Here is another quick sensory bin that I set up for Rosebud. I love having a couple sensory bins on hand in the kitchen to occupy Rosebud while I make dinner. I’ve limited her screen time to a bare minimum which I’ll write about in another post, but I need plenty of activities that will entertain her. This one does the trick and it was super simple and quick to put together.
What’s in the bin?
Rice,
Plastic bugs,
Glass marbles,
Scoops,
Tongs,
A funnel.
I included scoops of different sizes and the mini tongs for picking up the bugs. The glass marbles were for buried treasures. I got two small bags of rice at the dollar store and that was enough, but you may need more or less depending on the size of your bin. These bugs that I found by Melissa & Doug are great! They are a hard rubber/plastic material, but they are slightly larger than other plastic bugs I’ve seen and they are well made. Also, they are not sharp, so I had no problem using them in my toddler class a few years ago. Unfortunately, I could not find the link for them, but I’ve had good luck with the Safari figurines which would work just as well.
So, there you have it. Another quick spring/summer themed sensory bin. What are your favorite sensory bins to do this time of year? Tell me in the comments. I have more sensory bins to show you in the next few weeks, so definitely come back and check them out.
One of the things I mentioned that you should pack in my list of baby beach essentials, is a book for yourself. If you get the time, sitting on the beach enjoying a book is relaxing. If you love reading and the beach, you definitely should do this at least once this summer for self care. I’ve been looking around for fun summer reads, so I have not read all of these yet. I’ve read a couple, but the rest have either been sitting in my Kindle library or I just found them while researching for this post. If you haven’t found your perfect summer read yet, here is this year’s list of books for your beach bag. Book descriptions are from Amazon.com.
All The Summer Girls
By Meg Donohue
Set among the sunsets and dunes, All the Summer Girls is the story of how three former best friends, their lives rapidly unraveling, are reunited at the beach town of their past–where the ambience of summer encourages them to explore new experiences they would never otherwise attempt.
When dark secrets threaten to surface, Kate, Vanessa, and Dani begin to realize just how much their lives–and friendships–have been shaped by the choices they made one fateful summer night years ago. In the hope of finally moving forward, the women turn to one another for forgiveness–but how can they forgive each other when they can’t forgive themselves?
Lighthouse Beach
By Shelley Noble
What was supposed to be an idyllic wedding leads to an unexpected journey of self-discovery…When Lillo Gray pulls up to Kennebunkport’s most exclusive hotel wearing a borrowed dress and driving a borrowed VW van, she knows she’s made a big mistake. She’s not even sure why Jessica Parker invited her to her posh wedding. They haven’t seen each other since they were unhappy fourteen-year-old girls at fat camp. And now they’re from two completely different worlds. There’s no way Lillo fits in the rarefied circles Jessica travels in.
Jess isn’t sure she’s ready to go through with this wedding, but she’s been too busy making everyone else happy to think about what she wants. But when she and her two closest friends, Allie and Diana, along with Lillo, discover her fiancé with his pants down in the hotel parking lot, she’s humiliated…and slightly relieved. In a rush to escape her crumbling life, Jess, Allie, and Diana pile into Lillo’s beat-up old van and head up the coast to Lighthouse Island. Once there, she hopes to figure out the next chapter in her life.
Nursing broken hearts and broken dreams, four lost women embark on a journey to find their way back into happiness with new love, friendship, and the healing power of Lighthouse Beach.
I’ll Never Tell
By Catherine McKenzie
Deeply buried secrets make for a disturbing family reunion in bestselling author Catherine McKenzie’s tantalizing novel of psychological suspense.
What happened to Amanda Holmes?
Twenty years ago, she was found bludgeoned in a rowboat at the MacAllister family’s Camp Macaw. No one was ever charged with the crime.
Now, after their parents’ sudden deaths, the MacAllister siblings return to camp to read the will and decide what to do with the prime real estate the camp occupies. Ryan needs to sell. Margaux hasn’t made up her mind. Mary believes in leaving well enough alone. Kate and Liddie – the twins – have opposing views. And Sean Booth, the groundskeeper, just hopes he still has a home when all is said and done.
But it’s more complicated than a simple vote. The will stipulates that until they unravel the mystery of what happened to Amanda, they can’t settle the estate. Any one of them could have done it, and each one is holding a piece of the puzzle. Will they work together to finally discover the truth, or will their secrets finally tear the family apart?
Firefly Beach
By Meira Penterman
When Beth LaMonte rents a cottage on the coast of Maine, she wishes only to withdraw and paint. A mysterious ball of light disturbs her peace and leads her to a secret beach where she finds the diary of a girl who disappeared in 1975. Now Beth is on a mission, not only to bury her own past, but to put to rest the spirit of Firefly Beach.
