The Rose

Awareness, Personal Development, Self acceptance,

Finding Peace

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I’m a fan of journaling. I was journaling daily for a while, but recently I haven’t been writing as often as I’d like. I was writing about some things going on in my life now and remembered this past experience. I’m sharing it because it’s part of letting go and making peace with myself and others.

There were a few girls in this group including my childhood best friend. These girls would eat together, go to each other’s parties and most of them had classes together. Occasionally I’d sit with them. I’ve changed the names in case any of them ever stumble across this blog. One of the girls, I’ll call Cathy. I don’t know what went on in her life, but she was a classic mean girl. At least to me. She would either make rude comments to me directly or to others about me while I was within ear shot.

One day, all the girls got up to leave the table except a girl I’ll call Britney. She was nice and I could have a normal conversation with her. Although we were never close friends. Britney said, “you’re all leaving me.” Then Cathy said, “yeah and look who we’re leaving you with.” She made a few comments like that over the years. I don’t know what her problem was other than she wasn’t comfortable being around someone unless they were just like her.

Cathy and I had one sociology class together. There was a section on racism and one assignment was to take a quiz to supposedly find out how racist we were. It sounds ridiculous and it is, but it was no surprise to me how her results would come out. As she counted her final scores, she even shocked herself. Suddenly, she gasped, “oh my god! It says I’m a racist.” The boy sitting next to her asked what her scores were and she said, “I’m not telling anyone.” The sociology teacher laughed at her. Inside I was laughing too because she was embarrassed and obviously ashamed.

I learned later that she moved to Florida. I wonder how she liked it because Florida can be a very diverse place depending on where you go. It’s not like the small towns we grew up in. While I was searching for people I knew online, I had discovered that she died. I didn’t know how to feel about that. Maybe a little relieved, indifferent, but not sad or regretful. From what I could gather, she had died in some accident. Whatever the cause, it was sudden and unexpected.

I’ve come to realize her comments weren’t about me. Her attitude wasn’t about me. She was obviously insecure and her negative judgements about others were a reflection of what she felt about herself. I would never wish death on anyone, but the nasty negative bitchy part in me says good, the world has more space for good kind people now. The problem with this thinking is that it’s a reflection of my negative feelings and has nothing to do with what she said or did. The other problem is that it’s unkind and when we hold on to these feelings, it keeps all this negative energy around us.

I don’t want to be that person. That judgmental insecure unforgiving person. I am better than that. It’s too bad that her life ended so suddenly when she was young and had a whole future ahead of her. Maybe by that point, she had changed. I don’t know. I hope that by the end of her life or maybe even in her death, she found peace and was able to get past the insecurities and judgements of herself. The judgement of others is always based in the judgement of yourself. It’s based in the parts of yourself you find unlovable and in some cases, the parts of yourself you hate. Those parts can’t always be changed so you can either accept them or spend your life wasting energy on trying to fix something that’s not broken. Sometimes it’s relatively easy and other times it can take a life time. I know I am still working on it. I hope those who loved her were able to find peace and healing as well.

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Awareness, Education, Parenting

Trash on the Playground

It was a nice spring day so Rosebud and I went for a walk. She likes to walk to one of our neighborhood playgrounds. I wouldn’t exactly call it a playground because it only has one climber. The climber is pretty big and has three different slides. There is also a picnic table where we could bring food and have a little picnic one afternoon. Other than that, it’s mostly an open space. Rosebud loves the climber and lately she’s been pretending to sell ice cream from the open part underneath the slides. Today she was pretending that some sticks she found were ice cream. She has stored sticks, pinecones, acorns and leaves under the climber for this purpose. After a few minutes she got bored and decided that the sticks were for making music instead.

She proudly made her way to the top of the climber where she walks around and takes a minute to choose which slide she wants to use. Suddenly, I hear a stream of water coming down from the top of the climber. I look up and she has an adult sized coffee cup in her hand. Apparently, someone had a drink and left their trash at the top of the climber. I was surprised since I’ve never seen anyone else at this playground. Normally, it’s always exactly how we left it.

Toddler playing on slide.I made Rosebud give me the cup because I don’t know who it belongs to or where it came from. I’m a bit of a germaphobe. then I explained to her that it was trash and how we shouldn’t leave trash on our playgrounds. I also told her how we need to be careful what we pick up from the ground. She is forever stopping to pick up strange things.

