Work

Holiday Goody Bags for Toddlers

December 18, 2018

At work, we usually do a secret Santa gift exchange the week before Christmas. Sometimes we give to a family in need and fill a box with gifts. Some of our teachers make up bags for the children and some of them don’t. This year, I wanted to do something a little different. Right now, I don’t have a class of my own. I float, so I spend time in all the rooms, but I spend a lot of time with my toddler classes now and that’s who I decided to shop for.

I knew I wanted to put goody bags together, but most of the bulk items I found were for preschoolers or older. It took a little extra time and effort to find the right things, but here’s what’s inside the bags.

These sweet treat rubber duckies for the girls and these doggy rubber duckies for the boys.

I figured most kids love their baths and the novelty duckies would be a unique spin on a classic toy.

I found these bubbles at the dollar store in packs of three. There’s chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. 
Bubbles are always a hit with toddlers.

I included 1oz containers of play-dough. You can’t do much with only one or two ounces, but I was on a budget. These small sizes are great for travel.

I found packs of cars at the dollar store and included a car in each bag.

Here is a similar set of Matchbox cars.

What kid doesn’t love stickers? I found this sticker pack on Amazon that has a variety of stickers. There are letters, numbers, smily faces, hearts, animals and more. It’s a good buy if you are in the market for small puffy stickers.
 
Finally, I wanted to include a ball, but wasn’t sure what to do since most of the bouncy balls are too small for toddlers. I didn’t want to include anything that was a choking hazard. On the other hand, I didn’t want to find something too big for the bag. I was lucky to find these awesome jumbo bouncy balls that are the perfect size.

I found these paper snowman gift bags. They were the perfect size. For the final touch, I used gift tags with 3d stickers.
 
Is there anything I missed? What fun items have you included in goody bags? Tell me in the comments.

I’m sure the kids will be surprised. I hope they love them. I wish my classes a merry Christmas!

11 Comments

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Preschool, Toddlers, Work

Do’s and Don’ts of Working with Children Who May be Different from You

December 4, 2018

I've been thinking about this post for a while. This topic is close to my heart as I can not only relate to it from my own childhood, but it comes up on some level in my work every day. I know that working with children is stressful. Add to that, behaviors, issues or cultural differences that you may be uncomfortable or unfamiliar with, it can bring the stress to a whole new level. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human after all and that is the most important thing to keep in mind. For this post, I'll focus on children with disabilities and children who are learning English as a second language, but a lot of this can even be applied with other groups of children or even adults. I'm writing this from the education perspective, but these suggestions can be applied in many situations. Being around people who are different from us not only teaches us about others, but we also learn plenty about ourselves in the process. If you are working with a diverse group of children, here are some do's and don'ts that will make the experience better for all involved.

Respect a person’s body and space

This should be obvious, but so many situations come up where a child is just picked up and moved without a word. I can understand if it is a safety issue or an extreme emergency. There are times when we can’t always stop and explain fully. No one is perfect and these things happen, but I’m talking about the situations where it is possible to ask the child’s permission or to explain what you are doing. For example, if I am picking up a child to change her diaper, I’ll tell her that. If I need to move a child who is having a tantrum and is endangering the other children, I will say something like, I’m going to move you to a place where you can be safe until you calm down.”

I witnessed a situation where two toddlers were arguing over being in the same space playing with a dollhouse. The area was getting very crowded and I was starting to talk to the children about it. All of the sudden, the person I was working with grabs the dollhouse and brings it to a bigger table without a word. This put one child in complete melt down mode. He had no idea why the toy was taken away and what just happened. He proceeded to push a bucket of toys off the table. Meanwhile, I’m trying to gather the toys and am explaining to him that if we move to the table, he can play with the toy. In his mind, that toy was just taken away for no reason. After a couple minutes, he calmed down and I was able to help him understand the situation. That totally could’ve been avoided with just a few simple words. I try to think of it this way. Would I like to be suddenly picked up and plopped down somewhere else without a word? Would I like it if someone grabbed something I was using and brought it to another part of the room? Of course not. It’s something we really need to stay mindful of.

Assume capability

Do think children are capable until proven otherwise. Don’t assume that if a child can’t hear that they won’t understand anything. Use a gesture or two and it might make all the difference. Don’t assume that an autistic child never feels empathy. I worked with an autistic boy who would be the first to show concern if one of his classmates was sad. Don’t assume that a child can never learn. We all have different learning styles. Some of us learn best visually where others learn best through listening. Picture schedules labeling items and having a wide variety of activities that teach the same skill are all great ways to accommodate for different learning styles.

I worked with a co-teacher who told me that this particular child never used words so I started with the basics. I’d wait for quiet moments to practice words with him. We’d look at books when he woke up from his nap. I remember him saying, baby when I’d point out pictures of babies in books. During diaper changes, I’d mention how his wipes were cold and he’d repeat the word cold. We weren’t having conversations yet, but it was a start. There were in fact words there, but my co-teacher was so focused on his inability to speak, that she never took the time to see what he was capable of.

Make a connection

Do find enjoyment and common interests. Continuing the story about the child I previously mentioned, my co-teacher said that he never enjoyed a single activity. I made it my personal mission to prove her wrong every day. I started writing observations about him each day as we were trying to get services for him. Some of the areas I focused on, included social interactions, speech, the day’s challenges and the things he enjoyed. Each day I would list at least one activity that he did that he enjoyed. It could be something as simple as sitting and relaxing in the rocking chair or the more typical childhood activities like play-dough or reading a book. It made me happy to find the things he loved which allowed me to build a connection with him.

