Personal Development

Refilling the Cup

June 27, 2018

The past few weeks have seemed more stressful than normal. It could be the job, Rosebud’s terrible twos or the unexpected expenses that keep popping up. Then there’s the process of starting my business which is partially dependent on other people at the moment, but that’s another story. By the time night roles around and Rosebud is finally asleep, I’m exhausted. Lately all my self care routines have been nonexistent so last night, after another draining day I realized what was missing. I needed to do something to recharge and put some of those thoughts out of my mind or at least get them out on paper.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’m a big believer in self care. You need to take care of yourself before you can give to others which is especially important as a parent. I’ve talked about some of my Self Care routines before. Recently I heard someone say that they can’t start giving until their cup is over flowing. This made total sense to me. Unfortunately, my cup has been running on empty which isn’t good for me or anyone else.

To fill my cup, I spent the evening doing things that I either enjoy or that are good for me. I spent some time reading, ate a homemade chocolate brownie and exercised to work off that chocolate brownie! Then to relax, I took a bath and used a Bath bomb that had been sitting in my closet for months. It was a gift from one of the kids I work with. His mom gave one to each of his teachers. I’m sure it was meant to help us destress. It was a nice treat. Even the cat wanted to take part in the fun.

Finally before I went to sleep, I wrote in my journal. Amazingly enough, I didn’t end up writing about the stresses of the past several weeks, but I wrote about some memories and found some inspiration for future blog posts. When I woke up this morning, I felt much better. I had more energy and felt refreshed. I know that I need to set one night aside each week just to relax and take my mind off things. The chores and the business stuff can wait. It will be there tomorrow. Then when I feel guilty about not writing blog posts, I realize it’s because I have no inspiration. If my cup is empty, I’m not inspired. The ideas are not flowing. It’s a reminder that self care is essential for your mind and body even if you only have a few extra minutes. Spend them taking care of yourself. It’s worth it. You are worth it! Make yourself a priority.

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Personal Development, Uncategorized

Light at the End of the Tunnel

June 23, 2018

Lately, I’ve been tossing around lots of ideas in my head about which direction my career should take. I’ve come to a few realizations. First, I need something with a flexible schedule so I can spend more time with Rosebud and work at times that best suit both of us. Second, I need to work from home. This would save money, time and get rid of the transportation issues. Third, I have come to the realization that it would be best to work for myself. I wouldn’t have to deal with office politics or trying to get hired at companies that make things unreachable in a lot of ways. I’ve always wanted to have my own business, but I never knew what I could offer other than childcare. When I was a teenager, I worked as a transcriptionist for one of my summer jobs. After only a few weeks, I was getting pretty fast and became used to the different styles of speech. My cubicle was among many and when people walk by, they’d stop and watch me type and seemed amazed at how fast I was typing. I didn’t think I was super fast, but the typing came easily to me.

The first few days were really rough. Typing, listening and working the controls all at once was overwhelming, but eventually I found a rhythm. Then a few months ago, I saw a post in a Facebook group in regards to a podcast. The poster said that she is deaf and asked if there was a way to get transcripts of the podcast. Cara, the owner of the group was great and found a transcriptionist right away. That got me thinking that this was something I could do and it would help people.

Recently, my feelings of sadness, anger and frustration at my current job have become overwhelming so I’ve had to find a way to move past these feelings as I’m stuck there for now. My first step is setting an end goal which is building my own transcription business. Since this won’t happen over night, I will have to chip away at this. Piece by piece until I reach my goal. Each day I do at least one thing that will get me closer to achieving my goal.

Even if I’m exhausted or am short on time, I try to do something small. Some of the things I’ve done so far include researching how to write a business plan, finding transcription companies, downloading and testing software, setting up appointments with people who could possibly help me get started, networking with other transcriptionists and researching courses I can take to get some experience.

Each morning when I wake up, I ask myself, what’s one thing I can do today to get closer to achieving my goal?

