The Rose

Awareness, Personal Development, Work

Permission to Let Go

I have felt very distracted this week. Every time I sit down to write, something gets in the way. Even now, the words are not flowing even though I am at peace with the decision I’ve made. I’m choosing to start over and follow a different path, yet again and I want to share this process with you. Especially, if there is something in your life that it’s time to let go of.

Hands typing on an old-fashioned typewriter with letters falling to the floor.I am choosing to let go of the transcription business idea. There have been so many obstacles beyond what is normal. First, there was the discrimination which I would get no matter the field, but this was so blatant that it was even a surprise to me. Then I decided that my time, energy and effort was worth way more than 17 cents. The pitiful amount that some of these transcription companies pay their independent contractors is absolutely appalling. As one transcription group member said, “it’s highway robbery.” Finally, I took the time to apply to a third company and was so happy when I passed their test. Then when I received the daily E-mail with the work assignments, everything is in Google Sheets. While I can read the spread sheet, I can’t tell which assignments are completed and which need to be worked on. Their ways of assigning and completing work are very confusing to me. It was at that moment when I decided I was done!

As I’ve thought about this more and more, I’ve realized that this isn’t something I’m truly passionate about. If you aren’t passionate about your business, you will not succeed. I have no desire to push through all the accessibility barriers with each company I contact. I thought my grammar skills were okay until I tried brushing up on grammar and punctuation rules. I realized I want to be creating content. I don’t want to be duplicating and editing someone else’s. I don’t want to have to nitpick about commas, dashes and colons. I don’t want to transcribe phone calls where people sound like they’re under water or crappy audio with a constant buzz in the background. Most transcriptionists have multiple transcribing and sound editing software programs so that they can make the files understandable. Also, each company has a different style guide you have to memorize. For example, some companies want you to take out filler words and others prefer you leave most of them in. One company insists you type the curse words and another company requires that you use * symbols instead. Those are the simple rules, but these style guides go on for pages. The appeal of my own business is to follow my own guidelines, not everyone else’s.

The thing that drew me to transcription was the idea that I could make content accessible to people who needed it. The thing is, the people who genuinely need something transcribed shouldn’t have to pay extra for it. For example, if someone can’t hear, should they really have to pay for equal access? I don’t believe so. It’s a double edge sword. You want to provide a service and get adequately compensated for it, but then you don’t want to charge for something that should be available to them anyway. I also understand that providing access is only one part of the transcription field. Of course, I liked that I could transcribe from anywhere and have a flexible schedule.

A path of stones going across water.Now, here’s the good part. On that horrible day when I decided that enough was enough, I was scheduled to talk to a life coach. I had come across her in a parenting group on Facebook a few weeks ago. She is currently getting certified, so I asked her about the process and didn’t think much about it. I had almost forgotten about the call and when I realized it was scheduled for that night, I was dreading it. I was in such a horrible mood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to curl up with the blankets over my head. Not to mention that I hate calling anyone I’ve never talked to before, but I made the call anyway. I knew as soon as I heard her voice that I’d like her. She shared lots of information about the program and answered my endless questions. During our call, she did a mini coaching session and when she asked what my dream career would be, my first thought was coaching. I told her that I have really struggled finding a meaningful career and that I’d like to help others to get passed their road blocks and find what excites them. It became glaringly obvious to me that transcription didn’t even pop into my mind.

Balloon floating up into a blue sky with clouds.

The next morning, I started researching coaching schools and coming up with great ideas for a business plan. This is something I’m actually excited about and so many of the barriers that are there with transcription won’t exist in the coaching business. When I look back, the signs were all there. Physically, I was exhausted, stressed and felt low energy. I rarely had time to transcribe actual files or to practice at night. I wanted to be the best that I could be and I wasn’t able to do that. The money wasn’t there. The business counselor I was supposed to work with has been impossible to set up a meeting with. At first, my instinct was to push through, but then I started focusing on my mind and body. How was I feeling? Was I still passionate about my idea? When I really tuned into my thoughts and feelings, I knew it was time to let this go. After I did, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had my evenings back. I could work on my blog. I could exercise. I could relax. Once I gave myself permission to let go, I felt so much better.