Remember Confidentiality

Do treat their sensitive information with care. I’ve heard teachers on the playground say things like, he can’t hear a word you’re saying.” First, if a child has a hearing impairment, no one needs to yell it across the playground. If someone needs to know, tell them in a more discrete way. You never know who is listening or if the information is even completely accurate. In this particular case, one of the older children that was hearing these exchanges started bullying the younger child, telling him he couldn’t come in the play house because he’s deaf. In reality, this child is not deaf. He was having issues with his hearing which seem to have been corrected, but even if he was deaf, he deserves to be treated with respect. Talking to him and trying to understand him would still not be a waste of time.

Be open minded

Do observe and ask questions. Do not make harmful assumptions. I worked with a girl who was learning English as a second language. A coworker would get so frustrated when she wouldn’t respond to her or appeared not to understand what she was saying. She’d often complain and ask, “why aren’t they teaching English at home?” Well, they aren’t speaking English at home because she knows more English than her parents. Also, they may want to keep their culture and traditions which of course includes their native language. What’s wrong with a child knowing two or more languages? Why should her parents have to parent in a language that is not their own? Just to accommodate a childcare provider, I don’t think so. Her parents were trying to teach her English using games and apps which appeared to be working. when she started with our program, she could even read some words in English. It quickly became obvious that she is very smart. I wasn’t put off because I’ve worked with English language learners before. Some things that helped me were using visuals to go along with the words, learning a few key phrases in the child’s home language and having parents share things from their family’s culture.

Hold off on the labels

Do look at the person in front of you. Everything does not need a label. I understand labels are useful. Especially in a world where you need a diagnosis for services like occupational or speech therapy, but there is no need to start labeling someone on the first day. Get to know them a bit before raising the red flags. Be open to the fact that an issue might have more than one explanation. I recently observed a boy walk back and forth over and over again through a pile of leaves. Some suspect that this boy may be autistic, but it may be something totally different. He might just like the sound of the leaves or wanted a more soothing activity. Obviously you wouldn’t diagnose on this one observation, but you’d need to look at the whole picture. Another explanation is that one disability could look similar to another in how it manifests itself. For example, the child who has regained his hearing may be repeatedly walking through the leaves because he’s never heard that sound clearly before. If he’s hearing a sound for the first time, the experience would be suddenly different. It takes time to process these things. If he is having difficulty interacting with his peers, maybe he’s trying to process language that he’s never heard clearly before.

This is why taking the time to get to know the person behind whatever the difference may be is so important. They are not little boxes to check off. They are people. People who think, feel, love and dream. If you are looking for some great ideas on how to easily teach children about diversity check out this post written by Mommy Gone Tropical. Is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comments.

13 Comments

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Personal Development, Work

What to Do When You Feel Hopeless

October 25, 2018

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve felt hopeless, but you keep going because there’s this one thing that is keeping you afloat? It’s this one thing you look forward to regardless of everything else that is horrible about your particular situation. Everyone goes through these dark periods in their life. Unfortunately, I’m in the tunnel right now. A tunnel with no light, but here’s what I’m doing about it. These are some of the things that help me get through disappointment and heartbreak and maybe they can help you too.

I’ve mentioned my work in several posts and how I’ve been trying to take my career in another direction. Well, I’ve been seriously thinking about life/career coaching. I’ve been researching schools, learning everything I can and making a plan. However, it’ll take about a year to become certified as a coach through the program I have picked. In the mean time, I have to keep working because bills need to be paid and food needs to be put on the table. I’ve been using the past few months to do research and have been putting a lot of effort into my blog and hadn’t given much thought to my day job other than, that I’m stuck there for now.

Recently, a new little boy joined our program. He connected with me instantly. On his first day, he started bringing blocks to me so I could help him build towers and ever since then, I’ve been his buddy. The classroom he’s in has been having a lot of ups and downs. It has been a while since they had two regular teachers in there, so I’ve been trying to help out in there as much as I can. He has special needs and requires some extra attention that he wouldn’t be getting if I didn’t take the time. I’m in and out of his room throughout the morning and he often cries and tries to leave with me.

Most of his classmates were previously in another classroom I work in, so I knew them already, but their attachment to me is stronger than ever now. I’m one of the few people who have been a constant for them. Since there was an opening in their classroom, I have been pushing to be a teacher in there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it which was extremely disappointing. I can’t get into all the details, but there was a lot of sneaky planning and plotting going on. Finally, when a decision was made, there was literally no communication with some of us who were being effected by these changes.

I wanted this job so I could really make a difference for him and the other kids. I was planning which books I would read to them, projects we could do and fixing up the classroom routine. Talking with parents is something I struggle with, so I was planning strategies on getting to know the parents and hopefully building trust. I had it all mapped out in my head. I would take this job, make it as fun as possible for the next year and then when I’d be done with my certification, I could slowly start to build my business. With the news that they had given the job to another coworker, that came crashing down.

I didn’t know if I’d even stay for another day. In fact, I still don’t know how long I will stay, but here’s what I do know. I can still accomplish my goal. I didn’t get this job, but it wasn’t my end goal anyway. It just would’ve been a bonus. Maybe there’s a reason I didn’t get it. Maybe something bigger and better is waiting for me. If you’ve just experienced heartbreak or a major set back, here are some things to try.