You can do this with any goal you are setting. It doesn’t have to be a big goal either. Do you want to lose weight? Maybe you want to start a journaling practice. One of your goals might be that you want to spend more quality time with your children. Maybe you want to get that higher paying job at work. Whatever it is, it can be broken down into smaller more achievable steps. If your goal is to lose weight, you could start taking a walk on your lunch break or substitute one junk food item with a fruit or vegetable. If your goal is to start journaling, set aside five minutes per day to write. In my experience working towards a goal and accomplishing each step can give you something else to focus on. I like to think of it as the light at the end of the tunnel. By breaking goals down into smaller manageable steps, your success will help you keep going. It’s a way to use your time wisely instead of just spinning your wheels. I don’t want to just get through the day. I want to accomplish things. I want to be challenged in a good way and not in a way that makes me want to pull my hair out. I need a purpose. What I do has to be meaningful. There is now a bright spot in my tunnel. It’s in the distance, but withdetermination I will reach it even if I have to take one step at a time.

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Awareness, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Finding Peace

May 7, 2018

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m a fan of journaling. I was journaling daily for a while, but recently I haven’t been writing as often as I’d like. I was writing about some things going on in my life now and remembered this past experience. I’m sharing it because it’s part of letting go and making peace with myself and others.

There were a few girls in this group including my childhood best friend. These girls would eat together, go to each other’s parties and most of them had classes together. Occasionally I’d sit with them. I’ve changed the names in case any of them ever stumble across this blog. One of the girls, I’ll call Cathy. I don’t know what went on in her life, but she was a classic mean girl. At least to me. She would either make rude comments to me directly or to others about me while I was within ear shot.

One day, all the girls got up to leave the table except a girl I’ll call Britney. She was nice and I could have a normal conversation with her. Although we were never close friends. Britney said, “you’re all leaving me.” Then Cathy said, “yeah and look who we’re leaving you with.” She made a few comments like that over the years. I don’t know what her problem was other than she wasn’t comfortable being around someone unless they were just like her.

Cathy and I had one sociology class together. There was a section on racism and one assignment was to take a quiz to supposedly find out how racist we were. It sounds ridiculous and it is, but it was no surprise to me how her results would come out. As she counted her final scores, she even shocked herself. Suddenly, she gasped, “oh my god! It says I’m a racist.” The boy sitting next to her asked what her scores were and she said, “I’m not telling anyone.” The sociology teacher laughed at her. Inside I was laughing too because she was embarrassed and obviously ashamed.

I learned later that she moved to Florida. I wonder how she liked it because Florida can be a very diverse place depending on where you go. It’s not like the small towns we grew up in. While I was searching for people I knew online, I had discovered that she died. I didn’t know how to feel about that. Maybe a little relieved, indifferent, but not sad or regretful. From what I could gather, she had died in some accident. Whatever the cause, it was sudden and unexpected.

I’ve come to realize her comments weren’t about me. Her attitude wasn’t about me. She was obviously insecure and her negative judgements about others were a reflection of what she felt about herself. I would never wish death on anyone, but the nasty negative bitchy part in me says good, the world has more space for good kind people now. The problem with this thinking is that it’s a reflection of my negative feelings and has nothing to do with what she said or did. The other problem is that it’s unkind and when we hold on to these feelings, it keeps all this negative energy around us.

I don’t want to be that person. That judgmental insecure unforgiving person. I am better than that. It’s too bad that her life ended so suddenly when she was young and had a whole future ahead of her. Maybe by that point, she had changed. I don’t know. I hope that by the end of her life or maybe even in her death, she found peace and was able to get past the insecurities and judgements of herself. The judgement of others is always based in the judgement of yourself. It’s based in the parts of yourself you find unlovable and in some cases, the parts of yourself you hate. Those parts can’t always be changed so you can either accept them or spend your life wasting energy on trying to fix something that’s not broken. Sometimes it’s relatively easy and other times it can take a life time. I know I am still working on it. I hope those who loved her were able to find peace and healing as well.

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Personal Development, Uncategorized

Adding a Little Luxury to Your Life

April 8, 2018

This episode of the Style Your Mind podcast called, Little Luxuries got me thinking about ways I pamper myself. Some people think luxuries have to be super expensive, but there are some things you can do to pamper yourself that cost very little. For some people, luxuries may be days at the spa, vacations or buying top of the line items. Those things may be great, but not everyone can do that all the time. To me, luxuries are those things you do for yourself that make you feel your best. They are the things that lift you up. These things or rituals don’t even have to take up a lot of time.

