decorations. Seeing this, she felt guilty and went over to help, but he encouraged her to take time for herself. That’s the sign of a good man, by the way. She said she went back to watch tv, but it didn’t come naturally to her. She felt guilty for taking time for herself and not working.
I often feel guilty over things like this. Today, my mom took Rosebud so that I could rest as I haven’t been feeling well. I can’t rest though because I start feeling guilty and thinking of everything I need to do. If I’m napping on the couch, the laundry isn’t getting done. The dishes are piled up in the sink. Rosebud's toys need to be rotated. Countertops need to be dusted. That’s just the house work. Then there’s the work you actually get paid for. I don’t feel guilty about taking time away from my job outside the home, but I feel guilt over not working on transcription stuff. I think to myself, I should be transcribing practice files or doing the business plan paper work. As with the blog posts, I set imaginary deadlines and the guilt sets in.

This week is supposed to be my vacation, but I’m having trouble just letting it be. I always have to fill my time and not necessarily with the things I enjoy. I need to feel productive even in times when I should be resting. The mom guilt is never ending. While Rosebud is not here, I’ve spent much of my time doing things for her instead of myself. I’ve washed toys, did laundry and prepared her dinner for later. It's one way to ease the guilt of taking time away from her. Then again, when I'm spending time with her just playing, I get that nagging feeling about the house work. Then when I'm cleaning or doing other things, I feel guilty about giving her screen time. While she's away, I’ve been pondering how to take away the pacifier. Should I try a gradual approach or go cold turkey? This was prompted by her visit to the dentist this morning. In between cleaning and thoughts of the annoying paci, I wonder how she’s doing. What is she doing right now? Has she napped? What did she eat for lunch? Then I think maybe I should watch some videos of her. Oh, wait... I better get back to work.

As Cara points out in her book, when we are old, what will we be worrying about? Will we be worried about all the times we should’ve cleaned closets, typed up that report or swept the kitchen floor? Definitely not! We will be remembering things we enjoyed. The times with our loved ones, the things we’ve created or times we did something crazy, fun and memorable. The fact is, we all need time to replenish ourselves. If we don't get that, we become unhappy and lose sight of our strengths, passions and our joy. We need to start erasing some of this guilt. If not, what are we teaching our children and what are we doing to our emotional well-being? I’m finally in my element. I’m taking the time to write which makes me feel lighter and taps into my creative side. I’m sitting outside enjoying the breeze on my face, the shade of a tree and listening to the birds over head.

Here are some of Cara's other books if you are interested.
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