Journaling

Journaling is great for getting out feelings and thoughts. You can write whatever comes to mind and sometimes you even learn something new about yourself. After you get all your crummy feelings on paper, it’s easier to let them go. If someone has hurt you, write them an unsent letter. Get those emotions out and then destroy the letter. You can also use your journal to make gratitude lists and remap your goals. If you are focusing on your future and what you are grateful for, you won’t be thinking about that thing that is making you feel like crap right this minute.

Reaching Out

Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone. Whether it be friends, family or even a therapist. Sometimes, you need someone to bounce ideas off of. Maybe you want someone to empathize or just listen.Just knowing that you have someone’s undivided attention helps and of course you can return the favor when your friends or family are struggling. Let someone be there to help. You’ll feel better knowing that someone is on your side. At first, I thought no one would be on my side in this situation, but after reaching out and talking to some people, I’ve learned that others are seeing the same things I am. At first, I felt very much alone and started to wonder if I was over reacting, but others have validated my experience. If I hadn’t reached out, I would have continued feeling alone.

Get Active

Take a walk, try yoga, do a workout routine, go swimming, anything active. It will help blow off steam and is good for your overall physical and mental health. Taking a walk this weekend helped me. It was nice to just be outdoors, getting fresh air and being in nature.

Pamper Yourself

I treated myself this weekend. I made myself some yummy brownies that I shouldn’t have, but I was desperate for chocolate. I did lots of writing and spent time doing art projects with Rosebud. If you are doing things that you really enjoy, your mind is occupied and you won’t be thinking about those negative experiences. Other self care ideas include spa day, bubble bath, cooking a nice meal, shopping or whatever relaxes and re-energizes you.

I hope these tips help you pick yourself up off and dust yourself off after a huge disappointment. Try to remember that you are worthy of good things. How do you move past disappointments? Tell me in the comments. As always, thank you for reading.

6 Comments

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Parenting, Personal Development, Work

Can We Stop Being so Judgmental Already?

October 20, 2018

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with a coworker this week. For those who may be stumbling across my blog for the first time, I work in an early childhood program. As is the case with most programs, we have parents fill out intake paper work before the child joins us. This way, the teachers can get to know some basic information about the child. This is meant as a starting point, but all too often, teachers already are making judgements and have formed an opinion of the child and or the parents before even meeting the child. As teachers, we really need to be mindful of this as it can damage a relationship with the child and family before it has even begun.

I was sitting with a coworker at nap time as I usually do and she was reading an enrollment form for a child who will be joining us soon. After almost every item, she made a snarky comment. Although my coworker’s children are grown now, she must remember being a parent to young children. We learned that the child’s father recently left the family. The mother works and is now single. She is young and the little boy is her first and only child. We learned that he sleeps in the same room with her. It wasn’t clear if they bed share. His bed time is between 8:30 and 9 and he watches about three hours of tv each night.

While these may not be some of the parenting choices I’d make, it’s not my place to judge. I have no idea what goes on in their household. When we read that the boy sleeps in the same room with his mom, her comment was, oh, god. My comment was, maybe they have a small apartment or maybe he’s having some anxiety since his dad left recently so for now he sleeps with her? Another explanation may be that she misses him since she works all day and likes being close to him. We have to choose the sleeping arrangement that works best for our family.

When we learned that he watches three hours of tv each night, her comment was, “that’s way too much tv. That’s a lot. I don’t even watch that much tv.” I mentioned that maybe that’s why his bed time was late because I’ve read research that shows that it takes children longer to settle if they watch tv right before bed. I said that the mom is young and newly single, that maybe she has a lot to do at night and that’s why he is watching so much tv. I really can empathize with this mom. Rosebud watches more tv than I would like, but there are times when I need to clean, cook, make phone calls etc. It’s hard to do that when you have a toddler who wants all your attention. While the teacher in me whole heartedly agrees that it’s too much tv, the parent in me understands.

These days, I am much more likely to view things from a parent perspective, but it hasn’t always been that way. About four years ago, we had a baby in our infant room who had a huge appetite. At least that’s what we thought. His mother would send him with a few small bottles of breast milk. Each of the bottles had two to three ounces which is completely normal and appropriate for breast-fed babies. However, we didn’t know that at the time. Between bottles, the child would scream and suck his hands. He seemed very hungry so we would tell the mother that he needed more bottles and one teacher kept suggesting that that they needed to supplement with formula.

While I don’t think we were completely wrong about him being hungry, here is what we weren’t understanding. Smaller more frequent feedings is the norm for breast-fed babies and paced feeding is an absolute must. We should’ve been questioning the flow of the nipple. Maybe it was too fast and he was drinking too quickly. Maybe if we slowed him down, he would’ve felt more satisfied. Also, it was insensitive to suggest supplementation before trying other options. There are a lot of intense feelings involved with breast-feeding and supplementation can be a sensitive issue. It can also mess with a mother’s milk supply.

Back then, I was not a parent yet and knew nothing about breast-feeding. One co-teacher was in the same boat as I was and the other co-teacher was a parent, but she formula fed. We had no idea and the fact is this mother was doing everything right in her situation and we had no business judging. We’d say things like, why doesn’t she bring more milk? Doesn’t she realize he’s hungry? She really needs to start bringing formula.