What do you need to let go of? What are you no longer passionate about? What are you passionate about and how could you be doing that instead? Those are some questions to ponder if you are in a similar situation. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Infants, Parenting, Safety, Toddlers

Five Safety Essentials for Infants and Toddlers

5 Safety Essentials Pin. Toddler playing with cleaning products.

Honestly, it took me a while to baby proof. I didn’t think too much of it until Rosebud was crawling around getting into things. I started by simply shutting doors to rooms I didn’t want her exploring or putting her in the exersaucer when I couldn’t keep a close eye on her. I of course had the essentials like a gate for the stairs and outlet covers. When she started reaching the doorknobs and opening drawers, I knew I was in trouble. I went on a mission to find safety products that were functional, easy to install and fit well into our home.
Baby gate separating rooms.

Gates


Let’s talk about gates because they are extremely important. They are especially important if you have stairs. First, I bought one of those cheep gates from Walmart and discovered that it didn’t even fit properly in my doorways. It also seemed like she could knock it right over. Next, I ordered a gate from amazon. This gate was sturdy and did the job, but the latch system was difficult to unlock with one hand. Back then, I had to carry Rosebud so using two hands was near impossible. I’d have to put her down, go back and latch the gate. The gate’s opening was in the middle instead of the side, so the door stuck out if you left the gate open. I hated it so I went back to Amazon and the third time was a charm. I found this great gate from Munchkin and now have two of them. One is at the bottom of my stairs and the other is in my hallway, separating her bedroom from the stairs and the other rooms. This gate locks securely, the latch is a simple push button and the gate opens wide so there is plenty of room. My particular model does not automatically close when you walk through it, but they have a more expensive model that does. I highly recommend this line of gates.

Doorknob with cover.

Doorknob Covers

Are there entire rooms that you want to keep off limits? If they are rooms that you can keep closed, a child proof cover on the doorknob will do the trick. I found this four pack on Amazon and they work great. Each cover comes in two pieces that you just snap together over the doorknob. I keep one on the door leading outside, the bathroom, the laundry room and I keep one on my bedroom door. Rosebud’s bedroom is next to mine and I don’t put the gate between them because if she wakes up at night, I want her to be able to come find me. The way I have it set up, she can’t go anywhere at night except for her bedroom or mine. This works fine when I’m right there, but when I’m not, Rosebud likes to go through my drawers and hide in my hamper. Now, if she wakes up while I’m in the shower or downstairs, I can shut my door and not have to worry about her safety.

VTech monitor parent unit.

Baby Monitor


Even though Rosebud is two and a half, I still use her baby monitor. My cousin got it for me when I was pregnant. It has always worked great. I like how I can simply push a button, talk into it and let her know that I’ll be right there. Now days, I’m pushing that button and telling her to go to sleep, but it’s still very useful. Another feature is that the light level on the monitor changes when it detects sound. If the baby cries, the lights will start flashing. This way, you have an idea what is going on in your baby’s room by both, sight and sound. While looking up this product, I discovered that it has a vibrating alert option. It also has a night light on the little loop at the top on the baby unit.

A dresser with locks on the drawers.

Locks


If you don’t want pots and pans all over the floor or to discover that the groceries you bought yesterday have suddenly disappeared from the fridge, you’ll need locks. I use two different kinds. The ones I use for the fridge and dressers have an adhesive back and they are flat pieces that slide into place. The set that I’ve found works really well. I’ve had them for almost a year now and have not had any trouble with the adhesive or Rosebud getting into the fridge. In fact, if I forget to lock it, she locks it for me. She can’t unlock it though which is the important thing. I keep locks on her dresser drawers because she likes to completely empty her dresser, unfold the clothes and scatter them all around the room.

Cupboard with rope lock.

For the cupboards and bathroom sinks, I use a rope style lock. It goes around the handles and then you pull the strings tight so that the doors cannot be opened. This is so simple that you wouldn’t think it would work, but it does. Rosebud has never been able to get into these cupboards as long as the ropes were securely tightened. A bonus if you have white cupboards, these would blend right in.


