Awareness

How I’ve Made Pinterest Work for Me

July 15, 2019

Last year, I wrote a post about all the reasons I didn’t use Pinterest. As I said in that post, I wanted to use it. I knew that Pinterest drives traffic to blogs. I knew that there were Pinterest users that would be interested in the topics that I write about. Topics related to motherhood and activities for kids are huge on Pinterest. Unfortunately, for me, there were a lot of barriers. When I tried to use Pinterest, I became very discouraged and didn’t know if I’d ever be able to use it properly. If you’ve been reading my blog at all this year, you’ll have noticed the pins on the newer posts and I’ve gone back and updated some older posts as well. I’m happy to say that I am now able to use Pinterest, but it took lots of learning and researching, trial and error and waiting for features to become accessible. Now I will explain how I’ve made Pinterest work for me as a visually impaired blogger. Plus, I’ll give you some Pinterest tips for beginners.

Pinterest Strategies

One of the things that put me off about Pinterest was that I had no idea how to use it. At first, I was just pinning my blog posts and other things at random. I wasn’t sure how many boards to have, how to organize them, when to schedule pins, how often to repin the same items etc. There is a lot that goes into pinning and promoting your posts. That’s why this free Pinterest Course for New Bloggers is so valuable. This is a free E-mail course that gives you step by step instructions on how to set up your Pinterest profile, set up your boards, find appropriate keywords for Pinterest SEO, create pins that convert and more. It’s free, so it’s definitely worth checking out and it’s a great starting point. Especially if you are new to Pinterest! One lesson from the course focuses on Pinterest group boards which are important for your blog content reaching a wider audience. If you’re not sure how to find or collaborate on Pinterest group boards, Marina from Tinylovebug has you covered. Check out her post, Everything You Need to Know About Pinterest Group Boards.

Equal Access on Pinterest

While I was researching and learning about Pinterest strategies, I was waiting for Pinterest to become accessible. If you’ve read some of my previous blog posts, you might know that I’m visually impaired. I use a screen reader to access everything on the web and sometimes, websites or apps are broken. Meaning, they do not function well or at all with a screen reader. I happen to use Voiceover which is built into all Apple products, but there are other Windows based screen readers as well. Some common accessibility problems with websites or apps may be that buttons or links are not labeled, buttons or links are not clickable or in some cases, websites or apps may be completely image based which means the screen reader cannot read the text or any of the features that may be clickable. Even though a link may be labeled visually for you with some text or an image, the screen reader may just say the word link or it may be a string of letters and numbers that don’t tell us what the link leads to. There are lots of accessibility bugs that we may face on a daily basis which I won’t get into here, but unfortunately, Pinterest has many.

Last year, Pinterest was almost completely inaccessible to me. I was able to create an account, but that was about it. I couldn’t read pin descriptions, the blog posts after clicking through a pin, the notifications tab, anything in the following tab and so much more. There was a huge laundry list of features I couldn’t access. When I asked other visually impaired bloggers about this problem, they just told me not to bother with Pinterest since it is so visual anyway, but that answer wasn’t good enough for me. Pinterest is the largest source of traffic for blogs these days. Why shouldn’t I be able to participate in that? It frustrated me, but I waited. Every now and then, I’d try again. One day, it worked!

I found that I was able to upload my pins, read the pin descriptions and blog posts of others, save and send pins, collaborate on group boards and access most of the profile settings. In the beginning, I could barely do any of that, but Pinterest still has a ways to go. There are still a lot of bugs. I can’t read my messages, so what I do is take a screen shot and then export that photo to an app that can read text from photos. I still can’t read anything in the notifications tab unless I’m in Safari. When I add hashtags, a menu pops up with other hashtags that I can’t read. I can’t read or respond to comments on my pins. The scheduling feature on the Pinterest app is completely inaccessible with Voiceover. Today, I discovered that I could finally read most of the items in the following tab. If a pin doesn’t have a text title, I can’t read it. In order for me to read an image, I have to zoom in and make it bigger and even then in a lot of cases I have difficulty. I’m happy that Pinterest is becoming more accessible over time, but I worry that coding will be updated and those features will be broken again. Is the frustration worth it? Right now, I’m thinking yes because it has brought more traffic to my blog, but time will tell.

Trial and Error

Speaking of frustrations, there are the graphics. That’s another interesting part of this blogging journey for me. I have done lots of trial and error to figure out a way to create pins. I know Pinterest is about eye catching images that draw the reader in. You have to think about the colors, the layout, the font etc. This is not easy for me since I have trouble telling most colors apart and see better with a sharp contrast. I don’t know much about fonts, so I stick to the basics.

The first thing I do is search the stock photo sites for relevant photos. If I find a large enough vertical image that either has copy space or a workable place for text, I export that photo to the Phonto app. It’s a simple image editor. I’ll mention that it’s really not that accessible, but it was simple enough to figure out. My only complaint is that I wish the text color options were labeled. After messing with the text, background colors, fonts and sizes, the image is ready for pinning. Let’s go back to square one for a minute. If I don’t find a large enough vertical image that is related to my blog post, I use an app called MA Long Image. This way, I can make a photo collage with two or more images. After I have my photo collage, I upload that to Phonto and repeat the process. Most people use Canva to create their pins, but I tried Canva and it doesn’t work for me. Most of its features are not labeled or accessible. I’m just glad to have found something that works even though it may be limited.

I’m not writing this post to complain, but I want to raise awareness of accessibility issues. I’m also the kind of person who pushes the boundaries of what can be done. People might ask why I care about Pinterest since it is so visual. As I previously mentioned, Pinterest is a great source of blog traffic, but it’s also a search engine. Many of my coworkers use Pinterest for lesson planning. The activities you can find for kids is endless. Why shouldn’t I have access to that information? While Pinterest is meant to be a very visual platform, most of the links lead to blog posts with text, so there is no reason why that shouldn’t be accessible. Pinterest is more than pretty images. It’s a great marketing tool, not only for promoting blogs, but for selling goods and services as well. I also want my readers to understand how I create my content and the work that goes into it.

Pinterest Tips

I’ll leave you with a few quick Pinterest tips I’ve learned so far.

1. Create at least two or three pinnable graphics for each blog post. This way you can pin the same post to a board more than once, but be sure not to schedule those pins too close together.

2. Speaking of scheduling, find a way to keep track of your pinning schedule. Many people use Tailwind, but that is even less accessible than Pinterest, so I don’t use it. Some people use an Excel spread sheet or word document. This way they can follow which pins were posted to which boards. This will avoid multiple pinning too close together. You don’t want to look spammy.

3. If you can, try to get premium stock images for pins if you can’t take your own. This can effect how well your pin does on Pinterest. If many people are using the same free images, Pinterest picks up on that. If those same free images are used for different pins in totally different categories, it can cause those pins not to perform as well. I happened to see this tip last week.

4. Use Pinterest SEO. Search for keywords before creating your pin description and hashtags. Find out what’s popular related to the topic you are posting about.

5. Don’t be afraid to try different things to see what your audience responds to. Whether it be a different pin layout, color scheme, different types of headlines etc. It may take a while for a pin to get traction, so don’t be discouraged if your pin isn’t a hit in the beginning.
6. Don’t forget to spread the love and pin plenty of other content from other bloggers. It will help you connect and reach a larger audience.
Do you want to learn more about how Pinterest works? Check out this list of 9 Pinterest myths.

As always, thank you for reading. Do you have any great Pinterest tips? Feel free to share them in the comments.