After I became a parent, I understood. I learned all I could about breast-feeding and was having my own experiences with supplementation, not producing enough milk, feeling like a failure as a parent and eventually being successful with it. I finally could walk in her shoes. When I look back, I feel bad. Now, when there doesn’t seem to be enough milk, I wonder what we can do to help. I wonder if the mother has the same supply struggles that I did. Now that I have a new understanding, I am in a better position to relate to and advocate for the children and families I work with. As for the baby, the mom never changed the size of his bottles, but after we started the transition from a bottle to sippy cup and solids were introduced, things settled down. She never caved and gave him formula. She stuck to what she knew in her heart was right and that’s what we all need to do.

The next time you are in a situation where you or someone else is judging, step back. Do some alternative thinking. If there is something that doesn’t make sense to you, come up with other possibilities. For example, the little boy watches three hours of tv each night. That is not a parenting choice I’d make, but in my head, I made a list of reasons why that might happen. Maybe mom is making dinner, cleaning or trying to study. Maybe she needs a break after a long day of work. Her job might be stressful and she needs some time to herself. Maybe that’s how her and her child bond over watching shows together. That felt much better than jumping on my coworker’s train of thought of negativity. When you reframe something and come up with a different interpretation, you may be able to understand that person or interaction better. The choice to judge or not judge starts with you. How do you avoid making judgements about others? Let me know in the comments.

16 Comments

Awareness, Education, Parenting, Work

Five Signs of a Quality Childcare Program

October 8, 2018

With the way our world is today, for most families, two incomes are a necessity. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of children spend 40 hours or more per week in childcare. With your child spending that much time in one place, you want to ensure that they are receiving quality care. You want to know that they feel welcome and safe. You want to be able to trust your childcare provider with your most precious gifts, your children. Whether the program you are looking at is home based or a larger childcare facility, here are some things to look for to determine whether it is a quality program. You may or may not know, I am a childcare provider so I have an insider’s perspective. I’ve been in many childcare facilities, observed things throughout the years and have heard from families about why or why they did not choose certain childcare programs. You’ll want to take a look at are cleanliness, the classroom environment, staff interactions, policies and procedures and your first impressions of the facility and its management.

1. Cleanliness

This is really important. It is not only important for children and staff to wash their hands regularly and to wash toys for hygienic purposes, but everything else needs to be cleaned regularly as well. Everything from the lunch tables, floors, walls and especially doorknob handles. You can tell if a place is clean by looking at the following.

Are the floors dirty? This isn’t always an indicator. For example if the children have just come inside and the playground was muddy or if they have just eaten a meal and teachers haven’t had a chance to sweep. If the floor is dirty, but the rest of the place appears clean, it’s probably okay. Does the place smell? There’s nothing worse than going into a stinky place. Can you smell that they’ve used some sort of cleaning products? Are there delicious aromas coming from the kitchen? When I smell the cook making a yummy lunch, it’s always more inviting. If the place smells like one huge diaper pale, you’ll probably want to run out the door. If you’re wondering, I have been in a couple of places like that and I didn’t stay long. This might be harder to pick up on, but are there cob webs or a lot of dust in certain areas? If you see cob webs some where, that could be a sign that cleaning is neglected. Do tables look dirty? This one is similar to the floor. If the children just got done with a meal or doing a messy art activity, the tables may be still dirty. Do toys look dirty or broken? The condition of the toys can be a good indication of cleanliness plus the amount of respect the children have for things in their classroom. Last year, we had a rough group in one of our classes and toys were broken often. What about the children’s bathrooms? Usually the children’s bathrooms are right in the classroom so you can see if they are reasonably cleaned.

2. Management

In most places, your first point of contact is the program director or manager. If you are looking at home based childcare, your point of contact is probably the owner. What are your first impressions of them? How are they treating you and do you feel comfortable? Do they allow you to tour the facility? If they do not let you tour or bring your child for a visit before hand, that raises red flags. You always want to tour first, seeing the whole facility if possible, but especially spending some time in your child’s classroom. The program director should explain policies and procedures, the rooms in the facility, the daily schedules and allow you to ask whatever questions you may have. They should be asking questions too and showing interest in your child.

3. Classroom Environment

There should be a place for children to keep their personal belongings. Many places refer to these as cubbies. Are their plenty of toys? There should be a variety of toys and different areas in the classroom. Science or sensory is where children can play with water or sand. They need areas for exploration. Small blocks, stringing beads and puzzles are called Manipulatives. Every class should be using those things to enhance fine motor skills. They may have a kitchen center or a housekeeping corner. Children can use their imaginations doing some dramatic play. There should be a reading corner with plenty of books as well as a place to do art with a variety of materials. There is usually another area for kids to use bigger blocks, cars and trucks or other toys to use more of the larger motor skills. Does the program have any extras? they may have things like a tumble bus, dance classes, cooking for kids, swim lessons etc. Find out what’s unique about your program. I’d also suggest looking at different philosophies and compare it against your parenting style and family preferences. Some places focus on academics, where others use a Montessori or play based approach.

4. Staff Interactions

First, pay close attention to whether you feel comfortable with the staff. Do they look happy, frazzled, tired, frustrated etc. Are they warm and welcoming? Do they answer your questions? What are staff interactions like? Do they work well together as a team or is there plenty of tension in the room? The moods and interactions between staff members is a good indicator of quality. If there is lots of tension and chaos, that may just be the surface of a larger problem. Are they experienced? Some people have a natural gift for working with children and some don’t. Experience may not always be a good indicator, but it helps for teachers to have a background in early childhood education. At least some of the people in the program should be educated in the early childhood field. How long do staff stay with the program? This is a good indicator of a program’s quality. If you have many staff members who work there for long periods of time, it speaks volumes about a well run program. It also is a good indicator of how long your child will have consistency. Finally, observe staff and child interactions if you can to get a feel of how the teachers interact with the children.