Get Outside

One thing that makes me feel my best is spending time out in nature. When I start to feel down or if I start to get antsy, I find that taking a walk helps. I put Rosebud in the stroller and we go. usually we just walk around the neighborhood, but there are always new things for Rosebud to see and it gives me time to clear my head. I can look at the sky and notice the clouds. I see the trees, a beautiful sunset or hear the different birds. Just being around the sights and sounds of nature is relaxing. During the spring and summer months, I’ll often go sit out in the back yard while Rosebud naps because it is so peaceful.

I always enjoy being at the beach as well. It is my happy place even if I’m just sitting on the beach listening to the sound of the waves, looking at the sky and the ocean and feeling the sand under my feet. It’s amazing how it all comes together to make such a beautiful place.

Enhancing Your Space

A little luxury could be something you use to enhance your space. I love anything that smells good and lately I’ve been melting wax instead of lighting candles. I’ve found some amazing scents and the shapes they come in are so cute and decorative that you don’t want to melt them.

This strawberry scented cupcake looks good enough to eat, but I assure you, it’s wax. I will tell you all about this wax from Blended With Love in this review. It’s important that the space around me smells good so why not make it a little more luxurious than lighting a basic candle. Not that there’s anything wrong with candles. I have plenty of those too.

If you want to give yourself the gift of fresh flowers, I’ve found this fresh flower subscription.

Indulge

Buy or make yourself a sweet treat. Most people I know are doing their best to eat healthy, myself included, but sometimes it’s okay to indulge. Why not stop at a local bakery and get a small treat? Why not try that recipe you’ve always wanted to try? Maybe you really enjoy a special blend of coffee. Maybe a salty snack is more your thing. Whatever it is, it’s okay to enjoy it guilt freefrom time to time. A couple weeks ago, I tried a chocolate covered macaron from a local bakery. It was delicious! Was it good for me? Of course not, but do I regret it? No. I was having a rough day and needed a treat. I love to bake and try new recipes. I often share what I make with friends and family and it makes me feel great when I’ve found a new recipe that’s a keeper. I’m also happy when I’ve tried a new healthy option or recipe. When you know healthy food is giving you energy, that feels great as well.

Pampering Myself

After a long week if I really want to pamper myself, I take an epsom salt bath. I found this epsom salt on Amazon and it smells great.
 
I used to have some special lotion that I’d save for pampering myself, but I’ve started using them more often. I found this shea body butter from Victoria’s Secret a couple of years ago.
 
I’ve decided I don’t need to wait for special occasions to use the better lotion. Why not use it whenever I feel like it?

One more thing that I considder a little luxury is putting on jewelry. Before I had Rosebud, I almost always put on jewelry, but after I became a mom, I felt tired, overwhelmed and would forget to put it on or run out of time in the mornings. I’d think of it as I was out the door and then decide I wouldn’t want to take the extra minute to find the jewelry I wanted to wear. I mention this because putting on a bracelet or a pair of earings makes me feel more put together. There is something about it that starts my day off better. If I’ve had the time to put on jewelry, it means I wasn’t rushing around so much. When I’m not rushed, I’m much calmer and happier.

these are just a few things that make me feel my best and recharge me. The things that make you feel your best and recharge you might be totally different. What do you do for yourself that you considder a luxury?

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Personal Development

A Place for Me

April 6, 2018

I read the book Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown. I could relate to her stories about not belonging in your family of origin. Honestly, when I really think about it, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere. Let me tell you about my first day in high school. It was pretty uneventful until lunch time. I went to get my food or maybe it was just a soda and a cookie. Anyway, I made my way through the lines and back out in the cafeteria to deal with the fun part of finding a place to sit. There were so many people. I spent a few minutes looking for some people I knew and eventually I find my childhood best friend. By that point, we were barely friends. Not necessarily because we didn’t like each other, but because over the past couple of years, we had grown apart. She was way into the partying scene and I had nothing going on socially. Anyway, she said I could sit with her and her friends. I sat there quietly minding my own business. I was just thankful that I had found a place to sit and could now get through lunch.