What You Did
By Claire McGowan
A vicious assault. A devastating accusation. Who should she trust, her husband or her best friend?
It was supposed to be the perfect reunion: six university friends together again after twenty years. Host Ali finally has the life she always wanted, a career she can be proud of and a wonderful family with her college boyfriend, now husband. But that night her best friend makes an accusation so shocking that nothing will ever be the same again.
When Karen staggers in from the garden, bleeding and traumatised, she claims that she has been assaulted—by Ali’s husband, Mike. Ali must make a split-second decision: who should she believe? Her horrified husband, or her best friend? With Mike offering a very different version of events, Ali knows one of them is lying—but which? And why?
When the ensuing chaos forces her to re-examine the golden era the group shared at university, Ali realises there are darker memories too. Memories that have lain dormant for decades. Memories someone would kill to protect.
The Summer I turned Pretty
By Jenny Han
This bittersweet novel by Jenny Han recounts the summer of Belly’s 16th birthday. When she and her family arrive at the beach house that June, her longtime summer pal, Jeremiah, appears standoffish and awkward in her presence. And his older brother Conrad – her secret crush – seems distant and cold. But her blossoming beauty isn’t the only reason for their change in behavior. For as Belly enjoys the sun and surf, she’ll ultimately learn the painful secret that dampens the spirit of her childhood friends.
Chicken Soup for the Beach Lover’s Soul
By Jack Canfield
There are many places we can go to enjoy time with friends, to have an action-packed vacation, or to enjoy a little solitude, but none of them have the same ability to soothe our souls as the beach. Perhaps it’s the magic portrayed by children building sand castles or the gentle sounds of lapping waves on the shore.
Vintage
By Susan Gloss
At Hourglass Vintage in Madison, Wisconsin, every item in the boutique has a story to tell . . . and so do the women who are drawn there.
Violet Turner has always dreamed of owning a shop like Hourglass Vintage. When she is faced with the possibility of losing it, she realizes that, as much as she wants to, she cannot save it alone.
Eighteen-year-old April Morgan is nearly five months along in an unplanned pregnancy when her hasty engagement is broken. When she returns the perfect 1950s wedding dress, she discovers unexpected possibilities and friends who won’t let her give up on her dreams.
Betrayed by her husband, Amithi Singh begins selling off her old clothes, remnants of her past life. After decades of housekeeping and parenting a daughter who rejects her traditional ways, she fears she has nothing more ahead for her.
An engaging story that beautifully captures the essence of women’s friendship and love, Vintage is a charming tale of possibility, of finding renewal and hope when we least expect it.
Firefly Lane
By Kristin Hannah
In the summer of 1974, Kate Mularkey has accepted her place at the bottom of the eighth-grade social food chain. Then, to her amazement, the “coolest girl in the world” moves in across the street and wants to be her friend. Tully Hart seems to have it all: beauty, brains, ambition. On the surface, they are as opposite as two people can be: Kate, doomed to be forever uncool, with a loving family who mortifies her at every turn; Tully, steeped in glamour and mystery, but with a secret that is destroying her. They make a pact to be best friends forever; by summer’s end they’ve become ‘TullyandKate’ — inseparable.
So begins Kristin Hannah’s magnificent novel. Spanning more than three decades and playing out across the ever-changing face of the Pacific Northwest, Firefly Lane is the poignant, powerful story of two women and the friendship that becomes the mainstay of their lives. For 30 years, Tully and Kate buoy each other through life, weathering the storms of friendship: jealousy, anger, hurt, resentment. They think they’ve survived it all, until a single act of betrayal tears them apart…and puts their courage and friendship to the ultimate test.
I Liked My Life
By Abby Fabiaschi
Maddy is a devoted stay-at-home wife and mother, host of excellent parties, giver of thoughtful gifts, and bestower of a searingly perceptive piece of advice or two. She is the cornerstone of her family, a true matriarch…until she commits suicide, leaving her husband, Brady, and teenage daughter, Eve, heartbroken and reeling, wondering what happened. How could the exuberant, exacting woman they loved disappear so abruptly, seemingly without reason, from their lives? How they can possibly continue without her? As they sift through details of her last days, trying to understand the woman they thought they knew, Brady and Eve are forced to come to terms with unsettling truths.
Maddy, however, isn’t ready to leave her family forever. Watching from beyond, she tries to find the perfect replacement for herself. Along comes Rory: pretty, caring, and spontaneous, with just the right bit of edge…but who also harbors a tragedy of her own. Will the mystery of Maddy ever come to rest? And can her family make peace with their history and begin to heall?