5. Policies and Procedures

The manager will probably give you a handbook with tons of information. Please read it. You might come across valuable information that may have been forgotten during the first visit. Some policies you should pay attention to are the sick policy. Most good programs use the Academy of pediatrics as their guide. Find out about their pick up and drop off policies. Can children only be dropped off at certain times? Are there late fees if the child is picked up late? What is their policy on potty training? For example, do children have to be potty trained before entering the preschool class?

If you have an infant, what are their food prep procedures? Do they expect you to have premade bottles? Do you provide baby food or do they? Some programs serve snacks and lunch and others ask you to provide your own food. For the breast-feeding moms, does the facility have a place for a mother to breast-feed? This is important if you want to drop in during the day to feed your baby. The manager should go over the daily schedule and you should be able to get a feel for what kinds of activities are planned for the children. Do they have an open door policy for parents? Most programs use some sort of assessment tool to track your child’s progress and you may want to ask about that. You’ll want to ask about enrollment paper work and fees.

Choosing a childcare provider can be overwhelming and I know this is a lot of information. I hope this list helps you narrow it down and find a wonderful childcare provider or program. Just remember to listen to your gut instinct. If the list is too extensive, just remember a few basic things. Is it clean? Does it seem safe? Do you feel comfortable talking to the teachers and program director? Finally, do you and your child feel at home? If you answered no to any of these questions, continue your search until you find a good fit. It’ll be worth it. I know it is difficult to leave your children in someone else’s hands. As an early childhood educator, I am thankful for the children I’ve met and am grateful that families have trusted me to care for them.

6 Comments

Awareness, Blogging, Parenting, Work

Some Dreams Come True

October 3, 2018

I’m participating in the 21 Day Blogging Challenge. Although I might not do all the posts in 21 days, I would like to eventually use all the prompts for entries, so here is my first entry for the 21 day challenge.

Most people don’t know what they want to do with their life when they are six or seven years old. It changes from day to day or week to week for most kids. One day, they might want to be a fire fighter and a few days later, they proudly tell you that they want to be a scientist. Kids have such imaginations and I admire their ability to dream and think big. I wish I had more of that. Even when I was a little girl, I kept it practical. I thought small or at least that’s how I look at it now. I remember a relatively short phase where I’d tell people I was going to be a secretary and pretend to talk on the phone and write in my appointment book. I think I got this idea from my mom because she worked in an office at the time. More often, I would tell people I wanted to take care of babies when I grew up. Until a few years ago, my aspirations rarely changed.

I always thought it’d be so fun. I dreamed of playing every day. I’d get to do all the cool things I remember from my childhood. I would get to help make childhood experiences memorable for the children I work with. We’d play with play-dough, build with blocks, play in the water, take field trips to fun places and discover the wonders of nature. We’d make gingerbread houses for Christmas and carve pumpkins on Halloween. We’d make snacks that look like animals or have funny faces on them. I could plan cool lessons. I would help the kids create awesome art projects. I pictured that every day. I didn’t think too much about diaper changes, paper work and behavior management. Not to mention difficult parents.

My dream was to provide a safe and fun place for children. When I was young, I never had that safe place. I was safe in my family home. I was safe at my relatives houses. That is more than some people have and I am grateful for that. However, the childcare facilities and homes I went to were unsafe and abusive in some cases. No one knew how bad things were for me at the time. As I got older and put things into perspective, I wanted to ensure that I was providing a safe space for children.

As I have been exploring what my passions really are, I’ve been wondering if that was my real dream at all. From a young age, I remember wanting to be a mom. I knew I’d have babies. I’d think about possible baby names, fun things I would do with them and what I wanted my family to be like. The thing is, I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that. I had internalized the idea that there was a question of whether I could raise kids. Everything from diaper changes to teaching them life’s lessons. I had no doubt in my mind that I could do it, but somewhere along the way, the messages from society and those around me started to seep in. My confidence slipped and in the back of my mind, I understood that working in childcare could be kind of a preparation. I figured that if I could work caring for children, then people couldn’t question my abilities as a parent. Sometimes I wonder how it would’ve been for me as a parent if I did not have all this early childhood knowledge before hand. I think it would’ve been twice as overwhelming.

I knew that the babies were my favorite, but when it came time to apply for my first childcare job, I was working with a program coordinator. He was in charge of summer job placements. When they asked which age group I wanted to work with, I really wanted the babies, but I said the preschoolers. I was thinking practical and as always, questioning my own abilities. I was afraid of getting it wrong. What if I didn’t know what the babies needed or wanted because they couldn’t talk to me? How would I communicate with them? I was worried about the feedings and diaper changes. Of course everyone agreed that I should work with the older kids. If I would’ve spoken up, maybe my path would’ve been different.