Recycling bin full of plastic products.She is too young to understand how littering is bad for the environment and everything that goes with that. I brought the cup home and threw it away, but I couldn’t help but be disappointed. The playground is supposed to be a safe place for neighborhood kids to play and people are leaving their trash there. It’s the carelessness that annoys me because many of the neighborhood kids are around Rosebud’s age and they are still at the stage where everything goes in their mouth.

Although it was irritating, I turned it into an opportunity to show Rosebud how we should take care of our public spaces and the environment. Not just because trash is obviously gross, but because we need to be thinking about each other, the wildlife and what our environment will be like for our childrens children.A little consideration goes a long way and sometimes small acts can make a difference.

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Education

Too Many Rules

Yesterday there was a situation at work that made me wonder if we are putting too many rules on kids play. Is all this nitpicking necessary? Shouldn’t we be focusing on the big picture?

We were out on the playground and I was watching three children who were playing under a dome shaped climber. One of them was pretending that the bars were doors and kept going in and out of the different doors. Meanwhile the other two were playing with a bucket of sand. They were pretending the dome was a store which they go in and out of and were making things for each other. I observed the children taking turns sharing a spoon to stir with, talking to each other about their play and generally getting along and enjoying each others company. Lately I don’t see that many positive social interactions in our classrooms so I was enjoying it. They were sharing, being kind to one another and certainly not harming anyone else.

Generally we insist that they keep sand and all the sand toys in the sand box, but it was only a small bucket of sand and they were playing so nicely that I didn’t want to ruin the moment. Suddenly one of my coworkers came over and got very irritated that they had brought some sand under the climber. She told them to get back in the sand box and demanded to know who had brought the sand over. I told her that they had been playing there nicely for a long time, but didn’t know what else to say to her. She seemed irritated with me for letting them do that, but I feel that positive social interactions and their imaginative play is more important than the fact that there is a little bit of sand outside the sand box. One of the dilemmasis how much and when do you let them experiment and how much do we have to box them in?

At the same time, I understand where she is coming from. The sand box doesn’t get filled often so I understand her wanting to keep the sand in there. I also understand being consistent with rules and maybe if I had noticed when they had originally brought the sand over, I might have said something before they got started. When I found them, they had this set up already. I like my coworker. We get along and she’s a good teacher. She’s strict, but she cares about the kids.

We complain that kids don’t engage in imaginative play, but we seem to squash it without meaning to. We often have to interrupt play that could become more complex because of keeping to a daily schedule. We wish there were more healthy positive social interactions between the kids, but we have a tendency to interrupt those as well. As rules and regulations for childcare increase, that gets past down to the children. We no longer have the freedom and neither do they. Sometimes we have to curb their art because we’re afraid we will run out of paper. the paint is almost gone so we can’t do that project we had planned. Assessments are around the corner so we have to find out if the child can pick out any letters or make an AB pattern. So much of today’s childcare industry is filled with budgets, rules and regulations. Whatever happened to what we were in this field for, the kids? Sitting down and actually playing and talking with the kids. I am glad I grew up when I did because I have fond memories of playing outside, being creative and laughing with my friends. I often wonder, what will our children say they remember from their childhoods?

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Infants, Parenting, Toddlers

No More Bottles!

Rosebud loves her food and loves her routines so when it comes to the bottle, she’s been very attached to it. When Rosebud was born, we started having feeding troubles right off the bat so I had to introduce formula in the first few days of her life. She preferred the bottles since she would get more milk at a faster rate. This obviously made nursing a struggle and I pushed through for several months before we finally found a rhythm. Rosebud got bottles when I was working and nursing when I was at home. Maybe I will do another post later specifically about the feeding problems and how we got past them, but this post is about how we said Bye Bye to the Bottle for good.

No More Bottles pin

I wanted to stop nursing when she turned a year old because by then I was tired of it, but Rosebud had other plans. I slowly started to cut out feedings and eventually it had stopped by 18 months. One of the ways I cut out feedings was by replacing them with bottles of milk which Rosebud liked. She got very attached to the bottles again and it simply became a substitute for nursing. This is why she was still having two bottles a day even after she turned two.