I tried to put a little something for everyone on this list, but I’m sure there are so many more great summer reads. What are your favorite books to take to the beach? Have you read any great books this summer? Tell me in the comments!
Besides the warmer weather, one of the best parts of summer for kids is the water play. Playing in the water is one of Rosebud’s favorite things. There are so many benefits to water play. It can cool you off on a hot day. It’s a great sensory experience for kids and you can practice almost any skill or concept using water. Plus, water is a calming activity. Are you wondering which water play toys to buy for your kids this summer? The options for water play are endless, but here is my list of the top ten water play toys for toddlers and preschoolers to get you started.
1. The Pool
One of my favorite summer time activities when I was a kid was spending time in the pool. It didn’t matter what kind it was. The pools they make these days are so much fancier, but no matter which pool you choose, they are all good for water play.
We have this pool in our back yard this year. Rosebud really loves the slide. It has other activities as well, the ring toss game and a mini basketball hoop. One of the coolest things about this pool is you can hook up your hose and there is a sprinkler that constantly gets the slide wet. I don’t have it running every time we use the pool, but sometimes I put it on for her for a treat if it’s super hot.
Other pool options:
2. Water/sensory Table
Rosebud spends lot of time at this water table. These tables from Step2 come apart easily, so when Rosebud was a baby, we just put the top part on the ground and she’d sit in there to play. It has gotten a lot of use since then. Sometimes I’ll add food coloring or dish soap to the water, but mostly I fill it with water and toys. then it’s up to her to use her imagination. She usually sings songs and tells stories about her baby ducks as she plays. I love water tables because they are open ended and you can use almost any kind of toy. Keep reading for more toy ideas for the water table.
3. Squirting Toys
Toddlers love toys that squirt. They are not only a fun toy for water play, but the squeezing really helps toddlers work on their fine motor skills. Plus, I mentioned needing toys for those water tables.
4. Sprinkler
What could be more fun than a sprinkler? Some toddlers take a while to warm up to this, but others jump right in. If you had older kids as well, it’ll definitely be a big hit!
5. Waterfall Wall
This is a neat concept. We bought this for Rosebud this summer. She played with it a lot at first before we set up the pool. What I like about this waterfall wall play center is that you can move the parts around to make the water move in different ways. The only thing is I wish there were more pieces.
This toy uses the same concept, but is a bath toy instead.
6. Water Wheel
A water wheel is a great addition to any kids pool or water table.
7. Floating Toys
Beach balls, rings or anything else that floats.
8. Household items
Measuring cups, funnels, strainers, scoops, small buckets. Watering can. Sponges or whatever else you can think of. The sky is the limit with this one. You can tie science and math in with these options. Seeing which toys sink or float. Using different sized scoops and or cups. Filling different sized bottles. You never know what kids will come up with when they have a few random items to work with.
9. Water Drawing Mat
Are you ready for some mess free water play? This toy is great if you want your kids to play with water, but don’t have the time for regular water play preparations. This could be an indoor or outdoor toy. I like how this toy incorporates water play into art. It’s a unique toy. Rosebud has one and she can spend forever drawing pictures on the mat.
10. Water paints, crayons and water blocks
I’ll leave you with some unconventional water toys that can bring out your kids creative side.
Are there any awesome water play toys that your kids love that I should add to this list? Let me know in the comments.
If this is the first time you are stopping by, at the end of each month, I post a quick recap of any blog changes or accomplishments plus my favorite things for the month. I share a variety of things like books, recipes, beauty products etc. I always share a bunch of links to articles that I either find useful or meaningful. Now that I have the explanation out of the way, I’ll be sharing a book, a recipe and several articles that I came across this past month.
Blog Changes
This is just a quick note about the recent schedule change. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, I’ve been mostly posting on Tuesdays and Fridays, but recently I’ve switched it to Mondays and Thursdays. It seems to be working better with my morning and nightly routines. I don’t find I’m so stressed about posting. Also, there isn’t as much traffic over the weekend, so my Friday posts were getting lost in the shuffle. This may change in the future, but I will try it for a while and see how it works in the long-term.
Book
Friend Request by Laura Marshall
I read a few books in the month of June, but this one was the best. It has been sitting in my Audible library for a while and I’m glad I finally read it. It was one of those books where you actually want to find out what happens. Here’s the book description from Amazon.
Maria Weston wants to be friends. But Maria Weston is dead. Isn’t she?