With the way things have turned out, I often think of my choice to work in early childhood as one of my biggest regrets. These thoughts creep in on days where I don’t feel like I’m making a difference. When I feel over worked and under appreciated. Then there are the days that I’m grateful. I wouldn’t have met the kids who have touched my heart. I would’ve never met Sophie, a shy and extremely bright girl I met during my internship. We were both new to the program. She needed some extra attention and I became her favorite person at school. We developed a strong bond over those few months until she moved away. She’d be a teenager now, but working with someone like her was exactly what I pictured all those years ago. Since then, there have been several other children who I have built strong attachments with. Some of them have taught me some very valuable lessons.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that I’ve been exploring different career options and would love to start my own business. Working from home with a flexible schedule so that I can spend more time with Rosebud is still a dream of mine, but for years, I have been wondering what my purpose was. Why have I been stuck in this situation? What lessons haven’t I learned yet? I’ve been so down in recent months that I’ve found it difficult connecting with the kids and have felt like I’m part of a machine. A machine that runs on autopilot. One that doesn’t think and doesn’t feel. That is until recently. A new boy joined one of our classrooms and although I won’t get into specifics of his situation, I feel that he needs an advocate. Someone who understands his situation. Someone who really cares and will look out for him.

Maybe this was my purpose and it has just been shown to me. Maybe I can make a difference in his life, even if it is just being his favorite person at school. If I can make him feel safe, welcomed and confident in his abilities, then I have fulfilled one of my life’s purposes.

Sometimes, those little dreams and practical thoughts can lead to something much bigger. We just have to be open to going down our own path, remembering that when we’ve made a wrong turn, we can still discover something amazing. Almost three years ago, I got the unexpected gift of being a mom, proving that some dreams come true, but not always in the times or ways you planned.

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Awareness, Personal Development, Work

Permission to Let Go

August 26, 2018

I have felt very distracted this week. Every time I sit down to write, something gets in the way. Even now, the words are not flowing even though I am at peace with the decision I’ve made. I’m choosing to start over and follow a different path, yet again and I want to share this process with you. Especially, if there is something in your life that it’s time to let go of.

I am choosing to let go of the transcription business idea. There have been so many obstacles beyond what is normal. First, there was the discrimination which I would get no matter the field, but this was so blatant that it was even a surprise to me. Then I decided that my time, energy and effort was worth way more than 17 cents. The pitiful amount that some of these transcription companies pay their independent contractors is absolutely appalling. As one transcription group member said, “it’s highway robbery.” Finally, I took the time to apply to a third company and was so happy when I passed their test. Then when I received the daily E-mail with the work assignments, everything is in Google Sheets. While I can read the spread sheet, I can’t tell which assignments are completed and which need to be worked on. Their ways of assigning and completing work are very confusing to me. It was at that moment when I decided I was done!

As I’ve thought about this more and more, I’ve realized that this isn’t something I’m truly passionate about. If you aren’t passionate about your business, you will not succeed. I have no desire to push through all the accessibility barriers with each company I contact. I thought my grammar skills were okay until I tried brushing up on grammar and punctuation rules. I realized I want to be creating content. I don’t want to be duplicating and editing someone else’s. I don’t want to have to nitpick about commas, dashes and colons. I don’t want to transcribe phone calls where people sound like they’re under water or crappy audio with a constant buzz in the background. Most transcriptionists have multiple transcribing and sound editing software programs so that they can make the files understandable. Also, each company has a different style guide you have to memorize. For example, some companies want you to take out filler words and others prefer you leave most of them in. One company insists you type the curse words and another company requires that you use * symbols instead. Those are the simple rules, but these style guides go on for pages. The appeal of my own business is to follow my own guidelines, not everyone else’s.

The thing that drew me to transcription was the idea that I could make content accessible to people who needed it. The thing is, the people who genuinely need something transcribed shouldn’t have to pay extra for it. For example, if someone can’t hear, should they really have to pay for equal access? I don’t believe so. It’s a double edge sword. You want to provide a service and get adequately compensated for it, but then you don’t want to charge for something that should be available to them anyway. I also understand that providing access is only one part of the transcription field. Of course, I liked that I could transcribe from anywhere and have a flexible schedule.

Now, here’s the good part. On that horrible day when I decided that enough was enough, I was scheduled to talk to a life coach. I had come across her in a parenting group on Facebook a few weeks ago. She is currently getting certified, so I asked her about the process and didn’t think much about it. I had almost forgotten about the call and when I realized it was scheduled for that night, I was dreading it. I was in such a horrible mood that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to curl up with the blankets over my head. Not to mention that I hate calling anyone I’ve never talked to before, but I made the call anyway. I knew as soon as I heard her voice that I’d like her. She shared lots of information about the program and answered my endless questions. During our call, she did a mini coaching session and when she asked what my dream career would be, my first thought was coaching. I told her that I have really struggled finding a meaningful career and that I’d like to help others to get passed their road blocks and find what excites them. It became glaringly obvious to me that transcription didn’t even pop into my mind.

The next morning, I started researching coaching schools and coming up with great ideas for a business plan. This is something I’m actually excited about and so many of the barriers that are there with transcription won’t exist in the coaching business. When I look back, the signs were all there. Physically, I was exhausted, stressed and felt low energy. I rarely had time to transcribe actual files or to practice at night. I wanted to be the best that I could be and I wasn’t able to do that. The money wasn’t there. The business counselor I was supposed to work with has been impossible to set up a meeting with. At first, my instinct was to push through, but then I started focusing on my mind and body. How was I feeling? Was I still passionate about my idea? When I really tuned into my thoughts and feelings, I knew it was time to let this go. After I did, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I had my evenings back. I could work on my blog. I could exercise. I could relax. Once I gave myself permission to let go, I felt so much better.

What do you need to let go of? What are you no longer passionate about? What are you passionate about and how could you be doing that instead? Those are some questions to ponder if you are in a similar situation. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something? Let me know in the comments.