Baby drinking milk

I started reducing the amount of milk in the bottles which she was totally fine with. I tried putting milk in different cups, but she would never drink it. She has been drinking water from a cup since she was six months old and more recently I’ve given her juice in a cup, but she’ll take one sip of milk and put it back on the counter telling me she doesn’t like it. I’ve tried role modeling by drinking milk with my meals, sharing my milk with her etc. I tried not allowing her to have bottles at all and only offering cups of milk, but she refuses and will go days without milk. I’ve started introducing foods with more calcium because I was worried about her not drinking her milk.

Baby drinking from cup

Last week, I told her that we were all done with bottles because she is a big girl and big girls drink milk out of a cup. This makes her sad and occasionally she will ask for a bottle. She was tearful when asking for one this morning, but I reminded her that she’s a big girl and doesn’t need a bottle anymore. I told her it was okay to miss her bottles, but that we could snuggle while she drinks her milk from a cup the same way we would snuggle when she drinks bottles. That seemed to help.

This past weekend I caved and bought some chocolate and strawberry sirup to flavor her milk. My mom had suggested this, but I didn’t want to do this because I thought if she wouldn’t drink plain milk, then I didn’t want her to start getting sugary replacements. I did some searching online and this strategy has seemed to work for many parents so I’m giving it a try. So far, it has worked. She has been drinking her milk and seems to like both flavors. My plan is to decrease the amount of sirup little by little until she is back to drinking plain milk again. Distraction has worked as well. If she’s busy playing, she is less likely to think of asking for a bottle.

No More Bottles pin

Since we have gone a week without them, I packed them away in a box. The next thing to go is the pacifier, but I don’t want to take all her comforts away at once. My baby girl is growing up and it’s happening way too fast! It seems like yesterday when I brought her home and now she’s talking in full sentences, climbing up the huge slides on the playground and we are the beginning stages of potty training. She has a mind of her own and she knows what she is ready to do. I encourage her to take the next steps, but I also remember to let her go at her own pace. Sometimes that has meant taking a step back and trying again later. It is a learning process for both of us. What helped your toddler give up the bottle? Tell me in the comments.

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Activities, Art, Education, Parenting

Bubblewrap Painting

Here’s another simple painting activity. I had Rosebud paint the bubblewrap.

Then we put the paper over it to get the prints. Rosebud didn’t understand and just wanted to paint on the paper, but here’s what we ended up with.

This bubblewrap has different shaped bubbles than what you usually see which is why I wanted to use it. I’ll be ordering some new finger paints in different colors so we will probably try this activity again later.

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Education, Parenting

Rosebud’s Top 5 Books

I've been reading to Rosebud since she was born and it has paid off. She now loves books and will often sit either with me or off by herself looking at them and pretending to read. She loves looking at the pictures and pointing out the objects she knows. It has become a game to her. I'll ask her what each picture is and she excitedly says the words. Sometimes, she'll purposely tell me the wrong word and bursts into giggles because she knows she's messing with me. I buy a lot of books with interactive features like touch and feel, scratch and sniff and lift the flap to make things more interesting.

Mother and daughter reading a book.When I was a kid, I hated reading. Since I couldn’t read many of the books other kids were reading, I wasn’t interested. Reading back then was a slow process for me and I hated every minute of it. To this day, I can’t remember most of the books I read throughout my childhood because I’d forget much of the story. I didn’t like reading until a few years ago when I started listening to Audible books and discovered the Kindle app for the iPhone. Now almost any book I want is at my fingertips. It was like a whole new world opened up for me and it was exciting. I want Rosebud to be excited about reading from the beginning and for now I have achieved that. She looks forward to our, “book time” every night before she goes to bed. She tells me, “book time before bed” and run to her bookshelf. Here are some of her favorite books right now.

Bathtime Peekaboo
This is one of her all time favorites. She loves lifting the flaps in the peekaboo books and the bath time version has been her favorite forever. She hasn’t been looking at it as much lately because she’s getting into stories more, but this was one of the first books she was really interested in. In this book, you lift the flaps to find the bathtime toys. Her favorite page is the one with the penguin because he has a squishy belly.

Bunny and Bee
She loves this simple story and has started to memorize the words. Bunny and Bee live in the forest and come across many animal friends.

C is For Coco
She has been asking me to read this one to her since before she turned a year old and it is still one of her favorites. It’s a cute book that features Coco the chick who does something for each letter of the alphabet. She has memorized the words to this and reads aloud with me.