4 Comments

Awareness, Infants, Parenting

Rosebud’s Birth Story: My C-section Experience

April 12, 2019

Did you know that April is c-section awareness month? I didn’t. I didn’t know much about C-sections until about 15 minutes before landing on the operating table, so I thought now would be a good time to share Rosebud’s birth story.

The Beginning

When I found out I was pregnant, one of my first thoughts was, oh my god! I’m gonna have to give birth. This is is going to hurt more than anything and how am I going to get through it. I was overwhelmed by the idea. It was scary, but I tried to put that thought out of my mind. I told myself that I’d cross that bridge when I got to it. when I had my first appointment with the midwives, they asked about a birth plan. I had no idea what I wanted, but when they mentioned that I could have a water birth, I liked the idea. I heard it was more relaxing and less painful. That’s what I was going for. Either way, I always expected a natural birth.

After Rosebud’s first ultrasound, they discovered some complications. She had a Velamentous chord insertion which basically means that the chord had become attached in the wrong place. With this condition, the vessels are exposed and they can rupture during labor. In some cases, it can cause still birth. When they explained this condition to me, it was a little confusing and worrisome, but they told me that it wasn’t going to be a big deal, but that they would be monitoring me closely. They told me that they would have to do an induction if I didn’t go into labor by 39 weeks, but both the midwives and doctors said that I wouldn’t have to have a C-section. They said I could have a natural birth. At the time I believed them, but a little piece of me knew the writing was on the wall.

Birth Plans Change

Since my plan was to have a natural birth, I never bothered to do my research. On one hand, maybe it was better that way because I would’ve been even more scared. On the other hand, I would’ve known about potential complications and what to expect during recovery. I could’ve learned about a Gentle C-section. Luckily, my midwife and doctor used many of the elements of a gentle c-section, but I had no idea it was a thing until this past year. Anyway, after the Velamentous chord insertion diagnosis, a water birth was out of the question. The midwives told me it wouldn’t be safe, so I opted for a natural birth with no medication. As my pregnancy progressed, everything was going well. Rosebud was healthy. We passed all our tests. Towards the end of my pregnancy, we had to go in for stress tests twice per week. While they were annoying and I could tell Rosebud didn’t like them, I was glad to hear her heartbeat and her constant movement. As expected, I made it to week 39 and still no signs of labor, so an induction was scheduled to start on a Sunday night.

The Induction

The first night was long with barely any progress. They kept upping the dose of Pitocin over Sunday night and throughout Monday. There was still no baby. I was having contractions, but they weren’t painful yet. That night, they decided to use the Foley balloon catheter. That’s a torture device if I’ve ever seen one. Just like that, my birth plan disappeared because now I was getting medication for the pain and to help me sleep. My next step, was no epidural. I was progressing at a snail’s pace. By Wednesday afternoon, there was still little progress and they had me on the highest dose of Pitocin. I think my insurance company told the hospital to get me out of there because they said I could go home and wait a couple more days to see if I went into labor naturally or I could stay and get a C-section.

Going Home Without my Baby

I decided to go home and rest. I was so exhausted already and hadn’t even had my baby yet. She was still healthy and I was still healthy, so I thought I was making the right decision. A C-section is a major surgery, so I wanted to avoid it unless it was absolutely necessary. There was also a part of me that wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I spent that night at home in my bed and I actually slept. All I remember from that next day was going grocery shopping. It was pretty close to Christmas and the stores were crowded. I was so uncomfortable walking around. Later that night when I was about to go to bed, I got a call from the midwives telling me I couldn’t come in the next day for my second scheduled induction because there were too many women there already. I told the midwife it was okay, but it wasn’t. I was pissed and I bursted into tears as soon as I hung up the phone. By then I was done. I was done with being uncomfortable and I didn’t want to be induced a second time. I had heard Pitocin contractions were more painful than natural contractions and while I don’t have much to compare it to, I’m sure that’s accurate.

Part 2

I woke up around 3 A.M to use the bathroom and my water broke. Finally we were getting somewhere. I went back into the hospital and they checked me again, but there was no progress other than my water breaking. The induction started all over again, but they increased the Pitocin at a much faster rate. I started to make some progress, but after about ten hours, the pain was becoming unbearable and we weren’t getting much closer. I finally caved. I asked for the epidural and things went downhill from there.

A couple hours after getting the epidural, the complications started. Rosebud’s heart rate started to increase, I suddenly had a fever, was lower on oxygen and couldn’t urinate. Sorry, tmi. Rosebud’s heart rate and the oxygen mask scared me. It was happening so fast and I had no idea why. It was probably effects from the medication and the epidural plus being induced twice. My body couldn’t handle it. At this point they recommended a C-section. They asked if I’d consent to one. I said yes, please. Let’s get this over with. By this point it was getting late into the night. I’d basically been in labor for the previous week and I wanted to see my baby.

Rosebud’s Entrance

About 15 minutes later, I was being wheeled into the C-section room. The anesthesiologist I had previously seen was back to give me the spinal this time. I barely felt it. The next thing I knew. I was numb and they were lifting me onto the table. They put the drape over me and got to work. They put that damn oxygen mask over my face again. I couldn’t breathe and it was scaring the shit out of me. I think I was in shock from everything happening so fast, but The anesthesiologist was wonderful. He was doing his best to keep me calm through everything. I felt some pulling and tugging and then I heard my baby cry for the first time. The crying didn’t last long. She had suddenly stopped, but everyone sounded happy, so I knew she was safe and healthy, but I couldn’t hold my baby right away. I couldn’t stop shaking and I didn’t feel it was safe, so they wrapped her in a blanket and placed her right next to my head. I could feel her little arms and legs and talk to her for the first time. That’s not how I wanted her to be born, but she was finally here.

Finally With Rosebud

Once we got back to our room, I was able to finally hold her and nurse for the first time. That was more difficult than expected, but that’ll be another post. As the night went on, I was able to get up and walk around. I didn’t feel much pain since I had plenty of pain meds. I thought things would be fine now that it was over with. I wasn’t prepared for the swelling that felt like it was never going to end. I had no idea about the complications that a C-section could cause for nursing mothers. I didn’t know that it takes longer for milk to come in after a C-section. I didn’t know I’d be in so much pain after I went home even with the prescription they gave me. I didn’t know I’d feel like a failure. Yes, I gave birth and my baby was healthy, but I still felt like my body betrayed me. Not only was I unable to give birth naturally, but now I was having such difficulty nursing. It became my mission to make my body do something right for once. I didn’t know I’d feel so depressed and sad. There is so much pressure to be perfect mothers and perfect women.

Everyone was telling me that it didn’t matter how my baby was born, but it mattered to me. It was an emergency C-section and it was traumatic. It was scary not being able to breathe on the operating room table and to not have any control of my body. It turned out that the reason that was happening was because I’m short and the spinal went a little too high. The thing was I could’ve lost her and that scared me the most. Nothing about my pregnancy, labor or delivery went as planned and I should’ve been expecting that, but it was extremely disappointing. Rosebud is three now and I have come to terms with my birth story. In the end, I know I did what I had to do. I have a happy and healthy daughter and that’s what has always mattered.

C-section moms are not failures. We are strong mothers. Some of us brought our babies into the world through extraordinary circumstances and for others of us, it was planned this way. We did what we needed to for our own health and for the health of our unborn children. While we didn’t bring our babies into the world the natural way, we have our own stories to tell that are just as valid and meaningful.