A few minutes later, this girl shows up at the table. It was someone I didn’t know, but all the girls at the table were friends with her. The only seat available was the one next to mine. She kept looking at the seat, at me and around the table. It was plainly obvious she didn’t want to sit next to me. One of the other girls says, “I’ll move so you can sit here. I’ll sit next to her so you don’t have to.” I don’t know if the girl thought I was going to rub off on her or something, but she got her wish. She didn’t have to sit next to me. All I remember is how awful I felt and how I kept insulting that girl in my head. this was a person who everyone thought was so cool and amazing. The only thing that came to my mind was what a bitch she was.

I waited for a few minutes, but couldn’t take it anymore so I got up and left the cafeteria. I didn’t know it at the time, but the cafeteria was this huge circle so I ended up going out the wrong door and getting lost in the hallway. Somehow, I either found my way to where I was supposed to go next or someone found me. There was a teacher there who I had known since childhood. I remember sitting in her office with my head down in tears. After my lunch disaster and getting lost, I already felt defeated and knew this wasn’t going to be a fun place. It wasn’t going to be any different than before.

Fast forward to a few years later when I started my current job. I had been working there for several months and we had to do an inservice training. We had to meet at a different place and it involved all our programs so there were a lot of people. Once again, I found myself looking for a place to sit with people I knew, but this time no one even offered. This had happened so many times by this point, but it still really bothered me. I was stuck sitting with people who I didn’t know and most of these people are cliquish until you get to know them. I remember feeling the same way as I did on that first day of high school. I felt alone, left out and embarrassed. The people who I was working with every day didn’t even consider saving a place for me.

Whenever this pops up, I think about how it shouldn’t bother me, but we are social creatures. At some point, every one of us have wanted to feel that we are apart of something. There are still situations where this happens to me, but now it’s so much easier to hide behind your phone. You can be productive or pretend to be busy and be less focused on your surroundings. Normally, focusing on your phone instead of interacting with people is not a good thing, but it helps me in situations like these. Also, finding yourself with people you don’t know is not necessarily a bad thing. Now days when we do inservice trainings, I might mention to a coworker that I want to sit with them and on occasion, one of them will go out of their way to save a seat for me. It may sound trivial, but knowing that someone has saved a place for me means that somehow I belong. I am included. It means that they’ve stopped and considered me and it shows they want me around. That’s what I want for Rosebud. I want her to feel a true sense of belonging in her schools, in her social circles and in her community, but if she ever doesn’t, she will always belong here with me in our home. She is loved for the person she is and her imperfections make her unique and are apart of who she is. Just like all of our imperfections make us who we are. In many ways Rosebud’s journey will be different from mine, but one of the things i wish for her is that she is able to love and accept herself. I don’t want her to have to struggle with that like I have. She is happy, healthy and perfect in my eyes.

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Personal Development

Finding The Words

March 27, 2018

Recently I was talking with a friend about how hard it is to connect and make new friends as adults. I think this is especially true once you hit your 30’s and your life has settled into a routine. It can be even harder if you have kids because you rarely have the time to go out and connect with other people. It would seem that it would be easier to connect and become friends with other moms, but I haven’t found this to be the case.

Personally, I have always had difficulty making friends. Partly because I’m shy, partly because of the vision stuff and another part of it is where I live. I’ve seen a few posts on facebook groups with women saying they feel alone and are having trouble making friends. The interesting thing is so many women respond to these posts saying they are in the same boat and many share tips on how to meet new people. I don’t know about you, but when I start thinking about this, it’s overwhelming and so hard to get started talking to new people. I’ll give you an example. I saw a post on Twitter the other day that made me think of a question I wanted to ask this woman. I didn’t interact with this person though. I hesitated and eventually I figured it would’ve been too late to start eh conversation. I talked myself out of it and the moment passed as they often do. It got me thinking of how many opportunities we miss out on because we hesitate. Why are we afraid to give someone a compliment, ask for a play date or start a general conversation?

It’s because of the negative self talk we all have. I think to myself, why would this person want to talk to me? Maybe I’ll be bothering them. What if they think I’m weird, annoying, dumb etc. You get the picture. On the other hand, what if they think I’m fun, smart or a good person? Those thoughts almost never cross my mind. Our brains always have a way of bringing us towards the negative.