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Work

I’m Worth More Than $.17

August 12, 2018

To say that I’ve been busy for the past few weeks would be an understatement. Normally, I’m dragging myself out of bed around 6 O’clock and I start my day off with exercise. I can only get a half hour in if I’m lucky because Rosebud wakes up soon after. Then I get us both ready for the day while trying to do random chores around the house. I spend an exhausting day at work. When I get home, I like to spend some quality time playing with Rosebud before dinner. After dinner, there is more play time, bath, reading and finally, bed. She doesn’t usually fall asleep until around 8:30. This is when I finish whatever chores need to be done.

I used to use the evenings for writing, catching up on E-mail and exercising. I want to do at least an hour of exercise each day and I am unable to do it all in the morning. I’ve been thinking of switching up my routine to find a workout that can be done in less time that has equal or better results. Anyway, since I started planning for the transcription business, my schedule has fallen apart.

By 9 O’clock, I’m exhausted. The last thing I want to do is transcribe files, but I’ve been trying. Last week, I posted about my terrible experience with a company I won’t name. This week, I signed up with Casting Words. Their application process was straight forward and things seemed accessible for the most part. However, there is not much work for beginners in the evenings. Yesterday, I took a vacation day from my regular job and I figured I’d work on some files while Rosebud napped. Of course that didn’t happen. Rosebud took much longer than expected to nap and by the time I got to typing, I was frustrated. When I opened the files, I discovered that you could only hear some of the speakers in each file. They wanted these meetings transcribed, but you could barely hear what everyone was saying. I understand this is part of the job and I will have to get use to it. I eventually found a file that was suitable and accepted the job, but when I tried downloading the audio, I couldn’t. I don’t know if it is an issue with their website or if it is an issue on my end, but I am completely discouraged.

I had to return the job, but I realized something. This is too much work for 17 cents per minute. It is 17 cents per audio minute, not for each minute you are working on the file. For example, the average transcriptionist might take 3-4 hours to type a file that is one hour long.

I have to be worth more than this. My time, energy and sanity have to be worth more than this. I have decided to take a break from practicing and applying to companies because I need my time in the evenings. I will have a meeting with a business counselor sometime in September and there may be a way that I could get help paying for training. Until then, I need to recharge.

I’m questioning everything. Is this business even right for me? If so, how will I make time to build up clients or to get the training? How can I do all of this while working at my day job that is so depleting? I constantly am wondering why I’m hitting all these brick walls. Do these signs mean I’m trying to go down the wrong path? I think I’d be good at transcription because I’m a good listener and a fast typist. I also don’t mind doing a bit of research. What draws me to the field is the idea of making information equally accessible to everyone. That is really important to me. I also enjoy learning new things and with general transcription, you never know what you may be working on from one day to the next. You could be working on a boring lecture one minute, but an awesome podcast the next. That being said, when I think about what I’m really passionate about, the things that come to my mind are being at home with my daughter and working on my writing. Unfortunately, neither of those things pay the bills. In the end, I’m still stuck with the wheres, whys and hows. Right now, I feel like I’m juggling and the balls are not staying in the air. Are you juggling? Are you trying to meet the demands of parenting, working, school or starting a new business? How do you do it? Let me know in the comments.

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Awareness, Education, Personal Development, Self acceptance,, Work

When One Door Closes, Another Door Opens

July 2, 2018

I’ve been thinking a lot about my career path, my purpose in life and what I’m really passionate about. I’ve been taking an honest look at what I truly want and what would be a good fit for me. I’m reminded of the paths I could’ve chosen and the doors that were opened and closed for me.

Open door to green meadows. Several years ago, I applied to a mental health counseling graduate program at one of the local universities. It was quite a process. I did a lot of research on the program to see if it would be a good fit. Everything seemed okay except I had to take the MAT. I didn’t do great on the SATs so I dreaded this and of course it was horrible. Since I didn’t have much time and all the study guides were inaccessible to me, my mom and I poured over so many words we had never heard of and or couldn’t pronounce. If you don’t know what a word means, how can you compare it to another word? Most of the MAT is analogies. The only similarity to me was that these were groups of words that no one uses, ever! I got a score on the MAT that was good enough to get into the program, but it was only by a tiny margin.

The next step was the interview. I remember sitting across from two women. I don’t remember most of the questions, but I’m sure they asked the usual things. Why do you want to do this program? I’m sure they asked about previous work and academic experience. I remember them asking if there were clients I wouldn’t want to work with. I wasn’t sure what to say. I might have mentioned something about having difficulty working with child abusers, but the main thing I remember from the interview was explaining that I get frustrated with a cookie cutter approach. I believe that since each person is an individual, their treatment shouldn’t be based on the experiences of others. It shouldn’t be based on what stereotypes of the groups the person belongs to. The assumption that everyone should be the same and respond to the same treatment is what bothers me. Maybe it’s unrealistic or idealistic, but there should always be wiggle room for someone’s individuality, autonomy and the ability to have a say in the treatment or services being provided. I answered the questions to the best of my ability so I felt optimistic when the interview was over.

Cookie cutter people.

A few weeks later, I open my mailbox to find an envelope from the school. I started opening it on my way back up to my apartment. I wasn’t concerned. I figured I’d get in. I had done everything they asked for so when I saw that I got rejected, it stung.