7 Comments

Awareness, Infants, Parenting, Pets

How to Help Your Pet Adjust to Your Newborn

March 26, 2019

With the recent passing of my Mellow, I’ve been thinking a lot about how pets enrich our lives and become members of our families. There are so many benefits for children to grow up with pets, but some people worry that pets will hurt children because of old wives tales. Others find caring for pets and children together too stressful and then the pet ends up at the shelter. It’s not uncommon to hear stories of people surrendering their pets because there is a baby on the way. The good news is that you don’t have to give up your pet. Here are some ways to help your pets and newborn happily coexist.

Prepare Baby’s Room

While you are preparing for your new baby, so are your pets. In fact, they might even know you’re pregnant before you do. I’m pretty sure Diamond and Mellow knew as they became quite clingy and protective around that time. It’s best to prepare your babies room a couple months prior to your baby coming home if possible. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do this since I was house hunting during my pregnancy, but luckily, I found a place in time. Rosebud was due in December, so I had all the furniture in her room by October. This was so that Diamond and Mellow could get used to the furniture. They could put their scent on it. Cats like to rub on things to mark it as their own and the furniture in Rosebud’s room was no exception. They could learn what was off limits. They could sit in her chair, but the crib was a no-no. Mellow found her chair right away and decided it was his. As a side note, you can leave out bottles of powder, baby wash etc so that your pet gets used to those smells as well.

Pretend You Have the Baby

Before your baby is born, pretend you already have the baby. At different times, put on sounds of a baby crying. Put a baby doll in the crib, carry it around etc. this may sound silly and I’ll admit, I didn’t do this. Of course you can’t always predict how your pets will react, but I knew Diamond and Mellow were pretty low key. I never worried about agression or any extreme stress reactions. If you have an extremely sensetive pet or if you have any concerns that your pet will react negatively, I would recommend doing this just to gage your pet’s reaction if nothing else. Several years ago, I listened to The Pet Show with Warren Eckstein and he always recommended this method for both dogs and cats.

Share Responsibilities

If you are the mother to be and you are the primary care taker for your pet, have someone else step in if possible. This way your pet will get used to a new routine and will not feel so lost when the baby comes. Maybe your partner can feed the cat and change the litter box. Maybe another family member could take the dog for a walk or play a game of frisbee. Although no other family members lived with me, they gave the cats more attention when they did visit because they knew the cats might feel jealous of the baby. Slip in a few extra treats or a special toy. Anything that makes your pet feel loved.

The Baby’s Scent

After the baby is born, have your partner or other family member bring home something with the baby’s scent on it. It could be anything. A blanket, a towel or even a piece of clothing. Put it near a place where your pet likes to hang out. It could be near your pet’s bed or favorite scratching post. I had every intention of doing this, but my hospital stay was so stressful that it had slipped my mind. I wasn’t that worried about my cats with Rosebud, but if your pet is really sensetive, I’d highly recommend it. If your pets have already smelled your baby’s scent, they will feel more comfortable once your baby arrives home. When I first set Rosebud’s car seat down, diamond and Mellow quickly came to investigate. They sniffed, rubbed against the car seat and got back to napping.

Separate Spaces

Now that your baby is home, you need some separate spaces. Make some baby free and pet free zones. I’d recommend investing in a couple of good quality gates. In my house, the crib was the pet free zone and at first, my bed became a pet free zone as well. I was worried that Diamond would get too close to Rosebud while she was sleeping. She loves to snuggle at night. The room with the litter box was a baby free zone. I had gates set up so the cats could get through, but not Rosebud. I also have one high cat tree so the cats can survey all the action from above when they want to get away. For a dog, the separate space might be a crate or a gated room. This is common sense, but never leave pets and babies unsupervised.

This cat tree is similar to an older one I had. This is perfect for a multi cat household. I have had other cat trees as well. Scroll down to the end of the post if you are interested in other models.

Quality Time

As stressful as new motherhood can be, try to take a few minutes each day to spend quality time with your pets to remind them that they are a member of your family. They haven’t been replaced by the baby. I definitely couldn’t spend as much time playing with and pampering the cats, but I took time every day to pat them. They’d usually come over and lay next to us if Rosebud played on the floor. After a while, they started sleeping next to us at night. I’d get my cat snuggles at three AM after a nursing session. I was so peaceful being up in the early hours of the morning, just listening to the quiet and snuggling with Diamond. Mellow was more demanding and was more in my face during the day. He’d come lay in the middle of Rosebud’s toys and become involved in her play as she got older. Sometimes you have to take your pets lead, spend the time when you can and eventually your baby will become interested in your pet as well.

Now Rosebud helps me feed Diamond. She tries to play with her using the cat toys and she has learned to be gentle with her.

Diamond has always been protective of Rosebud since she was born, but Rosebud developed a bond with both cats. It’s been amazing to watch. With the benefits to Rosebud, the preparation was worth it. Both for the cats and for her. How are your pets with your baby? What have you done to help them adjust? Tell me in the comments.

4 Comments

Awareness, Parenting, Self acceptance,

The Same, But Different

March 12, 2019

There are a lot of misconceptions out there and sometimes I get questions about how I do things as a visually impaired parent. I don’t think my life is out of the ordinary, but sometimes I might have to take an extra step or think outside the box to get things done. When the idea to do this post popped into my head, I thought of a couple things immediately, but for others, I really had to think about. Here are five things I do differently as a visually impaired mom.

Reading

This is a big one because it not only involves reading stories to Rosebud, but I have to find alternative ways to read just about everything. Luckily, there have been so many amazing advances in technology since I was a kid and it has opened up the world to me, but generally, I just can’t pick up something and read it. There are several ways I read books to Rosebud. I have the regular books with Braille labels on them. The great thing about these books is that I can read them, but so can anyone else. They have the print as well as the pictures. I’ve found that this is the best way for me to read to her. That being said, the selection of books is somewhat limited and can get expensive. A great selection can be found here at BRL.

I find a lot of great books being read aloud on Youtube. I know it’s not the same as having the paper book, but it’s another way Rosebud can have access to books. There are a few books that we have the print copies of that she can follow along with them being read aloud. Here are a few of her favorites.

If You Give a Mouse a Brownie

The Very Busy Spider

Sneezy the Snowman

Big Pumpkin

Recently, I was told of a program in my area called Books on Wheels. Volunteers from the local library have started bringing children’s books to me twice per month. Although I can’t read these books to Rosebud, we can look at them and other family members can read them to her. I don’t want her to get bored with the books we have and this is another great way for her to get access to a huge variety of books. As she gets older, I plan on introducing her to audio books as well. She loves books and I want her to keep enjoying books throughout her life.

Try Audible and Get Two Free Audiobooks

Safety Rules

Since I can’t always see exactly what Rosebud is doing, I take safety very seriously. This is especially the case if we are in public, outside in a play area or walking down the street. If we are walking down the street or walking through a public place, she has to hold my hand with very few exceptions. As she gets older, I’ll give her a little more space, but for now, she has to hold my hand. That way I always know where she is. Sometimes she fights me on this, but it’s for her safety and my peace of mind. If we are out at the playground, she cannot run out of the play space. If she does, I give her one warning and if she doesn’t listen, we immediately go back home. I’ve had to do this a couple of times. It may sound mean, but I don’t want to have to chase her down in places I’m unfamiliar with and what if something happened before I got to her? I’d rather be safe than sorry. As she gets older, she will understand why I have that rule in place, but for now, she probably just thinks I’m a mean mom for five minutes. As she understands more and is able to explain where she wants to go, I’ll probably relax somewhat, but I think I’ll always worry a little extra.

