Parenting

The Essentials for Mom’s with Low Milk Production

The Essentials for Moms with Low Milk Production pin

To wrap up World Breast Feeding week, I wanted to share some of the essentials that I found useful for nursing. Since this post is for women with low or just enough milk production, I want to say that however you feed your baby is what’s best. Although mothers are made to feel guilty about everything these days, there’s no shame in using formula. I had to supplement with formula for the first couple months of Rosebud’s life. Even if you have to combination feed, your baby will still get the benefits of breast milk. If trying and trying to produce more milk starts to destroy your sanity or is making you miserable, it’s okay to stop entirely. If the decision is yours and you don’t feel pressured into it, that is what’s best. If your baby is healthy, growing and has a strong attachment with you, that’s what really matters. If you are struggling to make enough milk, I hope that something from this list can make your life a little easier.

Baby bottle with a heart shaped drop of milk on the floor.
Pumping
Your milk production is based on how much your baby nurses or how often you pump. A good pump is essential, especially if you are working. You need to find a pump that is comfortable for you. I’d suggest doing research ahead of time if you can and weigh the pros and cons of each type. Since I struggled with milk production so much, I had to pump several times per day. I found that the Spectra S2 was the best option for me. It’s electric, easy to use and it was more gentle than the other pumps I tried. Another great thing about the Spectra S2 is that it’s a closed system meaning that there’s no way that the milk can get inside the pump through the tubing. It also wasn’t as loud as the Medela Pump and Style. Many people swear by this pump, but I didn’t care for it. However, I was grateful I had it on hand when my Spectra died and I was waiting for a replacement. I’d suggest having a back up for this purpose even if it is just a manual pump.


I bought an extra set of flanges which was a time saver because I could wash all the parts at the end of the day instead of after each use.

Breast Milk Storage
If you are starting to build up a stash or simply make enough for the next day, you need a way to store it. I’d recommend these breast mil storage containers. The lids screw on tight reducing the amounts of spills during travel. These can also be frozen. My procedure was filling up the containers and then pouring it into bags. I didn’t want to carry bags back and forth because I was afraid of spills since I didn’t have a stash until around the end of Rosebud’s time nursing.


Smoothie ingredients: oats, berries, banana and almonds.
Foods and Snacks
There are many foods that can increase milk production. You just have to find what works for you. Oatmeal is one that a lot of people swear by. For me, it didn’t seem to matter what I ate, but I found this great smoothie mixon Amazon. I liked these smoothies because they included healthy ingredients plus it tasted good. I used to have one for breakfast each morning. I tried salmon, oatmeal pies, coconut, gatorade, almonds and eating more vegetables. there are also lactation cookies you can bake. One mom said that every time she ate A whopper from Burger King, she noticed a huge increase. Even if none of these foods work for you, you should keep some healthy snacks handy as producing milk makes you hungry and takes up energy.


Staying Hydrated
It is important to keep hydrated so you should have a good water bottle. I like the Britta bottles as they filter your water, but I usually used a water bottle I found at Target. If your water gets boring, you can infuse it with fruits. One way is to freeze little pieces of fruit in ice cubes. As they melt, the fruit flavors your water.

Relieving Discomfort
Coconut oil is another useful thing to have on hand. It can help with soreness and is a natural alternative to medicated creams. It won’t help you produce more milk, but it can relieve some of the discomfort.


Mother nursing baby in a meadow.
Make It Peaceful

The final essential item will be different for each person, but do something for yourself. Use the pumping time as your alone time. Make it peaceful because if you are relaxed, the more likely you are to produce milk. I used my pumping time to listen to podcasts or audio books, enjoy a healthy snack, watch tv and even to try some meditation. There are hands free bras you can buy which allows you to multitask. If you are doing more nursing than pumping, try baby wearing. You don’t have to be stuck on the couch that way, but nursing time should be as peaceful as possible too.


Essentials for Moms With Low Milk Supply Pin

Supplements
Lastly, I’ll mention that you can take supplements. I tried several and I never noticed an increase with any of them, but they do work for a lot of people, so I will link to some of them in case they may work for you.


Check out this Timeline of a Breastfed Baby. It was helpful for me to know what to expect when I first started.

Books
If you want to have some books with information on hand, these are helpful.

You may want to introduce a pacifier at some point. If so, be sure to see this list of 8 Best Pacifiers for Breast-fed Babies.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comments.