Baby in a pool on a float.

Pool and Outdoor Safety


The final safety item I will share is for fun outside the home. If you have anything bigger than one of those tiny plastic kiddy pools, then you might find this useful. This is an inflatable seat that a baby can sit in while floating around the pool. The legs simply go through the holes and the rest looks like an inner tube. Rosebud had two different styles, one with a sun roof and one with out. The one without had larger holes for the legs so she fit in it better, but the one with the sun roof obviously protected her from the sun. Rosebud loved her time in the pool. She was able to float in the pool at my mom’s house because it was deeper, but in her pool here at home, she was able to walk around the pool using the float to push herself around. Of course, children should always have close supervision in the pool, but I found that this was a way to ensure safety while giving a tiny bit of freedom to explore the water. Now that Rosebud is bigger, she has been wearing a life jacket. I found this especially useful last year when she wasn’t as steady on her feet. Now, she is able to go in her pool without one as she feels more comfortable in the water. When she goes in anything bigger than her little pool, she wears the life jacket. I know there are different schools of thought on this, but I think it’s important that she knows when a life jacket is necessary and when she can go in the water without one.


Baby opening cupboards with dishes and pans inside.

Other Items



Safety Essentials pin. Child’s finger in socket.

There are so many things to consider when it comes to safety. Some things you never even think about until you become a parent. Plus, the amount of products out there is almost endless. I was lucky enough to have experience in childcare so I was familiar with some of the safety products, but it’s easy to get overwhelmed. what safety items are must haves for you? Let me know in the comments.

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Activities, Art, Parenting, Uncategorized

Shell Painting

Here’s another simple painting activity. We’ve been doing some ocean themed activities lately so I thought we’d try stamping with shells. The shells didn’t stamp on the paper as expected. You have to move the shell to get the full stamp, but Rosebud had fun with this. she loves painting of any kind.

Three shells sitting in a bowl of paint next to a piece of paper.What you need:

Paints,

Paper,

Shells.

Directions:

There are no directions except to see what you can create. Use different colors. Use different types of shells. You could also keep the colors totally separated and make neat patterns.

Rosebud’s shell painting.

My only suggestion is to have plenty of paint. Enough to dip the entire half of the part of the shell you will be stamping.

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Recipes

Crock Pot Cheesy Chicken Tater Tot Casserole

I found this simple slow cooker recipe on Facebook and thought I’d pass it along to my readers.

Uncooked casserole in the crockpot

Ingredients:

1 (32 oz.) bag frozen tater tots

1 (3 oz.) bag bacon pieces

1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts, diced

2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

3/4 cup milk

salt & pepper, to taste

Directions:

1. Layer half of the frozen tater tots on the bottom of the slow cooker.

2. Sprinkle with 1/3 of the bacon pieces.

3. Now top with 1/3 of the shredded cheese.

4. Add diced chicken on top. Season with salt & pepper.

5. Now add 1/3 of the bacon pieces and another 1/3 of shredded cheese.

6. Put the rest of the frozen tater tots on top.

7. Finish with the remaining 1/3 cheddar cheese and remaining 1/3 of bacon pieces.

8. Pour 3/4 cup milk over the top.

9. Cover and cook on low for about 4-6 hours.

Please note: Some slow cookers run at different temperatures. If you are using an older slow cooker (older than about 6 years old), your cooking time may take longer. Newer models run a bit hotter so keep an eye on this around the 4 hour mark. You want to make sure the chicken is cooked thoroughly (to 165F degrees.)

Cooked casserole in the crockpot

I made a couple of alterations to this recipe. First, I did not use the entire bag of tater tots. I used maybe 3/4 of the bag. I also left out the bacon. I don’t eat bacon very often because I get disgusted thinking about how bad it is, but I’m sure the recipe tastes better with it. You can also cook this on high for around three hours.

The casserole, broccoli and carrots on a plate.

The first time I made this, the texture was more like shredded hash browns, but this time the texture was more like mashed potatoes. It’s not the healthiest option, but it tastes good and it’s simple to make. I served it with broccoli and carrots.