Nursing

You’re probably wondering, what’s so different about that? Well, nothing really. I’ve heard a lot of people say that breast-feeding is such a visual thing and it probably is, but it didn’t work that way for me. Some of the hospital staff were concerned about my ability to breast-feed and at first, I had trouble getting her to latch. Partly because we were both new at it and because I was convinced that it was a visual thing so I wouldn’t be able to do it by feel. Of course, the visual aspect wasn’t working for me, so naturally I had to feel to help her latch. When I let go of the idea that I was doing it wrong, it worked much better. We found a way to make it work for us. As I thought about it more, I wondered how do moms get babies latched by sight in the middle of the night anyway? Do they turn a light on? I doubted it. Who wants to do that when you can role over and get back to sleep.

Measuring

One question I’ve heard before and even wondered myself before I became a parent was, how would I give my child medicine? I have different techniques for measuring medicine. Whether it is for a syringe or cup, I have either the pharmacist or someone else mark the dosage with a black line. I have to keep an eye on this as the line fades after several washings. One way I’ve found that keeps the mark there is to put clear tape over the black line. The little medicine cups work the same way. For those who can’t see at all, they use a tactile marker. I’ve heard of people using puff paints or making an indentation with a knife. Also, here is the thermometer I use.

Since Rosebud was having such trouble with getting enough milk before leaving the hospital, I had to start supplementing with formula. This was not a road I wanted to go down because I did not want to have to worry about measuring the exact amounts of liquid and powder. I didn’t want to be downstairs in the middle of the night making bottles, but for the first couple months of Rosebud’s life, that’s where I was. When I left the hospital, they sent me home with the pre-made 2oz containers of ready made formula. Those were expensive to buy so I bought a larger container of the powder. I’d measure out the water using a 2oz container and then add the scoops of powder. I was lucky I didn’t have to stick with measuring out formula, but I had figured it out and it was definitely an option when I needed it.

Identifying Colors

I have difficulty seeing color so sometimes I use an app called Seeing AI to identify colors. I use it a lot when I’m trying to match Rosebud’s socks. I try to get socks that are all white or that have distinctive patterns that I can easily match. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way so the color identifier comes to my rescue. For the rest of her clothes, I usually memorize or can see the colors, but occasionally if it’s a new outfit, I’ll use the app to tell me the colors. I worried about how I would teach her colors, but she already knows most of them. I’d point out colors of the items I knew, some of the tv shows she watches teach colors and other people would point out colors as well, so I really didn’t need to worry.

I also use apps on my phone to identify items. This was especially helpful with reading baby food jars since the labels are relatively small. I wished I would’ve had these apps when working in the infant room. I’ve also tried to use the app when reading books to Rosebud, but it’s too hard to try to read and repeat anything other than simple board books. Anyway, the app also comes in handy for reading mail, the directions on food packaging and for reading the error notices on my tv or computer screen.

As a parent with a visual impairment, I do the same parenting tasks that other parents do, but sometimes I have to do them in a different way. I think that some people equate doing something differently with inability, but that’s not the case. If we all did everything the same, no one would ever come up with anything new and then how boring would the world be? Where would our world be without any outside the box thinking? Maybe my parenting journey looks a little different than yours, but my end goal is the same. We all want to raise healthy, happy well adjusted children.

2 Comments

Awareness, Pets, Safety

I Miss You, My Marshmallow

February 20, 2019

For those who don’t know, I have two cats. While I don’t usually write about my pets on this blog, I want to share this personal story. This information needs to be out there. People need to understand the risk of rabies shots. This is not to scare people, but certain cats should not have these vaccines. If your cat is older, has a compromised immune system or is a ragdoll, you should know about this. After this journey, I will never look at veterinary medicine again without a layer of skepticism. I know there are good vets out there. Some things can not be predicted and most vets care a great deal about their patients. I have come across several who have cared for Diamond and Mellow as their own over the years. That being said, I will always be much more careful now.

Disclaimer: This story is about death and may be a trigger for some people.

The Cats

I have two ragdoll cats. Diamond is 12. she’s nothing short of a princess. She’s a little snobby, but is loyal and sweet to those she cares about. She comes when you call her name. She loves things that crinkle, chasing string and naps in the sun. Mellow is 10. He loves to be patted, has a motor boat purr and also enjoys naps in the sun. He loves chasing feathers and will even play fetch if you have the right ball.

Mellow’s End Of Life Story

I can’t believe I’m writing this. Even though I’ve had to say it several times today, I’m still in shock. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. My Marshmallow is gone. Last Thursday morning, he was a happy and relatively healthy cat and by Thursday afternoon after a routine trip to the vet’s office, that all changed. He had his routine vaccinations. Rabies and Distemper. Everything always went fine before. There were never any issues or reactions. I had always assumed that they were no big deal. Just something that animals had to get to stay safe and healthy. So like any good pet owner, I agreed to get his shots done, but there’s one thing that I missed.

Diagnosis Unknown

Last year, Mellow was diagnosed with an unknown auto immune disorder. There are several options, but none of the doctors could narrow it down. Stomatitis was one possibility, but according to a couple different vets, he didn’t have the right kind of markings inside his mouth. Feline herpes was another likely option as Diamond has this. Her symptoms are all in her eyes, but they can also manifest in the mouth. Mellow never responded to the normal treatments that help feline herpes symptoms. There were other rarer diseases, but nothing was ever established. What I do know is the disorder had something to do with the proteins in his body and he was put on a low protein diet. What ever the case was, he had a compromised immune system.

Questioning the Rabies Vaccine

During my research over the weekend, I found sources that said in many cases, cats shouldn’t be given the rabies vaccine if they are over ten years of age or have compromised immune systems. I also discovered that in the case of ragdolls, they recommend only giving one shot at a time and some breeders advise against the three-year rabies shot. Mellow fits all this criteria, so why was there no red flag on his records? Why are these vets not digging into the files? Why do they not know of the risks or at least share these risks with pet owners? I understand that Google is not necessarily a reliable medical reference, but I read so many stories about people’s cats dying after getting the rabies shot. People need to hear about this! One source has a list of possible side effects, but the most disturbing thing is the comments. There are so many people who have had experiences like mine.

The Prognosis

On the way home Tuesday, he started vomiting. At first, I thought it was motion sickness, but when he continued to do it at home, I knew it was something worse. Friday came and went and he was still not better by Saturday morning, so I took him back to the vet. They gave him some fluids and Antinausea medication. They said his blood work was normal and that he’d probably be fine in a couple of days. They gave me some free cans of food and said they’d be surprised if he didn’t eat that. I brought him home and the day dragged on. On Sunday, things appeared to be worse. He had stopped using the litter box and seemed weaker, so I started giving him water through a syringe almost every hour. That evening, he seemed to perk up. He started moving around more, drinking on his own and was purring again. He was no longer hiding and kept sniffing at his food, but wasn’t ready to eat yet which was still very concerning because not eating for days can be dangerous for cats. When he wanted to go up or downstairs, he’d meow and I would help him. He was still having difficulty climbing or walking longer distances. On Monday, I felt hopeful that he would pull through. The vet wasn’t open over the holiday, so I had talked with another vet over the phone. I described everything that was going on and she said that it sounded like he had turned the corner. Throughout the day, he still was quiet, but would purr when we talked to or pat him. He continued to drink on his own and didn’t mind laying out in the open. He seemed more comfortable than before. He still hadn’t eaten which worried me, but I figured he’d start eating that evening. He seemed well enough to pull through and I’d be taking him back to the vet on Tuesday to be checked. I planned on taking him first thing in the morning.