First 100 Words
Rosebud is obsessed with this series of books. She looks at this book every night. On each page, she points out all the pictures she knows the words for. If it’s animals she’s looking at, she’ll say the name of the animal and then make the sound. If she’s looking at bedtime related objects, she’ll point out objects in the room that match the objects in the book. We use these books to talk about shapes, colors, counting etc.

Quiet Loud
Rosebud has recently become interested in this book and learning about opposites. She has been doing a lot of screaming and banging on things to test how loud it will be so it is fitting that we’ve been reading this book. Just last week, she picked it up and started reciting the words. She has memorized what is on each page since the text is so short and repetitive. Yummy Yucky is another book by this author written in the same style.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar

This classic book by Eric Carle is a must have. Rosebud loves looking at all the food the caterpillar eats and of course the end when he emerges as a butterfly. there is a Very Hungry Caterpillar video on Netflicks that she likes watching too. It’s a reenactment of the story, but Rosebud loves seeing stories from the books she loves on tv.

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Recipes

Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies

I saw this recipe recently so I had to try it. I often try new dessert recipes and sometimes Rosebud even helps me in the kitchen. this chocolate chip cookie recipe is simple, doesn't take much time overall and I already had all the ingredients on hand. this recipe will be one of my favorites from now on whenever I need to make a sweet treat for a family gathering, office party or to have at home as an unhealthy, but delicious treat. Rosebud loves these cookies. they have the perfect chewy and soft texture.

Ingredients

Time: 1 hour | 24 servings | 298 cals per serving

• 1 cup butter, softened

• 1 cup white sugar

• 1 cup packed brown sugar

• 2 eggs

• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

• 3 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon baking soda

• 2 teaspoons hot water

• 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

• 1 cup chopped walnuts

Ingredients omitted/changes that can be done as well: chopped walnuts; 2 cups brown sugar if you want a cake-like texture; can substitute with any type of chocolate you prefer; can omit the chocolate entirely and serve as a sugar cookie

Directions Prep 20 min. | Cook 10 min. | Ready In 1 hr.

1 Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

2 Cream together the butter, white sugar, and brown sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Dissolve baking soda in hot water. Add to batter along with salt. Stir in flour, chocolate chips, and nuts. Drop by large spoonfuls onto ungreased pans.

3 Bake for about 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until edges are nicely browned.


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Activities, Parenting

Ducks in a Row Sensory Tub

Ducks in a Row Sensory Tub pin

I put this one together several weeks ago. It's very simple, but it was a big hit because of the water. You can put anything in water and kids will enjoy it.

What’s in the tub?

Small rubber duckies,

Mini rubber duckies,

Small cups and scoops,

Water and that’s it.

We scooped, poured, compared the sizes and colors of the ducks, squeezed them to get all the water out and of course there was some splashing to. I put towels down on either the kitchen or bathroom floor so I don’t have a huge mess to clean up.

There are many more sensory bin ideas I’ll be posting in the upcoming months. Happy playing.

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Parenting

Learning to Slow Down

This past weekend, the weather was nice for a change so Rosebud and I spent lots of time outside. When we go for walks, Rosebud usually likes to go in the stroller, but I asked if she wanted to walk without it and she did. We walked down our street and found a side path that takes us to our mailboxes. that path is sort of in the woods, but it connects our street with another street in the neighborhood. It is also connected to a small playground nearby. There is only a large climber with a slide there, but if you get bored in your own backyard, there is another option. Anyway, it can be slow walking with a toddler. She likes to stop at each yard and point something out or pick up random stuff on the side of the road.

Mother and daughter walking outside.This started to get old and I found myself getting frustrated at stopping every two seconds, but then I thought this is her walk and normally I’d encourage exploring and looking at the details so I started asking her about everything we were seeing and hearing. She saw leaves blowing in the wind, different decorations in people’s yards, big trees, dogs, cars driving by and kids playing. We heard wind chimes, airplanes, dogs barking, a baby crying, animals moving around in the trees and birds singing. She stopped to pick up rocks, acorns, pinecones, leaves and sticks. She wanted to put everything in her pockets. A couple of times, she even stopped to pick up trash. I’m all for picking up the trash and can’t stand it when people litter, I don’t want her doing it because of her tendency to put everything in her mouth. You never know where that comes from and what kind of germs it could be carrying. I’m always worrying about what she’s putting in her mouth and that’s one of the reasons I’m not a huge fan of outdoor time.