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Coloring Outside the Lines

It was a rainy afternoon here, so Rosebud and I were stuck inside. She had just finished her snack and it was time for play time. I usually turn on music for background noise when we play in the living room. Rosebud likes to build with blocks, care for her babies and pretend she's Dr. Rosebud and gives me a checkup on a daily basis. Today when I turned on the music she said, "let's dance, Mommy." Normally this means just holding her hands and we spin around like we're doing Ring Around the Rosie, but today she wanted to actually dance. She kept saying, "you dance, Mommy." Then she was off doing dance moves that she made up on the spot. For a minute I froze and wondered what exactly to do. I'm a horrible dancer. I'm so self conscious even if it's just her and I. I told her that I wasn't a good dancer, but I'd try anyway and I started copying what she was doing. At least copying as much as I could see. Rosebud didn't mind my awkwardness. She was just glad to spend time together. After a few minutes, I was enjoying being active and I was grateful that she was so happy in that moment.

Little girl drawing with her cat watching.As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?

There will be challenges in the future for us that most people take for granted with their children. It'll be difficult to teach her to read and write because she'll be reading and writing in a different way than I do. I hesitate to take her to places where there is a large group of kids because it's harder for me to find someone in a crowd. I'm not the best at socializing, so I worry about getting her the right amounts of social interaction. Sometimes when she's looking at something and asks what it is, I totally miss it. I miss the learning opportunity she could have had or just simply sharing the interaction of two people looking at the same thing in their environment. The challenges can seem endless at times, but what about all the things I can teach her and the gifts I can give? I let her enjoy the things I can't fully participate in or find ways to make activities work for both of us. We read a lot of touch and feel books, do lots of 3d art collages and play with play-dough.

Rosebud’s collage with puffy stickers.

I can teach her how to be a problem solver. When one thing is inaccessible to me, I might have to try something more than one way before I figure out what works. This is especially true with technology. I can teach her to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. I can teach the value of spending time together making memories. I can teach her how to listen. This skill is highly underrated. I can teach her about kindness and compassion towards both people and animals.

One of Rosebud’s drawings that she calls,the bridge.There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake cookies that make our house smell like a home and make time for snuggles and story time each night. I can make a perfect batch of play-dough and find the best bargains on toys. Most of all, Rosebud is sheltered, clean, safe and loved. When I see her happiness, the embarrassing and sometimes meaningless things that shake my confidence disappear. In those moments, I can see the big picture. The picture with color spilling over the lines that didn't need to be there in the first place. I'm teaching her to start with a blank piece of paper and make her own creation. She doesn't have to fit into anyone else's lines or boxes to be worthy and neither do I.



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Prime Day 2018: Bargains for Busy Moms

If you are a busy multitasking mom, there are never enough hours in the day so finding time and money saving apps, products or services can be a life saver. Anything that makes life less stressful or reduces the amount of rushing around is fantastic!

A busy mom working while playing with her daughter.For those who don’t know, Prime Day starts tomorrow, July 16th at 3 p.m. ET. I have been an Amazon Prime subscriber for years. You can find just about anything on Amazon and the best thing about Prime is that you can have these items shipped to your door. If you’re a Prime subscriber, two day shipping is free and one day shipping is only $3.99. They are offering a 30 day free trial for new subscribers. There is no better time to take advantage of this than on Prime day when you have access to tons of deals. Prime Day – Prime Membership $3 bounty

Some of the other Prime benefits include access to a large library of kindle books, access to their music streaming service and having clothing shipped right to your door. You can try the clothes on in the privacy of your own home and if you don’t like the clothing, you can return the package with no hassle. It’s already labeled so just drop it in the mailbox. I have yet to take advantage of the Amazon Fresh program as it’s not available in my area, but I am a huge fan of having groceries delivered to your door. If you are a busy mom, this can save you time and money so why not give it a try if it is available in your area?
Prime Day – Amazon Fresh $5 bounty