I always had some doubts about whether counseling was right for me. Did I really want to hear about other people’s problems day in and day out? I wasn’t sure. Did I really want to deal with all that paper work? Could I really do this for a living? These questions swirled around in my head, but friends and family thought I’d be a good counselor. They told me I’m a good listener, I’m compassionate and want to help people. They told me that since I’ve been through a lot so I should be able to help others. The question I kept asking myself was not whether I was able to, but whether I wanted to. Was I doing this for myself or to please others? They told me I’d be successful. I’d make money. They gave me all kinds of reasons so I gave it a try even though I wasn’t entirely comfortable. I told myself maybe I’d like it. Since I was having a horrible experience where I was working at the time, I figured it would be a good way out. A major step up.

Since then, I’ve wondered what went wrong. Was it the low vision? A professor once told the class that blind people couldn’t be counselors because they couldn’t see body language. Therefore, they had no way of knowing how people were feeling. Although I can see some body language, it’s limited and that’s not the primary way I know how someone is feeling. I usually don’t get this wrong. My classmates immediately told me to call in and say something to her. It was a class over ITV. I didn’t though. I was too embarrassed plus I had to have a few courses with this professor and I wanted to continue getting good grades. She had no idea about me anyway because we never met face to face. Most of us were just faceless names to her. Maybe these interviewers felt the same way? It also could’ve been an answer to a question or the other applicants had better test scores. It could’ve been any number of reasons.

Just because my path is different, doesn’t mean I’m lost.

I shed a tear or two over that letter. They said I could reapply the following year, but I knew in that moment I never would. I took it as a sign that counseling wasn’t the right fit. Now that I think back. I am glad things turned out the way they did. My tears were more about failing or being rejected. I was disappointed that I didn’t get in, but relieved because I was unsure about counseling in the first place. That door closed, but the doors stayed open to things that are more exciting are a better fit for me. If I were to go down a counseling path, I would be interested in career counseling, but it took years of job searching and being dissatisfied with my job to figure that out. I wouldn’t have had that experience if I had went with my gut instinct and that’s really the lesson. A lesson that I’ve had to learn time and time again. Who am I really doing all this for? At the end of the day, the person I need to be happy with is myself. Sometimes failing is not really a failure, but an experience that redirects you, returning you to the path that was meant for you.

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Education, Work

A Blast From the Past

June 12, 2018

If you read my blog, you know I work in an early childhood program, but I’ve never really talked about my crazy schedule. At different points throughout the week, I work in all five classrooms. Also, I start at a different time each day which means my morning routines at home are slightly different from day to day. The changing start times is a recent thing and it’s not something I’m happy with, but that’s just the icing on the cake in all this disorganization.

On Mondays, I get to spend one hour in the infant room. It has always been my favorite room, but it’s the room I work in the least. My time with them today was the most relaxing and fun time I’ve had at work in a long time. There is one baby who is very needy. He wants to be held constantly and screams and cries loudly most of the time. It is very difficult to soothe him which frustrates his regular teachers. So, on Mondays during that one hour, they hand him over to me.

Today when I walked in, he was starting to fuss and was ready for a nap. I swaddled him and tried snuggling with him so he could fall asleep. Of course he doesn’t allow this without a fight. He squirms, cries and stiffens his body working against me instead of snuggling into me like babies do when they are relaxed. After a couple minutes of talking quietly to him and trying to find a position that was comfortable for him, he became more agitated so I stood up and we rocked and bounced until his eyes started to close. Eventually he was relaxed enough for me to sit in the chair. The bouncing motion finally did the trick. Although getting this child to sleep was a victory, that wasn’t the fun part and it certainly wasn’t relaxing.

When the baby finally quieted down and drifted off to sleep, I caught a glimpse of why I chose to become an early childhood educator. When I started out, I worked in a preschool classroom, but as time passed, I realized that wasn’t where I wanted to be. I’ve always loved babies and knew that I wanted to take care of them. When things went downhill at the preschool program I was working in, I started volunteering for the organization where I work now. Seven years ago, I started volunteering in the infant room once a week. I loved it! I watched babies learn to sit, stand, crawl and walk. I heard some of their first words and saw their amazing personalities come to life. I formed close bonds with many of those babies because my volunteering once a week lead to a job that was more permanent.

As we rocked in the chair, I remembered two babies sitting together in their squishy seats handing toys back and forth. They were best friends for two years and were able to move up all the way through preschool together. I remembered a baby coming in from outside and throwing himself on the floor because he realized that all the chairs at the lunch table were full. the poor thing thought he wasn’t going to be able to eat. Of course we quickly remedied that situation, but it seriously hurt his feelings. I remembered hugging that same baby and telling him to enjoy his first birthday party and to eat lots of cake. I remembered a baby who was in such pain from an ear infection and no one else could keep him calm. I watched those babies grow up and was able to work with many of them from infancy to the time they left for kindergarten.

Now days, I’m not so lucky. I don’t get to build strong attachments with the babies anymore. they barely know me seeing me only once a week. I never bothered to put him down in his crib. I held him instead and when he woke up twenty minutes later, he was happy and ready to play. We sat him down next to a friend who is the same age and they quickly began to play together with the same car. For them each day and experience is new, but for me, it was like old times. I was watching two friends playing and learning together. I held and comforted a baby who needed it. That’s the best thing you can ask for that your baby is comfortable and safe with a person whom they trust. that is what I want for Rosebud and that is the reason behind my work. Although I will be going down a different path in the near future, it is memories like these that I will take with me.

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