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Activities, Art, Parenting

To Bead or Not To Bead

It's a rainy day here, so we are stuck inside. I've been trying to find things to do to keep Rosebud occupied. First, Rosebud helped me make breakfast. She loves to mix badder whenever I bake, but today I made French toast. She loves to beat the eggs and then mix it with the milk and sugar. I always have to tare her away from this and I have to explain that it's time to cook and cooking on the stove is hot.

Sticker collage.After breakfast, we decided to make another sticker collage. This time with fish and flowers. Less than ten minutes later, I was scrambling again to find something to do.

Beads and shells.Rosebud loves to go through my drawer of craft supplies which mostly consists of beads, shells and other jewelry making items. I had some string and larger beads so I thought, why not try some beading. It's a great fine motor activity and Rosebud loves to wear necklaces. I cut the string and put a little piece of tape on the end. We often do that for the kids at work to make it easier to pull the string through the beads. However, when we started beading, the tape was making the string too big to pull through the beads.

The few beads we put on the wire.I had to go to plan B. I was hesitant to use the wire, but I was supervising her and knew it would be easier to get the beads on. I showed her how to string the beads which she was having trouble with. I expected this, as it was her first time. I decided that I'd put the beads on for her, but she had to pick out her beads and hand them to me. She picked out a couple of beads and then lost her train of thought. When I'd ask her which bead she wanted next, she'd say, "making a necklace." Then just scattered the beads around.

Small cup of macaroni with the string above it.

This was turning out to be a failure so it was time for a plan C. After a couple of good loud screams and plenty of tears, I packed up the beads and returned to the kitchen with the original piece of string. I thought we could try macaroni. Rosebud was excited about this, but the first thing she did was put a piece of raw macaroni in her mouth. I immediately picked everything up and tried to explain why we don't eat uncooked macaroni. We tried again and of course, the macaroni I have is too small to get the string through. There were more tears until she realized that she wanted to eat lunch.

A toddler wearing beads and putting a necklace on her bear.What did I learn?

1. Have the appropriate materials on hand.

2. Remember how young she actually is.

3. Plan better for rainy days.

4. It's not a failure, it's practice. She was introduced to a new activity and we'll both do better next time.

5. The answer to today's question, is not to bead.
For Practice:

For jewelry making:



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Work

I’m Worth More Than $.17

To say that I’ve been busy for the past few weeks would be an understatement. Normally, I’m dragging myself out of bed around 6 O’clock and I start my day off with exercise. I can only get a half hour in if I’m lucky because Rosebud wakes up soon after. Then I get us both ready for the day while trying to do random chores around the house. I spend an exhausting day at work. When I get home, I like to spend some quality time playing with Rosebud before dinner. After dinner, there is more play time, bath, reading and finally, bed. She doesn’t usually fall asleep until around 8:30. This is when I finish whatever chores need to be done.

A woman’s hand writing in a diary with the ocean and sunset in the background.

I used to use the evenings for writing, catching up on E-mail and exercising. I want to do at least an hour of exercise each day and I am unable to do it all in the morning. I’ve been thinking of switching up my routine to find a workout that can be done in less time that has equal or better results. Anyway, since I started planning for the transcription business, my schedule has fallen apart.

By 9 O’clock, I’m exhausted. The last thing I want to do is transcribe files, but I’ve been trying. Last week, I posted about my terrible experience with a company I won’t name. This week, I signed up with Casting Words. Their application process was straight forward and things seemed accessible for the most part. However, there is not much work for beginners in the evenings. Yesterday, I took a vacation day from my regular job and I figured I’d work on some files while Rosebud napped. Of course that didn’t happen. Rosebud took much longer than expected to nap and by the time I got to typing, I was frustrated. When I opened the files, I discovered that you could only hear some of the speakers in each file. They wanted these meetings transcribed, but you could barely hear what everyone was saying. I understand this is part of the job and I will have to get use to it. I eventually found a file that was suitable and accepted the job, but when I tried downloading the audio, I couldn’t. I don’t know if it is an issue with their website or if it is an issue on my end, but I am completely discouraged.