Another time saver is the Instant Pot. Moms on the message boards are crazy about these. On Prime Day, they usually have great deals on the Instant Pot. I love things that help me save time with meal prep so I really want to see what all the hype is about.
A weekly schedule on a white board next to a cup of coffee.
It’s important that we do things for ourselves too, even when we are multitasking. Are there books that you have been dying to read? I joined Audible several years ago and have been addicted ever since. I can listen while I clean, sit outside and Audible books were a life saver during my nursing and pumping days. Audible is great for busy parents on the go as you can listen during your commute. for Prime day, Amazon is offering a 60% discount on an Audible subscription. Normally a membership is $14.95 per month, but for Prime day, it is $4.95 per month for new subscribers. If you enjoy audio books, this is worth taking advantage of.
Prime Day – Audible $10 bounty
If you prefer reading, Amazon offers a Kindle Unlimited subscription where you have access to millions of books for a monthly fee. Think of it as a library, but in digital form. You also get access to audio books and magazines with this subscription. For Prime Day, new subscribers get a three month subscription for 99 cents. I’ve been wanting to try Kindle Unlimited and this would be a great way to try it at very little cost. the great thing is you can access your books from the kindle app on any device. When I read kindle books, I use the app on my iPhone.

Prime Day – Kindle Unlimited $3 bounty
I’ve used Amazon’s subscribe and save feature on everything from diapers, to cat food and even batteries. If you have five items in your delivery, you save an additional 20% off your purchase. I love that essential items will arrive at my door each month and I don’t even have to think about them. I don’t have to make late night runs to the store for diapers. I don’t have to worry that the cats will run out of food. I can get great deals on essentials like soap and toothpaste. Also, I can try new products or find products that they have stopped carrying in the local stores. You can stop or modify subscriptions at any time. My only complaint is that you can’t pick the shipping date. there are times when I want my shipment to arrive sooner. Overall, it’s a great service. Here are some of the products you can subscribe to get each month.
I’ve been using these diapers since Rosebud was a newborn and they’ve worked wonderfully.

With a deal like this, you’ll have plenty of batteries. I was always in search of batteries before finding these because it seems every toy under the sun is battery operated.
I can’t find these dryer sheets locally anymore, but I love the scent. Luckily they are apart of the Subscribe and Save program.

Since Rosebud isn’t potty trained yet, I’m still using these. They can ship right with the diapers or you can change the frequency of deliveries for each item.

I usually buy Sparkle paper towels, but you can find the brand of your choice.

I hope you have found this helpful. Enjoy Prime Day and happy shopping!

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Owning My Guilt

I'm reading Cara Alwill Leyba's new book, "Like She Owns The place”.

For those who don't know, Cara is an author and master life coach who works to help women empower themselves and change their mindset. I found her online several years ago and discovered that a lot of her message resonates with me.

One passage she wrote about guilt in, "Like She Owns the Place" stood out to me. She discusses the idea that women often feel guilty due to external forces. Such as ones culture, religion or the society they live in. It may come from childhood experiences or friends and family making them feel guilty. This may be intentional or not, but never the less, the guilt shows up. She poses the question, if you are not hurting yourself or anyone else, why feel guilty? Cara describes one situation where she was taking a day off from work, spending the day at home. Her plan was to binge watch a show and have a glass of wine. Meanwhile, her husband decided to reorganize a closet full of Christmas decorations. Seeing this, she felt guilty and went over to help, but he encouraged her to take time for herself. That’s the sign of a good man, by the way. She said she went back to watch tv, but it didn’t come naturally to her. She felt guilty for taking time for herself and not working.

I often feel guilty over things like this. Today, my mom took Rosebud so that I could rest as I haven’t been feeling well. I can’t rest though because I start feeling guilty and thinking of everything I need to do. If I’m napping on the couch, the laundry isn’t getting done. The dishes are piled up in the sink. Rosebud's toys need to be rotated. Countertops need to be dusted. That’s just the house work. Then there’s the work you actually get paid for. I don’t feel guilty about taking time away from my job outside the home, but I feel guilt over not working on transcription stuff. I think to myself, I should be transcribing practice files or doing the business plan paper work. As with the blog posts, I set imaginary deadlines and the guilt sets in.

A tropical beach with a chair and umbrella.

This week is supposed to be my vacation, but I’m having trouble just letting it be. I always have to fill my time and not necessarily with the things I enjoy. I need to feel productive even in times when I should be resting. The mom guilt is never ending. While Rosebud is not here, I’ve spent much of my time doing things for her instead of myself. I’ve washed toys, did laundry and prepared her dinner for later. It's one way to ease the guilt of taking time away from her. Then again, when I'm spending time with her just playing, I get that nagging feeling about the house work. Then when I'm cleaning or doing other things, I feel guilty about giving her screen time. While she's away, I’ve been pondering how to take away the pacifier. Should I try a gradual approach or go cold turkey? This was prompted by her visit to the dentist this morning. In between cleaning and thoughts of the annoying paci, I wonder how she’s doing. What is she doing right now? Has she napped? What did she eat for lunch? Then I think maybe I should watch some videos of her. Oh, wait... I better get back to work.