1989. When Louise first notices the new girl who has mysteriously transferred late into their senior year, Maria seems to be everything the girls Louise hangs out with aren’t. Authentic. Funny. Brash. Within just a few days, Maria and Louise are on their way to becoming fast friends.
2016. Louise receives a heart-stopping email: Maria Weston wants to be friends on Facebook. Long-buried memories quickly rise to the surface: those first days of their budding friendship; cruel decisions made and dark secrets kept; the night that would change all their lives forever.
Louise has always known that if the truth ever came out, she could stand to lose everything. Her job. Her son. Her freedom. Maria’s sudden reappearance threatens it all, and forces Louise to reconnect with everyone she’d severed ties with to escape the past. But as she tries to piece together exactly what happened that night, Louise discovers there’s more to the story than she ever knew. To keep her secret, Louise must first uncover the whole truth, before what’s known to Maria–or whoever is pretending to be her is known to all.
Recipe
Here’s a delicious blueberry cake recipe I found a few years ago. I had a ton of extra blueberries this month, so I made this cake. It never lasts long! It only takes about 15 minutes to prepare, a half an hour to bake and then it’s done.
As promised, here are my favorite articles for the month of June.
I love this nustalgic article. It brings back memories of my childhood. Our children are missing out on so many of these valuable experiences. Click here to learn how you can still raise your children like it’s the 90’s.
Honestly, here’s where I’m at these days. If you are feeling super stressed, are having unexplained health problems and or are simply exhausted for no particular reason, maybe you are suffering from burnout. Click here to learn how to Recognize, Prevent and Combat Burnout.
Are you feeling that mom guilt over not throwing a huge birthday party? I haven’t thrown a big party for Rosebud yet, so reading this post was a relief. Head on over to Awaken & Begin and read, We Didn’t Do a Big Toddler Birthday Party, and This is Why.
I’ll be back at the end of July with more fun finds and great reads. Until then, enjoy the month of July and don’t forget to stop by for more summer posts, blogging tips and stories about Rosebud.
Here is a quick art activity for toddlers or preschoolers. I did this with my toddler class several years ago and they loved it. I was looking through old photos and found pictures of their collages. By the end our floor and table were covered with little white sticker papers, but they had a good time and worked on their fine motor skills in the process.
What you’ll need:
Ocean themed foam stickers and some kind of ocean themed paper. I found these scrap book ocean sheets at a local craft store, but you could also use blue construction paper or print out ocean pictures from online. If you are adventurous or want the project to have an extra level, you could have your children paint their paper before adding the foam stickers. That would stretch the project over a couple days. Otherwise, it’s so simple and you only need two materials.
I can’t find a link for the sheets that I bought, but here are some other ideas. You can cut a square from this role or make a larger display.
Here are the the collages made by my little friends who would be in first and second grade now. How time flies! As a side note, sorry for the lower quality of the images. The lighting in the classroom wasn’t that great, but at least you can see them.
Do you have any simple art activities planned for your kiddos this summer? Tell me in the comments.
You know what really makes my day? Getting a really good comment on one of my posts. Blogging is hard work. I write content, do a bit of research, find images, create pins and then promote posts once they are published. This process is the same for every post. When I get a really thoughtful comment, it makes my efforts worth it. When I have taught someone something, made them feel less alone or simply made them think from a different perspective, I have achieved my overall goal for this blog.
If you are a blogger, there are several reasons why you should make commenting apart of your blogging routine. First, comments are what connect you with other bloggers. It is recommended that you find several blogs that you really enjoy within your niche and comment on them regularly. This way, you are building a relationship with other bloggers in your niche and bringing traffic back to your blog. They may start commenting on your blog as well making it a win-win for both of you. Next, comments help with SEO. A comment that uses key words from your post will help your posts rank higher when searching on Google. Finally, comments equal back links to your site. The more back links you have, the more credible your website will be and your domain authority will go up.
If you aren’t commenting or getting comments, you are missing out, but the important thing is your comment should be meaningful and strategic. How do you do that? Well, that’s what I’ll be going over in this post. I’m not an expert on everything blogging, but I have had other blogs in the past and A Flourishing Rose has been up and running for over a year now. With my previous blog, I got over 100 followers by simply commenting on other blogs. I did not have much of a social media presence back then and was blogging by trial and error. It didn’t take me long to figure out that commenting was the best way to build up my network.
Make It Meaningful
When you leave a comment, you want to show the blogger that you are interested in his or her post. If you just say something like, “good article” or “great post”, that doesn’t tell the blogger anything. Why was it a great post? To leave a good comment, here are some questions to ask yourself. The answers will help you leave a good comment.
What did I like about this particular post?
What did this post teach me?
Can I relate to something in this post?