Little girl picking up flower.I love being outdoors. I love nature and getting fresh air. It’s good for both of us. Outdoor time is great for burning off energy and doing activities that Rosebud can’t do indoors. I know how important outside play is, but I get anxious about her possibly swallowing a rock, eating mouth fulls of dirt which she did today or if she tries to run off. My yard is fenced in, but there are lots of places to escape to if we go walking or if we go to the playground that is not fenced in. I know some of this will get better as she gets older and maybe I’ll enjoy outside play more. For now, I will do my best to enjoy these moments outside even if we’ve stopped for the fiftieth time while walking down our short path to the mailboxes because Rosebud is learning and appreciating the world around her.

Our next adventure is filling the sand box. Rosebud loves to dig in the dirt so I know she’ll love it.

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Awareness, Self acceptance,

Donations Unwanted

It was late in the afternoon. You know, the time of day you start to fall asleep, but if you’re lucky, you get a second wind. If you’re not lucky, you can always get some coffee and hope for the best. So my ex and I decided to walk to Dunkin’ Donuts for ice coffee and a donut as we often did. Everything went as planned. The walk was nice, the traffic wasn’t too crazy and we had ordered our donuts and coffee.

Couple with cups of coffee and creamer between them

As we walk out of the store, this older man stops us and thrusts a 1 dollar bill in my hand. I had never had this experience so I ask the guy what it was for. He says, “it’s for you.” I said no thank you. I don’t need any money. Keep it.” I said all of this in a nice way. He kept insisting and I kept saying no thank you. After a couple go arounds, I kept the money because he wouldn’t take it back and I didn’t want to cause a scene. I might have given it to someone else to pay it forward, but I was basically out the door.

Donations Unwanted, What Not To Do, pin. Donation box with money.

I felt stunned and didn’t understand why someone would want to give me money like that. I didn’t look like I needed it. I was dressed in nice clothes, I clearly had purchased my food already and I certainly wasn’t looking for a hand out. If you give money to someone who obviously needs and is asking for it, that is your choice and there are different expectations around that, but you don’t go throw money at people just because you pity them. Some people say to just feel grateful because the guy was doing something nice. That’s all well and good, but when someone gives charity out of pity, it’s demeaning.

Cup of coffee with frosted donuts.

If the guy was ahead of me in line and paid for my coffee, I would consider that kind because lots of people do that as a way of paying it forward. I have been the recipient of that and have done that for others. It’s not based on pity or obligation. If this man wanted to do something charitable, there are millions of organizations he could donate to. There are tons of places doing research that he could contribute to if he wanted something related to disabilities.

Oh, another thing, what could I get with a dollar now days? You can’t even get a pack of gum or a candy bar for a dollar. If the candy bar is 99 scents, the tax puts it over a dollar so I guess I’d be out of luck. All joking aside, I work, pay my own bills and donate to organizations when I feel the cause is worthy. The sad part is I shouldn’t have to be telling people this. When I come across someone on the street, I don’t automatically assume that they don’t work or that they have a horrible life.

Donation jar with money.When I was a child, there used to be a blind man that sat in front of the grocery store usually with his accordion. Of course he had a tin cup sitting there for people to put money in. Whenever I’d walk by I’d be embarrassed for him. Everyone knew about this guy and occasionally people would mention him to me. I’d ask myself why he was sitting there basically begging and why he couldn’t get a regular job. I never liked that he was there because if people saw me with my visual impairment, they’d assume I was like him. Eventually he started appearing less and less, but perhaps that older man in Dunkin’ Donuts had that image in mind. The image of someone in need and not capable. I find that some of these assumptions are long-lasting and extremely hard to change even when there is plenty of evidence to the contrary.

Donations Unwanted, Assume Capability, Pin. Man with guide dog

I am generally kind to others and am grateful when people are kind in return. I appreciate gifts from those who know me, Curiosity that comes from genuine interest and I will accept help when it is given with kindness and understanding, but I am not and never will be comfortable accepting charity out of pity. I am a person who believes in hard work and caring for myself and others. I am a person not a charitable cause.

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