A pencil with eraser, erasing the word, guilt.

As Cara points out in her book, when we are old, what will we be worrying about? Will we be worried about all the times we should’ve cleaned closets, typed up that report or swept the kitchen floor? Definitely not! We will be remembering things we enjoyed. The times with our loved ones, the things we’ve created or times we did something crazy, fun and memorable. The fact is, we all need time to replenish ourselves. If we don't get that, we become unhappy and lose sight of our strengths, passions and our joy. We need to start erasing some of this guilt. If not, what are we teaching our children and what are we doing to our emotional well-being? I’m finally in my element. I’m taking the time to write which makes me feel lighter and taps into my creative side. I’m sitting outside enjoying the breeze on my face, the shade of a tree and listening to the birds over head.

The big tree in my back yard.

Here are some of Cara's other books if you are interested.

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It’s About the Process, Not the Product

Here is another simple painting activity. All you need are some paints, paper and pinecones. Rosebud and I went over to the playground yesterday where she found a pinecone. I immediately thought we could use it for a painting activity.

We were trying to stamp with the pinecone because using it like a brush was too hard on the paper. As the title says, the process is more important than the product with this activity. My only suggestion would be to have more paints and more pinecones. I would put each color of paint in a container large enough to dip the entire pinecone so it could be stamped or rolled across the paper. I’d also suggest having one pinecone for each color of paint. I didn’t think of this until we had already gotten started.

Different colored paints with a pinecone

Eventually I had to just dump the paints on the paper because trying to dip the pinecone wasn’t working. I had little containers of paint from the dollar store. Although this didn’t work as expected, I’m interested in trying to paint with other natural items to see what we come up with.

Pinecone painting creation

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Flower Painting

Yesterday Rosebud and I did another simple painting activity. I set out several colors of paint in a bowl. A flower fell off one of my plants and recently we painted with flowers in my preschool class so I wanted to do the same with Rosebud.

I grabbed the paint, paper and the flower and headed outside. We sat at Rosebud’s picnic table and painted. That was after Rosebud smelled the flower and decided it smelled good. After a few minutes, the flower started to fall apart so we stamped with the petals instead of using the flower like a paintbrush.

I want to try this with different flowers and other natural items throughout the summer. This is how her picture came out. We are waiting for the next flower to fall so we can work on the next master piece.

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First Sleep Over

Rosebud slept over at my mom’s last night because I went to a coworker’s retirement dinner. She did well. She went to sleep last night with no fuss. She didn’t even want to be rocked at first, which was similar to the night before. Tuesday night was the first time ever that she didn’t want me to rock her. I was sad about that. My baby is growing up. I love having our snuggle time before bed. I don’t see her all night so I like that time to tell her I love her and just sit with her, holding her, talking to her and smelling the scent of her body wash. This time flies so fast. She’s already doing preschooler things when it seems that yesterday I brought her home from the hospital. She slept until 8:15 this morning which she rarely does here. She’s usually an early riser.

Baby looking in bag.I talked to her last night on Face Time to tell her good night, but honestly she wasn’t that interested. She was going through her bag and when she found her toothbrush she was off for the sink. She started running down the hallway leaving the phone behind. She said a quick good night as she was headed for the sink and that was that. I’m glad she feels secure when I’m not around, but I’m a little sad too. That’s what being a parent is all about. You are preparing them to be independent and to go out into the world. Whether it’s just the first sleep over or the huge step of going off to college. There’s always a delicate balance of holding on and letting go.

Girl with her teddy bear.

The funny thing is, I often want a break like this. A time with no kids to worry about, but I worry anyway. I wonder what she’s doing and what she is thinking about. I always think I’ll have a bunch of free time to write, reorganize closets, go through photos etc. You know, the stuff you never get around to doing. Then when the time comes, you do what you would’ve done anyway. Last night, I put her clothes away, exercised and wrote to a friend. Those are things I do most nights when Rosebud is here. The only different thing I did was put the brand new light pink sheets that I found on sale yesterday on my bed. It has been good for me though. Although I miss her, I got a good nights sleep and I was able to do some chores this morning. I haven’t had time to myself in ages. and it was good for me to reboot. Kid free time is wonderful, but I was so glad to finally see her this morning.