Did this post make me think differently and if so, what changed my mind?
What is your response to the call to action in the post?
Is there something you can add that the blogger missed?
Did you disagree with something in the post? If so, what is it?
Did the post inspire you to do something? If so, what?
Commenting Takes Time
In order to leave a good comment, you need to take the time to read the entire post. It’s painfully obvious when someone leaves a comment without reading the post. Those comments are often generic, but if you read the post, you can answer one of the above questions or think of an entirely different response that is unique. Another reason to read the post is to find the call to action. I often put them towards the end of my posts, but there can be questions throughout. For example, a call to action might ask, “what does your self-care routine look like? Tell me in the comments.” Other calls to action may be that the blogger asks you to try the recipe, download a printable, watch a video, click on links for further reading etc. These are all things you can respond to when commenting.
Keep SEO in Mind
As I said above, when you leave a comment, it becomes apart of that bloggers post whether it is good or bad. Everything in that post can be searchable through Google or another search engine. Assuming that the blogger is paying attention to SEO, you’ll want to sneak some key words into your comments to help that blogger’s posts rank higher with Google. A comment like, “thanks for posting” does not add to the posts value. However, if the post is about baby lead weening, it’s safe to assume that “baby lead weening” is one of the key word phrases for that post.
Here’s an example of a good comment. “I want to try baby lead weening with my daughter. I think we will try cooked carrots and sweet potatoes for her first foods. Thank you for sharing the feeding tips and the suggestions for baby’s first foods. I have bookmarked the list.” Do you see how I included some key words, mentioned which foods I would try and let the blogger know what I appreciated about their post?
Here’s another example of a wonderful comment from one of my lovely readers. Rose writes, “Oh, man. I don’t think I could have read when the air hits your brain. I am not squeamish about very much but I think the situations would’ve gotten me more than the medical things. I congratulate you on 50 reads. I’d love to know what’s on your TBR list for 2019!” Not only was it obvious that she read my post as she mentioned specific books that I read, but she gave me an idea for a future post. She also gave me something to respond to as she continued the conversation from my post. I like to respond to every comment I get, so it definitely helps when there is substance to the comment. You don’t have to write an essay, but you want to write at least two or three sentences.
Be Careful About Link Dropping
If you only leave a comment to drop your links, that will be obvious. Not only is it rude, but it appears spammy. If you want to link drop, here a couple things to consider. Does that link have anything to do with the blogger’s post? For example, with my previous blog, I did a weekly favorites series where I’d round up a list of my favorite blog postseach week. When I published the post, I’d leave a comment on each person’s post that I linked to letting them know. I wouldbn’t just link drop and run though. Here’s an example.
“Your ice cream cone sensory bin is adorable. I will have to try it with my preschool class. I have included your post on my weekly favorites list which can be found here. Thank you for sharing this wonderful idea.” It took time, but I would get lots of gratitude and appreciation for sharing their posts.
Link dropping can be a slippery slope, but if you feel it relates to the bloggers original post or it contributes meaningfully to the conversation, you can include it, but I’d be cautious. My final note about links is that you definitely want to include your blog url in the appropriate box. That is what will drive traffic back to your blog. Most comment forms have fields for your name, E-mail address, blog url and comment.
Summary
To summarize, a good comment asks a question, answers a question or provides a different perspective. In short, it brings something new to the conversation. Some rules of thumb for commenting include read the entire post, give the comment some substance, keep the blogger’s key words in mind and don’t link drop unless their are special circumstances. Is there anything I forgot? What makes a good comment for you? Scroll down and let me know.
Taking your baby to the beach for the first time can be exciting. You can experience the sand, the waves and the sun together. While the beach may be an enjoyable place for you, it may be a little scary for your baby or todler the first time. There will be unfamiliar sights, sounds and textures. When I took Rosebud to the beach for the first time, I didn’t realize how daunting it could be. We needed to take a lot of stuff, so I want to simplify it for you and make a list of the essentials you will need for baby’s first trip to the beach.
Beach Bag
First you need to have something to contain everything. A good beach bag is a must. I use a clear jelly beach bag that is quite large and can hold most of what we need. I couldn’t find the exact one, but here are some similar bags.
Safety
Sunscreen
Sunscreen is an absolute must if your baby is over six months of age. I chose to use Blue Lizard because it is natural and not too sticky or oily when you put it on. There are a variety of sunscreens to choose from, so it’s worth doing some research. Here is EWG’s list of best scoring sunscreens for kids to get you started.
Don’t forget sunscreen for yourself as well.
If your baby is under six months, it is recommended that you do not use sunscreen. You’ll want to use a seat or stroller with a canopy.