The End

Before I went to bed, I brought him upstairs with me. He settled near my bed and I fell asleep. A couple hours later, I heard him cry out in pain, but I wasn’t sure where he went so I checked the bathroom. He followed me there and basically fell over on the floor. Then I noticed that his breathing was rapid and loud. My heart dropped and I just knew everything had gone too far. I sat in there with him for about an hour while I waited for my mom. I didn’t want to do this alone and she was my only way of getting to the emergency clinic. I was prepared to take him there.

I was screwed though. She has bad eyesight for driving at night. The emergency clinic is not close and it had just snowed, so the back roads we’d have to take to get there wouldn’t be cleared. We’d have to take Rosebud there with us as well. I also wasn’t sure how well Mellow would’ve handled the long drive. Would he have made it? We’ll never know now, but if I could do it over, I would have brought him there. Even if all they could do is end his suffering because what I saw over the next few hours was gut wrenching.

It was wrong from start to finish. I brought him downstairs and kept him close to his water bowl and litter box. He’d try drinking from time to time, but other than that, I could not keep him comfortable. Every time he’d move, he’d cry out in pain. Eventually things got so bad that we brought him to the kitchen. He was losing fluids and didn’t realize it so at least in there, it was easier to clean up after him. There are little soft rugs in there that he could lay on, but he preferred to lay on the floor. I stayed with him for a while, but watching him was getting to be too much. All I kept saying was I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was all that was running through my head because this was all so unnecessary. I told him he was a good boy and tried to pat him, but it made him more uncomfortable. All I could do was watch as he screamed and paced the kitchen in unbearable pain. Eventually it became as if he was stocking me around the kitchen. He looked liked he was going crazy and I wasn’t sure if he was going to become aggressive. In reality, he probably wouldn’t have, but it was scaring me. I didn’t want things to end like that, so I left the kitchen for a couple minutes while I sobbed. Diamond went and sat by the door, but soon heard screams that sent her hiding behind the couch.

I was disgusted with myself for leaving him alone. I was a chicken shit who could’ve even handle witnessing my cat’s death. My mom went back into the kitchen to check on him so he wouldn’t be alone. I heard a few more loud meows and then a meow with a gasping breath and then he was gone. I sat with him. Patting him and telling him how sorry I was and what a good boy he had always been. She said he was dead, but I could swear I felt him moving ever so slightly. I hope he heard me and understood how much I loved him. Eventually the movement stopped and after a while we wrapped him up and put him into his carrier. I regret that his end was not peaceful. He wasn’t warm snug in his comfy cat bed. I wasn’t able to hold and comfort him like I wanted to.

The What Ifs

It was over. While I was relieved he was no longer suffering, I felt like a failure. I went over and over everything I should or shouldn’t have done. If I had changed his checkup date or have taken him separately from Diamond. Maybe we would’ve had a different doctor. Maybe someone else would have taken a better look at his records. Maybe that person would’ve been more knowledgable. I should’ve taken him to the clinic. I should’ve gone sooner. Maybe someone could’ve saved him. The fact is that if he hadn’t gotten that rabies shot, he’d still be alive today. If I wasn’t such a horrible cat parent, I would’ve done something sooner or differently. I would’ve or should’ve known. Is knowing all this medical information my responsibility or the doctors? I’ll never know if just changing one action could’ve saved him. I’ll probably torture myself with this forever and his screams will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Memories

I have wonderful memories. Mellow and I playing fetch with his favorite ball. Mellow and Diamond chasing each other around. Mellow meowing at me as if we are having a conversation. I will never again be able to touch his soft fluffy fur. I will never again hear his funny meows. At least not live and in person. I have some things recorded, but that will never be enough. I will never be able to hug him again. He used to annoy me by waking me up at night with his nonstop meowing. If only he could wake me up one more time. I didn’t get to see Mellow’s kittenhood. He spent it with his breeder who was going out of business. By the time I found him, he was being sold at a lower price because he as a year old. We’d often joke that we found him on sale. He was a bargain. He might have been half price, but he would’ve been worth every penny anyway. He was always there for me. He sat on my lap during one of the most life changing and heartbreaking conversations I’ve ever had. Thank you Mellow for never leaving my side.

I haven’t been able to spend as much time with the cats since Rosebud was born, but I have Diamond still with me and I’ll never take it for granted again. The people and animals you love can be gone in the blink of an eye. Rosebud loves Mellow and often tells me that he’s her cat and Diamond is mine. I have pictures and videos of them playing together that I will treasure forever. She might not remember Mellow, but I always will. We named him marshmallow because he’s so fluffy and white. He’s sensitive so we called him squishy like a marshmallow. At the same time he’s extremely calm and mellow, so it became Mellow for short. Diamond and Rosebud and I all love and miss you. You were our special sweet boy. Our Mellow the Marshmallow. Rest in peace. October 22, 2008 to February 19, 2019.

15 Comments

Awareness, Safety, Self acceptance,

When Helping is not Helpful

January 22, 2019

I have a master list of post topics. Usually, I don’t need to fall back on it because I get the best inspiration in the moment. Something will pop into my head and a couple days later, it’s out here on the blog. However, this is different. This situation happened years ago, but I was reminded of it recently because of some posts I’ve been seeing. People are making assumptions and are forcing help when it is not needed or wanted which is why I’m writing about it now.

If this is the first time you’ve come across my blog, you might not know that I have a visual impairment. I mostly focus on parenting, teaching and personal development, but occasionally, I write about some of life’s challenges like the most recent time I was discriminated against and my negative experience in the hospital when Rosebud was born. My visual impairment has shaped my life in a lot of ways and while I don’t focus on it, other people do and that’s where these experiences come from. Unfortunately, many of them are negative, but I write about them so that people will understand where I’m coming from and not just assume that I’m an angry and ungrateful person.

The crossing

Back in 2001, I worked in a childcare center in a smaller city. On most days, I’d walk to and from the childcare center without incident, but one afternoon, I was walking and minding my own business. Everything was going fine until I reached a busy intersection. This rout crossed several streets, but this particular intersection was the busiest. For those who don’t know, most blind and visually impaired people rely on the sound of traffic to signal when it is a safe time to cross. Many intersections have audible signals now, but they don’t always work and in many cases, they didn’t exist until recent years. I am able to watch the traffic to a certain extent, but I rely a lot on the sound as well. I can’t see when the lights change color. Especially in the day time so, when I’m waiting to cross, I really need to stay focused on the traffic cycles.

I was watching and listening. When the light changed. The parallel traffic started moving and that was my signal to cross. Suddenly, a guy jumped out of nowhere and started yelling at me and grabbed my arm. He was telling me he better help me because I was going to get hit by a car. I told him to let me go and that I was fine, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. I didn’t like the way he was grabbing my arm and I didn’t like his insistence. Meanwhile, the traffic was moving along and I was totally distracted. At this point, I thought it was still safe to go, but I was so distracted by this guy and my instinct to run that I wasn’t sure. My only thought in the moment was to get away from this guy so I started running across the street. There was a car that had started going across as well and luckily it had stopped in time to let me run across. I felt bad for the driver and he or she probably thought I was an idiot, but I didn’t know what else to do.