“There are days when I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to take care of myself.” Brian Andreas

I had to return the job, but I realized something. This is too much work for 17 cents per minute. It is 17 cents per audio minute, not for each minute you are working on the file. For example, the average transcriptionist might take 3-4 hours to type a file that is one hour long.

I have to be worth more than this. My time, energy and sanity have to be worth more than this. I have decided to take a break from practicing and applying to companies because I need my time in the evenings. I will have a meeting with a business counselor sometime in September and there may be a way that I could get help paying for training. Until then, I need to recharge.

A woman juggling several home and business tasks.

I’m questioning everything. Is this business even right for me? If so, how will I make time to build up clients or to get the training? How can I do all of this while working at my day job that is so depleting? I constantly am wondering why I’m hitting all these brick walls. Do these signs mean I’m trying to go down the wrong path? I think I’d be good at transcription because I’m a good listener and a fast typist. I also don’t mind doing a bit of research. What draws me to the field is the idea of making information equally accessible to everyone. That is really important to me. I also enjoy learning new things and with general transcription, you never know what you may be working on from one day to the next. You could be working on a boring lecture one minute, but an awesome podcast the next. That being said, when I think about what I’m really passionate about, the things that come to my mind are being at home with my daughter and working on my writing. Unfortunately, neither of those things pay the bills. In the end, I’m still stuck with the wheres, whys and hows. Right now, I feel like I’m juggling and the balls are not staying in the air. Are you juggling? Are you trying to meet the demands of parenting, working, school or starting a new business? How do you do it? Let me know in the comments.

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Parenting

The Essentials for Mom’s with Low Milk Production

The Essentials for Moms with Low Milk Production pin

To wrap up World Breast Feeding week, I wanted to share some of the essentials that I found useful for nursing. Since this post is for women with low or just enough milk production, I want to say that however you feed your baby is what’s best. Although mothers are made to feel guilty about everything these days, there’s no shame in using formula. I had to supplement with formula for the first couple months of Rosebud’s life. Even if you have to combination feed, your baby will still get the benefits of breast milk. If trying and trying to produce more milk starts to destroy your sanity or is making you miserable, it’s okay to stop entirely. If the decision is yours and you don’t feel pressured into it, that is what’s best. If your baby is healthy, growing and has a strong attachment with you, that’s what really matters. If you are struggling to make enough milk, I hope that something from this list can make your life a little easier.

Baby bottle with a heart shaped drop of milk on the floor.
Pumping
Your milk production is based on how much your baby nurses or how often you pump. A good pump is essential, especially if you are working. You need to find a pump that is comfortable for you. I’d suggest doing research ahead of time if you can and weigh the pros and cons of each type. Since I struggled with milk production so much, I had to pump several times per day. I found that the Spectra S2 was the best option for me. It’s electric, easy to use and it was more gentle than the other pumps I tried. Another great thing about the Spectra S2 is that it’s a closed system meaning that there’s no way that the milk can get inside the pump through the tubing. It also wasn’t as loud as the Medela Pump and Style. Many people swear by this pump, but I didn’t care for it. However, I was grateful I had it on hand when my Spectra died and I was waiting for a replacement. I’d suggest having a back up for this purpose even if it is just a manual pump.


I bought an extra set of flanges which was a time saver because I could wash all the parts at the end of the day instead of after each use.

Breast Milk Storage
If you are starting to build up a stash or simply make enough for the next day, you need a way to store it. I’d recommend these breast mil storage containers. The lids screw on tight reducing the amounts of spills during travel. These can also be frozen. My procedure was filling up the containers and then pouring it into bags. I didn’t want to carry bags back and forth because I was afraid of spills since I didn’t have a stash until around the end of Rosebud’s time nursing.


Smoothie ingredients: oats, berries, banana and almonds.
Foods and Snacks
There are many foods that can increase milk production. You just have to find what works for you. Oatmeal is one that a lot of people swear by. For me, it didn’t seem to matter what I ate, but I found this great smoothie mixon Amazon. I liked these smoothies because they included healthy ingredients plus it tasted good. I used to have one for breakfast each morning. I tried salmon, oatmeal pies, coconut, gatorade, almonds and eating more vegetables. there are also lactation cookies you can bake. One mom said that every time she ate A whopper from Burger King, she noticed a huge increase. Even if none of these foods work for you, you should keep some healthy snacks handy as producing milk makes you hungry and takes up energy.