If your baby goes in the water with you, you’ll definitely want to keep them safe. Rosebud used one of these. She was around 18 months and was walking when I took her for the first time. I put her life jacket on her and we held hands the whole time we were in the water. I just wanted her to experience the waves and getting her feet wet. We did not go out very far. Although, she kept trying to walk out further where some bigger kids where playing. She had no fear.
If your baby is not walking yet or you feel more comfortable baby wearing, you’ll definitely want to check out this list of the best baby carriers to use in water.
Sunglasses
I always have sunglasses with me, so Rosebud brings hers with her most of the time as well, whether she needs them or not, but they are helpful on bright sunny days.
Hat
A hat is a must have to keep your baby’s head safe from the sun.
Food and Drink
Water Bottle
Hydration is so important. Especially in extremely hot weather. Be sure to bring water bottles for everyone. It’s recommended that baby’s not be given water until they are at least six months of age.
Bottle Holder
If you are breast-feeding, you won’t need this, but if you are using formula or pumped milk, you’ll want something to keep those bottles cold. I like this bottle holder because it’s big enough for two bottles and comes with an ice pack.
Lunch and or Snacks
Depending on how long you are at the beach, you’ll want something to eat.
You could bring a cooler for drinks, a picnic basket with sandwhiches or a variety of snacks that are easy to eat on the go.
What to Wear
Bathing Suitt
Diapers or Little Swimmers
Water Shoes
Be sure not to forget changes of clothes.
The Fun Stuff
Beach Towels
Blanket
Totally optional, but a blanket is a good choice if you don’t want the extra bother of bringing chairs.
Comfortable chairs
Toys for Sand Play
Phone or Camera to Take Picturess
I was not the one taking pictures when we went to the beach. Since I was in the water with her, I never let go of her hand, so taking pictures were out of the question until we were safely ashore. I kept the use of my phone to the bare minimum while we were at the beach. I used it for taking photos of her playing in the sand and checking the time. The whole point is to unplug and enjoy nature and family time anyway. If you want to document though, it helps when there are extra sents of hands.
If you can get a break from supervision duties, bring a book and relax. If you need some book suggestions, check out this list of top beach bag reads for moms by the Confused Housewife. Most of all, enjoy the beach and the wonder of your baby seeing it for the first time. Are there any beach must haves that I missed? Tell me in the comments.
I usually don’t write anything about Fathers Day. I could’ve made up a gift guide to get some blog traffic, but what would I know about that? How would I know what dads want? My parents divorced when I was very young and I barely ever remember them being together as a family. I wanted to acknowledge the holiday somehow, so here is a letter to my father. This is very personal and is difficult to share, but I hope it helps someone or maybe even myself.
I’m not sure how to start this letter. Should I write, dear dad? No. That doesn’t sound right because I haven’t seen you in over 20years now. I’m sure I’ll never see you again and I accept that. It is probably for the best. Maybe I should address this letter, “to my father”, but you don’t deserve that title. I guess I’ll just jump right in then. I’m writing this letter because Father’s Day is very close and I always start thinking of you around this time because I see Fathers Day stuff everywhere. I work with kids and of course, we always make Fathers Day cards and projects with the kids. That doesn’t bother me though. I’m happy for the kids when they have a good dad in their life. Sometimes I wonder what you are doing now and if you’ve changed your life at all. I wonder if you ever think of me or if you regret walking away. Mostly I think about what you’ve missed out on and definitely what you are missing out on now.
I know if anyone realizes who I am and who you are, you’d be embarrassed and would hate to find this post. You wouldn’t want anyone to know that any of this is your fault. I know that my disability bothered you and I’m sure you were embarrassed about that as well. You didn’t want to deal with my problems and I’m sure it was difficult for you, but you do those things as a parent. You accept your child, meet them where they are and solve problems together. At least that’s what a good dad does. Regardless of my short comings, I’m successful in a lot of ways. I contribute to the world. I care for children. I reach out to others. I write. I create art. I try to be a good daughter, a good friend, but most of all, I try to be a good mother.
I have a child of my own now. That’s what I meant when I said I think about what you are missing out on now. You are missing being a grandfather to an amazing little girl. She’s bright, energetic, funny and sweet. Maybe you have had that opportunity with my sister. You always called her my sister, but I know she’s not biologically related to either one of us. That never mattered though. It doesn’t matter whose DNA she has. Obviously, the emotional bonds mattered much more as I always saw her as my sister. That is until we didn’t see each other anymore. That is the one thing I truly miss. I always wanted a sister. I have my brothers and they are close, but I feel like the odd one out. Sisters have a different bond. I always wondered why you liked her more than me, but deep down I already knew. It was painfully obvious. She wasn’t defective.