When I was just out of high school, I became good friends with this girl. When we first met, I was unsure of her. She seemed nice enough, but she was really quiet and it didn’t seem like we had much in common. Over time, we got to know each other well and became pretty close. It turned out that we had similar interests, goals and struggles in our lives. After a couple years, we lost touch mostly because of me. Back then, I was allowing others to influence me in ways that were harmful to my confidence and my wellbeing. I had talked to her a few times since then and realized that she was living the life I wanted to have. I always admired her intelligence, independence and courage. She was able to change her life in ways that I couldn’t at the time. I always admired that, but I’ll admit, I was a little envious. Although, I was mostly happy for her. I never told her any of these things. She has some amazing things in her life and she created that herself. It just goes to show that you never know whose lives you’re touching. Sometimes people may never tell you. Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words, but if you are able to give a compliment or offer some simple words of gratitude, it will brighten someone’s day.

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Personal Development

6 Ways Journaling Can Enhance Your Life

March 20, 2018

A few years ago, I came across several books and articles that talked about the benefits of journaling. They suggested that keeping a gratitude journal could boost your happiness. they mentioned how journaling can help you heal, gain clarity and help your creativity. I thought, why not give it a try? Since then, I have found lots of uses for my digital journal. Here are six of them.

1. Setting and keeping track of my goals:

I often write about my goals in my journal and small steps that I can take to reach those goals. Sometimes when I’m feeling down about not accomplishing a goal by a certain date, I can look back and see that I’ve been making progress towards that goal. I do this a lot around the start of the new year. Some of those resolutions stick, but most don’t and will resurface the next year. One benefit of keeping track of your goals over time is that you can see how far you’ve come. I look back at what I’ve previously written and see so much change.

2. Working through feelings and healing from past experiences:

I’ve written a lot about things that have happened to me and how those experiences have or are currently impacting my life. This can help you gain clarity on some patterns you have or where your blocks are that keep you stuck in the same place. I’ve found that getting these feelings and thoughts out is a release. They are no longer going around and around in my head. Once the bad feelings or thoughts are out in the open so to speak, they aren’t as distressing. On a side note, unsent letters can be therapeutic. You can say everything you’ve ever wanted to without that person ever knowing.

3. Remembering the good times:

Journaling doesn’t have to always be about the negative. Often, I use it to remember good memories. I write these memories down in as much detail as I can as a way to keep that memory alive. My daughter is growing up so fast and I want to remember what it was like when she took her first steps, said her first word or tried something new for the first time. Sometimes I include photos with my entries. Maybe some day I will share some of them with her. I write about memories of my pets, trips, happy times during childhood, funny conversations I have with people etc. It can be anything really. If it would make you happy to read about that memory later, write about it.
Speaking of memories, I saw this very cool idea. If you have a tween daughter, you might want to try this journal. This can be helpful for difficult topics. Instead of talking, you can write back and forth. Sometimes I’ve found that some things are easier to share in writing.

4. Sparking creativity:

Sometimes I open a blank page and have a brainstorming session. This mostly relates to my blogging, but you can do this for any project. As a hobby, I do ceramics so occasionally I’ll make lists of things I’d like to try to make. Free writing is another great way to remember events, write stories or clear your mind. There are tons of resources for free writing prompts. Sunday Scribblings is one I’ve used, but it is no longer active.

6 benefits of journaling pin

5. Remembering and interpreting dreams:

Although dreams usually seem like a crazy bunch of events jumbled together, it can be interesting to try to interpret them. After keeping track of my dreams for several months, I discovered that many of my dreams had similar themes. I’ve also had repeats of the same dream that were slightly different. Although I don’t know what exactly is behind dream interpretations, it has been interesting to see what certain things that show up in my dreams could possibly mean. Sometimes the dream meanings are relatable and other times they make no sense so it could be completely coincidental, but it is one way to explore some of those issues that are below the surface. there are lots of books on this topic or websites like Dream Moods.com.

6. Gratitude

If I’ve had a bad day or can think of nothing else to write about, I make a list of what I’m grateful for. It helps put things into perspective.

Woman reading journal. There is so much you can get from journaling and there so many ways to journal. You could use anything from a plain notebook, a photo/art journal to an entirely digital journal. Even if you only write for five minutes a day, it can still help you. Here are a couple of books that I’ve used to get my journal started.

Some items to get you started.
 
If you are like me and you like to write a digital journal, be sure to check out
Diaroapp. The app and website are easy to use and you can make backups. You can even add photos into your entries.
Do you journal? How does journaling help you? Tell me in the comments.

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