I didn’t want to run in another direction because then I probably would’ve gotten lost. I didn’t know the area that well, but I did know it wasn’t a nice neighborhood. Of course that was on my mind when this guy grabbed me. When I finally made it across without being hit, I ran for the next block or two until I knew for sure no one was following me.

What you should do

When I refused the guy’s help, he seemed to get irritated that I didn’t want him helping me, but the fact was he made me feel unsafe. First, because he’s a strange man grabbing me on the street and second because he distracted me during a crossing. For people who are primarily relying on sound, this can be extremely dangerous. While the man may have thought he was being helpful, it was the complete opposite. If you see someone and you get the urge to help, please ask them if they need help first. If they say no, respect that and understand it has nothing to do with you. Maybe they really don’t need help or maybe they aren’t comfortable accepting help. Also, don’t touch someone before you’ve even spoken to them. It’s really for your own safety plus it’s common courtesy. Do you want to be grabbed by a random stranger? If you do have to touch them to get their attention, tap them on the shoulder.

I’ve always had an independent streak and never wanted to ask for help. When I was a kid, people always told me to ask for help, but I saw that as a weakness. I couldn’t ask for help because people would see me as less intelligent and inferior. Even though the message was always, you can ask for and receive help, the message I got was that I have to ask for help because I couldn’t do things on my own. I know part of that was my own thought process, but I felt like if I asked for help, I would be looked down upon even more, but if fully sighted people needed help with something, they wouldn’t necessarily be treated differently. It was just a part of life.

I have learned that everyone needs help at some point. It is a strength to know when you need help and to ask for it. It can take a lot of courage depending on the situation. There have been so many instances in my life when people have offered help. I really appreciated it when it was offered in a kind and respectful way. Other times, I have refused and resented it because I felt it was not necessary, but that time, I actually felt like I was in danger.

Should we be grateful?

Several years ago, I happened to see a post online where someone complained that a disabled man in a wheelchair refused help. I can’t remember the specifics, but one comment stuck with me. “Handicap people should be grateful for any help they can get.” Really? Do people have to accept help when doing so causes them to lose their dignity or puts them in danger? Should disabled people really be grateful for that? I’m sure this commenter would’ve had a problem with me refusing this guy’s help. In his eyes, that person was a kind soul who offered his help and should’ve graciously accepted it even if he took me the wrong way or assaulted me. In my case, the stranger on the street got the hint after I ran away from him, but that’s not always the case.

Another comment I remember from the thread was saying how angry that man in the wheelchair was. Well, maybe he had a good reason to be angry. Maybe he was having a bad day and got tired of people assuming he needed help. The fact is we don’t know. The total strangers on the thread didn’t know and neither did the person trying to help him. We never will truly know what’s in someone else’s head, but what we do know is that he is a human being with a range of emotions. He had every rite to be angry, annoyed or frustrated.

Not everyone accomplishes tasks in the exact same way. That’s the beauty of living in a world where there is a lot of diversity. Underneath, we are all still people who think and feel. This is so basic that I don’t know why it’s so hard for some people to understand, but I hope that one day they will. It all goes back to what they taught in elementary school. How would you want to be treated? If more people asked themselves that before interacting with other, the world would be a much nicer place to live.

8 Comments

Awareness, Parenting, Safety

A Forgotten Safety Check

December 11, 2018

I was busy at work last week when my phone rang. I almost always let it go to voicemail, but it was my mom calling. If she calls me at work, there’s usually something wrong so I answered. I could hear this loud beeping in the background. It sounded like the smoke detecter. She asks me if I know what the noise is. When I tell her it sounds like the smoke detector, she says that she’s already checked the two smoke detectors and taken the batteries out so it can’t be them.

Then I ask the next logical question I can think of. Did you cook anything? Is anything burning? She tells me no. That she’s looked everywhere, doesn’t smell a burning smell and hasn’t cooked anything. Next, I mention the carbon monoxide detector since it’s the only thing I can think of that makes a similar sound. She tells me she’s unplugged it too and it’s not that.

Then she starts to wonder if there’s something wrong with the heater and turns the thermostat up to see if it makes any unusual noise when it turns on. Of course, it doesn’t. At this point, I’m worried and am getting annoyed because I can’t help and there’s literally nothing I can do.

I tell her I can’t help her and insist that she call the fire department. Honestly, she should’ve done that first. Now that we’ve hung up, I’m trying to put kids to sleep while worrying about what’s happening at my house. I live in a duplex so I’m wondering if there’s smoke or fire on the other side. Is there carbon monoxide after all? Since you can’t smell it, you won’t know until you start feeling the effects. If it’s not any of the detectors, then what the hell is it?

After waiting and worrying for about ten or fifteen minutes, she calls me back with the news that she called the fire department and waited outside for them to show up. They put on their gear and came in the house to find that it was in fact the carbon monoxide detector. She said that she unplugged it, but that she didn’t realize it had batteries in it. When she unplugged it and still heard the noise, she assumed that the noise was coming from something else. The firefighters checked all the levels and determined that everything was safe.

The carbon monoxide detector was going crazy because it had stopped working. I had no idea when it was originally bought since it was here when I moved in. If my mom had figured that out and had just removed the batteries, we wouldn’t have realized it was no longer effective. We would have just plugged it back in and figured the batteries were dead, but by calling the fire department, we avoided something that could’ve been tragic. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

The firefighters gave us recommendations and I thought of some reminders that I’d like to pass on.

1. Change smoke and carbon monoxide detector batteries every six months,

2. Replace carbon monoxide detectors every five years,

3. When in doubt, if you think something’s wrong, don’t be afraid to call them. That’s what they’re there for. They not only put out fires, but they inspect homes for safety and educate people too.

4. I’d like to add that if you are unsure when your carbon monoxide detector was installed, it’s better to replace it than to guess. this is something I should’ve done.

5. The life expectancy of smoke detectors is ten years so they should be replaced as well.

6. Read the manual when you get a new detector. It will tell you what the different lights and sounds mean. This way you will know if it is no longer effective.
7. This is another thing I’d like to add. Make sure your heating system is cleaned regularly. I usually have my furnace cleaned every one to two years. This is just to ensure that it’s clean and running safely and smoothly.

The two particular firefighters who came to my house were kind to Rosebud. She was fascinated by the truck and the gear. They said she could drop by the fire station any time if she wanted to check things out. Rosebud thought that meant right then and there and started to walk towards their truck. It was more of an adventure to her than a scare, so thank you for being kind and taking the time to talk to her. Thank you for keeping us safe. I could never do your job. It takes a certain amount of bravery to enter a burning building and to put your lives on the line. Thank you.

To show the firefighters in your life that you appreciate them, take a look at this list of 17 useful Christmas gift ideas for firefighters.

Are there any safety checks you do in your home that may get overlooked? Let me know in the comments.

4 Comments

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Preschool, Toddlers, Work

Do’s and Don’ts of Working with Children Who May be Different from You

December 4, 2018

I've been thinking about this post for a while. This topic is close to my heart as I can not only relate to it from my own childhood, but it comes up on some level in my work every day. I know that working with children is stressful. Add to that, behaviors, issues or cultural differences that you may be uncomfortable or unfamiliar with, it can bring the stress to a whole new level. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. We are all human after all and that is the most important thing to keep in mind. For this post, I'll focus on children with disabilities and children who are learning English as a second language, but a lot of this can even be applied with other groups of children or even adults. I'm writing this from the education perspective, but these suggestions can be applied in many situations. Being around people who are different from us not only teaches us about others, but we also learn plenty about ourselves in the process. If you are working with a diverse group of children, here are some do's and don'ts that will make the experience better for all involved.