I suppose it was because she was successful and you figured I’d never amount to anything. I’m still not as successful as I’d like to be, but I am more than what you or your family envision. I ran in to a family member of yours one day at Walmart. I couldn’t tell you who it was, but I was in my late 20’s and I had just graduated from college. They just assumed I had graduated from high school and actually asked if I went to a special school. It goes to show how little they know and what your family thinks of me. Unfortunately, you had the same attitude. I used to think it was me and I admit, sometimes I still do. I wonder why or how anyone else will accept me when you couldn’t. I know that it’s possible because mom accepts and deals with it in her own way. She believes I’m capable even though she’s over protective at times. At least she taught me things and is proud of what I’ve done. She’s not perfect. No one is, but at least she’s always been there and I know she loves me. She had to work full-time plus do the job of two parents. They say the negative almost outweighs the positive. You can hear ten positive things about yourself, but you’ll remember that one negative thing. Our relationship or lack of one has left a hole in my life. One that will never be filled and I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago.
I talked to this psychic once. She claimed that she could connect with spirits. She said she connected with your father and she felt a lot of aggression. I don’t know much about any of your family or what it was like for you growing up, but based on your life as an adult, I think I can assume that your childhood was no picnic. I know that your dad died when you were very young. I’m sorry about that. I’m not sure if it was him who she connected with, but the psychic told me that your leaving was your gift to me. A gift on a soul level. It sounds crazy, but maybe that’s the best you could do. Sometimes it’s better to just walk away. I’ve learned that the hard way. In my head, I understand this, but in my heart, I never will.
Fathers Day is approaching and I was just going to skip over it. Pretend like it doesn’t exist. That wouldn’t be hard to do because that’s what I’ve always done except when my grandfather was alive. He was my male role model. A good dad. Everything I wished you could’ve been. He taught me the value of hard work and what it means to be honest. I remember playing in his shop, helping him in the garden, playing card games and his stories about what it was like for him growing up. That’s what Fathers Day is really about. Celebrating men like him.
This morning, I planned on writing a happy post about what you need for a baby’s first trip to the beach, but then I was inspired. I was inspired by this wonderful sweet letter that another woman wrote to her dad. Only it was all positive. Brimming with love and admiration. Of course it would be, Fathers Day is for celebrating dads, but what if your dad isn’t in your life? What if you never knew your dad? What if your dad is a horrible human being? I’m not saying that about you. There must have been something good underneath, but there are so many people who can’t celebrate their dads for whatever reason. This post is for them, so they know they aren’t alone. This letter is for those of us who don’t have our dads. This letter is for those of us who feel left out when we see supportive and involved dads. If you don’t have your dad, I can relate. If you are a good father who supports and cares for his children, thank you. I hope you realize how important you are in your child’s life. Happy Fathers Day.
Here is a fun spring themed sensory bin. Rosebud and I love flowers and I through this together in less than five minutes. After we waited for the water beads to puff up to full size, it was all set for play. This kept Rosebud busy for over an hour while I made dinner.
I didn’t have any purpose in mind when putting this sensory bin together. I showed her how to put the flowers in the flower holders and showed her that she could turn the little containers into vases, but other than that, I let her take the lead.
The little funnel was perfect because the water beads fit through the hole. The measuring spoons were the perfect size as well. They work great for scooping up the water beads.
What are your favorite activities with water beads? Tell me in the comments.
I’m writing this post because of situations I’ve had recently both with coworkers and old friends. One reason I have created this blog is to talk about some of the difficult issues that come up surrounding motherhood. For me, isolation is one of those issues. To be honest, I’ve never really fit in anywhere. I’ve always had trouble meeting people and making friends. Maybe it’s my shy and introverted personality. Maybe it’s my visual impairment that puts people off. Maybe it’s another flaw in my personality or maybe it’s the world we live in today. Whatever the reason, I’ve never really found my tribe.
This past week, I reached out to an old friend. We exchanged a couple of messages, but the conversation fizzled out pretty quickly. It ended with me asking about his kids and how his work was going. Whenever I hear from this person, there are always excuses about how busy he is, but it’s clear he’s just too busy for me. It’s like that with most interactions I have with people. I make all the effort to keep in touch, but get very little in return.