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5 Reasons To Cook With Kids

5 Reasons to Cook With Kids pancakes pin.
I’ve been cooking with Rosebud since she could sit in her high chair. Back then she wasn’t directly involved with the cooking, but she sat in the kitchen observing everything I was doing. I put spoons, measuring cups, a mixing bowl and pretend food on her tray which kept her occupied as I chopped vegetables, mixed cake badder or mashed potatoes. I’d show her the foods and let her sample them as she got older. I remember times when I’d read a recipe, tell her the ingredients we needed to add and she’d repeat after me. Now that she’s a toddler, she’s an active participant. She counts and takes out the eggs, mixes cookie dough or fills the measuring cups and spoons to scoop and pour the ingredients. Her favorite saying these days is, “I try it.” She wants to do and try everything!

1. Cooking builds vocabulary

Kids can learn names of foods, spices and and the equipment and utensils we use to cook with. They can learn opposites. Hot and cold, wet and dry etc. You can talk about foods being sour, sweet, salty or bitter. You can talk about colors, shapes and textures of the food. If your child is older, reading the recipe can help build vocabulary as well. Yesterday as we were mixing together some sugar, butter and eggs for cookie dough, Rosebud told me, we need to hatch these eggs. At first I didn’t know what she was talking about, but then it hit me that to her cracking the eggs is hatching them.

2. Cooking teaches math and science

Kids can learn about temperature. Hot vs. cold. What happens when ingredients warm up, boil or are frozen? They can learn about measurement by using measuring cups and spoons. They can learn about consistency. What happens if we add water or flour? They can learn about plants and where food comes from. What is inside an apple or a pepper? The possibilities for teaching concepts and experiments in the kitchen are endless.


3. Trying new things

When kids help make choices about their food, they are more likely to try new things. In the preschool class where I work, we participate in this program where a nutritionist comes in to teach the children about healthy eating and where food comes from. There is a garden where she takes them to get vegetables and it is surprising how many new vegetables they have tried because they have picked the vegetables themselves. We’ve also done a bit of baking in preschool. The kids help add ingredients, mix badder and once we even allowed them to help us with cutting up fruits for fruit salad. This makes them so excited about afternoon snack. They can’t wait to try what they’ve made and share it with their families. Rosebud loves to try bites of vegetables or fruits when I chop them up for salads. I also ask her which fruits and vegetables she wants when we are grocery shopping. She loves seeing the food and pointing out what she wants. I’ve never seen another kid get so excited about broccoli.

Food collage

4. It’s healthier

When you are making a home cooked meal, you know every ingredient that is in your food. This is obviously healthier than a frozen or fast food meal. Even if you are baking treats, that is healthier than the prepackaged snacks. Not to mention trying to decode the nutrition labels. For many families there is little time to prepare a meal so frozen may be the way to go on nights when you have to be in several places at once or do a million things. Nothing beats the convenience of prepared meals. However, I try to avoid those meals when I can especially for Rosebud because I like knowing what is in her food. I also want her to like the taste of foods that don’t come in a can or box. She enjoys fresh fruits, veggies and home cooked food.


5. Cooking can be together time

I like when Rosebud stays in the kitchen with me while I cook. If she’s helping me, she’s learning about food and having fun. We can spend the time talking or sometimes she will pretend to cook with her play foods or sit in her chair with crayons and a notepad. I don’t get to spend much time with Rosebud on week nights so I try to find ways to include her in what I’m doing. On other nights, she prefers to have screen time while I make dinner and wash dishes. It’s not the greatest option, but sometimes it’s the only way to get things done. I try to maintain a balance and create ways to spend time together even when I have endless chores to do. I find that cooking usually interests kids and great memories can be made from it. I have happy memories of baking with my grandmother when I was little and hopefully one day Rosebud will remember cooking with me.

5 Reasons to Cook With Kids Chef baby pin.

Do you like cooking with your kids? What are your favorite kid friendly recipes? Tell me in the comments.