Staying Hydrated
It is important to keep hydrated so you should have a good water bottle. I like the Britta bottles as they filter your water, but I usually used a water bottle I found at Target. If your water gets boring, you can infuse it with fruits. One way is to freeze little pieces of fruit in ice cubes. As they melt, the fruit flavors your water.

Relieving Discomfort
Coconut oil is another useful thing to have on hand. It can help with soreness and is a natural alternative to medicated creams. It won’t help you produce more milk, but it can relieve some of the discomfort.


Mother nursing baby in a meadow.
Make It Peaceful

The final essential item will be different for each person, but do something for yourself. Use the pumping time as your alone time. Make it peaceful because if you are relaxed, the more likely you are to produce milk. I used my pumping time to listen to podcasts or audio books, enjoy a healthy snack, watch tv and even to try some meditation. There are hands free bras you can buy which allows you to multitask. If you are doing more nursing than pumping, try baby wearing. You don’t have to be stuck on the couch that way, but nursing time should be as peaceful as possible too.


Essentials for Moms With Low Milk Supply Pin

Supplements
Lastly, I’ll mention that you can take supplements. I tried several and I never noticed an increase with any of them, but they do work for a lot of people, so I will link to some of them in case they may work for you.


Check out this Timeline of a Breastfed Baby. It was helpful for me to know what to expect when I first started.

Books
If you want to have some books with information on hand, these are helpful.

You may want to introduce a pacifier at some point. If so, be sure to see this list of 8 Best Pacifiers for Breast-fed Babies.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comments.

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Uncategorized

Bold Discrimination

I want to share an experience I had while applying for a freelance transcription job this past weekend. Some of you may already know about this, but I’m blogging about this for several reasons. First, there’s solidarity. Lots of people have these experiences and they can make you feel very isolated, but in reality, you are not alone. You are not alone in feeling unworthy and unwanted. I’d like to reach out and say that those things are not true, that you are worthy and will be wanted somewhere, but that would be invalidating. That also would be denying my own experience and the way I’m perceiving the world at the moment. I’m blogging about this because if I can save one person the time, and trouble of dealing with this specific company, then sharing is worth it. Finally, if I can convince one potential or current client not to use this company for their transcription needs, then it’s definitely worth it!

A megaphone with the caption, “discrimination.”In order to get some transcription practice, I wanted to find a company that hires beginners and allowed me to work on my own schedule. Rev.com met that criteria even though their pay was minimal. You may have noticed that I did not link to them directly as I do not want to direct any traffic towards their website. To get hired, you have to complete a grammar test and a transcription practice test. I completed the grammar portion without difficulty, but when it came to the transcription test, I discovered that the web based editor is not accessible with Voiceover. For those who don’t know, Voiceover is a screen reading software built into Appple products. It reads the text on screen aloud so that the person can hear it instead of reading the words. With the editor, I was not able to read what I had typed in the text box so I was unable to proof read and fix any mistakes I made and admittedly, there were a few. However, there would have been less had I been able to read what I was typing. Unfortunately, I had to submit the application as it was. I figured that I would have a better chance of getting my concerns taken seriously if I had actually applied.

A group of cartoon people under an umbrella excluding someone who is different.After I submitted the application, I followed up with an E-mail explaining my situation. I explained that their editor was not accessible, gave them some information on Voiceover and told them that I hoped they would work on this issue in the near future so I could reapply and work for them. On Monday morning I got a response that was actually shocking. Usually discrimination is subtle and even though you know you were discriminated against, it’s harder to prove. In this case, it was as plain as day. An employee of Rev.com stated that their editor was not compatible with screen readers and that they weren’t actively seeking a solution at this time nor in the future. He went on to say that their company was not a good fit for “visually challenged/visually disabled people.”