The Isolation
I hear this from a lot of adults. They feel isolated. It’s hard to make friends and it’s hard to see the ones we have regularly. Another friend and I were talking the other day about how isolating parenting can be. She told me that many of her friends had kids young, so now they are in a completely different stage of parenting. They don’t want to deal with the birthday parties, the baby showers etc. It’s harder to find things in common. I miss the ease of childhood friendships. Kids bond over playing the same sports, liking the same music or it could just be as simple as deciding they will be friends and then sticking to it. Then we all grow up. Now that we have smart phones and the internet, we seemed to have forgotten how to interact with the people around us.
Are we passing our isolation on to our children?
Awkwardness
Rosebud is social by nature. She still has trouble with sharing her toys, but she generally loves to be around other kids. The thing is, she doesn’t have much of an opportunity for that since she is not in childcare. I want her summers to be fun and memorable, so I took her on a few field trips last year. For starters, I took her to the library where they have a play room. Presumably, children can play together there. We spent some time looking at books and playing and hoped another kid would show up. Well, a father and his two kids eventually did, but he sat with his kids outside the room and was clearly waiting for us to leave. It was awkward, so we left.
Hovering
Our next trip was to a small children’s museum. Honestly, it was just a larger preschool classroom that advertises itself as a museum to get funding for their program. Rosebud had a good time playing with the different toys there, but I hoped she’d get to play with other kids. There were a couple other kids her age, but instead of encouraging the kids to play together, the parents hovered and followed the kids from place to place. When I was a kid, the kids played together and the parents would talk. This was true even in new places with new kids. Especially if the place was relatively small and you could see the kids from where ever you were.
Aggression
Our third trip was to a larger museum for children where Rosebud’s favorite thing was a room full of blocks and balls. There was a boy around her age who was there with his brother. They were building a tower with the blocks and then filling it with balls. Rosebud noticed this and started gathering balls for them, but whenever she brought balls over to them, the smaller boy would tell her to go away and that they weren’t playing with her. She was too young at the time to feel the rejection and kept filling buckets of balls for them.
After a while, we went to another room that had different kinds of tunnels with balls. They also had an exhibit where you could keep balls floating in the air. It was basically a cone with air being forced out of it. Anyway, there was another boy around her age and she noticed his dad bouncing balls over the cone. He could keep several going at once which made her laugh. When she noticed the boy, she went over to stand next to him. There was plenty of room for them both to play with the ball machines, but the boy kept hitting her and pushing her away no matter what she did. I kept having her move away from him, but she really want to play with him. After a little while, we decided to leave because I didn’t want the boy to keep being mean to her. Maybe he was the one who should’ve left, but I didn’t want to cause a scene or try to have an awkward conversation with his dad. However I told Rosebud to tell the boy that she didn’t like it when he hit or pushed her. I also told her to stay away from him and that she didn’t have to be around people who were mean to her. While hitting and pushing is developmentally appropriate to a point, as a childcare provider, I’m seeing an over abundance of aggressiveness. That seems to be the first response to everything. Many kids seem to get physical without remorse and I’m convinced that there’s more involved than kids just being kids.
Insecurity
Then one day at our neighborhood playground, Rosebud was enjoying the slide when a father and his four-year-old daughter showed up. While Rosebud was excited to see another kid, I couldn’t wait to leave. I had a quick conversation with the father and we left. While this is what I complain about, I couldn’t help but feel like I needed to get away. First, I wasn’t sure if they wanted the playground to themselves. Then all these things ran through my mind. What would I talk to this guy about while our kids played? What if Rosebud did something to the other child that I didn’t see? What if his daughter did something to Rosebud? What if I had to chase her if she ran off the playground? Sometimes she’d run off and I had to run after her. I didn’t want to do that in front this man who I didn’t know. I didn’t want him to notice my visual impairment and think that I was less of a parent. I didn’t want this stranger to see me make a mistake, so it felt safer for me to leave. Then I wonder if I denied Rosebud an opportunity to make a friend. Will I have to keep doing that?
Final Thoughts and
Questions
This brings me back to the struggle I have with making friends. Am I unintentionally passing it on to her? Before she was born, I thought it’d be easier to make friends as a mom. I thought there’d be play groups and more ways to connect. Of course we’d have something huge in common, being a mother. Then real life happens, insecurities pop up and then motherhood becomes more isolating than ever. Most of the play groups or children’s activities in my area are during the day. Childrens activities and play groups are great places for making mom friends if you are a sahm or have a flexible work schedule. Unfortunately, I’m a working mom with a standard work schedule, so it’s not possible to attend. There are also the logistics of transportation which makes things even more complicated and I usually decide it’s not worth climbing the mountain.
Since I haven’t figured this out yet, I’m posting some questions to you. How do you make friends as a mom? Do you feel isolated or have you found your tribe? How do you facilitate your children making friends? Let me know in the comments.
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