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A Butterfly In the Clouds

This weekend, my heart is a little heavy because of the events and social media posts I saw yesterday. First, there was another school shooting as most people in the US already know. While I don’t live anywhere near where the shooting happened, I wonder what the future holds. What kind of world do we live in where our kids can’t even be safe going to school? When I was a kid, I never thought of anyone bringing a gun to school. School shootings weren’t heard of. Now it seems as though there’s at least one every month. A friend of mine who grew up in northern Maine where hunting is quite common told me about how people would often have guns in the back of their trucks, but she never feared for her safety. Her peers didn’t play with guns and they certainly never brought them into school to shoot people. I think far too many people have access to guns that they shouldn’t have, but I don’t think that’s the entire issue. In my opinion, we don’t pay enough attention to mental health and more specifically why there are so many mental health issues in our children. We need to get to the root cause if we ever are going to stop this.

I’m not just talking about major mental illnesses. I’m not trying to further stigmatize an entire population of people because not everyone with a mental health diagnosis is violent. What I’m talking about is the disconnect between people and valuing themselves and others. It’s like there is no consideration of life. Other people’s lives don’t matter especially if those lives are different than your own. We need to find out why our children are so depressed. Why do most of us feel so alone when this is the era of connectedness? Of course most of those connections are superficial and I think many of the problems stem from that. Out of all our connections online, how many of them do we talk to on a regular basis? How many of them do we see in person? I’ve read some articles that say that parents spend more time with their children now than ever before, but I don’t see how that could be true. Maybe they spend more time in the same physical space, but it seems the disconnect is more apparent than ever.

I saw a post yesterday on Facebook about one of the local high schools. According to this person’s experience, many of the teens are getting bullied. They get called fat, smelly and unwanted. Some students scream white power in the hallways and from her account an autistic person was pushed down the stairs and that was just bits and pieces of her post. One commenter mentioned that this was happening in high schools everywhere. High school is no picnic for most people, but this is really sad and scary.

There is so much hate out there. I know it has probably always been there, but I’ve never noticed it as much. Maybe it’s because I’m from a relatively small place. Maybe it’s because people never had this many avenues to express it. I don’t know if this is the way people have always been behind closed doors, but I am noticing that people seem to be more comfortable expressing it in public. Social media can be a great thing and I see lots of positivity being spread every day. It’s a great way to find like minded people. Unfortunately, the people that have hate in their hearts can find like minded people as well and there is strength in numbers.

One of my Facebook friends posted An experience she had during her child’s field day activities. She is a blind woman who happened to be interacting with her child and and the group of children she was hanging out with. Some of the children were making negative comments so my friend intervened and encouraged them to say positive things to each other. There’s nothing wrong with that. I wouldn’t like my daughter saying hurtful things to others. Anyway, a couple of the parents had an issue with this and were talking amongst themselves about how blind people should stay at home and stop getting in the middle of everything. One of the mothers said that she couldn’t believe the government gave them money every month and they should stop strutting around. I have paraphrased some of the post, but it was really hateful. If you are interested, you should read it because she actually has a positive spin on it and isn’t letting it get her down.

Is it just me or are people more entitled than ever? Why do they feel the need to get involved in other people’s business when it doesn’t effect them? One example that comes to mind is when a friend of mine worked with people who have intellectual disabilities. Part of her job was to go grocery shopping with them. She asked one of her clients which brand of catsup he wanted. A customer next to them jumped in and asked why she’d bother to ask him because he won’t know the difference. “Why don’t you just get him whatever?” My friend explained that she always asks her clients about their preferences and yes in a lot of cases, they do know the difference.My first thought was, mind your own business! How is it really effecting his day? What does it matter to him what brand of catsup the disabled guy gets? Why does this hateful guy care whether he knows the difference or not? He doesn’t care nor does he want to be educated. He got the urge to be hateful and it made him feel better to treat others badly. He insulted the guy’s intelligence and continued to talk about him as if he wasn’t even there standing in front of him. I wonder how he would feel if he were the one who needed help shopping for groceries. Would he want to be given the choice or would he want everyone to assume he wouldn’t know the difference? This stuff makes me angry and just think, these are the people raising the next generation.

I often see people who are making positive changes in the world. In a lot of ways, things are better than they were in the past, but then you see these seeds of hatred. It moves us two steps backwards every time it springs to the surface. It’s like a stain you can’t get rid of. You wash it until it’s faint, but you always know it’s there. There’s always one tiny speck that won’t disappear. Today Rosebud said, “I’m a butterfly with wings. I jump like this. I jump right up into the clouds.” Doesn’t that sound like a better place to be? A butterfly flying through the clouds?

Butterflies, blooming flowers and clouds.