Respect a person’s body and space

This should be obvious, but so many situations come up where a child is just picked up and moved without a word. I can understand if it is a safety issue or an extreme emergency. There are times when we can’t always stop and explain fully. No one is perfect and these things happen, but I’m talking about the situations where it is possible to ask the child’s permission or to explain what you are doing. For example, if I am picking up a child to change her diaper, I’ll tell her that. If I need to move a child who is having a tantrum and is endangering the other children, I will say something like, I’m going to move you to a place where you can be safe until you calm down.”

I witnessed a situation where two toddlers were arguing over being in the same space playing with a dollhouse. The area was getting very crowded and I was starting to talk to the children about it. All of the sudden, the person I was working with grabs the dollhouse and brings it to a bigger table without a word. This put one child in complete melt down mode. He had no idea why the toy was taken away and what just happened. He proceeded to push a bucket of toys off the table. Meanwhile, I’m trying to gather the toys and am explaining to him that if we move to the table, he can play with the toy. In his mind, that toy was just taken away for no reason. After a couple minutes, he calmed down and I was able to help him understand the situation. That totally could’ve been avoided with just a few simple words. I try to think of it this way. Would I like to be suddenly picked up and plopped down somewhere else without a word? Would I like it if someone grabbed something I was using and brought it to another part of the room? Of course not. It’s something we really need to stay mindful of.

Assume capability

Do think children are capable until proven otherwise. Don’t assume that if a child can’t hear that they won’t understand anything. Use a gesture or two and it might make all the difference. Don’t assume that an autistic child never feels empathy. I worked with an autistic boy who would be the first to show concern if one of his classmates was sad. Don’t assume that a child can never learn. We all have different learning styles. Some of us learn best visually where others learn best through listening. Picture schedules labeling items and having a wide variety of activities that teach the same skill are all great ways to accommodate for different learning styles.

I worked with a co-teacher who told me that this particular child never used words so I started with the basics. I’d wait for quiet moments to practice words with him. We’d look at books when he woke up from his nap. I remember him saying, baby when I’d point out pictures of babies in books. During diaper changes, I’d mention how his wipes were cold and he’d repeat the word cold. We weren’t having conversations yet, but it was a start. There were in fact words there, but my co-teacher was so focused on his inability to speak, that she never took the time to see what he was capable of.

Make a connection

Do find enjoyment and common interests. Continuing the story about the child I previously mentioned, my co-teacher said that he never enjoyed a single activity. I made it my personal mission to prove her wrong every day. I started writing observations about him each day as we were trying to get services for him. Some of the areas I focused on, included social interactions, speech, the day’s challenges and the things he enjoyed. Each day I would list at least one activity that he did that he enjoyed. It could be something as simple as sitting and relaxing in the rocking chair or the more typical childhood activities like play-dough or reading a book. It made me happy to find the things he loved which allowed me to build a connection with him.

Remember Confidentiality

Do treat their sensitive information with care. I’ve heard teachers on the playground say things like, he can’t hear a word you’re saying.” First, if a child has a hearing impairment, no one needs to yell it across the playground. If someone needs to know, tell them in a more discrete way. You never know who is listening or if the information is even completely accurate. In this particular case, one of the older children that was hearing these exchanges started bullying the younger child, telling him he couldn’t come in the play house because he’s deaf. In reality, this child is not deaf. He was having issues with his hearing which seem to have been corrected, but even if he was deaf, he deserves to be treated with respect. Talking to him and trying to understand him would still not be a waste of time.

Be open minded

Do observe and ask questions. Do not make harmful assumptions. I worked with a girl who was learning English as a second language. A coworker would get so frustrated when she wouldn’t respond to her or appeared not to understand what she was saying. She’d often complain and ask, “why aren’t they teaching English at home?” Well, they aren’t speaking English at home because she knows more English than her parents. Also, they may want to keep their culture and traditions which of course includes their native language. What’s wrong with a child knowing two or more languages? Why should her parents have to parent in a language that is not their own? Just to accommodate a childcare provider, I don’t think so. Her parents were trying to teach her English using games and apps which appeared to be working. when she started with our program, she could even read some words in English. It quickly became obvious that she is very smart. I wasn’t put off because I’ve worked with English language learners before. Some things that helped me were using visuals to go along with the words, learning a few key phrases in the child’s home language and having parents share things from their family’s culture.

Hold off on the labels

Do look at the person in front of you. Everything does not need a label. I understand labels are useful. Especially in a world where you need a diagnosis for services like occupational or speech therapy, but there is no need to start labeling someone on the first day. Get to know them a bit before raising the red flags. Be open to the fact that an issue might have more than one explanation. I recently observed a boy walk back and forth over and over again through a pile of leaves. Some suspect that this boy may be autistic, but it may be something totally different. He might just like the sound of the leaves or wanted a more soothing activity. Obviously you wouldn’t diagnose on this one observation, but you’d need to look at the whole picture. Another explanation is that one disability could look similar to another in how it manifests itself. For example, the child who has regained his hearing may be repeatedly walking through the leaves because he’s never heard that sound clearly before. If he’s hearing a sound for the first time, the experience would be suddenly different. It takes time to process these things. If he is having difficulty interacting with his peers, maybe he’s trying to process language that he’s never heard clearly before.

This is why taking the time to get to know the person behind whatever the difference may be is so important. They are not little boxes to check off. They are people. People who think, feel, love and dream. If you are looking for some great ideas on how to easily teach children about diversity check out this post written by Mommy Gone Tropical. Is there anything I missed? Let me know in the comments.

13 Comments

Awareness, Childcare, Education, Personal Development, Work

What to Do When You Feel Hopeless

October 25, 2018

Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve felt hopeless, but you keep going because there’s this one thing that is keeping you afloat? It’s this one thing you look forward to regardless of everything else that is horrible about your particular situation. Everyone goes through these dark periods in their life. Unfortunately, I’m in the tunnel right now. A tunnel with no light, but here’s what I’m doing about it. These are some of the things that help me get through disappointment and heartbreak and maybe they can help you too.

I’ve mentioned my work in several posts and how I’ve been trying to take my career in another direction. Well, I’ve been seriously thinking about life/career coaching. I’ve been researching schools, learning everything I can and making a plan. However, it’ll take about a year to become certified as a coach through the program I have picked. In the mean time, I have to keep working because bills need to be paid and food needs to be put on the table. I’ve been using the past few months to do research and have been putting a lot of effort into my blog and hadn’t given much thought to my day job other than, that I’m stuck there for now.

Recently, a new little boy joined our program. He connected with me instantly. On his first day, he started bringing blocks to me so I could help him build towers and ever since then, I’ve been his buddy. The classroom he’s in has been having a lot of ups and downs. It has been a while since they had two regular teachers in there, so I’ve been trying to help out in there as much as I can. He has special needs and requires some extra attention that he wouldn’t be getting if I didn’t take the time. I’m in and out of his room throughout the morning and he often cries and tries to leave with me.

Most of his classmates were previously in another classroom I work in, so I knew them already, but their attachment to me is stronger than ever now. I’m one of the few people who have been a constant for them. Since there was an opening in their classroom, I have been pushing to be a teacher in there. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it which was extremely disappointing. I can’t get into all the details, but there was a lot of sneaky planning and plotting going on. Finally, when a decision was made, there was literally no communication with some of us who were being effected by these changes.