First, that’s illegal. Second, that’s just an asshole move. I don’t know how else to describe that. Needless to say, I did not respond because I don’t want to work for a company who thinks so little of people like me. In fact, they obviously don’t think much of people in general. On one hand, things like this should be fought because that’s the only way to get equal access. On the other hand, I don’t have the time nor the energy. This was not going to be my final job or my life’s work. This was a stepping stone. My goal is self employment and fighting this particular company will not get me closer to that goal. However, I think that people should know about this. The only way to change minds is to talk about these barriers. It’s discouraging though because this type of change moves as slow as a snail.

A clock with hands pointing to the words, “time for change.”
I’d like to be lighthearted and share my latest recipes and craft projects with Rosebud, but how can I do that when I have things like this going on in my life? I will move on as I always do, but it’s hard to feel playful with all this negativity. This time I won’t be sharing any affiliate links because there’s no product that can fix this problem. There’s no pill that can make someone compassionate or considerate. You can’t buy common sense at the store. You either have it or you don’t. There are no bandaids that cover up the amount of anger, sadness and pain that this causes. There is no step by step manual to teach you how to be a decent human being. Everyone talks about the wish for world peace, but we need to stop being so bold in the mistreatment of each other first. We can no longer afford to move at a snails pace. It costs way too much for us as individuals and as a society.

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Awareness, Parenting, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Coloring Outside the Lines

It was a rainy afternoon here, so Rosebud and I were stuck inside. She had just finished her snack and it was time for play time. I usually turn on music for background noise when we play in the living room. Rosebud likes to build with blocks, care for her babies and pretend she's Dr. Rosebud and gives me a checkup on a daily basis. Today when I turned on the music she said, "let's dance, Mommy." Normally this means just holding her hands and we spin around like we're doing Ring Around the Rosie, but today she wanted to actually dance. She kept saying, "you dance, Mommy." Then she was off doing dance moves that she made up on the spot. For a minute I froze and wondered what exactly to do. I'm a horrible dancer. I'm so self conscious even if it's just her and I. I told her that I wasn't a good dancer, but I'd try anyway and I started copying what she was doing. At least copying as much as I could see. Rosebud didn't mind my awkwardness. She was just glad to spend time together. After a few minutes, I was enjoying being active and I was grateful that she was so happy in that moment.

Little girl drawing with her cat watching.As the afternoon went on, I thought about my abilities as a parent and how some of the things I'm not good at really shake my confidence. There's the dancing which hopefully the neighbors weren't watching. I worried about it unnecessarily. Am I good enough? Am I doing this right? Then I have to remind myself that it's not about being good enough. It's about spending the time together and having fun. I'm horrible at drawing and Rosebud loves to draw. She is always asking me to draw with her. My shapes are crooked, the lines are rarely ever straight and forget coloring inside the lines, especially if the picture is complicated. It doesn't stop me from trying, but it always nags at me that's not good. I'm not showing her the right way and as she gets older, will this bother her? Probably not as much as it bothers me. I try because I want to be involved in what she's doing. Isn't that what's important?

There will be challenges in the future for us that most people take for granted with their children. It'll be difficult to teach her to read and write because she'll be reading and writing in a different way than I do. I hesitate to take her to places where there is a large group of kids because it's harder for me to find someone in a crowd. I'm not the best at socializing, so I worry about getting her the right amounts of social interaction. Sometimes when she's looking at something and asks what it is, I totally miss it. I miss the learning opportunity she could have had or just simply sharing the interaction of two people looking at the same thing in their environment. The challenges can seem endless at times, but what about all the things I can teach her and the gifts I can give? I let her enjoy the things I can't fully participate in or find ways to make activities work for both of us. We read a lot of touch and feel books, do lots of 3d art collages and play with play-dough.

Rosebud’s collage with puffy stickers.

I can teach her how to be a problem solver. When one thing is inaccessible to me, I might have to try something more than one way before I figure out what works. This is especially true with technology. I can teach her to step out of her comfort zone and try something new. I can teach the value of spending time together making memories. I can teach her how to listen. This skill is highly underrated. I can teach her about kindness and compassion towards both people and animals.