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Thank You, Mom

I wanted to write this entry on Mothers Day, but I was spending time with my mom and Rosebud. My mom came over for the afternoon and made me a floral arrangement for my door. Rosebud and I took her out to dinner. I’ve been thinking about all the lessons my mom has taught me and the things she has done for me over the years. Here are just a few of them.

Floral Arrangement

1. She taught me to be strong. She raised my brothers and I as a single mother. She always worked full-time, made home cooked meals, spent time with us while taking care of her parents. Now that I am a single mom who works while raising a child and doing my best to create a loving home for her, I appreciate what my mom did even more. Sometimes she seemed stressed and impatient back then and now I’m the one who gets stressed and impatient. Now I understand why. When you’re running late for work, when you just want to get dinner on the table or when you just want a quiet moment to yourself. When you live for your kids hugs and laughter, but at the same time you live for a brief period of time when you can relax.

2. She was my biggest advocate. At school when teachers couldn’t or wouldn’t teach me. When the school’s administration would argue about paying for adaptive technology. When some people thought I’d be better educated if I were sent to a school out of state. She spoke out. She got them to give me what I needed and she knew and believed I’d be better off living at home with my family. I’d be a completely different person today if she hadn’t advocated for me in this way. She hasn’t been the best at speaking up for herself and often let people treat her poorly, but she’s a mama bear when it comes to getting her children what they need. So she has taught me two things. First to advocate for my own children and second, to advocate for myself and not let others walk all over me. That has been the case for a long time and I am doing the best to break that cycle for myself, but most of all for Rosebud.

3. She reminds me everyday to be kind. I’ll admit I’m pretty jaded and don’t have much faith in most people. I would do anything for those close to my heart, but it takes me a long time to build trust. My mom on the other hand, believes the best in everyone. She’s always the first to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, a second chance or a helping hand. I usually get annoyed with her over this because she’s kind to people over and over again, but then she is disappointed when they don’t treat her with kindness in return. I can appreciate her kindness and generosity and feel it has made a huge impact on the way I am raising Rosebud. I focus a lot on empathy, doing things for others, being polite etc. Sometimes a little kindness goes a long way and in today’s society we could definitely use a little more kindness.

4. She instilled the love of gift giving. Gift giving has always been important to me. when I read the book of the five love languages, I discovered that my love language is gifts. This stems from my childhood. My mom has always been a gift giver. She goes all out on Christmas and often buys little gifts just because. That’s how I learned to show my love and appreciation. Now I’m the one going all out on holidays and buying gifts just because. If I see something that someone in my life would love, I have to get it for them. It means a lot to me to make them smile and for me a gift is usually tied to a memory. So even if I no longer have contact with a person but think of them fondly, I still have their gift and the memory.

5. She’s given me a strong work ethic. I believe that in order to get anywhere, you need to work hard. My mom has always been a worker and has devoted so much time and energy to her jobs over the years. I think there is an amazing sense of pride and accomplishment when you can look at the things you have and know that you got them because you worked for them. You made them happen! I’ve gotten the jobs I’ve had because I worked hard to prove myself. Often times without pay in the beginning. I’m able to maintain my home, care for my pets and provide for Rosebud because I work hard. I am also working hard to change my career path and better myself. These things take time and dedication. I don’t believe in sitting around and waiting for things to come to me. You have to put out the effort and make your own opportunities. While I have a strong work ethic like my mom’s, I’ve come to realize the importance of creating a work life balance. It’s very important to me that I spend as much time as possible with Rosebud. She’ll only be little once and this time is so precious.

In reality, all of parenting is a balancing act. If you work, you have to balance between work and family. If you stay at home, you have to balance between your kids and seeing yourself as a whole being instead of just someone’s mom. Then when it comes to your own parents, you have to take the lessons they taught you and apply them in your own parenting. Sometimes that means leaving some of those lessons behind. Maybe there’s something you want to do better. Maybe there’s something you wish your parents had done that you are now doing with your own children. These things can bring up complicated feelings and can be difficult to sort out.

I want to end this entry by thanking my mom for being there for me all these years. Thank you for supporting me even when we didn’t agree. Thank you for caring for Rosebud. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for loving me even when I’m not easy to be around. Thank you for all the little things you do day after day that make my life just a little easier. They are very much appreciated.

My mom would never want a picture of herself on here so I will share another floral arrangement she made for me. She loves to make these and I like how it is her way of being creative. She doesn’t bring out her creative side too often.

Easter Floral Arrangement

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