I wanted this job so I could really make a difference for him and the other kids. I was planning which books I would read to them, projects we could do and fixing up the classroom routine. Talking with parents is something I struggle with, so I was planning strategies on getting to know the parents and hopefully building trust. I had it all mapped out in my head. I would take this job, make it as fun as possible for the next year and then when I’d be done with my certification, I could slowly start to build my business. With the news that they had given the job to another coworker, that came crashing down.

I didn’t know if I’d even stay for another day. In fact, I still don’t know how long I will stay, but here’s what I do know. I can still accomplish my goal. I didn’t get this job, but it wasn’t my end goal anyway. It just would’ve been a bonus. Maybe there’s a reason I didn’t get it. Maybe something bigger and better is waiting for me. If you’ve just experienced heartbreak or a major set back, here are some things to try.

Journaling

Journaling is great for getting out feelings and thoughts. You can write whatever comes to mind and sometimes you even learn something new about yourself. After you get all your crummy feelings on paper, it’s easier to let them go. If someone has hurt you, write them an unsent letter. Get those emotions out and then destroy the letter. You can also use your journal to make gratitude lists and remap your goals. If you are focusing on your future and what you are grateful for, you won’t be thinking about that thing that is making you feel like crap right this minute.

Reaching Out

Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to someone. Whether it be friends, family or even a therapist. Sometimes, you need someone to bounce ideas off of. Maybe you want someone to empathize or just listen.Just knowing that you have someone’s undivided attention helps and of course you can return the favor when your friends or family are struggling. Let someone be there to help. You’ll feel better knowing that someone is on your side. At first, I thought no one would be on my side in this situation, but after reaching out and talking to some people, I’ve learned that others are seeing the same things I am. At first, I felt very much alone and started to wonder if I was over reacting, but others have validated my experience. If I hadn’t reached out, I would have continued feeling alone.

Get Active

Take a walk, try yoga, do a workout routine, go swimming, anything active. It will help blow off steam and is good for your overall physical and mental health. Taking a walk this weekend helped me. It was nice to just be outdoors, getting fresh air and being in nature.

Pamper Yourself

I treated myself this weekend. I made myself some yummy brownies that I shouldn’t have, but I was desperate for chocolate. I did lots of writing and spent time doing art projects with Rosebud. If you are doing things that you really enjoy, your mind is occupied and you won’t be thinking about those negative experiences. Other self care ideas include spa day, bubble bath, cooking a nice meal, shopping or whatever relaxes and re-energizes you.

I hope these tips help you pick yourself up off and dust yourself off after a huge disappointment. Try to remember that you are worthy of good things. How do you move past disappointments? Tell me in the comments. As always, thank you for reading.

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Awareness, Childcare, Education, Parenting, Personal Development, Work

Can We Stop Being so Judgmental Already?

October 20, 2018

This post was inspired by an interaction I had with a coworker this week. For those who may be stumbling across my blog for the first time, I work in an early childhood program. As is the case with most programs, we have parents fill out intake paper work before the child joins us. This way, the teachers can get to know some basic information about the child. This is meant as a starting point, but all too often, teachers already are making judgements and have formed an opinion of the child and or the parents before even meeting the child. As teachers, we really need to be mindful of this as it can damage a relationship with the child and family before it has even begun.

I was sitting with a coworker at nap time as I usually do and she was reading an enrollment form for a child who will be joining us soon. After almost every item, she made a snarky comment. Although my coworker’s children are grown now, she must remember being a parent to young children. We learned that the child’s father recently left the family. The mother works and is now single. She is young and the little boy is her first and only child. We learned that he sleeps in the same room with her. It wasn’t clear if they bed share. His bed time is between 8:30 and 9 and he watches about three hours of tv each night.

While these may not be some of the parenting choices I’d make, it’s not my place to judge. I have no idea what goes on in their household. When we read that the boy sleeps in the same room with his mom, her comment was, oh, god. My comment was, maybe they have a small apartment or maybe he’s having some anxiety since his dad left recently so for now he sleeps with her? Another explanation may be that she misses him since she works all day and likes being close to him. We have to choose the sleeping arrangement that works best for our family.

When we learned that he watches three hours of tv each night, her comment was, “that’s way too much tv. That’s a lot. I don’t even watch that much tv.” I mentioned that maybe that’s why his bed time was late because I’ve read research that shows that it takes children longer to settle if they watch tv right before bed. I said that the mom is young and newly single, that maybe she has a lot to do at night and that’s why he is watching so much tv. I really can empathize with this mom. Rosebud watches more tv than I would like, but there are times when I need to clean, cook, make phone calls etc. It’s hard to do that when you have a toddler who wants all your attention. While the teacher in me whole heartedly agrees that it’s too much tv, the parent in me understands.

These days, I am much more likely to view things from a parent perspective, but it hasn’t always been that way. About four years ago, we had a baby in our infant room who had a huge appetite. At least that’s what we thought. His mother would send him with a few small bottles of breast milk. Each of the bottles had two to three ounces which is completely normal and appropriate for breast-fed babies. However, we didn’t know that at the time. Between bottles, the child would scream and suck his hands. He seemed very hungry so we would tell the mother that he needed more bottles and one teacher kept suggesting that that they needed to supplement with formula.

While I don’t think we were completely wrong about him being hungry, here is what we weren’t understanding. Smaller more frequent feedings is the norm for breast-fed babies and paced feeding is an absolute must. We should’ve been questioning the flow of the nipple. Maybe it was too fast and he was drinking too quickly. Maybe if we slowed him down, he would’ve felt more satisfied. Also, it was insensitive to suggest supplementation before trying other options. There are a lot of intense feelings involved with breast-feeding and supplementation can be a sensitive issue. It can also mess with a mother’s milk supply.

Back then, I was not a parent yet and knew nothing about breast-feeding. One co-teacher was in the same boat as I was and the other co-teacher was a parent, but she formula fed. We had no idea and the fact is this mother was doing everything right in her situation and we had no business judging. We’d say things like, why doesn’t she bring more milk? Doesn’t she realize he’s hungry? She really needs to start bringing formula.

After I became a parent, I understood. I learned all I could about breast-feeding and was having my own experiences with supplementation, not producing enough milk, feeling like a failure as a parent and eventually being successful with it. I finally could walk in her shoes. When I look back, I feel bad. Now, when there doesn’t seem to be enough milk, I wonder what we can do to help. I wonder if the mother has the same supply struggles that I did. Now that I have a new understanding, I am in a better position to relate to and advocate for the children and families I work with. As for the baby, the mom never changed the size of his bottles, but after we started the transition from a bottle to sippy cup and solids were introduced, things settled down. She never caved and gave him formula. She stuck to what she knew in her heart was right and that’s what we all need to do.

The next time you are in a situation where you or someone else is judging, step back. Do some alternative thinking. If there is something that doesn’t make sense to you, come up with other possibilities. For example, the little boy watches three hours of tv each night. That is not a parenting choice I’d make, but in my head, I made a list of reasons why that might happen. Maybe mom is making dinner, cleaning or trying to study. Maybe she needs a break after a long day of work. Her job might be stressful and she needs some time to herself. Maybe that’s how her and her child bond over watching shows together. That felt much better than jumping on my coworker’s train of thought of negativity. When you reframe something and come up with a different interpretation, you may be able to understand that person or interaction better. The choice to judge or not judge starts with you. How do you avoid making judgements about others? Let me know in the comments.

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