One of Rosebud’s drawings that she calls,the bridge.There are people out there who don't even know me who might question my abilities as a parent. I might be a terrible dancer, a little socially awkward and color outside the lines, but I can fix boo-boos, bake cookies that make our house smell like a home and make time for snuggles and story time each night. I can make a perfect batch of play-dough and find the best bargains on toys. Most of all, Rosebud is sheltered, clean, safe and loved. When I see her happiness, the embarrassing and sometimes meaningless things that shake my confidence disappear. In those moments, I can see the big picture. The picture with color spilling over the lines that didn't need to be there in the first place. I'm teaching her to start with a blank piece of paper and make her own creation. She doesn't have to fit into anyone else's lines or boxes to be worthy and neither do I.



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Teddy Bears and Picnics

This is one of those slippery issues because it involves family, gift giving and societal pressures. Have you ever been in the situation where a family member gives your child a toy that was completely inappropriate? It could’ve been a toy that was developmentally too young or too old. Maybe it was something you’ve already said flat out no to, but they showed up with it anyway. Perhaps, they gave your four-year-old, a highly suggestive twerking doll. Yes, that really happened to a family member of mine.

A variety of objects flying down into a cardboard box.

My mom took Rosebud grocery shopping today and they stopped by the toy isle. They came home with toy squirt guns and that’s where it gets uncomfortable for me. First, I know my mom is just being nice by buying her toys, but she usually buys balls, coloring books and stuffed animals. The toys you would expect. She grew up in a different time and we have a huge hunting culture here where I live. However, I’m opposed to hunting. Not to mention, when I was a little older than Rosebud, I played with squirt guns. I had one of those super soakers. If you remember those, they were big and a pain in the ass to carry around once they were filled with water. Most of my friends were boys at that time in my life so I played with what they played with. Did I have fun? Yes. Did we hurt anyone. No. Did we know the difference between our toys and real guns? Yes, absolutely! Many of my friends parents had talked to them about guns because they were kept in locked cabinets mainly for the purposes of hunting, but my friends knew not to touch them because their parents had talked about the safety risks. When I was about ten, my brother who is much older than me, showed me his gun once and told me that if I saw it anywhere in the house to never touch it. I don’t know where he kept it. I’m assuming it was in his bedroom, but just seeing it and knowing what it could do scared me.

My short phase of shooting squirt guns with the boys had long past. Playing with those toys didn’t turn me into a violent person or make me a gun fanatic. I like to think that I am a kind sensible person. I don’t know why I’m so bothered by toys that Rosebud will probably barely remember in the grand scheme of things. Part of me worries that people will think I’m a bad parent if Rosebud said anything about playing with toy guns. Then people would wonder what I’m teaching her or allowing her to see. I know I wonder that about some of the kids I work with. The ones who often talk about punching people and going around pretending to shoot guns. The teacher in me is conflicted. We don’t allow play with violent themes in our preschool class which I am fine with. However, I know that the best way for children to explore some of these really difficult themes is through play. It’s hard between finding a balance between exploration and working through issues and not hurting and scaring the other children.

It’s also about what it represents. We live in a different kind of world today. They report that the actual numbers of violent crimes are lower than they used to be, but they are so much more in our face with the constant media exposure. There is also the disconnect between children and adults. We might spend more time in the same spaces, but communicate less.

A toddler having a picnic with her teddy bears.Rosebud had fun chasing and squirting me for about five minutes and while I never used the words shoot or gun, that doesn’t change the facts. It’s still a toy gun. I don’t want to have to talk about guns and all their consequences. I don’t want to explain how guns hurt and kill people, sometimes even children. One day I will have to when she’s old enough to understand and ask questions. For now, my Rosebud still drinks from a sippy, asks for stroller rides and won’t let go of her pacie. Children deserve that safety and innocence for as long as possible. Maybe it’s hypocritical based on my own childhood experiences, but I prefer Rosebud sticks to baking pretend pies, turning household objects into musical instruments and picnics with teddy bears. What do you do with toys you don’t approve of from well-meaning family members? Let me know in the comments.


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